Beating Myself Up Today

[jasonD2]

Counterproductive and pointless i know, but i keep thinking of all the ways i could have prevented my health problems from happening. To this day i believe antibiotics and giardia triggered all my GI issues. I got the bug on a river trip out west..probably because my intestinal immunity was low due to the antibiotics. Why did i go on this trip? i had a blast but was it really worth my life and my future? If i knew then what i know now i never wouldve even gotten sick..i woulda been on intense probiotic therapy and antiparasitic meds while on the river. something simple as popping a pill could have saved me and i could be eating a slice of pizza now. do you guys ever think about this stuff. i feel terrible at how many bad decisions i made that caused this. wish i could go back in time and deliver an in depth letter to myself ..ugh..

[ravenwoodglass]

Everyone has regrets. It doesn't do any good to dwell on things you can't change all it will do is make you depressed and make others not want to be around you. You can't change the past but you can mold the future. Concentrate on what is ahead of you not behind. When we walk looking backwards we just keep tripping over every little rock.

[tarnalberry]

It doesn't even sound like it was a bad decision, just one that you would do differently with your current knowledge. Sounds a lot like my first 12 weeks as a parent :/

Make the best decisions you can AS you make them, and you're doing the best you can.

[burdee]

Counterproductive and pointless i know, but i keep thinking of all the ways i could have prevented my health problems from happening. To this day i believe antibiotics and giardia triggered all my GI issues. I got the bug on a river trip out west..probably because my intestinal immunity was low due to the antibiotics. Why did i go on this trip? i had a blast but was it really worth my life and my future? If i knew then what i know now i never wouldve even gotten sick..i woulda been on intense probiotic therapy and antiparasitic meds while on the river. something simple as popping a pill could have saved me and i could be eating a slice of pizza now. do you guys ever think about this stuff. i feel terrible at how many bad decisions i made that caused this. wish i could go back in time and deliver an in depth letter to myself ..ugh..

Rather than blame yourself for contracting giardia, blame the doc who treated you with antibiotics WITHOUT recommending you take high dose probiotics during that treatment to prevent new infections and further gut damage.

I recently realized that I could have avoided another 7 gut infections if my clueless naturopath had advised me to take probiotics on an empty stomach, rather than with meals. I didn't get enough probiotics during or after my treatment for klebsiella, because he advised me to take one daily with meals. (Taking probiotics with meals reduces their potency.) My next stool test showed I had 0 bifidobacter and 0 acidolphilus bifidus. Even after he recommended I take high dose probiotics (again with meals), a following stool test showed I only had a +1 acidophilus rating and still 0 bifido rating.

Maybe I could blame myself, because, rather than trusting that doc, I should have found a new doc then. Maybe I should have looked for another doc when that naturopath told me my symptoms (of cryptosporidia parasite) were 'stress related'. I certainly should have looked for a new doc when my clueless ND told me one year later than my symptoms (of c-diff) were also 'stress related'.

Live and learn. I'm just glad I finally found a more knowledgable doc (and followed your advise to get Custom Probiotics). I'm doing soooo much better now.

SUE

[jasonD2]

Glad you're doing better Sue! im getting there too but i ate something a few weeks ago that upset the balance of my lower GI and everything has been off...going back to basics for now until i stabilize and will be getting retested soon

[lucia]

I wish you the serenity

To accept the things you cannot change;

the courage to change the things you can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

I don't think you could have changed this, but you can change the way you handle your recovery now.

[txplowgirl]

Jason, as the old saying goes "hindsight is 20 20"

I remmeber several years ago I had d several times a day for 2 weeks. The only thing I seemed to be able to eat to settle my stomach was a slice or 2 of wheat bread. But for the life of me I couldn't figure out what was messing with me. Stomach bug or what. Went to the dr but he couldn't seem to find the cause and told me to quit stressing and take pepto. When I was a kid, I would eat something and get a tummyache so bad I would be crying. If I ate black pepper I would get d within 15 minutes, I figured that one out. Don't eat black pepper. All through my childhood into adulthood. For 40 years i've been miserable.

Yes, I think back at certain times and just wonder why I didn't catch on. But in the last year i've had to let it go or make myself crazy.

Jason, I know it's easier said than done but you have to stop dwelling on the past and let it go. Rejoice in knowing now what's wrong and look forward to the future. I wish you well.

Vicky

[Jestgar]

Counterproductive and pointless i know, but i keep thinking of all the ways i could have prevented my health problems from happening. To this day i believe antibiotics and giardia triggered all my GI issues. I got the bug on a river trip out west..probably because my intestinal immunity was low due to the antibiotics. Why did i go on this trip? i had a blast but was it really worth my life and my future? If i knew then what i know now i never wouldve even gotten sick..i woulda been on intense probiotic therapy and antiparasitic meds while on the river. something simple as popping a pill could have saved me and i could be eating a slice of pizza now. do you guys ever think about this stuff. i feel terrible at how many bad decisions i made that caused this. wish i could go back in time and deliver an in depth letter to myself ..ugh..

Or

Gluten was damaging your body so slowly that you wouldn't have discovered the cause until you were in a wheelchair from nerve damage, severe anemia, and muscle wasting.

That trip out west saved your life by sending your gluten intolerance into high gear and allowing you to figure it out.

[jasonD2]

thats an interesting way of looking at it I suppose...although I used to have an iron stomach

[gf-soph]

I've spent a lot of time feeling down about my health, about the pain and discomfort, about the fact that I can't start my higher study until I get my brain function back, and all the fun I've missed out on over the last few years.

But, I had a colonoscopy recently as the Drs thought I might have Crohns. They didn't find anything to explain my symptoms, but they found a precancerous growth that would have progressed to cancer within a couple of years. I'm 25, so they wouldn't have started screening me until 40, and that would have been way too late. Now not only will I be monitored very regularly to catch any more before they get a chance to develop, but my sister and close relatives can go and get checked early too.

The way I see it, the severity of my gut symptoms has saved me from cancer, which would have been unsuspected and likely undetected until it was way too late. It's forced me to see things in a slightly different light, and to feel lucky instead of very very unlucky. I've lost some of the enjoyment of the last few years, but it's saved me from losing a lot more.

I've also realised that I am lucky to be dealing with it at this stage of my life when I can get by on a part time job and build back up, rather then it being triggered by something like pregnancy, which would make it harder to look after myself, or losing my job and house later on.

There is no point beating yourself up about what you could or should have done. All you can do is the best you know how to now, and you're doing the right thing by looking after yourself. It sounds like you have some good things happening right now, so it seems like a good time to look forward rather than back

[missceliac2010]

Wow Jason, not only have you gotten some great advice from your question, but I'm almost in tears myself from the great advice! We can all learn something from what people have said to you. I took a little something from everyone's response to heart! Thanks everyone! And thanks Jason for asking the question that brought about such insightful, kind and genuine advice!

I can't possible follow any of those posts! I am not nearly eloquent enough...LOL..so I'll just say...Ditto!

[sandsurfgirl]

You may believe that the antibiotics caused this but you don't know that. Lots of people take tons of antibiotics and don't get celiac. I was on antibiotics for years and years, high doses and it didn't make my celiac any worse. There were times my symptoms disappeared for awhile during that.

You probably had celiac the whole time and didn't realize things you lived with were due to it.

[jasonD2]

im thinking it was the Giardia not the antibiotics

[Skylark]

I feel like I lost years of my life to psych illness that was directly caused by undiagnosed celiac disease and mismanaged by easily a half-dozen doctors. If I were to dwell on this, I would lose my mind. The past is water under the bridge and you cannot change it. There is hardly a person alive who doesn't have regrets about something along the way. Rather than looking back, you need to look forward and make a conscious decision to make the best of what you have. You sound like a smart, sensitive, and kind young man who has a lot to look forward to in life.

[glutenfr3309]

I wish you the serenity

To accept the things you cannot change;

the courage to change the things you can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

i love that!!

i don't try to dwell on why this is happening to me. i'm glad i figured out what was wrong and i feel HEALTHY and HAPPY again! if anything, it has made me more aware of food in general from reading ingredients. i have learned so much about how food can effect your body. even if the doctor told me i could eat gluten again tomorrow i don't think i would.

chin up...like the quote says above accept what you can't change. you are better off in the long run gluten-free and are healthy because of it!!

[sandsurfgirl]

im thinking it was the Giardia not the antibiotics

Oh sorry. Didn't read right. LOL

Ya know, I think we all struggle with regrets with this disease. My OB said I had celiac 7 years ago and when I went to the GI she referred me to he talked me out of testing citing a long list of reasons why there was no way my problems were due to celiac. I was thrilled! I didn't want to have to do the gluten free diet. I didn't want celiac. I thanked him and went on my way, in total denial and believing a total moron doctor who had no clue.

If I had followed my gut instincts and done some reading, fought with him, insisted on testing, I could've saved 7 years of suffering. I had two horrific pregnancies and my son was a month early. My OB now believes it was all due to untreated celiac.

So I have my regrets too. All we can do is pick ourselves up and go on.

I'm still not sure giardia would have caused celiac. I think you always had it and it was just waiting to strike at some point.

[jackay]

I went for ten years with exteme exhaustion and mild depression and doctors found nothing wrong with me. Then I spent five years with changing symptoms including severe headaches and back pain, insomnia, anxiety and worse depression. It was still all in my head. For a close to a year, diarrhea was added to everything else. Finally, figured out gluten was the cause of everything that was supposably all in my head.

Yes, I wish I had those 15+ years back. We would be financially a lot better off. I didn't work full time for the ten years of exhaustion and couldn't work at all when the sickness really set in five years ago. So much money went down the drain with doctoring that can't be recovered. If I dwelt on all that, I'd be depressed and crazy. Instead, I appreciate how great I feel now and am so thankful to know that I am not crazy but that certain foods make me extremely ill.

I am making up with living for the 15 years my life was on hold. If you can't come to grips with this, I suggest you get some professional counseling. Don't waste your life away thinking about what could have been.