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Ok Now Im Freaking Out

jasonD2

By jasonD2
in Coping with Celiac Disease

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jasonD2 Experienced
jasonD2
Posted

my stomach has been a bit off the past few weeks and the only thing thats different in my life is the girl im seeing. I think i might be getting hit with gluten whenever im with her for some reason.

The other night she came over to my place on the late side and was hungry so we went to an asian place across the street. all i had was some warm sake. later that night i started bloating and prior to that her and i were kissing and being intimate

im freaking out! does this mean that i cant even be in relationships now? ive been thru total hell..how much more of this BS am i supposed to handle? i cant eat anything and now i cant even be with women?

I cant mention this to her...weve been out 6 times and she already things my dietary habits are strange. if i start asking her about the ingredients in her makeup, lipstick, toothpaste, gum, etc she will think im a nutcase.

I cant believe this! what am i supposed to do? im having major anxiety now..what if ive been glutened for the past month and all my vitamin/nutrient levels are dropping and my liver & kidney function is getting messed up?

HELP!!

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lucia Enthusiast
lucia
Posted

Oh, Jason --- you're right, it's not fair that we have to deal with this. Try not to panic.

It sounds like you need to do some investigative work. Has anything else changed since you started seeing her? Like are you eating out more? Are you drinking more alcohol? Have you been eating over her place, where there may be danger of cross contamination?

Besides that though, it is quite possible that kissing is cross contaminating you. The likely possibilities for cross contamination in this case are 1) toothpaste, 2) lipstick, and 3) cross contamination from food she's eating. If you're staying over her place already or just hanging out there, you can check out her toothpaste. Most people are already using gluten-free toothpaste, since they use the major brands. As far as lipstick I'd suggest you open up a conversation by telling her you're going to buy her new lipsticks. Find a nice brand that's gluten-free (we can help!), then have her pick out the colors. If you think the issue may be cross contamination from her mouth (is she drinking beer, while you're drinking sake?), then maybe she just needs to rinse with some Listerine before your make-out sessions. Try to figure out together what the solution can be, one that's comfortable for both of you.

I know you're worried about this, but talk to her about it. Any woman is going to prefer to hear "I have issues with gluten" than "I have herpes". And one out of five people in the U.S. have herpes, so clearly their partners are putting up with that. Ladies know when something is going on with their partners, so you can't get away with just ignoring it. If the two of you are going to be in relationship, then you are going to start having these kinds of conversations eventually anyway. Yes, usually during the "honeymoon" stage, people can usually get away with luxuriating in the bask of new love without such talks (unless one of them has herpes), but that changes soon enough.

I said before that I think you're underestimating what you are bringing to this relationship *because of* your celiac. You have been forced to be responsible for your health. That's a good thing, something that many women would be pleased to find in a partner. People are complicated. We're sometimes attracted to other people for reasons that we don't even understand. You can't know what it means to this woman, or any women, that you are celiac or have health issues. She clearly likes you *a lot*, or she wouldn't be spending so much time making out with you. Trust her. Talk to her. Let her see who you really are. *All* good relationships depend on that.

jasonD2 Experienced
jasonD2
Posted
  • Author

thank you

in all honestly her diet isnt the healthiest. She looks great and has a killer metabolism, but ive seen her eat bacon, eggs & french toast in front of me once like it was no big deal and she pounds energy drinks and coffee cause she has a high stress job. since ive been seeing her shes actually stopped the energy drinks so maybe i will have a positive impact on her health. ugh, its still so stressful

sb2178 Enthusiast
sb2178
Posted

I've been on two dates in the last week and neither person freaked out about gluten nonsense. If you're calm about it, she probably will be too. Definitely offer to go lipstick shopping with her. Buy a travel size mouthwash for her purse.

If she likes you, mouthwash/new lipstick aren't going to be a big deal. Especially if you explain that you *really* want to be at your best for her ::::wink, wink::::

cassP Contributor
cassP
Posted

Lucia is ABSOLUTELY right- women would definitely be so relieved to hear that your issue is with Gluten, and not an STD.

my boyfriend doesnt let me wear lipstick anyways, because he doesnt want it on his lips... even when i wear gloss- he has a hissy fit, lol

no matter how silly OR serious- we all compromise in relationships- your situation is IMPORTANT-> im sure she'll understand once you explain it.

i hope you get relief soon :)

mommida Enthusiast
mommida
Posted

What woman wouldn't want to hear, "You're gorgeous without the lipstick."?

It is probably the lipstick/gloss. I was glutened myself by lipgloss. I had to ask my now husband what kind of lotion he was using on his face because it was making me break out in purple welts. We had only dated 6 or 7 times and it was no big deal.

I would switch make up for a good relationship any day!

jasonD2 Experienced
jasonD2
Posted
  • Author

she actually doesnt wear lipstick...she just uses lip balm

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dilettantesteph Collaborator
dilettantesteph
Posted

I have had the same problem with my husband. He is not very understanding whenever he goes to kiss me and I question him about whether he has brushed since his last gluten. I know it isn't very romantic, but who wants to be glutened? I still don't think that he appreciates how lousy it makes me feel. I still think that the woman for you will be understanding about this. It sure does put a damper on one night stands and more casual relationships though. You keep saying how you can't explain, but I don't think that you have a choice. Just tell her about celiac disease and explain it.

curiousgirl Contributor
curiousgirl
Posted

my stomach has been a bit off the past few weeks and the only thing thats different in my life is the girl im seeing. I think i might be getting hit with gluten whenever im with her for some reason.

The other night she came over to my place on the late side and was hungry so we went to an asian place across the street. all i had was some warm sake. later that night i started bloating and prior to that her and i were kissing and being intimate

im freaking out! does this mean that i cant even be in relationships now? ive been thru total hell..how much more of this BS am i supposed to handle? i cant eat anything and now i cant even be with women?

I cant mention this to her...weve been out 6 times and she already things my dietary habits are strange. if i start asking her about the ingredients in her makeup, lipstick, toothpaste, gum, etc she will think im a nutcase.

I cant believe this! what am i supposed to do? im having major anxiety now..what if ive been glutened for the past month and all my vitamin/nutrient levels are dropping and my liver & kidney function is getting messed up?

HELP!!

There's another way of looking at this. Something I've been learning recently. How do I explain this?? Maybe my fear of people not understanding and accepting me with or without celiac disease, or any other health issue, is only because I haven't been understanding and accepting of others' issues in the past?? I'm finding I'm becoming more compassionate and grounded since my diagnosis. I just have to wonder if we create what we fear?

EvieLS Rookie
EvieLS
Posted

Jason, it is time to be honest with this lady!!! If she likes you well enough to be on 6 dates she will be understanding about your need to be gluten free. Probably she will be glad you told her of your problem and will want to help you all she can. If not it is time to KNOW so you can find an understanding person!! ;)

gf-soph Apprentice
gf-soph
Posted

Instead of freaking out about it, try looking at it from her point of view. If you were going out with someone new and were accidentally making them sick from something you could control, wouldn't you want to know and stop it?

I know it's not super romantic, but changing her brand of lipgloss and brushing before kissing someone isn't that big a deal really. You can make it easier by having a look around here and giving her a list of safe brands. Buy her a toothbrush and mouthwash to keep at your place, and almost all of the work is done.

I think you are finding it hard to discuss with her as you might be bringing a lot of baggage into this. I can sympathise with a lot of negative thoughts about being useless or worthless because of illness, or with others thinking you are a hypochondriac. But if you can divorce some of that baggage from the issue at hand, I think you will find it a lot easier to talk to her about it.

Coversations about how ill you have been in the past and other more serious topics can be saved for later if that's what works, right now all you need to do is address the day to day basics to avoid cc, with a general overview of why it's important.

She likes you enough to go out on multiple dates, and hasn't run screaming yet, so why not take a deep breath and just tell her? You may be pleasantly surpised, and your health will probably improve.

weluvgators Explorer
weluvgators
Posted

I always enjoy reading this blog post by Allergic Girl:

Open Original Shared Link

You are not the only one that has to have these important conversations!

dilettantesteph Collaborator
dilettantesteph
Posted

I have a 13 year old son who is very sensitive to trace gluten. I wonder how he is going to cope with dating. I hope that you continue to post about these issues so that he can learn from your example.

cassP Contributor
cassP
Posted

I always enjoy reading this blog post by Allergic Girl:

Open Original Shared Link

You are not the only one that has to have these important conversations!

i like her- i follow her on twitter

scarlett77 Apprentice
scarlett77
Posted

To put a slightly new perspective on this...it is way easier to explain medically necessary eating habits while dating than to divulge that you are a single parent.

Seriously man you are judging her far worse than she would judge you if you actually explained your diet. Give people some credit or at least the opportunity to step up. My husband said that he would never date a girl who had a kid. It was my kid that absolutely bowled him over and made him fall in love with me. We've been together for 12 years and married for almost 8 years.

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