How Do You Forgive Yourself?

[newmom07]

DS was glutened last night by Hershey Kisses. I had read on a list of safe Halloween candies from a blog and thought they were safe. Not so. He screamed for 4 hrs last night. It reminded me of the days before we took him off gluten. It was the worst response he has had since we started this 6 months ago. He has been cross-contaminated before and has a milder reaction (screaming for less than 2 hrs, so still not mild to me), but this was like I had fed him french toast (which I used to do before we knew and I was trying to get him to gain weight). It was terrible. DH and I are just so upset, we worry about the impact on his health. I am praying he doesn't start his typical 3 day hunger strike. My lesson is to always search here (the deal with Hershey's is apparently well known) and to double and triple check. Still, the guilt is so hard. My poor little boy.

[SilverSlipper]

I thought H. Kisses were safe? (Or was it something like a cookies n creme type?).

To answer the question, over time I learned that self-forgiveness was necessary, not just for gluten infractions but for many things in life. I try to be a better person and learn from mistakes rather than dwell on them.

I try to make it up to my daughter by letting her pick out some really yummy gluten-free things when she feels better and by trying new recipes that delight her.

Hope your little one is better soon!

[Kansas]

So sorry about your little one, it is a learning process, so don't be so hard on yourself. I have learned, still learning, that about the only gluten free labels that I can trust are the certiflied gluten free items. I was eating Endangered Spieces Chocolate candy bars until I went dairy free, and now to satisfy that craving I eat the Enjoy Life chocolate chips. I think you could be creative in melting them into fun premolded shapes for your son. I can not eat Snickers or Baby Ruths, m&m's or Hershey's, like some and seem do fine. My question is, if there are people with no symptoms and super senstive people and the rest fall in between, should we all follow the super sensitive way of eating, as maybe we are still doing damage, but the symptoms aren't as severe,or we don't recognise it as gluten, when someone eats a candy bar or candy or chips, etc., that are not certified gluten free??

[Mizzo]

If I told you I also gave my DD Hershey kisses and she got sick, I bet you would tell me it wasn't my fault that it's a learning experience and I shouldn't be so hard on myself that we all make mistakes and you would comfort me. Truth is WE are harder on OURSELVES than anyone else could ever possibly be. So if you can forgive me you MUST forgive yourself.

[Skylark]

You are a wonderful parent, and feeling a little guilt is going to happen. You can't cling to it because you're doing great if you're six months into the diet and this is your first big CC incident.

Here's the thing. As long as DS is gluten-free as best you can manage, HE WILL BE FINE! You forgive yourself because mistakes are part of this diet. All the studies on kids who grow up healthy and normally on the gluten-free diet include all the mistakes. You cannot do gluten-free perfectly in this society because wheat CC is everywhere. "Gluten-free" pretty much means "gluten-free as best you can manage." You can't put your kid in a bubble! You try your best, forgive the mistakes, and learn from them. By a few years, you'll be an expert.

[semily]

I think my DS was glutened on Saturday after eating two peanut M&Ms and a bite of Snickers - both listed as safe on a halloween candy list I printed out too. His appetite (and behavior) have been off since that evening.

But we can only do the best we can do! I'm learning to check with the manufacturers for everything - I googled whether Crisco vegetable oil was safe and read on several websites that it was, but when I contacted the company they said it didn't pass their tests for gluten free (PPM, equipment, sources that contain gluten). Since I switched to olive oil his bloating and gas have gone down considerably, so I think it was affecting him.

[mommyto2kids]

One thing I learned today after calling Safeway about some bacon is that you must be firm on the phone. It really doesn't matter if they think you are rude. The person said "Yes I think that is gluten free". I said "You must be sure now please check. I have to know for sure. I'm calling for your store and I have to know." The Safeway store told me to call corporate because they could not tell me. So whenever you call a company, be firm and tell them why you need to know and ask them a second time if they are sure. I think so doesn't cut it!

I hope your little one is ok. Lots of good points said.

[pricklypear1971]

I think my DS was glutened on Saturday after eating two peanut M&Ms and a bite of Snickers - both listed as safe on a halloween candy list I printed out too. His appetite (and behavior) have been off since that evening.

But we can only do the best we can do! I'm learning to check with the manufacturers for everything - I googled whether Crisco vegetable oil was safe and read on several websites that it was, but when I contacted the company they said it didn't pass their tests for gluten free (PPM, equipment, sources that contain gluten). Since I switched to olive oil his bloating and gas have gone down considerably, so I think it was affecting him.

So they test Crisco and it fails? Or it's just made in a shared facility?

Holy Moley!!!

[Di2011]

I've been sick for years. Hay fever here in Canberra,Australia has been a bad "hot spot" for hayfever/pollen alergy/asthma" and since moving here (never previously) had the usual "itch,scratch,sniff,sneeze,infection" kind of "hay fever". I have been close to not getting oxygen to exist, spent many many days/weeks off work for associated complications etc...

Working in a bakery the past year and subsequent ailments has lead me here and it turned out to be a lot more than sniffing and sneezing...

Liam (my son) has always had mild hayfever but today my son (9y/o) was 'almost' sent home from school for hay fever. His school doesn't usually send people home unless they have been to emergency first so it struck me as strange to hear this when I got to the school at mid-afternoon. They care deeply & are so on the ball and caring that they know when someone is truely suffering.

I'm not suffering from any hayfever / pollen allergy this year (after 12 years of severe eye/lung/usual "hayfever" symptoms" and I can't otherwise (gluten-free) explain it.

I have been gluten-free (mostly) since June (our winter) and in the past month felt better than I have in years. Can it really be related???

So how long do we wait, watch, monitor our children until we enforce gluten free for an otherwise ((medically/scientifically/family & socially))unrelated condition??

Or do I wait until I can't forgive myself?

[domesticactivist]

My son had horrible 'hay fever' (with pos scratch test for most grasses, trees, and weeds). About 2 weeks after cutting out corn his hay fever was gone. Maybe 1% symptoms! (we'd already cut out gluten for a couple months). A positive IgE for corn on an elisa test tipped us off.

As for forgiving yourself, it's hard but just focus on moving forward. There's a post on here and on my blog linked from profile called mother guilt about this. No matter what out children's issues, we are people and human and will make mistakes. It sucks, but we are doing our best and have good intentions.

[srall]

I think you have to definitely not beat yourself up if you were being as careful as you can be but it still happens. We've had so many slips, although it's almost always dairy, I think we have gluten figured out, and we just pick ourselves up and move on.

My mother guilt comes from going gluten free in March of 2010 and feeling so incredible, but watching my 7 year old daughter fall apart over the summer and fall and was completely mystified as to what was going on. Suddenly one night at a school potluck where she was feeling okay going in she completely crashed after a piece of cake, a lightbulb finally went on. Boy did I feel like a complete idiot for diagnosing myself, but not seeing that my daughter had the same symptoms. Anyway, we move on and keep doing our best.

[semily]

pricklypear- Here is the email I got from Crisco:

Thank you for your inquiry regarding the presence of gluten in one of our Crisco

[pricklypear1971]

pricklypear- Here is the email I got from Crisco:

Thank you for your inquiry regarding the presence of gluten in one of our Crisco

[Skylark]

Boy is that a letter full of CYA. I bet they're not testing. It's expensive. I notice Crisco oil is soybean. I wonder if he was simply sensitive to all that soy? Olive oil is way healthier anyway.

[Avas-mom]

I'm new here, but I cant begin to tell you how this chain of responses helped lift my mood. My 2.5 year old daughter (sorry dont know the acronyms yet) was diagnosed 2 weeks ago and I have been extra cautious with maknig sure she isnt cross contaminated. Unfrotunately a well meaning cook in her daycare gave her "special pasta" earlier this week and she was gluttened! She was so ill, loose stools, heavy breathing, incredibly loud stomach noises, pale and weak. It scared me in addition to feeling like I let her down, that I didnt sit the cook down myself prior and teach her the extent of what I know myself from my limited exposure (my BIL and niece were diagnosed 3 years ago). Today she had more energy and I hope will be better soon and back to her joyful self, but I know exactly how you feel. How did I let that happen? I'm her mom, I'm supposed to protect her.

Hearing move on and continue doing your best was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!

BTW does her reaction to being gluttened sound typical? And how many days could it possible take before she is back on track? Poor sweet girl! I cant wait to have her in my arms after work today and not let go until school Monday!

[IrishHeart]

DS was glutened last night by Hershey Kisses. I had read on a list of safe Halloween candies from a blog and thought they were safe. Not so. He screamed for 4 hrs last night. It reminded me of the days before we took him off gluten. It was the worst response he has had since we started this 6 months ago. He has been cross-contaminated before and has a milder reaction (screaming for less than 2 hrs, so still not mild to me), but this was like I had fed him french toast (which I used to do before we knew and I was trying to get him to gain weight). It was terrible. DH and I are just so upset, we worry about the impact on his health. I am praying he doesn't start his typical 3 day hunger strike. My lesson is to always search here (the deal with Hershey's is apparently well known) and to double and triple check. Still, the guilt is so hard. My poor little boy.

They are gluten-free as far as I know, so you did nothing to feel guilty about, hon!

I am sorry he feels so poorly, yet I wonder...are you sure that was what made him so ill? There are so many things that could be CCed.

In any case, do not beat yourself up. Things happen and children get tummy aches and illnesses that have nothing to do with gluten exposure. It's hard when they hurt so much, but no point in making yourself sick over it with guilt. Not your fault at all.

What do you mean by (the deal with Hershey's is well-known)???

They provide full disclosure on the labels (wheat, soy, milk, etc)--and they will state if the product is produced on shared lines.

Am I missing something new?

What does the bag say? The last list I saw stated kisses and Hershey bars were gluten-free.

[IrishHeart]

Just wondering how he's doing.