Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Sharing My Gluten Free With A Gluten Eater

Angel M

Recommended Posts

Angel M Rookie
Angel M
Posted

I have been gluten free for about 9 months, and at times, it is very difficult to live with a gluten eater. My husband tried going gluten free for a very short time, but he soon told me he couldn't give up gluten. The house is pretty much gluten free, other than some snack foods, candy, and sometimes sandwich bread for my husband. However, he eats whatever he wants when we go out to eat. Most of the time, I don't mind, but sometimes (usually when I'm feeling particularly hungry and have to watch every else eat), I wish he would wait for me to get food to eat before he starts scarfing down his food. Sometimes, I just feel very lonely when I have to watch everyone eating, and there's nothing I can do but wait for my own food. I guess I feel like if my husband waits with me once in a while, I'll feel supported and understood. Does anyone else feel this way?

Also, my husband loves to share food, and I do as well, but since I am gluten free and he isn't, sharing means I watch him eat his food, and he eats some of mine. For example, we bought cupcakes the other day (2 gluten for him and 2 gluten free for me). Even though he had his own cupcake (one was even the same flavor as mine), he wanted to taste mine. Pretty much, any time I have food, he wants to taste it or share it, even if he has his own. I know he would share with me if he could, but the reality is that he can't, as long as he continues to eat gluten. He doesn't hesitate to eat in front of me if I don't have food or enjoy a yummy dessert when I have to watch, but if I have a little treat, he expects me to share and doesn't like it if I say no. Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, how have you worked it out?

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


Persei V. Enthusiast
Persei V.
Posted

Well, I live with four other people, and truth be told, I am a good cook. So I am just very direct about this issue: I point they can eat any food they want, while I just can eat what I cook myself, so it's not really fair that my food has to be shared with everyone, if I can't eat anything else. Of course that he being your husband, you might not want to go to the "very direct" route, but you clearly have to set your boundaries over your own food.

Now, him refraining from eating or waiting to eat with you might more of a tricky issue. Because it's not about being fair or unfair, but about you feeling better over your own diet. The answer here is to be honest and explain how you feel about it, and that he can do something to make you feel better. If he chooses to help you, good. If not... :ph34r:

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted
He doesn't hesitate to eat in front of me if I don't have food or enjoy a yummy dessert when I have to watch, but if I have a little treat, he expects me to share and doesn't like it if I say no.

This seems to be the heart of the problem, really. That he isn't respecting your choice to not share your food. And I'd sit down and talk to him about it. It's not reasonable to expect you to share with him when he cannot share with you. Don't get me wrong, I can't fault him for asking, but he should respect your decision to keep your own food since you CANNOT have his.

I share, but not all the time.

NorthernElf Enthusiast
NorthernElf
Posted

I'm somewhere in the middle. I have a variety of gluten-free flours & I bake & cook with them - no problem sharing. However, when out & about and I purchase a serving of something gluten-free I am less inclined to share. I have told my kids or my hubby that I watch them eat all kinds of stuff I can't, so no big deal if they can't have my stuff. I label stuff in the fridge & freezer & pantry - they are off limits without permission. My son loves these cupcakes I make and tends to ask for one when he sees them in the freezer - if I have a few I will let him but if I am down to a couple, no way...esp. if I'm not baking in the near future. My youngest said it wasn't fair one time to me when I was eating something & wouldn't share...I just called him on it & said how I watch everybody else eat stuff I can't all the time so sure it's fair !!

Good luck - share when you can, don't when your gluten-free food is limited. Pack food everywhere - I find that helps a lot if others are eating stuff I can't have, as long as I have something safe. We spend a lot of time in hockey arenas and hotels in the winter - most hotel breakfasts and arena concessions have nothing for me - I come prepared - and watch others eat all sorts of stuff. And no, on those occassions I don't share because I only brought enough gluten-free food for me.

Adalaide Mentor
Adalaide
Posted

I've been gluten free for 9 months myself. I spent the past couple months married to a gluten free husband. Two days ago that changed and I find myself again married to a gluten eater. We will be staying more or less gluten free at home so that isn't an issue, but he will be eating gluten outside the house.

Even early on when I was very emotional I never had issues with sharing. Even my cupcakes, which I get rarely. (Not more than once a month.) And I have to drive 30-40 minutes for and they cost a fortune. They are baked in a gluten free bakery and are hands down the best cupcakes I have ever had in my life, gluten free or otherwise. Why do I share? Because I want him to know how amazing my gluten free life is. He can have his stupid wheaty cupcakes whenever he wants from the grocery store, I'll wait for my cupcakes from heaven. And I share yes... a bite. Exactly one, on a clean fork. That is all. More than that and he is risking life and limb. I only let him taste, I don't let him eat.

Besides those cupcakes there isn't really anything I eat that is worth stabbing someone to death with a fork over. It's possible when he wanted to taste your cupcake that he simply wanted to know what a gluten free cupcake tasted like. I generally let my husband taste my food, always with a clean fork, so he knows that I am not missing out on anything. I never actually share in the sense that I am sharing my food when he can't share his.

As for eating in front of me? Simply as a restaurant to bring everything out at once if you are eating somewhere that serves gluten free food. If yours takes longer for whatever reason they need to stop being stupid and start cooking things appropriately to bring everything out at the same time. If it is an issue of simply not having anything to eat, as other suggested always travel with snacks. I never leave home without something to eat in my purse.

Roda Rising Star
Roda
Posted

I offer to share with my husband all the time. At home any baked goods and meals are all gluten free so he is welcome to help himself anytime. When I buy something special for the kids and myself I still will offer, but a lot of the time he says "no thanks, you keep it for you guys I can have something else." So as Tarnalberry suggested he isn't respecting your choice. However, you need to talk to him about it because he may not know how you are feeling. Even though we want them to be mind readers they aren't. :P:lol:

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted

Oh tell me about it! Gluten isn't even my problem. I do have other food intolerances. I have a combination of problems. One is GERD and I am supposed to take a pill an hour before I eat. This is hard enough to time at home, but if we are eating with other people, it can be tough. At times I just have to skip the pill and hope I don't suffer. But there is no way I can eat early after taking the pill because if I do, I will get a bezoar which is a foodball much like a hairball in a cat. It might have to be surgically removed.

But I also have to test my blood sugar and shoot insulin because I am a diabetic. And take other pills. At holiday meals, there have been times when people start clearing the table and I haven't even had a bite of food to eat! This makes me very sad. Apparently my family are fast eaters. I am not. I am a very slow eater.

Another beef that I have is that they will pass things over our food that we can't eat. There is always the chance that they will accidentally drop something on our plate and then we can't eat it. And nobody gets it. I always get, "Oh! That tiny amount won't hurt!" Nobody understands that a speck of something that makes us sick will probably make us just as sick as if we ate a whole plate of it. So we totally need to avoid it, whatever it is.

And then there is the outright cross contamination. Again, something they don't believe in. My daughter used to freak when she had to avoid gluten because her dad would be eating a burger or some bread or something like that and then just start handling her food. She would then angrily push her plate to him and say, "There! It' all YOURS now!"

And then there are the birthday dinners and lunches at places where we simply can not dine. For me? Red Lobster. I can't have any fish or seafood or dairy or eggs or chicken. I am not sure if they offer steaks but I can't digest steaks. I can eat a hamburger patty but they don't offer those. There is literally nothing on the menu that I could have there except for a plain green salad. And I don't really digest salads well so that is risky.

Or the pizza place where they do have burgers but we can not eat the fries. They are beer battered. So we would wind up paying for a burger and fries and get only the burger patty. Not going to do that! Daughter and I sat there with our small green salads and had to smell the pizza.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


kittty Contributor
kittty
Posted

You're asking him to make a lot of sacrifices for you, and you have to ask yourself if you really think that's fair. It doesn't sound like he's going out of his way to be inconsiderate, but is just living the way he always has since before your diagnosis. Expecting your husband to go gluten free when you did was asking way too much, and perhaps he still feels resentful about that and is pushing back.

Have you talked to him about these things that are bothering you, or are you expecting him to figure it out on his own? It sounds like lack of communication is at the heart of the problem.

shadowicewolf Proficient
shadowicewolf
Posted

I don't mind sharing generally... if said family member doesn't take off with over half my samwhich (something that royally used to tick me off). Now? Not so much. They claim they don't like it ("its icky"). Fine, more for me.

Adalaide Mentor
Adalaide
Posted

If I was being constantly told that my gluten free food is icky I'd have a far different point of view. Instead of always offering, like I do, I'm pretty sure that I'd be stabbing people with forks. Where do they get off telling us that our delicious food sucks? I don't eat anything icky and I'd put up with that only so long before I shot back with a "no, you always say my food is icky and I won't waste one delicious bite on someone who can't appreciate it."

pricklypear1971 Community Regular
pricklypear1971
Posted

You get 3 cupcakes, he gets 2.

Really, you've got to talk with him and tell him how you feel. Lots of good suggestions above.

But I'll be honest with you....you've just got to learn to accept certain things and deal with it. It's part of dealing with the disease.

If my son wasn't my son I probably would have stabbed him with an airport spork when he scarfed down Popeyes in front if me, while I desperately searched (on crappy wifi at McCarron airport) for restaurant options that weren't temporarily or permanently closed during reconstruction (that wasn't noted on the airport online map).

My new found self control re: denying myself immediate food satisfaction, is epic and amazing and enraging. It's unfortunately, a survival skill.

shadowicewolf Proficient
shadowicewolf
Posted

I get that when i offer. If i don't offer, I get called "stengy" :/

Then i say, "More for me" and move on.

user853 Apprentice
user853
Posted

I wish he would wait for me to get food to eat before he starts scarfing down his food. Sometimes, I just feel very lonely when I have to watch everyone eating, and there's nothing I can do but wait for my own food. I

Sorry. Gluten free or not, that is just plain RUDE.

  • 5 weeks later...
AandGsmomma Apprentice
AandGsmomma
Posted

Yeah I would be ticked off. I have offered my hubby to have one of my gluten free buns and his response "Your buns are gross. The are hard and dry and lack flavor." Well I called him on that bs and he appoligized and said that he misspoke and what he ment was that I should save the buns for myself amd he could eat anything else. Save himself from being stabbed with a fork. I would tell dh how you feel and then next time your running errands, enjoy a solo trip for a cupcake.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,983
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    CRae
    Newest Member
    CRae
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.5k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Wheatwacked
      Outgrow celiac?

      By Wheatwacked · Posted

      @Riley., Welcome to the forum.   It was once believed that Celiac Disease was only a childhood disease and it can be outgrown.  That was before 1951, before gluten was discovered to be cause of Celiac Disease, also called Infantilism.  Back then Cileac Disease was thought to be only a gastro intestinal disease, once you  "outgrew" the colicky phase, you were cured. You were so lucky to be diagnosed at 5 years old so your developing years were normal.  Gluten can affect multiple systems.  The nervous system, your intellegence. The muscules, skeleton. It can cause neurological issues like brain fog, anxiety, and peripheral neuropathy.  It can cause joint pain, muscle weakness, and skin rashes. Epilepsy is 1.8 times more prevalent in patients with celiac disease, compared to the general population. Because through malabsorption and food avoidances, it causes vitamin D and numerouus other essential nutrient deficiencies, it allows allergies, infections, poor growth, stuffy sinuses and eustacian tubes. There is even a catagory of celiac disease called "Silent Celiac".  Any symptoms are explained away as this, that or the other thing. Gluten is one of the most addictive substances we consume.  Activating the Opiod receptors in our cells, it can numb us to the damage that it, and other foods are causing.  It has become socially acceptable to eat foods that make us feel sick.  "There's a pill for that".   It is generally accepted that n fact you are weird if you don't. The hardest part is that if you don't eat gluten you will feel great and think why not.  But slowly it will effect you, you'll be diagnosed with real diseases that you don't have. You'll be more susseptable to other autoimmune diseases.  As you read through the posts here, notice how many are finally dianosed, after years of suffering at older ages.  Is it worth it? I think not. Perhaps this book will help:  Here is a list of possible symptoms:   
    • Riley.
      Outgrow celiac?

      By Riley. · Posted

      Hi! Im Riley, 18 years old and have been diagnosed for 13 years.. the testing started bc I stopped growing and didn’t gain any weight and was really small and thin for my age.  I got diagnosed when I was 5 and have been living gluten free since, in elementary and middle school it was hard for me and I kept contaminating myself bc I wanted to fit in with my friends so so badly. I ate gluten secretly at school and mostly regretted it 30 minutes later.  I’ve had symptoms like diarrhea, nausea, headaches, stomachaches, threw up a lot and was really emotional.  In 2022 I really started working on myself and tried to stay gluten free and if I did eat gluten I wouldn’t tell anyone and suffer in silence.  Last year in July I begged my mom to let me „cheat“ one day bc I just wanted to fit in… I ate a lot of different stuff, all the stuff I missed out on in my childhood like nuggets, pizza and all that.. I didn’t have symptoms that day and was doing really fine My mom and I wanted to test how far we can go and said we would test it for 12 weeks to get my blood taken after to see if I’m doing good or if symptoms start showing  As a now 18 year old girl who finally gained a normal weight and doesn’t get symptoms I’m to scared to get tested/my blood taken cuz I finally found comfort in food and it got so much easier for me and my family.  A year and 4 months later i still didn’t get any symptoms and have been eating gluten daily.  I’m scared to get tested/my blood taken cuz what if I’m actually not fine and have to go back to eating gluten free. Any tips to get over that fear and „suck it up“ cuz I know I could seriously damage my body… sorry if I seem like a idiot here… just don’t really know what to do :,)
    • Mari
      New Celiac Mama in My 30s

      By Mari · Posted

      There is much helpful 'truth' posted on this forum. Truths about Celiac Disease are based on scientific research and people's experience. Celiac disease is inherited. There are 2 main Celiac 'genes' but they are variations of one gene called HLa - DQ What is inherited when a person inherits one or both of the DQ2 or the DQ8 is a predisposition to develop celiac disease after exposure to a environmental trigger. These 2 versions of the DQ gene are useful in diagnosing  celiac disease but there are about 25 other genes that are known to influence celiac disease so this food intolerance is a multigenic autoimmune disease. So with so many genes involved and each person inheriting a different array of these other genes one person's symptoms may be different than another's symptoms.  so many of these other genes.  I don't think that much research on these other genes as yet. So first I wrote something that seem to tie together celiac disease and migraines.  Then you posted that you had migraines and since you went gluten free they only come back when you are glutened. Then Scott showed an article that reported no connection between migraines and celiac disease, Then Trents wrote that it was possible that celiacs had more migraines  and some believed there was a causal effect. You are each telling the truth as you know it or experienced it.   
    • tiffanygosci
      Aldi Pueblo Lindo Yellow Corn Tortillas

      By tiffanygosci · Posted

      Another annoying thing about trying to figure this Celiac life out is reading all of the labels and considering every choice. I shop at Aldi every week and have been for years. I was just officially diagnosed Celiac a couple weeks ago this October after my endoscopy. I've been encouraged by my local Aldi in that they have a lot of gluten free products and clearly labeled foods. I usually buy Milagro corn tortillas because they are cheap and are certified. However, I bought a package of Aldi's Pueblo Lindo Yellow Corn Tortillas without looking too closely (I was assuming they were fine... assuming never gets us anywhere good lol) it doesn't list any wheat products and doesn't say it was processed in a facility with wheat. It has a label that it's lactose free (hello, what?? When has dairy ever been in a tortilla?) Just, ugh. If they can add that label then why can't they just say something is gluten free or not? I did eat some of the tortillas and didn't notice any symptoms but I'm just not sure if it's safe. So I'll probably have to let my family eat them and stick with Milagro. There is way too much uncertainty with this but I guess you just have to stick with the clearly labeled products? I am still learning!
    • tiffanygosci
      New Celiac Mama in My 30s

      By tiffanygosci · Posted

      Thank you all for sharing your experiences! And I am very thankful for that Thanksgiving article, Scott! I will look into it more as I plan my little dinner to bring with on the Holiday I'm also glad a lot of research has been done for Celiac. There's still a lot to learn and discover. And everyone has different symptoms. For me, I get a bad headache right away after eating gluten. Reoccurring migraines and visual disturbances were actually what got my PCP to order a Celiac Panel. I'm glad he did! I feel like when the inflammation hits my body it targets my head, gut, and lower back. I'm still figuring things out but that's what I've noticed after eating gluten! I have been eating gluten-free for almost two months now and haven't had such severe symptoms. I ate a couple accidents along the way but I'm doing a lot better
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.