Resentment At Work!

[bmorrow]

I guess this is one of those venting sessions. I have a verbally abusive CEO that still doesn't understand Celiac disease and why I have been off of work. This is a long story, but it comes down to the fact that they just don't understand and don't care. I work for a family corporation and I report directly to the CEO and have 50 to 60 employees under me. He has two nephews that are also suppose to report to me, even though, they pretty much have their own agenda most of the time.

I have been associated with this company for years, before I got sick and found out about the Celiac disease. After a violent outburst from the CEO, I asked one of the nephews why they won't support me, and this was his reply: "All three of us resent you because you have missed so much over the last two years, and we just don't think that you want to be here." He thinks that I should just clean all of the gluten out of my system and then I will be fine.

I still have problems with microscopic colitis and recurring diarrhea, so I have to stay close to the bathroom. There are days that it has been so bad that I can't get out of the house. I am improving, but it has been a very slow process.

I think that I will turn in my resignation tomorrow, because I am so tired of fighting this verbally abusive boss and now this resentment from the others, I just can't take it any longer. I am 56 years old, so finding another job will be difficult. I also live in an area where there are only small towns. I also have the fear of being without insurance. My office staff has been great through all of this.

Thanks for being here!

[frenchiemama]

You shouldn't let them bully you out of a job! Have your doctor write something up that indicates how serious your problem is. Document everything they say to you as well. They shouldn't be allowed to get away with treating you like that.

[bluelotus]

Yes, don't let them win. I am sure there are plenty of lawyers out there that would drool over this case. I am willing to bet that there are plenty of people out there willing to take your side, specifically lawyers and doctors. Good luck!

[KaitiUSA]

If you like your job then stay there but don't leave because of what they are doing. If they don't understand then that is their problem. If you provided them with a note from the doctor and some facts about what you have then maybe they would back off however people like that who don't get it probably wouldn't care.

If you do end up quiting because of harassment then I would document what was said to you and by whom and then contact a lawyer and file a complaint.

I am sorry you are going through all this and I sure know how you feel with people not understanding.

[tarnalberry]

The first step here should be a letter from your doctor. The second should involve a lawyer. I realize it's a family thing, but they need to understand that in a company that size, they have legal obligations regardless of family status.

[ianm]

Get a note from your doctor describing exactly what the problem is. Second call a lawyer. Even though your employer is a family owned business it is large enough where what they are doing is very illegal. Family owned businesses tend to be very ignorant of employment laws.

[nettiebeads]

I  I work for a family corporation and I report directly to the CEO and have 50 to 60 employees under me. He has two nephews that are also suppose to report to me, even though, they pretty much have their own agenda most of the time.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am more or less HR for our company and I believe that you would be protected under the Family Medical Leave Act- any company that has 50 or more employees is required by FEDERAL LAW to comply with this act. Get with HR, go online, pm me, whatever. You should not be subjected to the verbal abuse and your boss can be liable for legal repurcussions if you feel you cannot stay at your job because he is making working there intolerable for you. You have rights and protection. Please don't give up because of one miserable b*****d! We care, let us know how things are going for you.

Annette in MO.

[Eliza13]

I wouldn't quit b/c of this. Maybe you want to quit for other reasons (i.e... you hate your job....hate boss even without this latest junk). You should ask yourself why you want to quit your job....if this is the only reason, then you really should not quit.

Skar.

[skoki-mom]

I agree with the other posters. You are being abused in your job, and that is against the law. Your boss sounds like a prick, it's not your fault you are sick. While I can appreciate you may not want to work with these people, letting them force you out because you are ill is just so wrong on so many levels. I can understand you are probably tired of dealing with them, and I would be a bit afraid they could make life even worse for me, but I really hate a bully. Let us know what happens, and ((hugs)) to you!!

[pixiegirl]

Well I'm gonna sort of disagree with all of you.... (sort of). My sister in law was the CFO of a major (huge) corp. for years. She was having job issues too, but "wouldn't let them make me quit". So for years she went on battling with them. Finally after gaining 50 lbs (from stress) having chest pains constantly, stomach pains, and being on anti depressants for over a year she got smart. I had been telling her for years to get out. To me my happiness is far more important then any "principal". But she made a ton of money and her lifestyle was more or less dependant on that. So what?

She kept telling me that she is unemployable.... not because of her skills which as I'm sure you can imagine as a CFO she has tons of them but because of her age, she is 53.

I saw this job/stress eating her alive. Finally last spring she said to me, what am I doing to myself? I said, "killing yourself". She had spoken to a lawyer about what was going on and they said their could be a case but it would involve at least a few years of court battles, etc. Not everyone is cut out to be a crusader, my sister in law made the right decision, got a small severance from them and left.

Just last month when I visited her in her new house she said, she wished she had listened to me years ago, she has never been so happy in her life, there is no stress, no drugs, she is sleeping and losing weight. Although she has decided not to take a job until the first of the year, she did contact a head hunter and also applied at a few local companies right off and they all wanted her. Yes she will take a pay cut but with her fabulous experience there are a ton of smaller companies that want her. She has cut her lifestyle back and again, she is so happy.

So if I were you... I'd not listen to me or the others here, you need to ask yourself, how much is this situation damaging me? Am I employable? And also, can I negotiate a settlement of some sort? If they want you out, you maybe in the position to get a small something to tide you over... make sure you leave with the written understanding that you will get a good recommendation from them and get that recommendation in writing before you leave. Because of the possibility of lawsuits most companies are not willing to give bad reviews to an employee that they are actually "forcing" out. See if you can get them to pay your health insurance for a year or so.... My sister in law asked for the moon and didn't get it but she did get some of what she asked for (she did have a lawyer representing her in the leaving part, he did the negoitation for what she walked away with.

Finally for the first time in 10 years she is happy again. You have to do what is right for you... it took my sister in law a few years to figure out what that was but she finally did.

Best to you! Susan

[bmorrow]

Thank you all for your responses. You don't how much the support means to me. I am sitting here at work trying to make a decision. I have the letter ready, but I just don't know what to do. My position is CFO and I only report to the CEO who is also the majority shareholder, so there is no one else for me to go to. I make decisions everyday, but this one has got me. I don't want to quit and run, but at the same time I am afraid that my health hasn't improved as much as it could have, because of the stress.

[nettiebeads]

Thank you all for your responses. You don't how much the support means to me. I am sitting here at work trying to make a decision. I have the letter ready, but I just don't know what to do. My position is CFO and I only report to the CEO who is also the majority shareholder, so there is no one else for me to go to.  I make decisions everyday, but this one has got me. I don't want to quit and run, but at the same time I am afraid that my health hasn't improved as much as it could have, because of the stress.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Please check into the FMLA - You can take time off to heal, the company CANNOT fire you, demote you or "reposition" you during this time. I know the health insurance is very important, but by taking time off I think you could make a more rational decision than what you could right now. If it helps any, I understand your position some; I'm the accountant for our company, but since it is a small non-profit I wear many hats. And I have been an assistant controller for another company where the work environment was very very stressful. And I know celiac disease and stress isn't the best of combinations. What are your other options if you leave this company?

[pixiegirl]

I agree not to rush into a decision, weigh all sides and try and figure out what is the best thing for you. I wish you the best!

Susan

[bmorrow]

I have decided to wait before I submit my resignation. I was lucky today that I had time to think at work. My boss is going to be out of town for a few days and the nephew that made the comments was being very nice today. He didn't even mention our conversation from last Friday.

I do have a very stressful job, but I like my work. I wear alot of different hats too, since there are several different businesses owned by this company. They also own a restaurant, which has been difficult for me to manage. I have a Chef and dining room manager, but neither one of them understand Celiac. My boss wants low-carb items on the menu, but won't even discuss a gluten-free item. Last Thursday he was upset over a procedure we used at a special event, and instead of discussing it, he demands that it will be his way, screaming and pounding his fists on my desks. It is sad to see a 70 year old act like a two year old having a temper tantrum.

I will be going on a two week vacation in November, so if I can last until then, I will have time to rest and think without so much stress.

Thanks again! I was very depressed before posting my original comments, but after I starting reading your comments, I was encouraged and now have the strength to try to do the best for myself!