Get email alerts Get Celiac.com E-mail Alerts  




Celiac.com Sponsor:
Celiac.com Sponsor:




Ads by Google:






   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

What To Do When People Dont Listen?
0

8 posts in this topic

What do you do when people insist that you eat, when they cant *really* verify they made is gluten-free, but they insist that it *is* gluten free. For example, I have a very motherly mom, and she could not verify that the spices she used to make yesterday's meal were gluten free, but she was absolutely stubborn and self-confident that they were gluten-free. I know that they were not, because I have been feeling extreme fatigue (my one and only celiac symptom) since eating her food yesterday.

How do you deal with this from the social point of view? Some people cannot accept that this is a *strict* diet and they think its better to gluten us rather than face facts! They don't want to accept they made have made a mistake as a host!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ads by Google:

Likely if they were plain spices, they were gluten-free. If they were a packaged mix, like a chili seasoning, they might not be gluten-free. The problem with her even slicing you an apple, is that her kitchen stuff is cc'ed. The cutting board she cuts the apple on - she cut bread on this morning. Her colander that she washed the strawberries in is also used to drain pasta. She had the pot of gluten-free beef stew simmering on the stove while she mixed flour to make biscuits, next to the pot.

My mom absolutely does not listen to anything anyone says 80% of the time. I have tried to explain why I won't eat at some place or don't want her potato salad (but the ingredients are gluten-free!) many times. She doesn't remember or "remembers" that I said I can have eggs & potatoes. With her this applies to everything. She could ask my son about his football game, and the next day ask me the same question or tell me what she wanted to hear. Its not Alzheimer's its just she is not paying attention. I try to distance myself from anything having to do with food with her.

So: other people are not responsible for your health and special diet. Inform your mom, firmly, that you will bring all the food or your own food, or some combination of that. You go to a party, eat ahead or bring a dish that's filling that you can eat. I like to bring twice baked potatoes. I either grab the first ones out of the pan or bring a separate dish with mine in it. Its filling and not too unfriendly.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't eat the food. Period. It's not my fault if they choose to feel upset over it; they make that decision all on their own. I will say something like "No thanks, I'm going to pass." No room for questions, no room for debate - simply your choice to not eat the food. (Though it's usually nice to add something like "I do really appreciate the thought, though. It looks lovely.")

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i just don't eat over sparing their feelings (moms included). moms generally want the best for you but if they don't fully understand the disease they don't *know* what the best is for you. so you just gotta be tough and more insistent then they are. EVENTUALLY they'll get it. :) oh and give them information overload.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeap, they either get it or they don't. I've tried to explain to family that I can't have even a single crumb of bread to touch my food, and then they'll serve lunch and put the gluten free bread and the "regular" bread in the same dang basket! And stick the crumb filled butter dish in front of me and then ask why I'm not eating.

hmph...

So, you take your own food, and say you don't want to seem rude or ungrateful, but you really enjoy their company, and so that you can stay a bit longer to chat, you brought your own so you're not distracted by pains in your gut. ;)

When I go to my sister's house, I try not to touch anything. At all! I'm even scared sometimes to have a cup of tea!

Maybe eventually they'll get it.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites




It is a challenge to live in a different food world than most people around us. I have a dear neighbor that we always had lots of meals with. She usually invited us because she doesn't go out much. Once I couldn't eat what she cooked it took the fun out of it for her so we were invited less and less. We took food over for the dinners a lot but that didn't fill her need to feed. I hate that it turned out that way but I'm ever so grateful to be gluten free and feeling like a new person physically. I recently had a biopsy that showed no sign of disease! yeah! I've been doing this since Dec. 08 and it is working. Don't give up it is so worth it.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are people you just can't make understand. Either do not eat at their house or bring your own food. You choice is to hurt their feelings or hurt yourself. They will get over their hurt feelings without a health risk. You might not.

I do go to family/friends houses for dinners. I just do not eat their food. I bring some gluten-free food (i.e. casserole) and/or dessert. I share with them, eat my food and have a nice social time without an unhealthy risk. Everyone I know knows I will not eat their food. It's a rule. They have learned to accept this.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it is difficult for others to understand because they don't have the physical ramifications of this that we do. I don't know how understanding I would be it I didn't have this. My friends and relatives accept me bringing my own food at least. However, like many others, I get invited to meals and to go out to eat less and less.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      104,655
    • Total Posts
      921,622
  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Below is copied & pasted from this thread:   My celiac doctor is Dr. Syed Jafri, in Webster, TX (just south of Houston -- basically the Clear Lake City area), saved my LIFE.  I would recommend him to the whole, entire world.  I was desperately ill, and am still struggling, and he's a wonderful, sweet man who listens and is very proactive in helping you solve whatever problems you're having.  I wish all doctors were like him.  I have to fight and struggle with too many doctors to just listen to me and what I live with, day in and day out.  He's not like that.  Good luck to you.     There are recommendations on this thread too:  
    • I never worried about cross contamination because i was originally told i was just intolerant. after going gluten free i felt so much better up until this last march. dairy and fructose have been giving me problems but both lactose and fructose test came back negative.  this is what my gi doctor emailed me today 
    • Any place you know of to find more info? Seems like I am still in so much pain/bloat, I am not even sure if I would pick the right 5 foods!
    • Don't freak out worrying about other maladies yet. You would be absolutely amazed at the things that can/will resolve on the gluten free diet. Some take longer than others -- neurological seem to take the longest for most people but really, I guarantee, there will be things you had no idea or expectation of resolving will. There were tons for me and then there were things I sort of "woke up one day" & said, "hey, that's gone and that & that & that". Other, larger things had taken my attention so I hadn't paid attention to the smaller things until...... On the other hand, not everything is related to celiac but I bet you wouldn't find a handful of celiacs who didn't say something very similar to what I said above. Yes, thyroid problems are common with celiac but I'll also tell you there are/have been people on here who were hypothyroid before dx but after being gluten-free for a while they actually went back to normal thyroid numbers. My husband is one (yes, we both are celiac - it happens). He was on synthroid for 20 years or more. Guess what? He's not on it anymore. We've had his thyroid panel done several times since about a year gluten-free & he is no longer hypothyroid. 
    • Yes please, that'd be awesome Having a fun time trying to reply on my phone due to broken screen but will be back on tomorrow after results of doctor appointment to get to the bottom of why they've given me seemingly wrong advice re: next steps. Yup I'll admit to pity, anger, frustration and outright fear, been through the mill of emotions in this first week that's for sure. One thing before I go for that; back when I was self-diagnosing I wanted a full thyroid panel (T3, T4 etc.) and also ESR & CRP checks for vasculitis and similar maladies. Now it seems from my reading they can often follow celiac so my worry level of those has gone up a notch, more blood tests ahoy it seems? Main reason for worrying about those is the nearly constant tight / tender head I have at the moment. Top and sides of scalp. Could be the stress tensing the shoulders and occipital muscles at back of head but after the celiac diagnosis being missed I'm fearful of anything else being missed. Did anyone else have this tight head feeling at the start? Feels like the skin is being pulled inwards, sometimes goes down for a few minutes here and there and gets worse when sitting I think. I see the term "brain fog" a lot but luckily don't seem to have too much of that at present, this is more a physical sensation.
  • Upcoming Events

  • Blog Entries

  • Recent Status Updates

  • Who's Online (See full list)

    There are no registered users currently online

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      61,655
    • Most Online
      3,093

    Newest Member
    bentcreekmom
    Joined