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What To Do When People Dont Listen?

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Posted 27 September 2010 - 07:06 AM

What do you do when people insist that you eat, when they cant *really* verify they made is gluten-free, but they insist that it *is* gluten free. For example, I have a very motherly mom, and she could not verify that the spices she used to make yesterday's meal were gluten free, but she was absolutely stubborn and self-confident that they were gluten-free. I know that they were not, because I have been feeling extreme fatigue (my one and only celiac symptom) since eating her food yesterday.

How do you deal with this from the social point of view? Some people cannot accept that this is a *strict* diet and they think its better to gluten us rather than face facts! They don't want to accept they made have made a mistake as a host!
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Posted 27 September 2010 - 07:26 AM

Likely if they were plain spices, they were gluten-free. If they were a packaged mix, like a chili seasoning, they might not be gluten-free. The problem with her even slicing you an apple, is that her kitchen stuff is cc'ed. The cutting board she cuts the apple on - she cut bread on this morning. Her colander that she washed the strawberries in is also used to drain pasta. She had the pot of gluten-free beef stew simmering on the stove while she mixed flour to make biscuits, next to the pot.

My mom absolutely does not listen to anything anyone says 80% of the time. I have tried to explain why I won't eat at some place or don't want her potato salad (but the ingredients are gluten-free!) many times. She doesn't remember or "remembers" that I said I can have eggs & potatoes. With her this applies to everything. She could ask my son about his football game, and the next day ask me the same question or tell me what she wanted to hear. Its not Alzheimer's its just she is not paying attention. I try to distance myself from anything having to do with food with her.

So: other people are not responsible for your health and special diet. Inform your mom, firmly, that you will bring all the food or your own food, or some combination of that. You go to a party, eat ahead or bring a dish that's filling that you can eat. I like to bring twice baked potatoes. I either grab the first ones out of the pan or bring a separate dish with mine in it. Its filling and not too unfriendly.
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"Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there's always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires."
~Marcelene Cox


"Earth laughs in flowers."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson







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Posted 27 September 2010 - 09:00 AM

I don't eat the food. Period. It's not my fault if they choose to feel upset over it; they make that decision all on their own. I will say something like "No thanks, I'm going to pass." No room for questions, no room for debate - simply your choice to not eat the food. (Though it's usually nice to add something like "I do really appreciate the thought, though. It looks lovely.")
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Tiffany aka "Have I Mentioned Chocolate Lately?"
Inconclusive Blood Tests, Positive Dietary Results, No Endoscopy
G.F. - September 2003; C.F. - July 2004
Hiker, Yoga Teacher, Engineer, Painter, Be-er of Me
Bellevue, WA



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Posted 27 September 2010 - 09:51 AM

i just don't eat over sparing their feelings (moms included). moms generally want the best for you but if they don't fully understand the disease they don't *know* what the best is for you. so you just gotta be tough and more insistent then they are. EVENTUALLY they'll get it. :) oh and give them information overload.
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Posted 29 September 2010 - 01:10 PM

Yeap, they either get it or they don't. I've tried to explain to family that I can't have even a single crumb of bread to touch my food, and then they'll serve lunch and put the gluten free bread and the "regular" bread in the same dang basket! And stick the crumb filled butter dish in front of me and then ask why I'm not eating.


So, you take your own food, and say you don't want to seem rude or ungrateful, but you really enjoy their company, and so that you can stay a bit longer to chat, you brought your own so you're not distracted by pains in your gut. ;)

When I go to my sister's house, I try not to touch anything. At all! I'm even scared sometimes to have a cup of tea!

Maybe eventually they'll get it.
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Posted 29 September 2010 - 02:45 PM

It is a challenge to live in a different food world than most people around us. I have a dear neighbor that we always had lots of meals with. She usually invited us because she doesn't go out much. Once I couldn't eat what she cooked it took the fun out of it for her so we were invited less and less. We took food over for the dinners a lot but that didn't fill her need to feed. I hate that it turned out that way but I'm ever so grateful to be gluten free and feeling like a new person physically. I recently had a biopsy that showed no sign of disease! yeah! I've been doing this since Dec. 08 and it is working. Don't give up it is so worth it.
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Diagnosed Dec. 2008

Diagnosed with follicular Non Hodgkin Lymphoma Sept. 2010
Large B cell lymphoma 2011



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Posted 29 September 2010 - 03:28 PM

There are people you just can't make understand. Either do not eat at their house or bring your own food. You choice is to hurt their feelings or hurt yourself. They will get over their hurt feelings without a health risk. You might not.

I do go to family/friends houses for dinners. I just do not eat their food. I bring some gluten-free food (i.e. casserole) and/or dessert. I share with them, eat my food and have a nice social time without an unhealthy risk. Everyone I know knows I will not eat their food. It's a rule. They have learned to accept this.
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1960s-had symptoms-could have been before but don't remember
1970s-told had colitis or nervous stomach-was given phenobarbital, felt great but still had symptoms
Me, dd and ds diagnosed with Lactose Intolerance
2001-had stroke because of medications I was given
June 2003-saw Chiropractor who specialized in nutrition: Celiac Disease not Lactose Intolerance, went gluten free with once in awhile cheating, off soy and dairy for about 6 months
June 2003-found excellent doctor for fibromyalgia (who has found out she has Celiac Disease)
May 2006-went gluten free with NO cheating-excellent! Made all the difference in the world



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Posted 29 September 2010 - 04:27 PM

I think it is difficult for others to understand because they don't have the physical ramifications of this that we do. I don't know how understanding I would be it I didn't have this. My friends and relatives accept me bringing my own food at least. However, like many others, I get invited to meals and to go out to eat less and less.
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