Get email alerts Get Celiac.com E-mail Alerts  




Celiac.com Sponsor:
Celiac.com Sponsor:




Ads by Google:






   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

What To Do When People Dont Listen?
0

8 posts in this topic

What do you do when people insist that you eat, when they cant *really* verify they made is gluten-free, but they insist that it *is* gluten free. For example, I have a very motherly mom, and she could not verify that the spices she used to make yesterday's meal were gluten free, but she was absolutely stubborn and self-confident that they were gluten-free. I know that they were not, because I have been feeling extreme fatigue (my one and only celiac symptom) since eating her food yesterday.

How do you deal with this from the social point of view? Some people cannot accept that this is a *strict* diet and they think its better to gluten us rather than face facts! They don't want to accept they made have made a mistake as a host!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ads by Google:

Likely if they were plain spices, they were gluten-free. If they were a packaged mix, like a chili seasoning, they might not be gluten-free. The problem with her even slicing you an apple, is that her kitchen stuff is cc'ed. The cutting board she cuts the apple on - she cut bread on this morning. Her colander that she washed the strawberries in is also used to drain pasta. She had the pot of gluten-free beef stew simmering on the stove while she mixed flour to make biscuits, next to the pot.

My mom absolutely does not listen to anything anyone says 80% of the time. I have tried to explain why I won't eat at some place or don't want her potato salad (but the ingredients are gluten-free!) many times. She doesn't remember or "remembers" that I said I can have eggs & potatoes. With her this applies to everything. She could ask my son about his football game, and the next day ask me the same question or tell me what she wanted to hear. Its not Alzheimer's its just she is not paying attention. I try to distance myself from anything having to do with food with her.

So: other people are not responsible for your health and special diet. Inform your mom, firmly, that you will bring all the food or your own food, or some combination of that. You go to a party, eat ahead or bring a dish that's filling that you can eat. I like to bring twice baked potatoes. I either grab the first ones out of the pan or bring a separate dish with mine in it. Its filling and not too unfriendly.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't eat the food. Period. It's not my fault if they choose to feel upset over it; they make that decision all on their own. I will say something like "No thanks, I'm going to pass." No room for questions, no room for debate - simply your choice to not eat the food. (Though it's usually nice to add something like "I do really appreciate the thought, though. It looks lovely.")

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i just don't eat over sparing their feelings (moms included). moms generally want the best for you but if they don't fully understand the disease they don't *know* what the best is for you. so you just gotta be tough and more insistent then they are. EVENTUALLY they'll get it. :) oh and give them information overload.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeap, they either get it or they don't. I've tried to explain to family that I can't have even a single crumb of bread to touch my food, and then they'll serve lunch and put the gluten free bread and the "regular" bread in the same dang basket! And stick the crumb filled butter dish in front of me and then ask why I'm not eating.

hmph...

So, you take your own food, and say you don't want to seem rude or ungrateful, but you really enjoy their company, and so that you can stay a bit longer to chat, you brought your own so you're not distracted by pains in your gut. ;)

When I go to my sister's house, I try not to touch anything. At all! I'm even scared sometimes to have a cup of tea!

Maybe eventually they'll get it.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites




It is a challenge to live in a different food world than most people around us. I have a dear neighbor that we always had lots of meals with. She usually invited us because she doesn't go out much. Once I couldn't eat what she cooked it took the fun out of it for her so we were invited less and less. We took food over for the dinners a lot but that didn't fill her need to feed. I hate that it turned out that way but I'm ever so grateful to be gluten free and feeling like a new person physically. I recently had a biopsy that showed no sign of disease! yeah! I've been doing this since Dec. 08 and it is working. Don't give up it is so worth it.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are people you just can't make understand. Either do not eat at their house or bring your own food. You choice is to hurt their feelings or hurt yourself. They will get over their hurt feelings without a health risk. You might not.

I do go to family/friends houses for dinners. I just do not eat their food. I bring some gluten-free food (i.e. casserole) and/or dessert. I share with them, eat my food and have a nice social time without an unhealthy risk. Everyone I know knows I will not eat their food. It's a rule. They have learned to accept this.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it is difficult for others to understand because they don't have the physical ramifications of this that we do. I don't know how understanding I would be it I didn't have this. My friends and relatives accept me bringing my own food at least. However, like many others, I get invited to meals and to go out to eat less and less.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      104,354
    • Total Posts
      920,511
  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Welcome!   You were smart to think about cross contamination.  Although it is great that there are so many gluten-free options out there, in the beginning it is best to try a whole foods diet, until your son feels a bit better.  The learning curve for the gluten-free diet is steep.  It is better for you to get everything down before letting others feed him.   When I was diagnosed, my hubby had been gluten free for 12 years.  I thought I knew the drill and converted right over to those gluten-free goodies I baked him.  Turned out, like many of us, I had some food inolerances not related to gluten but as a result of gut damage.  So, additives like Xantham gum made me think I was getting glutened, but I was not.  So, again, try to stick to naturally gluten free foods that are less processed for a while.  When you do venture out, I use "find me gluten free" and read the reviews from celiacs (not a person who thinks gluten-free is a way to lose weight! )   Here are some great tips from out Newbie 101 thread:  
    • I have the same problem. Was told it was psoriasis but no treatments worked even injections. I was daignosed celiac in may, and noticed a year ago the palm of my hand would itch intensely then get small blisters. I believe they are both dh. Have been gluten-free since diagnosis but still have issues with both areas. Thankful digestive issues cleared but would love to know how long before they clear up? I hope we both get feed back and best wishes to you!
    • Yes it most certainly could be a false negative, and I would bet you a dozen donuts that it is (gluten free, of course.   )  At the very least you can be sure it is related to gluten.  These gluten rashes take forever to clear up.  I don't know about you, but whenever I start to doubt my gluten intolerance, I just look at my skin, and the old blood stains on my sheets, and I am reassured that it's not all in my head, and I need to avoid gluten as if it were a bucket of battery acid.
    • Hello, My fiance and I are going to Singapore for our honeymoon next year and I was wondering if anyone knew any cafes/restaurants etc that have gluten-free dishes? We previously went two years ago and enjoyed ourselves so much that we definitely wanted to go back our our honeymoon. Catch is I got diagnosed as being gluten intolerant a few months ago, negative for Coeliac though. If I eat gluten I have bad nausea, bloating, diarrhea etc. Not pretty for a honeymoon :-) I am more than happy to eat fruit at breakfast and make do with steamed rice at dinner etc but if anyone has any ideas on anywhere I can safely eat that would be much appreciated. I don't care how much it costs! Also is it possible for me to bring packaged gluten-free food into Singapore from Australia? I am not sure on the rules. Thank you!!
    • Went in and talked to the manager of our pm and asked about the gluten free pizza, and he told me he can't guarantee its 100% gluten free because of the flour in the air from the other crusts being made.  I value the honesty.   The other employee also mentioned changing gloves.   I was thinking wow great, until I walked out and got to thinking about cross contamination from everyone grabbing the toppings out of the same bins and spreading the sauce with the same utensils.    My son was just diagnosed this week so we are new to the whole lifestyle.   So any help or info is greatly appreciated.    Thanks  
  • Upcoming Events

  • Blog Entries

  • Recent Status Updates

  • Who's Online (See full list)

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      61,423
    • Most Online
      1,763

    Newest Member
    Kimmieellis
    Joined