My Mother In Law Is Making Me Nuts

[JoyVertz]

So i'm fairly newbie.. and have been doing pretty good. I know that my eating habits were poor for years.. I never thought about it. Now I'm thinking about EVERYTHING I put in my mouth (see other post about thinking about food all the time) This is a huge change for me and its hard. MANY of my favorite food (i.e. french dip sandwiches) are not basically off limits as i've known them.

So my own mom is being great. She lives 6 hours from me and is always sending me recipes and things... my MIL however is being nuts. She thinks is "ridiculous" and how could I be 37 and have this just come up... like i'm making this up. She is like "you can eat this" I"m like "i cannot.. it has croutons in it" She rolls her eyes and scoffs off like i'm purposely cutting out HER food. I tried nicely explaining to her about how I get really ill and its just not worth it. She said "well.. just wait a few weeks and try again" I think she doesnt believe me.

vent over.

[melikamaui]

I'm dealing with similar issues. My MIL seems to think that this is something my son will outgrow. She keeps telling us to have "a positive attitude and this won't be forever". I want to bang my head on the nearest hard surface! YES, it will be forever. A positive attitude is great but it will not change that.

I want to send a book or two to them, but I doubt they'll read them. Do you think your MIL might read something you gave her?

[IrishHeart]

Just a thought, but you may want to send them some information about celiac disease and ask them to please read it so they can understand that this is not something anyone "outgrows" and it is certainly not something you have "invented." This is potentially life-threatening and you/your son simply cannot ingest gluten EVER. And tell them that their unwillingness to learn about this disease is making this harder on you guys than it has to be. Unless they are purposefully malicious, they will probably see that this is serious--and important to you--and maybe they will stop. You need your hubbies to support you 100%.(I know that's tough--it's his "mom"!! I have my own MIL I have dealt with through the years LOL)

One of the things that is helpful to newly diagnosed people is to have family and friends be supportive of your new gluten-free lifestyle. But they may just not KNOW enough to be able to do that. They do not "get" cross-contamination, etc. I sent my family & friends some information so they could learn about it and even then, they still ask many questions and that's okay!! Since doctors are woefully ignorant about it, we cannot expect the "average joe" to "get it" right away either. I've read everything I can for 2 years and I STILL DON'T get all of it

How about a little education for these two MILs??

A good book is Danna Korn's Living Gluten-free for Dummies. She explains--in plain English--what is involved and WHY it is essential for people with gluten intolerance/celiac to remain gluten free for optimal health. And she does it with a sense of humor and some recipes.

Hope you can get these two MILs to be more supportive...I am thinking once they realize the severity of this, they may be more understanding. Usually someone is resistant or critical of something "new" because they are either fearful, intimidated, ill-informed, or just do not like "change" or inconvenience.

Best wishes, guys!

[mikyraso]

Just a thought, but you may want to send them some information about celiac disease and ask them to please read it so they can understand that this is not something anyone "outgrows" and it is certainly not something you have "invented." This is potentially life-threatening and you/your son simply cannot ingest gluten EVER. And tell them that their unwillingness to learn about this disease is making this harder on you guys than it has to be. Unless they are purposefully malicious, they will probably see that this is serious--and important to you--and maybe they will stop. You need your hubbies to support you 100%.(I know that's tough--it's his "mom"!! I have my own MIL I have dealt with through the years LOL)

One of the things that is helpful to newly diagnosed people is to have family and friends be supportive of your new gluten-free lifestyle. But they may just not KNOW enough to be able to do that. They do not "get" cross-contamination, etc. I sent my family & friends some information so they could learn about it and even then, they still ask many questions and that's okay!! Since doctors are woefully ignorant about it, we cannot expect the "average joe" to "get it" right away either. I've read everything I can for 2 years and I STILL DON'T get all of it

How about a little education for these two MILs??

A good book is Danna Korn's Living Gluten-free for Dummies. She explains--in plain English--what is involved and WHY it is essential for people with gluten intolerance/celiac to remain gluten free for optimal health. And she does it with a sense of humor and some recipes.

Hope you can get these two MILs to be more supportive...I am thinking once they realize the severity of this, they may be more understanding. Usually someone is resistant or critical of something "new" because they are either fearful, intimidated, ill-informed, or just do not like "change" or inconvenience.

Best wishes, guys!

Well I am facing some really frustrating issues with my own darling MIL. What is so frustrating is she has read a few books on Celiac Disease (, including Dana Korn's book ) and Yet she just refuses to respect what we say. The hardest part is when we are home and SHE COMPLETELY undermines my husband and I INFRONT of our daughter. She will say things to us, mostly me, when she thinks I am being to " hard" on my daughter, by not letting her have the cookie grandma has offered her (I could just scream) and has been told it isn't gluten-free. She say's things like "OH it won't kill her or Oh for Pete sake just let her have the ________," in front of my daughter. I could just cry. We have told her SO many times that she can't but she just doesn't get it. And even after she has read the books she STILL refuses to grasp how serious her condition is. Yet even when she says te things she does she has gone out and bought some gluten-free cereal, fruit snacks, and some snacks my daughter can eat. Yet when it comes to giving her other things she will try to sneak things to her she can't have. So no amount of information we could give her will make a difference.

[kareng]

So i'm fairly newbie.. and have been doing pretty good. I know that my eating habits were poor for years.. I never thought about it. Now I'm thinking about EVERYTHING I put in my mouth (see other post about thinking about food all the time) This is a huge change for me and its hard. MANY of my favorite food (i.e. french dip sandwiches) are not basically off limits as i've known them.

So my own mom is being great. She lives 6 hours from me and is always sending me recipes and things... my MIL however is being nuts. She thinks is "ridiculous" and how could I be 37 and have this just come up... like i'm making this up. She is like "you can eat this" I"m like "i cannot.. it has croutons in it" She rolls her eyes and scoffs off like i'm purposely cutting out HER food. I tried nicely explaining to her about how I get really ill and its just not worth it. She said "well.. just wait a few weeks and try again" I think she doesnt believe me.

vent over.

Because you are new to this, limit your exposure to her. Let hub do things with her. When you have figured this out, then you can be around her. Then state it once then ignore her. Or don't respond at all.

[kareng]

Well I am facing some really frustrating issues with my own darling MIL. What is so frustrating is she has read a few books on Celiac Disease (, including Dana Korn's book ) and Yet she just refuses to respect what we say. The hardest part is when we are home and SHE COMPLETELY undermines my husband and I INFRONT of our daughter. She will say things to us, mostly me, when she thinks I am being to " hard" on my daughter, by not letting her have the cookie grandma has offered her (I could just scream) and has been told it isn't gluten-free. She say's things like "OH it won't kill her or Oh for Pete sake just let her have the ________," in front of my daughter. I could just cry. We have told her SO many times that she can't but she just doesn't get it. And even after she has read the books she STILL refuses to grasp how serious her condition is. Yet even when she says te things she does she has gone out and bought some gluten-free cereal, fruit snacks, and some snacks my daughter can eat. Yet when it comes to giving her other things she will try to sneak things to her she can't have. So no amount of information we could give her will make a difference.

She sounds dangerous to your child right now. If she kept offering or leaving around something dangerous like alcohol or pills, what would you do? You & hub need to severly limit or keep your daughter away from this woman. When she wonders why she can't see her, have hub tell her why. She doesn't care why you want her to stay away. You are an evil b$$$ that took her son & is mean to her grandchild. She has to see that her son supports this.

You can NEVER leave your child alone with this woman as she will poison her.

Hopefully, when she sees you are serious, she will come around.

You can also explain that would like your daughter to grow up a normal sized woman, with healthy bones & teeth, able to have children some day. Every crumb works to prevent that.

[mikyraso]

She sounds dangerous to your child right now. If she kept offering or leaving around something dangerous like alcohol or pills, what would you do? You & hub need to severly limit or keep your daughter away from this woman. When she wonders why she can't see her, have hub tell her why. She doesn't care why you want her to stay away. You are an evil b$ that took her son & is mean to her grandchild. She has to see that her son supports this.

You can NEVER leave your child alone with this woman as she will poison her.

Hopefully, when she sees you are serious, she will come around.

You can also explain that would like your daughter to grow up a normal sized woman, with healthy bones & teeth, able to have children some day. Every crumb works to prevent that.

That is good advice. I also need to be much firmer with her. Thanks. I know she loves my daughter she just doesn't get how serious this disease is. The very sad thing is my SIL doesn't get it either. It is so frustrating. Maybe after us telling her our daughter can't come to her house alone enough times it MIGHT sink in a LITTLE.

[kareng]

That is good advice. I also need to be much firmer with her. Thanks. I know she loves my daughter she just doesn't get how serious this disease is. The very sad thing is my SIL doesn't get it either. It is so frustrating. Maybe after us telling her our daughter can't come to her house alone enough times it MIGHT sink in a LITTLE.

Good Mom! Not getting to see the grandkid might work. She would have to show me, under my watchful eye, for a year at least, that she gets it. That includes no derogatory comments that the child can hear. She can ask questions, that's OK (as long as they aren't snarky).

I don't know how old the child is. If she is old enough to stand up for herself & say no to food, that will be helpful. She still needs time to figure it out without Grandma trying to confuse her.

[IrishHeart]

I am with Karen on this!

Tell MIL gluten is like rat poison to your child's intestines. If she gives her a cookie with gluten in it, she is endangering the welfare of your child.

Case closed.

I hate to say this because it sounds harsh, but if these people in your families cannot get it through their heads that even the slightest trace of gluten can make your child sick, then they should not be allowed to be around her.

You are going to have to be really firm.

No one would be allowed around my kid if they gave them something that would make them sick, much less undermine my authority.

You and your husband have to present a united front on this and get it through grandma's head--or it will just go on and on and on.

Good luck!

[Mummyto3]

I'm thankful my MIL and parents are on board with this. I even dropped off a booklet with info about coeliacs to my MILs at the weekend (although she'd already bought a book, I thought this would be sort of in a nutshell to check back quick to).

I wouldn't allow anyone alone with my child if they didn't support me and my family and who would allow the child to get sick by offering glutened foods. Its not on and its disrespectful to the child and family. Great example about pills and alcohol, if they were left around your child, you just wouldn't allow it.

If you have to, limit the amount of times you visit your MIL. Some people might not 'get it', I didn't know anything about this disease before the test was carried out. But, as it's my child, I now know a heck of a lot because I want to help her heal and feel better. I'm sure your MIL would want the same. Maybe she needs more time to let it sink in x

[marilyn]

This may seem kind of harsh but considering the consequences I do not think so - maybe in writing if it is difficult to talk to them.

But dear M and D, We know you love junior very very much and he loves you too. We know you would never do anything intentional to harm him or make him sick but that is what you will do if he eats anything you give him that contains gluten. Living in a gluten filled world if very difficult to begin with but even more difficult when the people we love do not understand....etc.

Unforunately, the consequences to his immediate and long term health is very very serious and if we cannot all get on board and have a committment from you that you will be dilegent and protect him we will not feel comfortable leaving him alone with you. This would make us very sad. Just a crumb may or may not give him diarrhea but can cause damage to his body that you cannot see immediately.

I cannot believe any grandparent would intentionally harm - ignorance can be overcome but in the meantime you have to protect him even if it makes you unpopular.

There was a woman who was taking her x to court to prevent him from having partial custody because he would not follow a gluten-free diet for the child - I would think "emminent danger" would apply - I would hope it would. Good luck.

[Jungle]

This issue goes so much deeper than gluten. These people are reacting this way because they do not respect you. Even if you think someone is off their rocker you would never say things like that in front of their children if you respected them.

Trying to drive a wedge between a parent and a child. This has nothing to do with gluten/celiacs.

To protect your child's health and your relationship with your child you must stop their behaviour immediately! If they can't be respectful of your right as a parent to make desisions in the best interest of YOUR child they shouldn't be around until they can, not even supervised. When they ask, "Why don't you come over anymore?" Then maybe they will have a reason to listen to what you say and clearly understand what you need to do to keep your child safe.

[JoyVertz]

I'm going to not be around her for a while... she is still like "one bite won't hurt" attitude... i feel better this week last week i was having a little breakdown.

[SilverSlipper]

When my oldest was diagnosed with autism, we were subjected to many hurtful comments. There was much criticism aimed at our pediatrician, which upset me because he has always been our kids best advocate. One relative asked was it caused due to my drug use (which I don't do) or because we made homemade baby food rather than store bought (thinking the store bought had more vitamins). Even questions of whether our daughter's autism was 'contagious'. We brought all family members together and hired a consultant to come in and answer questions. We promised not to be mad and after a while all manner of offensive questions were being asked. We smiled (through gritted teeth but smiled) and our consultant answered them all. Only then, did they 'get it'.

With our second daughter's celiac disease, not everyone got it. (If anyone read Dear Abby in the past few months, I wrote in saying that holiday meals should accomodate celiac disease). Every holiday, people would not read ingredients or think 'just a bit' wouldn't hurt. Every holiday ended with my daughter not able to eat things and still being sick. So we sent the following email to all family members:

"Good Morning and I hope all of you are having a great Thanksgiving week-end! We enjoyed seeing everyone. It was great to see Davids family in *city removed* as well, however, somewhere along the way *daughter* stumbled into some hidden gluten in her food and shes been ill ever since. Shes able to get out of bed today (though the diarrhea is continuing), but the stomach pains and diarrhea made for a not so happy holiday.

With all the stress over keeping her healthy, weve decided to avoid future family events where food is served at other peoples houses. *daughter* is expected to be grown up regarding her diet and health. Wed like her to have the freedom to be a little girl during the holidays without worrying about becoming sick. Wed love to get together to visit, just no food please. So, wed like to invite people to our house to celebrate Christmas!

The party will be from 12 4 on December 19th (Sunday). Its a drop in when you want type of gathering. We will be inviting all family members to come during this time. If you would like to exchange gifts at this time, that is fine (but keep in mind that other people will be around) or we can plan to do it another day. Please dont bring any food, we will be doing all the cooking and it will all be gluten free. We have decided to sponsor a family for Christmas and they have a child like *daughter* who is also diagnosed with Celiac Disease. We'd appreciate our guests bringing an item to donate to this family, especially items clearly marked 'gluten free'. We feel so blessed, we want to share our happiness with others and try to make their challenges easier.

We hope to see you here - much love to you all!!"

Yes, some were offended and decided not to attend (which was fine, I can wait them out). Some were impressed that we made such a stand and showed up with lots of items for the little boy we sponsored for Christmas. Any conversations about this were kept out of my daughter's hearing. She has no idea that there was ever conflict about her food. I wouldn't hesitate a second to prevent her visiting a relative that didn't keep her health in mind. Accidents will happen and I understand that, but disregard for her health means that a relative will be hearing from me. On a funny note, my in-laws called me and told me that if I'm ever upset with them, to please call them - they don't want to read about it in a syndicated column.

Good luck with everything (both you and Original Poster!)

[mikyraso]

I am with Karen on this!

Tell MIL gluten is like rat poison to your child's intestines. If she gives her a cookie with gluten in it, she is endangering the welfare of your child.

Case closed.

I hate to say this because it sounds harsh, but if these people in your families cannot get it through their heads that even the slightest trace of gluten can make your child sick, then they should not be allowed to be around her.

You are going to have to be really firm.

No one would be allowed around my kid if they gave them something that would make them sick, much less undermine my authority.

You and your husband have to present a united front on this and get it through grandma's head--or it will just go on and on and on.

Good luck!

I was telling my husband this very thing after I told him about some of the GREAT feedback here. I told him we can't let he stay alone with her. He was TOTALLY on board with that. I told him that if she wants to have her visit then I have to go with her and prepare all the meals for my DD. I can't trust her and I won't let her damage my DD. I need some help. I have a question. Does anyone have a Gluten free list from Aldi's? I have read the labels of the products and there is never a phone number to call and couldn't find and gluten-free info on the website. I am interested in finding out about the Fit and Active Brand. Any advice?

[IrishHeart]

. I have a question. Does anyone have a Gluten free list from Aldi's? I have read the labels of the products and there is never a phone number to call and couldn't find and gluten-free info on the website. I am interested in finding out about the Fit and Active Brand. Any advice?

You may want to post this question separately--so someone can see it and help you. It may be addressed under the Products and shopping topic? Just a thought.

[kareng]

I was telling my husband this very thing after I told him about some of the GREAT feedback here. I told him we can't let he stay alone with her. He was TOTALLY on board with that. I told him that if she wants to have her visit then I have to go with her and prepare all the meals for my DD. I can't trust her and I won't let her damage my DD. I need some help. I have a question. Does anyone have a Gluten free list from Aldi's? I have read the labels of the products and there is never a phone number to call and couldn't find and gluten-free info on the website. I am interested in finding out about the Fit and Active Brand. Any advice?

I wouldn't go to her house. I would make her come to yours. Her house and cooking stuff are probably full of gluten. It would be too easy for her to slip something to your kid or leave something laying around. Until she shows some trustworthiness at your house, I wouldn't even go to hers.

Post the Aldi's question separate (if you haven't already). Also, use the google in the top right corner of the screen. We have had some info about Aldi's recently. Just check the dates because there could be some 5 year old info on there that may have changed.