Ex Husband Not Supportive

[brandyburl]

I've posted on this forum about my two oldest children and their symptoms and mine. I had a doctor's appt scheduled for all 3 of us to see the doctor and inquire about testing. However, my symptoms were getting a lot worse and I knew I would consume most of the doctor's time so I changed the appointment just for me. My doctor referred me to the clinic's surgeon who is doing an endoscopy with biopsies on Thursday. 

I had eliminated gluten from my diet for a week and saw immediate improvement in symptoms. I have reintroduced it for the biopsy so my results will be accurate, albeit just in small amounts. I've seen some symptoms return. Mostly in the bathroom.

 

Anyway, my main purpose for writing this thread is to vent about my ex husband. He has the typical 1st and 3rd weekend visitation with the kids so they're with me majority of the time. I talked with the two older kids who are having symptoms about trying a gluten free diet soon to see if that made them feel better. My daughter seemed excited as she's been complaining a lot about bad stomach aches. So she's been telling everyone she sees that she's on a gluten free diet, even though I haven't eliminated it from her diet yet. (kids)  The kids are at their dad's this weekend. So he texts me asking why I've got her on a gluten free diet and asks if it's doctor mandated. I text back saying she isn't gluten free, that I'm being tested for celiac and the kids will be tested too due to their symptoms. I also mentioned how we're eliminating processed foods from our house. Well, he texts back that she doesn't need to be on a gluten free diet and that most of the people he knows that do that diet are doing it to try to lose weight and she doesn't need to be told she needs to lose weight that that is just terrible to tell an 8 year old. 

Argh! I referred him to this website to actually do some research on celiac and gluten intolerance and informed him that we haven't gone gluten free yet. He said because she's eating gluten free at home and still has stomach aches that it's obviously not gluten.  I informed him that just because I may cook one meal a day (supper, they eat breakfast and lunch at school) that is gluten free she probably won't see a change in symptoms because she is still ingesting gluten on a daily basis. 

 

He's just always got to argue with me. Even if it's for the benefit of our children's health. I'm sure if they do test positive for gluten intolerance or even celiac he will probably still feed them gluten. Perhaps if I have a doctor backing me he will change, but I'm not expecting much. I was just infuriated by his comment that most people eat gluten free to lose weight. He obviously has done no research on any of it. It would just be nice to have his support, but I guess that is asking too much.

 

Thanks for letting me vent. 

[GottaSki]

So sorry Brandy....no way to say anything but this sucks...but I do know it will get better.  Given time he'll become educated -- the changes are tough enough without the added stress of the dual home.  They are his kids too and when he realizes this is a health issue, not a weight issue it will help.

 

Here is hoping that process moves along quickly -- Hang in there -- you are doing the right thing for your family!

[kareng]

When the kids get diagnosed, have ex talk to the doctor. If he still refuses to keep them gluten free, you may have to take him back to court for supervised visits based on his medical negligence. Hopefully, it won't come to that.

[frieze]

  On 3/3/2013 at 10:53 AM, brandyburl said:

I've posted on this forum about my two oldest children and their symptoms and mine. I had a doctor's appt scheduled for all 3 of us to see the doctor and inquire about testing. However, my symptoms were getting a lot worse and I knew I would consume most of the doctor's time so I changed the appointment just for me. My doctor referred me to the clinic's surgeon who is doing an endoscopy with biopsies on Thursday. 

I had eliminated gluten from my diet for a week and saw immediate improvement in symptoms. I have reintroduced it for the biopsy so my results will be accurate, albeit just in small amounts. I've seen some symptoms return. Mostly in the bathroom.

 

Anyway, my main purpose for writing this thread is to vent about my ex husband. He has the typical 1st and 3rd weekend visitation with the kids so they're with me majority of the time. I talked with the two older kids who are having symptoms about trying a gluten free diet soon to see if that made them feel better. My daughter seemed excited as she's been complaining a lot about bad stomach aches. So she's been telling everyone she sees that she's on a gluten free diet, even though I haven't eliminated it from her diet yet. (kids)  The kids are at their dad's this weekend. So he texts me asking why I've got her on a gluten free diet and asks if it's doctor mandated. I text back saying she isn't gluten free, that I'm being tested for celiac and the kids will be tested too due to their symptoms. I also mentioned how we're eliminating processed foods from our house. Well, he texts back that she doesn't need to be on a gluten free diet and that most of the people he knows that do that diet are doing it to try to lose weight and she doesn't need to be told she needs to lose weight that that is just terrible to tell an 8 year old. 

Argh! I referred him to this website to actually do some research on celiac and gluten intolerance and informed him that we haven't gone gluten free yet. He said because she's eating gluten free at home and still has stomach aches that it's obviously not gluten.  I informed him that just because I may cook one meal a day (supper, they eat breakfast and lunch at school) that is gluten free she probably won't see a change in symptoms because she is still ingesting gluten on a daily basis. 

 

He's just always got to argue with me. Even if it's for the benefit of our children's health. I'm sure if they do test positive for gluten intolerance or even celiac he will probably still feed them gluten. Perhaps if I have a doctor backing me he will change, but I'm not expecting much. I was just infuriated by his comment that most people eat gluten free to lose weight. He obviously has done no research on any of it. It would just be nice to have his support, but I guess that is asking too much.

 

Thanks for letting me vent. 

with his nasty attitude, maybe he needs testing also?

[brandyburl]

Ha! He probably should be tested.

Thank you for the suggestions. I will have him talk to the dr. And if I need to, take him back to court.

[NodakMom]

My practice area isn't full-time family law, but I've handled a couple of cases where the child had medical needs.  It's really important to have a confirmed diagnosis with doctor's instruction.  If he doesn't comply with doctor's orders, then consult your attorney. 

 

For some parents (on both sides of the fence), controlling a child's diet is perceived as an attempt by the other parent to extend "control" of the children into the reach of the other parent's parenting time. 

 

Having gluten free diets becoming so popular is both a curse and a blessing.  On one hand, there are a lot more companies getting into the gluten free market and there are more choices available.  On the other hand, a lot of people think it's a fad and not a medical necessity. 

[nvsmom]

(((HUGS))) That's a hard thing. I hope he bothers to educate himself.