Not Wanting To Attend Any Social Functions Involving Food

[Shanmegjilal]

Hello, I have been going to parties,BBQ's,etc for the last few years since being dx'd but now I have started to decline invitations because I find it so hard to go and watch everyone else eat and comment on how good everything tastes and  having to pretend it doesn't bother me. I find it's easier to eat at home first rather than bring my own food to events because it's hard to heat it etc. with a lot of people around and I've had people ask to try my food,etc!!!.  People ask what they can get for me to have and can't understand why I won't use their grill,etc.I just don't like explaining it all the time....I guess i"m kind of burnt out from this!! I try but I feel like I'm becoming more and more antisocial....Anyone else go through this? Thanks

[pricklypear1971]

I'm not much help since I don't socialize at bbq's, etc. much. And when I do, my Dad is generally cooking and he knows what the deal is, so I don't get lots of flack.

I just (try) to not let it get to me. I also don't do it that often, which may indeed help prevent me from getting frustrated.

I just pack my stuff and eat when/what I want. It's usually so busy people don't notice and my food is a "version" of theirs...but these are beach bbq's where everyone brings something. I just say no thanks when offered something. Most of the time people shrug it off to a woman in a diet, I think .

To be honest, most of the time I'm grateful I'm not eating what they're eating because it is pretty unhealthy. Maybe I'm coping that way???

If bbq's are something you do frequently I can see how it gets old, especially if food is the focus (on the beach, the beach is the focus).

I've been pretty antisocial because I went gluten-free and moved at the same time, and quit my job. So I'm a poor one to give advice in the "getting out" arena. I'm just now attempting to build a friend network. I do deal with traveling, and family events though. And I have been ostracized from an old friends parties, I think, because she can't feed me safely (and she's a caterer) - and she has been getting her info from my FIL (because I haven't talked to her about it).

[1desperateladysaved]

I have tried.  I have had reactions.  Now, I eat at home or in my car.  I am trying to still join in the celebrations.  Many around are able to go to functions, with due precautions, and come out just fine.

[gatita]

I still go, but I don't always eat. Wouldn't it be amazing to know enough celiacs to have a REAL party without worrying about the food? That would be something.

 

I am the only one in my group of friends right now who has it, although every day I do meet more people (interestingly, all in the medical profession) who are gluten-free for various reasons.

[notme]

at first, i did skip the outings.  then i started eating before i went.  now, i find out (kind of) what they're serving and if it's something i like, i make it.  have it ready wrapped in foil and i can throw it on their grill, with my sides in a container.  i got these (i danced in the walmart when i found them lolz) containers that are divided and the lid actually seals the individual parts of it so i can bring, say, a salad in the large part, dressing in the smaller part and crunchies in the other smaller part and they won't get all soggy.  but wait!  there's more!!!  they came with a knife and fork that attach to the lid.  i can fit it into my little backpack - yayy!  part 2 is if they're having something i don't like, i just bring a samwich to eat.  most of the time when i bring my own, everybody wants a bite.  i tell them NO!  get away from my food  

 

lolz once at church lunch i was running late and packed my dessert but had to bring the whole can of whipped cream hahaha said goodbye to that the kids passed it around and ate it from the can.  it was hilarious and all the adults looked jealous lolz 

[Pegleg84]

Eat first or bring your own. That's really the only way to do it. I don't go to many things, but don't like to miss a chance to hang out. At least something like a bbq is more casual. A dinner party would be tricky, in which case I'd talk to the host about it first.

I know a lot of other celiacs, but now with the soy/dairy trouble, even then I can't partake. For example, went to my friends' bbq a few weeks ago, One of their girlfriends (and housemate) is gluten-free so there were gluten-free burgers and such for her, but I still declined cause there was some soy sauce in them. "Don't worry, I already ate." If its a drinky event, then at least you can bring your own booze.

 

It's tricky, but if there are people you want to see, you should. I'm slightly anti-social by nature, in that I just don't have the energy to maintain a lot of friendships, but I try not to let my diet get in the way. If people don't invite me to things because of it, that's their problem.

[bartfull]

I just bring my own and if anyone asks, I tell them the truth. At a big gathering like that there usually isn't time to stay on one subject for long so if people asking questions bothers you, just point at one of the kids and comment on how cute he is, or look at the sky and comment on the weather, or any other distracting comment.

 

For myself, I don't mind talking about it. I find that usually someone else in the crowd knows someone with celiac and we talk about places we can safely eat or great tasting gluten-free foods we have discovered. Then, someone will point at one of the kids and comment on how cute he is, or look at the sky...and we're back to enjoying the folks we are partying with.

[cap6]

I admit it was very difficult at first but after three years I have learned (or am still learning!) that I control celiac, it does not control me.  I go out to eat with friends and if they choose a place I can eat great, if not then I eat first or take along something for me.  Same goes for parties where I always take my own. I try to take similiar foods stuf but if not then just munch on my own. 

[tarnalberry]

It's a mindset change.  You have to learn to ignore the food, and the comments about the food, and focus on the people instead.  It takes practice, it takes willpower, and it takes reminding yourself of the successes and forgetting the failures.  If you want it to be a bout social interaction, it can be, but you have to take the time to learn how to make it just about the social interaction.

[mysecretcurse]

I got sick of the social awkwardness that comes with bringing your own food or having to explain, so I stopped going. I'm not really involved in much that would require me to go, (I don't do church or anything like that) so it's usually not a big deal for me. When I have social eating functions, I have them at my house and I cook everything. If friends want to pitch in, I have them bring the raw ingredients and help me cook.

 

It isn't ideal, and I'll admit that I've become pretty depressed about the state of my life. I miss eating in restaurants, being normal...etc. I also am in recovery from an eating disorder that I developed as a result of gluten making me fear food. Since being in recovery, things have gotten a little better. I'm trying not to fear and just to trust that things will be okay if I do eat something. I'm also looking into enzymes that might (although I don't want to get my hopes up) help protect me from trace amounts from cross contamination. My main goal is to be able to eat out again.

[karichelle]

I totally don't understand people asking for a bite of someone else's food. I mean, it's one thing if you are offering someone a bite, but to actually ask someone else if you can sample something they are already eating? I feel like that's rude. I can't say it's something that has ever crossed my mind to ask someone.

 

I haven't really had this exact situation yet, but I'm sure I will soon. My plan is to bring my own food unless someone is ordering from a place that is on my safe list or has a dependable gluten-free menu. I went to an Arbonne party at a friend's house and she was a wonderful hostess -- both me and the consultant are gluten-free, and my friend ordered us all a salad from one of my favorite restaurants, with their gluten-free ciabatta bread and a gluten-free dessert. Everyone ate gluten-free and they all loved every bit of it.

 

So far I've been the hostess for my BBQing and I've forced everyone to eat gluten-free so I don't have to be afraid of any leftovers being CCed.

[bartfull]

"I totally don't understand people asking for a bite of someone else's food. I mean, it's one thing if you are offering someone a bite, but to actually ask someone else if you can sample something they are already eating? I feel like that's rude. I can't say it's something that has ever crossed my mind to ask someone."

 

I actually had someone ask me the other day if he could have some of my Tylenol. I turned him down. He knows I have to get a prescription, wait a few days for the compounding pharmacy to make it, then drive a 120 mile round trip to get it, AND pay $47 for a small bottle.  He on the other hand, could make a TWO mile round trip to Family Dollar and buy their house brand for $2. I very politely suggested he get in his car and go get his own.

[cap6]

Went to a pot luck event last night with a large group.  I pulled out my baggie of stuff and someone commented on why I wasn't eating with everyone.  Of course the table goes quiet!  I just said "I have celiac which means I can't have any wheat, rye, barley or oats and can't risk cross contamination so I bring my own stuff and then I can enjoy your company".  One person replied :Oh I'm so sorry" to which I said "I'm not,. I feel great.  How was your day...." .  All very pleasant and the topic was quickly off of me........ to all of you I will confess that inside I was really wanting to say....What difference does it make...mind your own business!!  lol 

[pricklypear1971]

Went to a pot luck event last night with a large group. I pulled out my baggie of stuff and someone commented on why I wasn't eating with everyone. Of course the table goes quiet! I just said "I have celiac which means I can't have any wheat, rye, barley or oats and can't risk cross contamination so I bring my own stuff and then I can enjoy your company". One person replied :Oh I'm so sorry" to which I said "I'm not,. I feel great. How was your day...." . All very pleasant and the topic was quickly off of me........ to all of you I will confess that inside I was really wanting to say....What difference does it make...mind your own business!! lol

Perfect. I've found it's all in the attitude.

But I hate. And I do mean HATE "I'm sorry", or "oh, that's terrible". You know what's terrible??? Being sick. And listening to other people who are sick, when they complain of symptoms that you know have a strong chance of being food related (and watching them shove that food down their throats).

That's terrible. That's who I feel sorry for.

Me, I'm BETTER!

[notme]

Perfect. I've found it's all in the attitude.

But I hate. And I do mean HATE "I'm sorry", or "oh, that's terrible". You know what's terrible??? Being sick. And listening to other people who are sick, when they complain of symptoms that you know have a strong chance of being food related (and watching them shove that food down their throats).

That's terrible. That's who I feel sorry for.

Me, I'm BETTER!

AMEN to that!!  don't cry for me - i already *know* what's wrong with me and i'm fixing it    

[bartfull]

I just point out to people that I don't need a doctor, medication, nor surgery to fix what ails me. Everybody's got SOMETHING, and most can't heal themselves the way we can.

[love2travel]

Perfect. I've found it's all in the attitude.

But I hate. And I do mean HATE "I'm sorry", or "oh, that's terrible". You know what's terrible??? Being sick. And listening to other people who are sick, when they complain of symptoms that you know have a strong chance of being food related (and watching them shove that food down their throats).

That's terrible. That's who I feel sorry for.

Me, I'm BETTER!

 

Perfect. I've found it's all in the attitude.

But I hate. And I do mean HATE "I'm sorry", or "oh, that's terrible". You know what's terrible??? Being sick. And listening to other people who are sick, when they complain of symptoms that you know have a strong chance of being food related (and watching them shove that food down their throats).

That's terrible. That's who I feel sorry for.

Me, I'm BETTER!

 

Exactly.  There is a difference between compassion/empathy and pity.  Do NOT pity me.  I cook and eat far better than most so do not feel sorry for me.  Feel sorry for you if you must feel sorry for someone.  You are the one missing out on superb food.  So there!    

 

For many people with celiac social gatherings are not about the food but they are for me!  Always will be.  Fabulous food is extremely important to me.  So, I make such wondrous dishes that people are no longer interested what is on their plate but mine.  In a GOOD way.  It helps to dispel the myth that being celiac is not the death sentence they feel it is.  "Oh, you'd rather have my duck pate with homemade pomegranate jelly with my homemade crackers (oh, and bacon jam) than that dried out piece of over-cooked piece of plywood you call chicken breast?"

 

I used to dread social functions but partly because I am introverted and private.  I still do not attend many (not many here to attend!) but when on vacation LOVE going to food markets, food festivals, etc.  But it's kind of nice going where people are not speaking English! 

 

 

[love2travel]

Not sure what happened to my post above.  Ah, well...

[notme]

 

 "Oh, you'd rather have my duck pate with homemade pomegranate jelly with my homemade crackers (oh, and bacon jam) than that dried out piece of over-cooked piece of plywood you call chicken breast?"

 

 

yes, please!!!!  (i'm sitting by you, love2 lolz)  

[love2travel]

yes, please!!!!  (i'm sitting by you, love2 lolz)  

You are cute. That would be a lot of fun. I'm going if you're going!

[notme]

You are cute. That would be a lot of fun. I'm going if you're going!

LET THEM EAT CAKE!  (because we have pate - ha HAAAA!)

[love2travel]

LET THEM EAT CAKE!  (because we have pate - ha HAAAA!)

Exactly! So, where shall we go first?

[Shanmegjilal]

Thank you so much for all of the input.I'm trying so hard to not let this ruin my life but instead of getting better at dealing I feel like it's getting harder.I just feel like EVERYTHING involves food.I go and pretend I'm fine but inside I'm so upset...It's definitely the psychological part of this disease that's wearing on me.I guess somedays are better than others and I don't want people to not include me yet I just dread anything where food is involved....If I don't want to go to someone's party because I feel awkward and just don't feel like explaining my restrictions is that ok or am I giving in to this??? What excuses can I use to not go without saying "my diet"? Thank you

[love2travel]

Thank you so much for all of the input.I'm trying so hard to not let this ruin my life but instead of getting better at dealing I feel like it's getting harder.I just feel like EVERYTHING involves food.I go and pretend I'm fine but inside I'm so upset.. definitely the psychological part of this disease that's wearing on me.I guess somedays are better than others and I don't want people to not include me yet I just dread anything where food is involved....If I don't want to go to someone's party because I feel awkward and just don't feel like explaining my restrictions is that ok or am I giving in to this??? What excuses can I use to not go without saying "my diet"? Thank you

I understand. For the first year I did not go to social functions. You know what? You do not need to explain or justify. It took me ages to say no and leave it at that. Later, you will have the confidence to get back to these events. At first most things are overwhelming but with time, like most things, things improve. You will have had more experience under your belt, too. Lastly, if you truly do not wish to attend, do not feel guilty. Do what you need to do for you.

[Adalaide]

Perfect. I've found it's all in the attitude.

But I hate. And I do mean HATE "I'm sorry", or "oh, that's terrible". You know what's terrible??? Being sick. And listening to other people who are sick, when they complain of symptoms that you know have a strong chance of being food related (and watching them shove that food down their throats).

That's terrible. That's who I feel sorry for.

Me, I'm BETTER!

 

I also agree with this so much. When they say "I'm sorry" or "that's terrible" they get this look on their face like you just told them you have a terminal illness too. That is what drives me up a wall. I smile and tell them that I'm not and that being diagnosed is the best thing that ever happened to me, which really is true because I feel better than ever. But inside I just want to smack that look of pity right off their faces and scream at them not to look at me like I'm dying. (I may have an anger issue! )

 

I eat amazing things. Not every day but when I want to. So I can't have gluten... and about 600 other things. So what? I don't need some sick person's pity. Go eat bread, be sick and see your doctor and take a pill for it. I'll eat healthy foods and feel better every day, thanks.

 

It really is all about attitude for me. I used to avoid things. Now I just do whatever. I don't do a lot of social things because I'm just not a super social person. (I secretly hate people. Not persons, one at a time, but people, in groups. And I always avoid activities with children because I not so secretly hate and fear children.) But when I am invited to something that sounds fun, I go. If there will be food I plan ahead. I went to a memorial service last month and everyone was asked to bring food to share. I brought muffins and homemade pickles, plus brought my own things to eat. A few people asked about me not eating and I just said that I have celiac and other allergies and couldn't eat and quickly moved the conversation away from me. Usually by mentioning how good everything looked and pointing getting them talking about what so-and-so cooked or brought or something similar. (It helped that everyone raved about the pickles I brought too and wanted to talk about that, which is far more interesting than some random weird disease. )