A Christmas Story about GLUTEN

[gluten-free girl 67]

I am trying to let this go, but it's hard. I was diagnosed 6 years ago. Some of my family still doesn't get it, or they just don't care much. My brother in law was cooking a stuffed roast for Christmas. I asked my sister to please double check his ingredients. She said she would. He tells me it's gluten-free when he puts it out to eat. I take a slice and took 3-4 bites before realizing there was rice in it. I questioned it because I know they like Rice a Roni. Sure enough, it was Rice a Roni. He tells me "but it's gluten-free." "No, I don't think so", I told him. ( I knew it wasn't) So he read the box and said "oh no! Sorry!". I was just upset because it was awkward to ask about it, but I have to protect myself. I am now so sensitive to gluten, I end up vomiting within 2 hours if I eat too much of it by mistake...happened when eating out twice, then one time I accidentally used real flour tortillas instead of my mission gluten-free Tortillas. Luckily I didn't throw up this time. I later told my sister how I was upset because she said she would check and make sure he didn't use any gluten. Obviously that didn't happen. She said she was too busy and usually doesn't ask about his cooking. He also asked me if I could just scrape off the Rice a Roni and just eat the meat. ugh. Luckily we also had ham and other food I could eat. It was just plain awkward, embarrassing and made me anxious, upset, depressed, you name it. I remained calm. But I am still upset. I am tired of trying to educate people about it. I am also sensitive about appearing like a pain in the butt for making sure I don't get glutened. And of course the occasional joke will come up " oh yeah, we're going to just put gravy all over your food!" After asking to make sure gravy wasn't served on the mashed potatoes. I guess I can only rely on myself to check on food ingredients. I think my sister felt she would upset him if she questioned his cooking. I don't know. I feel like handing everyone an article about Celiac. Just tired of it all, and I wish I didn't have this disease!! But I am also glad I know I have it so I can eat the right things and feel better. So, remember this lesson: if you think it;s just rice, it might be Rice A Roni!! Does anyone else have a hard time letting things like this go? I am just tired of my own family not caring like I feel they should. 

[cyclinglady]

I am sorry you were glutened.  We attended two parties.  At both,  we brought our own gluten-free food from home to consume and some to share (but did not touch once it hit the buffet table).   As well intentioned as family can be, unless you prepare gluten-free safe meals every single day, you just do not get it.  

[Zodi1993]

Honestly if it was me I wouldn't go for dinner as it's not worth the anxiety or drama that your family seems to inspire. Instead opt for coming for desert and bringing your own special GlutenFree dish.

My ex-husband brought over store bought cookies in a can and our Celiac daughter said, 'you know I can't eat those' and he responded yeah but I brought them anyway. So I just took them to work the next day for my co-workers. It wasn't the first time and won't be the last time this has happened. 

 Just smile and move on. You need to do what's best for you. 

 

 

[gluten-free girl 67]

I just thought I could trust my own sister to check on the dish for me when he was making it. She apologized. So did he. I guess people just don't understand checking ingredients. Or they don't care. Just makes me sad. He is a great cook. 

[Ennis-TX]

Happens all the time, I trust no one, Sadly yes they ignore your health issues and most people do not understand the disease and how sensitive it is. Nor do they some to comprehend the long near permanent damage it causes, side effects, and complications. Seems people lack empathy for something that has not happened to them or the can relate to.  The joking about poisoning you.....I actually had guy at my dads old shop intentionally try poisoning me, we had him on camera!   

People think we are joking often about the seriousness of this disease it seems at times. I have had half the mind to smear poison ivy on a guys food before after such a joke (Would not actually do this ). But yes I have posted about several of my issues and occurrences here with run ins with family. I have been alienated by my family since I am the only one with this disease they do not seem to fully comprehend (I was adopted as a baby, health records were never given by birth mother who still refuses contact). Forced to live alone for a few years now. I have even tried offering to cook holiday dinners and host at my house, and even did this a few times. Unfortunately my family is so fallen out (Death of grandparents this last year, leave parents overly emotional on holidays) no one came and I ended up freezing and eating it for months.

My suggestion is perhaps do what I did this year that is if you do not turn into a emotion train wreck like I did. I made a nice salmon dinner for myself, and a desert with the intention of going to my parents house and eating over there with it and watch movies with the family. I sorta turned into a emotional wreck this holiday season recalling the old days, learned my parents went to I-Hop for Christmas dinner......so put my dinner back in the fridge after cooking it, and binge ate 3 cups of my vegan sugar free ice cream and watched batman for Christmas.

[gluten-free girl 67]

Ennis that's terrible. My family hasn't alienated me. But they really don't seem to care as much as I would like them to. From now on I will have to ask detailed questions about ingredients. I have an aunt who gets it. She cooks stuffing just for me on Thanksgiving. So it isnt all bad. I dont understand how people can be so weird about food. And IHOP puts pancake batter in their omelettes to thicken them!! Insane! Luckily I saw that on their menu. I dont go there anymore. They arent good anyway. 

[gluten-free girl 67]

How can I delete this post? Very few responses for 768 views. Plus other reasons I am upset about posting this. Thought I started a new topic but cant find it. 

[kareng]

29 minutes ago, gluten-free girl 67 said:

How can I delete this post? Very few responses for 768 views. Plus other reasons I am upset about posting this. Thought I started a new topic but cant find it. 

Many people  read the forum.  But most are not members.  But I have heard from many people, some in person, that they have been helped by just reading the posts.  

 

If one of my topics has 768 views , I would think that I  helped  at least 10 people who read it to feel that they aren't the only one.  Probably helped more - probably a few family's members of a celiac to understand thier Celiac better.  I don't know about you ......for me.... 768 views would be enough for me to feel I helped someone or multiple someones.  

To me, this isn't like Facebook or Twitter- it's not about how many "friends" or "followers" or "likes" you get.

[squirmingitch]

I'm glad you posted gluten-free girl. A lot of readers will relate to that scenario. We've had many members post much the same type of situation as you had.

Honestly if it were me, I wouldn't expect my family to cater to my celiac. I think (just IMO) we should take responsibility for ourselves & the food we eat. Every time we entrust that responsibility to someone else we are playing Russian roulette. Bring your own food & you can eat safely and enjoy the time with family. After all, is it all about the food or is it about spending quality time with the family???

It takes a long, long time for us to get all the rules down about eating gluten free & how to prevent cross contamination. How in the world can we expect others, who do not have celiac, to learn all the rules & follow them on the few times per year we all get together? 

[Irene Joanne]

Often I read through and even though I can relate- when I read though the comments I realize others have given good answers already so then I don't add to them. It's been over a year since I was diagnosed- I'm still feeling unwell most of the time. This Christmas was harder than last year so I can really understand where you're coming from. I brought my own meals to family functions this year. 

[ladyhope]

Thank you for your post, gluten-free girl!  I had a similar experience this Christmas at a family dinner where food that I had brought  was "doctored up" by the addition of gluten containing ingredients without my knowledge.  (When going to someone's house I always take "safe" food to share and am very careful.)

Even though I have been following a gluten-free diet for over a year, I still have had people say things like, "Oh, you could try just a taste!"   (Trying to explain cross-contamination to these folks is pointless.)

I don't expect everyone to accommodate my dietary needs but it is disappointing when people seem to dismiss your concerns and issues.

[Beverage]

You can't be sure any food prepared at anybody else's home is safe for you unless you are standing over them and watching every step.  The ingredients can all be safe, but it could be the prep methods, tools used, or what it was cooked on, etc. etc. etc.  I skipped out on the family Thanksgiving, ate at home by myself, because at the last minute I found out that they were making pies that morning with my grandkids. I knew flour would be flying ... not safe, it stays in the air for a long time.  I chose not to feel sorry for myself any longer than a few minutes, hold no grudge, just move on. 

Sorry, it's just the way it's got to be, just plan on bringing your own food to all events.  If I am bringing a dish for everyone, I set aside my portion before I let them get at it to reduce risk of cross contamination from them dipping into it and putting on their plate and touching the spoon to anything there.  Please don't let it get you down, it's not worth it, you can take care of yourself by your own actions.  You'll feel better knowing you won't get sick and can enjoy it more. 

P.S. I have found that telling people that it's like a peanut allergy, where even a spec can cause a major reaction (not external but certainly in my intestines), they seem to understand it more.

[deb-rn]

I never eat at someone's house.  I always bring my own food.  If I decide to take a dish to pass, which I rarely do anymore, I can't bring it home anyway as it's been contaminated by a bunch of fingers or using the same spoon from another dish... etc.  Learning all the code words for gluten such maltodextrin, modified food starch, etc is not something I can trust other people with.  It's hard enough to figure it out for yourself.  The only way I'll eat is if I'm staying there and see all the pkgs as they're opened.  I tell them... plain meat, plain veggies and we're good.  We no longer eat starches, so we don't need to worry about anything else.  I often travel to visit the grandkids with an arsenal of food, seasonings, snacks, tuna pouches, etc.  I know I have food to eat even if something goes terribly wrong!  I look out for myself and don't feel comfortable with people choosing what is "safe enough" for me.  It saves a whole lot of trouble.

Debbie

[notme]

no one cooks for me.   learned that right in the beginning when my friend made me some stuffed grape leaves.  what's in them?  rice & spices, etc (all gluten-free)  grape leaves are gluten-free.  so i said ok and took the container home.  open container:  sauce on the grape leaves.  ask my friend:  what's in the sauce.  oh, some lemon juice, some chicken broth......  and flour.  but only a little, so it's ok..............  um.  no.  no, it's not.  fed them to my husband and never had anyone who was 'untrained' cook for me again (except by accident in restaurants that are supposedly gluten free and were not!   )  things i say when i am offered food:

1.  i already ate

2.  no, thank you

3.  i don't like that, sooooo, no

but mostly..................

4.  I BROUGHT MY OWN   

friends don't let friends eat contaminated food, but i've found that most are well intentioned and undereducated about how strict we actually need to be.  my friends and family have given up (wisely, because i'm never going to eat their offerings.  ever.)  trying to cook for me.  now, they just walk in with their dishes and announce, "you can't eat this"  and i say, "thanks alot, loser" and we laugh and laugh.  sometimes i will be a brat and bring something fancy for me and tell them they can't have any  

oh, and i have the biggest collection of lunch boxes/insulated backpacks/coolers known to man...........