Finally Feeling Like It Is Okay To Be Overwhelmed

[elfkin]

I keep telling myself that I have nothing to complain about and that millions of people have much harder lives, but bear with me for just a small pity party!

My daughter has kidney problems, daily medication, one surgery, chronic UTI's, allergies, chronic sinus infections, gets tired and develops infections easy. She is the easy one.

My son has celiac, peanut allergy, serious skin difficulties of uncertain causes, is developing asthma, and is a very active toddler.

My husband has been chronically ill for the past two and a half years. He has had surgery and various other tests, etc., etc. Currently he is seeing someone at a university hospital (as is my son). He had been doing much better, but the past two weeks has had a bad run again. He has lost a lot of wages with missed work. We owe money on THIRTY SIX doctor accounts and four hospitals! We have health insurance, though the cost just went up considerably. Last year the deductible was $3000.00. (We met it in January!) We are barely making it anymore! I am considering writing a book entitled, "The Rise and Fall of My Family". We used to be so blissfully unaware of our good health! I feel like I am a full time nurse. I want to be there for all of them. But, I would be lying if I said I wasn't exhausted in so many ways. Does anyone know what I am talking about? Do you ever feel like your life is lived from one prescription or illness to the next? I try to keep things normal and steady. My husband is a very good man, his health, however, is very much a roller coaster. It is hard to keep up with two small children with health issues and a chronically ill husband. I could go on and into detail. . . I think I just needed to admit that I am tired and sad that our lives have taken this turn. I keep smiling and saying that everything is great. I could use help, but I don't really know how or what. If I could have a personal vacation for even a weekend, I think I could keep going. Ever feel like the well is just completely dry?! This wasn't the cruise I signed on for! Disclaimer: I LOVE my family and am totally committed to my husband!

I am just so drained sometimes. I even had to call an ambulance for my own father the other day. He is relatively young. He is having some problems. My in-laws live states away, but they are having serious health issues now too. I should have gone to nursing school! I told my husband the other day that I was just about ready to sell our parents homes (and ours) and buy a place where I could take care of everyone at once! Please tell me I am not the only burned out caregiver in the world!

[elonwy]

You're not. Theres even a condition called caregiver stress. I'm not doing it now except for myself, but I have been a caregiver (exhusband, major heart surgery, long story) and after taking care of one sick person for 6 months I was ready to just give up on life it messed up my head so bad. It can be amazingly overwhelming, and I can't even comprehend having that many people looking to me for support. That being said, You're doing a great job, and I really hope that the gluten free diet helps your family. You have a support group here now, and hopefully you will find one closer to home as well.

Here is an excerpt from a medical site:

How can I tell if caregiving is putting too much stress on me?

Common signs of caregiver stress include the following:

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Feeling sad or moody

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Crying more often than you used to

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Having low energy level

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Feeling like you don't have any time to yourself

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Having trouble sleeping, or not wanting to get out of bed in the morning

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Having trouble eating, or eating too much

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Seeing friends or relatives less often than you used to

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Losing interest in your hobbies or the things you used to do with friends or family

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Feeling angry at the person you are caring for or at other people or situations

In addition, you may not get any thanks from the person you are caring for. This may add to your feelings of stress and frustration.

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What should I do if I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed?

These feelings are not wrong or strange. Caregiving can be very stressful. Because being a caregiver is so hard, some doctors think of caregivers as "hidden patients." If you don't take care of yourself and stay well, you won't be able to help anyone else.

Talk with your family doctor about your feelings. Stay in touch with your friends and family members. Ask them for help in giving care. Asking for help doesn't make you a failure.

Look for help in your community. You may start by asking your church or synagogue if they have services or volunteers who can help you. You can also ask for help from support organizations (see "Other Organizations").

It may not be that extreme, but it certainly got there for me. Take care of yourself, know you're doing a great job, and that here, you have support and friends.

Elonwy

[elfkin]

Thanks so much for your encouraging words! I was feeling kind of burned out last night! I do feel better just throwing it all on paper (computer screen!). Today was a better day. My husband was out of bed and functioning - even went into work. Things could be so much worse. I am so grateful for the health food places around here. They are helpful and informative. I do have friends, I just don't see them as often as would be helpful. This weekend I plan to take even the smallest little escape and unwind a bit. Thank you for listening and responding. It is amazing how good it feels not to feel alone!

[Canadian Karen]

Elfkin,

All I can say is that you must be Wonder Woman. I would have dropped long ago carrying the load that you do. My hat's off to you, even though you don't realize it, you are an amazingly strong human being!

Hugs and strength vibes being sent to you,

Karen

[Kingschild]

I've felt alot of what you're talking about. Hubby has nerve damage from back surgery so he's in cronic pain without his meds. His heart rate shot up a few weeks ago so he's been on a heart monitor, had stress tests, been to the ER, etc. His heart is okay...thank God...the doctor thinks his heart problem is from a new med he's taking for nerve pain. And, he's on Zoloft for depression.

Daughter has celiac disease and ADD. She's struggling at school and having problems finding a good friend.

Middle son has Auditory Processing issues and I'm taking him in for tests today. He's been diagnosed with ADD and major depression and anxiety issues. He also had an accident that caused brain trama a year ago so we think that might be contributing to his problems. He's also been diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction and has been through 9 months of OT for that.

Then there's my little one, he's 5. He is HYPER and aggressive. Is always getting in trouble. If he's alone with me he's great. If you add the other kids to the mix, it's WWIII! There is constant stress and fighting between the siblings. CONSTANT.

Then there's me. LOL I am ADHD have depression, OCD (mainly with eating and I'm about 100 lbs. overweight) and Restless Leg Syndrome from an auto-immune disorder I had when I was a kid. I also have bad allergies and headaches from time to time.

Oh boy have I felt overwhelmed lately. Maybe I'm just PMSing, who knows. But you're not alone. Life can get very crazy for all of us at times. Hang in there...we're all here to support each other. (((hugs)))

[Canadian Karen]

Mysti,

I just wanted to send you a hug......... {{HUG}}

I have days like that.

Isn't there a song that goes like this?:

"Mama said there'd be days like this,

There'd be days like this, my Mama said......."

Karen

[dlp252]

I just want to send {{{{hugs}}}} to everyone! Group {{{{hug}}}!

[tiredofdoctors]

I'm not a caregiver, but I know for sure that you're not alone, and your feelings are very justified. Sometimes the well is dry. I think that it's alright to let people know sometimes that you're just emotionally tapped out. (Not to mention physically -- I don't see how you do it) I know from experience about the doctor bills. (Review them carefully -- we went from owing $19,000 to one facility to $1,000) The bill collectors can call, they can ask for money, they can threaten, cajole, whatever -- but you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. You're doing the best you can, and you can tell them that. I think that it's really important that you take care of YOU. Is there someone who can take over for a couple of hours for you just to get out of the house? Maybe go to a bookstore, have a cup of coffee and relax. During that time, however, don't think "Well, I SHOULD be doing . . . . . " Think of it as "I am doing EXACTLY what I need to do to take the best care of my family -- by taking care of me." Just some food for thought. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers . . . I also think that your family is extremely lucky to have you. . . . I'm sending you {{hugs}} .. . Lynne

[elfkin]

It is so nice to come here for support. It can feel like noone gets it and understands how hard it can all be!

Kingschild, it sounds like you have your hands full!! Keep it up! You are doing a great job. It is so difficult for everyone in the family to have so many needs! Lots of good encouragement here, though.

Today was our anniversary. The two of us went to Outback for gluten-free meal. It was nice to not cook for once. He actually felt okay for most of the day. He (my hubby) has been in the bed for a few days. I wish I could figure out what triggers the onset of bad episodes! Thanks so much for all the encouragement and advice from all of you.

[laurelfla]

hooray for Outback!! and Happy Anniversary!! i'll be thinking about you and your family.

[chrissy]

i'm so glad to see you started this thread----sometimes it is good to just be able to vent everything that is wrong!!! i hope it's ok for me to vent a little on here too. we have been on such a long and bumpy odyssey for the last 3 years. i had orthoscopic knee surgery, followed by a "bonus" pregnancy at 40. can you believe some people get pregnant at 40 on PURPOSE?? i ended up with an emergency c-section, baby had to be resuscitated (SP?) doc said another pregnancy could kill me. baby had to be held just about 24/7---finally discovered she had severe reflux with endoscopy and ph probe--she had a fundoplication and hiatal hernia repair at almost 10 months old---i had a tubal about 2 months later. we actually went through that winter fairly uneventfully until april 30, when my husband accidentally set himself on fire while working on a lawn mower---he is fortunate---not alot of scarring---and most of the scars are under his shirt. 4 months later i had a hysterectomy which put my fibromyalgia into a horrible flare--six weeks later my baby had her tonsils and adenoids removed and an inguinal hernia repaired---on the same day, one of my twins had an endoscopy. since we had already reached our stop-loss with the insurance, we did some allergy testing which led us up to 3 children being diagnosed with celiac disease (after one more endoscopy and numerous blood tests). during all of this, my 16 year old son started cutting himself with a knife---and on an especially stressful day for him, he took a knife to school, was arrested, and will now be spending the rest of the school year at home with me.(we didn't want him at the alternative school) he goes to court on wednesday.

quite a few years back, someone new in our church, when she first met me, said "oh, your the family with all the medical problems." this has really taken a toll on my health, both mentally and physically. it has also taken a toll on my marriage---we will be starting some counseling next week to help us reconnect and rebuild a good relationship. we have paid over 7000.00 dollars out of our pockets this year in medical bills and prescriptions.

christine

[elfkin]

Chrissy, WOW! That is a backpack full! I hope it helped some to unload a bit. I know that when I can sound-off I feel a lot better! Sometimes life just . . . well, it is just HARD! Tonight my sweet little boy had some sort of reaction to some fruit (strawberries? or cross contamination?!). He threw up EVERYWHERE! And this on a night that I had planned to go to bed early! Oh well, the best laid plans, etc., etc. His breathing was a little hitched at first and I was panicked (we carry an epipen for other food allergies). I was sure I had given him something that would kill him! After an hour of observation, no breathing problems and hives that started to go away, I felt better. My daughter (she is only 6) cried and cried because it had been her request to eat fruit! She is so emotional! I would swear that PMS starts at four or five! No matter how much I assured her it had nothing to do with her fruit craving (egad!), she was quite upset. She and her little brother are very close. Now, at long last, the house is quiet and, dare I say it , serene. I laughed, in a totally understanding way, when I read your post. I feel for you! Hang in there! And I hope you can get some encourgement and support here! Sometimes there hardly seems to be a breather between one crisis and the next! If I couldn't laugh at myself, I really would run mad!

[chrissy]

i think that a sence of humor is vital to survival. when my twins were little and things would be hectic, sometimes i would think to myself that in a few years, this will be really funny, so i think i'll laugh now.

christine