Getting Pregnant With So Many Health Issues?

[Green12]

If you were already set on spawning, you might as well have said that in the first post.

cultureslayer,

I think your statement is rather rude. I never said in my original post I didn't want to have children. My questions, or fears, were never about should I or should I not get pregnant. That's what you seemed to turn it into.

If you read what I expressed, I say I'm not at the point of trying to conceive and I have worries about conceiving while having health issues and what would that be like for my pregnancy and the baby's development at this time, in a state of not so stellar health.

I respect that you don't want to have children, that is your personal choice, but you don't seem to have any respect for those who do want to have children.

This is supposed to be a forum to give and receive support, and your words are not very supportive. Especially in the Pregnancy category where mothers and pregnant women come, or women about to become pregnant, or for those women who are desperately trying to get pregnant and are not able.

[cultureslayer]

Forums are for ADVICE and information. If I just wanted to hear "yes ma'am" I'd get a boy toy .

[mommida]

I respect anyone who chooses not to become parents. I respect anyone who would choose to be a parent too.

juliem, You are all ready acting like a parent, considering the needs and well being of your future children at this time before they are even on the way. No person or child is perfect, and parenthood is learning about unconditional love. The very unexpected part of parenthood is how much you learn from your children.

L.

[Ursa Major]

If you were already set on spawning, you might as well have said that in the first post.

Ehrin, glad to see that I'm not the only logical one on here. It requires a careful risk/benefit analysis, that I've realizing most people are not capable of. There's much healthier kids in foster care and oprhanages than anything I could spawn, so why bother?

I agree with Julie, that you are being rude here. I am a logical thinker, too, and I do understand the risks. But if I'd stop doing anything that could be risky, either for myself or others, I'd have to stop living altogether. Life is risky business.

There are things I wouldn't do, like climbing a high mountain that has killed numerous people. That just seems like a stupid thing to do, putting yourself at such great risk just for the thrill of it, while benefitting no one.

But if everybody would think like you, people would stop having babies altogether, because no matter what, it is always risky for both the mother and the baby. ANY baby could be deformed or unhealty, and the mother can die during or after birth. Fortunately, there are still enough people who will take that small risk.

And for the kids in foster care and orphanages: While I agree that it would be great if they all get adopted, the truth is, that most of them are quite damaged emotionally, and it will be a great challenge to raise them. That isn't for everybody. Besides the fact, that unreasonable demands are made of the adoptive parents when they're being considered for adopting. Not many people can pass the governments muster there.

[cultureslayer]

Besides the fact, that unreasonable demands are made of the adoptive parents when they're being considered for adopting. Not many people can pass the governments muster there.

So if the government thinks you aren't good enough to have kids, then make your own I have family that has adopted without a problem, and a cousin that probabyl would have put a child up for adoption if it was more common.

I don't think that everyone should stop having kids, just those that have an above average risk of health problems. There's no need to worry about the human race dying out. It only takes about 60 individuals to keep a species alive, and even if there weren't any more humans the earth would be a healthier place for everyone else.

Even if I really did want to have kids, I'd use an egg donor and possibly a surrogate (get exposed to all sorts of things at work). Egg donation is something to consider.

[CarlaB]

I've only skimmed over this, but I've gotten the idea. I have 5 kids that I've given birth to, and one boy from an orphanage in Russia. It is true, not everyone is called to adopt as it is much more difficult to adjust to taking one of these kids than to have a baby of your own. I never believed all the psychobabble about bonding until I adopted! Bonding is real! I am glad we did it, but it was a very difficult adjustment for both us and our son. He is a great kid!!! But the first year was VERY hard. Plus, who's to say that you won't adopt a kid with a genetic problem you don't know about? In Russia, all the kids are labelled as having a problem because the orphanage gets more money for sick kids. You literally have to sign off that you know the kid is sick and take the risk.

As far as having a kid and passing it on ... I have two copies of the gluten intolerant gene, so my 5 biological kids all have the genetic tendency to have a gluten intolerance. I think two of them have an active problem, and am going to have them tested by Enterolab. I know that I am very glad I exist and would rather exist with this disease than not exist at all!!! BTW, I was very ill during my pregnancies and did not know about my gluten problem at the time.

As far as the rudeness going on in this forum, I usually find the only reason a person would be rude to a stranger or get upset with a stranger is an underlying guilt/hurt on their own part. I know that the negative traits in my children that bother me the most are the ones I have ... their other negative traits I can more easily forgive. I don't mean this to start another argument or lashing out, but just as a recommendation to look inside at why something offends you (including this post ).

[Green12]

Juliem,

I'm glad you are reassured. I think fears are normal but I personally am determined to become a mom one way or another. So far haven't managed to become pregnant (this reflects a host of issues in my case), so working on adopting.

Good luck to you Alexandra with the adoption process. I have friends who were unable to conceive and they too turned to adoption, everything fell into place and they were blessed with a beautiful baby boy, just like it was meant to be.

[Green12]

I'm not 100% on anything yet, however my sister said to me recently that as long as she could remember I never had that "mommy instinct" - didn't play with dolls, never played house...I still don't have that instinct, or at least I don't think I do. I've just never had a desire to have kids - so that, combined with my health issues, makes me think that children just weren't meant for me. I do believe that not everyone was meant to have kids. However, I have James to think of too. He has known for sometime now that I'm on the fence about kids - he recently asked me if I might be able to have just one. So he deifintely has me thinking about it. We're young (I'm 29, James is 23) so nothing is going to happen anytime soon. We wont even marry, if we do get married (another thing I was never particularly fond of) for another 5 years or so. If I do have kids it wont be until my late 30's, which is another added risk so...there are many things to think of.

Juliem - I wish you luck. This is probably a much harder decision for you since you already know you want kids. We are not freaks by any means, and I grew up a normal, healthy child, while having T1 diabetes - so it can be done, it's just a matter of personal choice.

I wish you luck!

Thanks ehrin for the well wishes.

I don't even know if its a possibility, my hormone situation isn't the greatest. So, I guess we shall see when we are ready to try.

I have always been the mother hen type, mothering my parents, siblings, friends, extended family- but this, whether you have a motherly 'instinct' or not- in my opinion, is not necessarily what makes a mother. I have had several friends who I guess you could say weren't what you would consider to be mother material, kind of the center of their own universes, but as soon as they had children they completely changed and they are some of the best mothers. They are now soccer moms with the mini vans, and they have snot and macaroni and cheese in their hair and all over their clothes, bags under their eyes from no sleep. And me, the mother hen, just because I may have an instinct to mother doesn't mean I'm going to know what to do with a baby! I think you learn as you go.

It's great that you are thinking about all of your issues and discussing it with your partner. It's also great that you can live in a time when you can choose.

I wish you luck too!

[cultureslayer]

My family member's adoption was near flawless. The mother decided later that she wanted the child back (probably once she found out about welfare and that she could be deported) but had signed the papers so there was nothing she could do. There was never fear of giving the child back, just having to deal with court mess. I have other family members that have been adopted as well (or tried to adopt) and I honestly feel that if you can't get approved (and maybe even if you can) then you shouldn't have kids.

Hurt myself? Oh yeah! hurt a kid by leaving them in an orphanage? No (if I were to want one). After the first year or two adjustment all the foreign adoption kids I have known have been above average (I don't normally like kids, but for some reason the ones I have known have all been well behaved and intelligent and that's saying a ton coming from me).

And to refute the rude/guilt implications. I was not adopted and have never had kids, an abortion, or whatever you so you know. Just seems like the only option from a genetic and human interest standpoint.

[Green12]

I respect anyone who chooses not to become parents. I respect anyone who would choose to be a parent too.

juliem, You are all ready acting like a parent, considering the needs and well being of your future children at this time before they are even on the way. No person or child is perfect, and parenthood is learning about unconditional love. The very unexpected part of parenthood is how much you learn from your children.

L.

Thanks mommida!! I agree with you about learning so much, I only have nieces so far but I have learned so much from them. I can't imagine how much I would learn from my own. What you said was beautiful about unconditional love.

You are good people mommida!!

[lovegrov]

I don't think that everyone should stop having kids, just those that have an above average risk of health problems.

Wow, this is really great. In Virginia, we used to have a wonderful program that sterilized tens of thousands of people who the state decided were mentally defective, too rebellious as teenagers (ran away too often or argued back too much), didn't do well enough in school, or were just plain not "healthy" enough. In fact, it's documented that the Nazis studied and expanded this program, so it must have been a really wonderful idea. I just can't understand why the state stopped it in the 1960s. (sarcasm off)

Do you have any idea at all what percentage of people have higher than average risk of allergies, heart disease, diabetes, some sort of cancer, autoimmuine disease, and on and on?

richard

[cultureslayer]

A total higher than average means 1/2. Do we need to review fractions?

Most people think they are above average, so that would only discourage about 10% of the population

I understand genetics enough to know that I don't want to spread mine (I was encouraged to become a geneticist by one of my professors, but I didn't bother since people don't like to hear that kind of thing).

[CarlaB]

I'm not sure how to quote ... but in response to the adjustment of foreign adoptions, I think you'd also like my son! He's quite a little charmer! We've had him for 7 years now, and after the initial difficult year, he has adjusted quite well and is a straight A student. Most people who meet us don't even know that he's adopted unless we tell them as he even looks like the rest of the kids. But that first year can be hard. Now, I feel no differently about him than the others that I gave birth to. So, in the end, adoption is no different than having your own, so don't be disappointed in any way if it's your only option. We did it not because I couldn't get pregnant again (actually I was 5 months pregnant when we went to Russia), but because of all the orphans over there needing homes.

When I was young, I never really liked children much ... I didn't even like to babysit. Most of my old friends and even my family are surprised at the size family we decided to have! Truthfully, passing on this health issue isn't even a concern. I had to stop having children because of health problems, and now that I know the problem, we've actually discussed having another. However, being 43 brings up a whole different set of issues, so we're just going to wait for grandchildren!

[jerseyangel]

Carla--What a wonderful family you have!

Julie--When I had my sons, I didn't know I had Celiac. After we were married, my husband and I deceided to let nature take it's course. I didn't get pregnant for 5 years--I had my first son, and 3 years later, my second! With the first, I was nauseous for 8 months--with the second, after nausea for the first 12 weeks, I felt great! Even if I knew then that I had Celiac, I would not have done anything different. Those two are the absolute lights of my life. Best of luck with whatever you deceide

[Green12]

Carla--What a wonderful family you have!

Julie--When I had my sons, I didn't know I had Celiac. After we were married, my husband and I deceided to let nature take it's course. I didn't get pregnant for 5 years--I had my first son, and 3 years later, my second! With the first, I was nauseous for 8 months--with the second, after nausea for the first 12 weeks, I felt great! Even if I knew then that I had Celiac, I would not have done anything different. Those two are the absolute lights of my life. Best of luck with whatever you deceide

Thanks jersey for sharing your experiences and thoughts!

[cultureslayer]

Carla, your experience sounds similar to what I've heard. One family I knew had I think 2 kids of their own, then decided to try an adoption. After the first adoption they ended up adopting 2 more, even though they could have had kids. Too bad it seems to be a best kept secret.

[Ursa Major]

I always wanted to adopt a couple of kids after having kids of my own, but then my health deteriorated so badly that it wasn't an option anymore. And now that I am starting to get better physically, my autism is getting worse, and emotionally I wouldn't be able to raise another kid. I can manage to have my grandchildren for a few days (and can babysit no problem, at other people's houses), but don't believe I could handle having a small child around full time again.

[RBC]

I'm not quite ready to try, just doing a lot of practicing, but I have been thinking about it alot lately and I have some fears about getting pregnant while having so many health issues (severe food allergies/intolerances, auto-immune illnesses, etc.).

I was wondering if pregnancy made things worse as far as the mother's health, any chances of birth defects or harming the fetus development, and what if I pass my crap on to the baby?

I know that nothing in life is a guarantee, even if you have excellent health these things can happen, but all of this weighs so heavily in the back of my mind.

Hello, ok I am completely on the same page. I have been married 3 years and I am 28yrs. old and the big question now is am I ready for pregnancy. I have had celiac for 1 year now, and I would say that I have been truly gluten free for about 6 months now( I live in New Orleans and Katrina made it quite hard to be gluten free while living in friends homes!) Anyway, I share your fear of being pregnant with celiac, not because of passing it on to my child, but because I just want to be sure that my body can fully nourish a baby.

The only conclusion that I can come up with is the that will not be a perfect time, like someone else mentioned. I think you just have to decide you are ready, and just take extra caution to keep yourself nourished and hydrated. I am glad to hear that most people felt better while they were pregnant too. I also can say that I have been feeling "ready" for a couple of months now, and slowly the fears are starting to go away. So I am guessing that a couple more months and I will be able to put those fears aside and go for it. Another thing to remember is that it may take a while to get pregnant, you just never know. Chances are if your body isn't ready, it won't allow you to become pregnant. Best of luck to you!

[CarlaB]

Staying hydrated, as you mention, is very important. I had difficult pregnancies, probably due to the fact that I didn't know I was gluten intolerant and ate almost nothing but bread since my stomach was so upset ... then I'd suffer from extreme fatigue! If only I had known!!! Anyway, even back then I read about dehydration and what they do in third world countries when people are dehydrated ... you may want to add a teaspoon of salt and about 7 teaspoons of sugar per quart of water if you have trouble staying hydrated. I remember tyring to exlain to a friend who is a nurse that I just wasn't absorbing the water. She didn't believe me. I felt like I was dying of dehydration, but was drinking lots and lots of water. Adding the sugar and salt made the difference. It's like homemade Gatorade.

I stopped having kids because of my difficult pregnancies and was actually revisiting the idea now that I know my problem. If I had found out a few years ago, maybe, but I don't think I want to be 43 and pregnant.

[Green12]

Hello, ok I am completely on the same page. I have been married 3 years and I am 28yrs. old and the big question now is am I ready for pregnancy. I have had celiac for 1 year now, and I would say that I have been truly gluten free for about 6 months now( I live in New Orleans and Katrina made it quite hard to be gluten free while living in friends homes!) Anyway, I share your fear of being pregnant with celiac, not because of passing it on to my child, but because I just want to be sure that my body can fully nourish a baby.

The only conclusion that I can come up with is the that will not be a perfect time, like someone else mentioned. I think you just have to decide you are ready, and just take extra caution to keep yourself nourished and hydrated. I am glad to hear that most people felt better while they were pregnant too. I also can say that I have been feeling "ready" for a couple of months now, and slowly the fears are starting to go away. So I am guessing that a couple more months and I will be able to put those fears aside and go for it. Another thing to remember is that it may take a while to get pregnant, you just never know. Chances are if your body isn't ready, it won't allow you to become pregnant. Best of luck to you!

Hi RBC, thanks for sharing your fears. I'm 33 and I have been ready to have children since I was in my early 20s!! But with all of my health problems and food intolerances, you said it so well, I am constantly thinking how can I fully nourish a baby?? I am trying really hard to eat really well, pretty much a whole foods diet and I still struggle with so many symptoms. It's difficult because I go back and forth in my head over what I should do, or not do.

Staying hydrated, as you mention, is very important. I had difficult pregnancies, probably due to the fact that I didn't know I was gluten intolerant and ate almost nothing but bread since my stomach was so upset ... then I'd suffer from extreme fatigue! If only I had known!!! Anyway, even back then I read about dehydration and what they do in third world countries when people are dehydrated ... you may want to add a teaspoon of salt and about 7 teaspoons of sugar per quart of water if you have trouble staying hydrated. I remember tyring to exlain to a friend who is a nurse that I just wasn't absorbing the water. She didn't believe me. I felt like I was dying of dehydration, but was drinking lots and lots of water. Adding the sugar and salt made the difference. It's like homemade Gatorade.

I stopped having kids because of my difficult pregnancies and was actually revisiting the idea now that I know my problem. If I had found out a few years ago, maybe, but I don't think I want to be 43 and pregnant.

CarlaB, this is great information about staying hydrated. I, like you, am always dehydrated even though I drink plenty of water. I will write down your formula for the water, thanks.

[barilla]

I felt wonderful during my pregnancy. I had morning sickness but that was it. I weighed 110 before I got pregnant and I gained 37 pounds by the end of pregnancy. My baby was healthy and weighed 7lbs. 12 oz. I had no idea I had celiac's disease, I always THOUGHT I was lactose intolerant for all those years. I remember telling people that my symptoms of lactose intolerant went away during pregnancy. I was just DX with celiacs a few weeks ago. My levels were high (96 and 156). My daughter is 5 months now. The sweetest little thing you would ever see.

I was looking forward to keeping some of my weight from pregnancy,, but I lost it all by my 6 week appointment. I plan on getting pregnant again in about a year.

This is just my experience.. I know every body is different.

Also, it took us 1 year and a half to finally conceive.

Best of luck to you!!!

[Guest mvaught]

Hi - I have two boys and was pregnant with both of them before I knew about celiac. I had fine pregnancies and have healthy children (despite also having endometriosis, hypothyroidism and interstitial cystitis as well). Both boys were on the small side (likely because I was eating gluten), but had no problems. The boys are 4 and 7 now and have developed perfectly normally and do not have any signs of any sort of health condition.

[Green12]

Thanks barilla for sharing your experiences.

mvaught that is encouraging to hear your pregnancies went well even with endometriosis present. I think I have that and most likely fibroids or polycystic ovaries syndrome as well, which is another concern.

[Guest mvaught]

Thanks barilla for sharing your experiences.

mvaught that is encouraging to hear your pregnancies went well even with endometriosis present. I think I have that and most likely fibroids or polycystic ovaries syndrome as well, which is another concern.

Stay positive =).

[Guest BERNESES]

Julie- i meant to respond to this post awhile ago. I am in the same boat as you. only older i realized that if i waited for everything to be "perfect' i'd lose the chance. i'm scared as heck, but I'm gonna give it a shot. It looks like it might be difficult- my hormones are a little out of whack but hopefully it will be OK.

I, myself, am adopted as is my sister and because we both have some "interesting" health issues in addition to my having celiac's we often joke that we were put up for adoption because our biological moms knew what they were in for!

So you pass on the gene? You have a child who is gluten-free, right? And an amazing person to help them understand what they need to do to stay healthy (you!). Look at flagbabyds (Molly on here). She's been gluten free for 14 years!

Of course, you could always adopt too. I'm very proud that I was adopted because I always say that it's the best thing that ever happened to me. My parents were/are incredible and I'm glad that whoever gave birth to me had the foresight to trust that someone else could take great care of me. Most of the time I forget I'm adopted and I'm always surprised when someone is surprised or seems to think it's "exotic". as far as I'm concerned, the parents who raised me are my parents.

Actually, i've always wanted to adopt in addition to having my own. For now, I'm going to try. Let's keep in touch!

uhm.. and spawning isn't exactly what I'd call it i haate to think of myself as spawned. makes me sound like the devil's child. or a frog. i don't think I'm either.