The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[curlyfries]

.....tarnish happens with antiquity .... ...

_<snigger>

[Mtndog]

ALL HAIL KING PIETER the 1st!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes- we need some new royal e-dicks edicts!!!!!!!!!!!

Bevel wants a urine soaked diaper??

_{<i better look for the Hoff's number then >}

Didja find it? :lol:

According to my mother, my first attempt at profanity as a wee child was....

...ready?.....

G*d-damm!t-sh!t-to-He!!

Go Lisa- If you're gonna do something, do it RIGHT!

You may have to polish the royal sceptor

ah but if the sealed lips are around something.....................

We need a bawdy reign.......Go King Pieter! Just don't behead anyone, Ptaum included! Unless Pieter is......

The Thumbless King

The story is told about a king in Africa who had a close friend he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!"

One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.

About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.

As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone who was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.

As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."

"No," his friend replied, "this is good!"

"What do you mean, "this is good!" How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"

"If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you!"

More King jokes shortly....

[Mtndog]

Part Deux

A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening."

The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. "Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king."

She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles--the works.

After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise.

Well, the husband is wide awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He taps her..."Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and again proceed to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore.

Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and yells, "Oh sure! You don't have to get up in the morning!!!

[curlyfries]

:lol:

How many o' them King jokes ya got there, Bevvie?

[Oscar]

Gee, wot philthy minds yew awl have. And eye aught to no--I live in a garbage can.

[Darn210]

I'm not touching it with a ten foot.........

Sceptor??

GAHHHH!!!!!! Youse Guys are Bawdy Wenches!!!!

Oh Hell All Hail King Peeter!!!

[Mtndog]

:lol:

How many o' them King jokes ya got there, Bevvie?

Just one more

King Peter: I am your king.

Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.

King Peter: You don't vote for kings.

Woman: Well how'd you become king then?

[Angelic music plays... ]

King Peter: The Lady of the Psillies, her thumbs clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Peter, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.

Jacquie: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

:P :P (sorry- Monty Python's Holy Grail is on tonight)

[Darn210]

Just one more

King Peter: I am your king.

Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.

King Peter: You don't vote for kings.

Woman: Well how'd you become king then?

[Angelic music plays... ]

King Peter: The Lady of the Psillies, her thumbs clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Peter, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.

Jacquie: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

:P :P (sorry- Monty Python's Holy Grail is on tonight)

Monty Python!!! It's been a while since we talked some Monty!!!

I shall never tire of this movie.

[Mtndog]

In honor of King Peter, I

[WardGirl]

Sealed lips around polished sceptres? Goodness, I be blushin'. . . . .. . . . .......

How about the Royal Jewels, Jacquie? They likely need polishing, as well.....tarnish happens with antiquity .... ...

Yes I was thinking that Pledge may work best on these old jewels. Mind you if they are Brass Jewels then Brasso may be the best

[elye]

Yes I was thinking that Pledge may work best on these old jewels. Mind you if they are Brass Jewels then Brasso may be the best

.... . . .. . or Silvo if they's silver. . . . ... . . . . .....

Monty!

Bevel! Heeelarryus Highness humour!

[Oscar]

The dyslexic agnostic lay awake at night wondering if there really was a Dog.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

[curlyfries]

The dyslexic agnostic lay awake at night wondering if there really was a Dog.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

SOOZLE!!!!!

Was just thinkin about you! Almost sent you a message....took a shower instead

How are thangs?

[elye]

Sooozle's posting! I'm forgoing my shower.. . . .......I'm setting in to read. . . . .. .. . . ....

[curlyfries]

I'm betting it's a two-parter

[elye]

Whilst we wait, here is my Royal Emotical Tribute to the newly crowned King Poeter I... .....

[curlyfries]

Whilst we wait, here is my Royal Emotical Tribute to the newly crowned King Poeter I... .....

Try again.....I wanna SEE it!!!!

[DingoGirl]

SILLS!!!!!!!!!! I hit "reply" before I was finished reading!!! still many pages behind........ *sigh* I am so out of it lately, what is WRONG with me? I have been here since DAY ONE, and I just missed my first flipover ever

CONGRATS KING PEETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and just BUSTED for too many quotes. HARRUMPHHHFFFFF!!!!!!!!! :mad face:

ANDDD EMOTICONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :even madder face:

Rachelle - those CARDS!!!!!!!!!!!

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unbelievably PHANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: Wish you hadn't shown me that, now I GOTS to order some.....

Sleezy-ann...out 'bout the mumu housedress, and don't forget about the "old-chicken-soup"scented deoderant! Hubby needs to wear dirty, holy coveralls which don't quite cover all. Make him grow out his hair and beard. Neither of which need to be washed all that often. The coon hound laying around on your unpainted, warped-board front porch is a must! He can be cozy as all get-out right next to the gasket-less fridge. Maybe if you changed your diet to include squirrel stew, and possum roast (fresh road-killed is better than day-old) you'd feel more in the mood. You could dig up dandelion greens from the yard to go with them. When out and about....don't forget to scratch freely anyplace you've a mind to. Both you and hubby can take up "the chaw". Think of the closeness you'll develop when you take up seeing who can spit the most accurately at the greatest distance! Hope this all helps

what? what did I miss? what in HELL is going on here?

Emmel -

now THAT is an impressive FRONT BUTT you posted!!!!!!!!!!! (quote not allowed)

Geoss -

what do to? WHAT TO DO??? IN HAWAII??? well, I"ll tell you. You just sit around on beach, lanai, hotel outdoor lobby, wherever, and SIP COCKTAILS WITH PAPER UMBRELLAS IN THEM. NOW.

did i tell you guys that I told my realestate agent in T we might have to buy a tent and pitch in camp ground with the $$ we'll be walking away with.............and she said " sorry, all the campgrounds are full of homeless" no where to pitch you tent but you could on our 7 acres"

Actually she's so wonderful she wants us to stay with them in the 2nd wing of her home where the guest rooms are............ say what????

I bet our whole 3 story house would fit in one of her closets..........love her to death.

most generous person i've met in a long time.

will copy and post on silly thread as these are the only places i have time to go to lately

hugs

judy

this is WONDERFUL, Judith Are you drivin' through Frezno, by chance? COME SEE ME!!!

How very efficient of youse, cutting and pasting from one thread to another - - just make certain that you do NOT cut and move anything from here that contains musings on trailer park trash, penii, anal glandular life........... . . ....

*snooooort* words o' wisdom

WIH??????

Is she resting ON her stomach?!?!

no silly, she is resting on her FRONT BUTT.

Nikkers!! so sorry yer still sick! what IS it, fer gawd's sake???

Big Wee Alzy

just heard on the news that a FERRET got the pig virus :unsure face:

I , once, attended the trial of a Russian immigrant who was of very low social status. She was very ugly, fat, and was poorly addressed. They sentenced her to 24 years in a Gulag for not properly feeding her grandchild. The mother of the child had drank herself to death with grain vodka. The child wasted away on a diet rich in noodles and botched soup. The father was "unknown", but It's rumoured that his last name was Putting.

Dinner is Impotent! As is golf!

Seezonawaco Elsia Decowinski

I think SeezonaWACKO is a phiction writer *snort*

Airplanes don't make me phart, but air security makes me sick. I used to fly all the time and was in Air Canada's top frequent flier tier, but have not left the ground in over four years. I do need to figure out what to do with more than a quarter million Aeroplan points before they expire.

you GOTS to fly somewhere, King Poete!!!

Good times! I remember they were even alluding to it on other threads. Epic

*snort*

were they? We Are Legend

Cold wet rainy day. Trying desperately to phind some ambition to get something done here besides curling up wif a binky and book! Maybe if I close all of the drapes and turn on all of the lights _{crank up the heat to 80}

my FAVORITE kind of day!!!

OK- need everyone here stat to let out HOT flatulence all night long cause we might get SNAUGH Pieter and Ptaum- Since you let out more get here now!!!!!!!!!!!!

How's that for an offer you can't refuse?

SNAUGH? already? yegods.......still sunny here......can't imagine SNAUGH in October....

Hey, you guys want onion dip, try this recipe:

1 medium onion diced

1 cup mayo

3 cup swiss cheese shredded (or cheddar)

1 egg

little pepper

Bake at 325 for 20 min or until golden brown.

I suppose it's technically a cheese dip. You will make goofy noises when you taste this the first time.

now that is just downright EVILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <making it soon>

part deux coming up..............

[DingoGirl]

GAWD!! I'm exHAUSTed from trying to post!!!!!!!!

busted too many times. This is what I get for staying away too long

I missed my sills, I really did!!

Gave blood today, am feeling a bit wonky

had a glass of wine.....they said, "well, if you drink tonight, you'll get drunk quite fast, on very litte...."

OH, CAN"T WAIT!!!!!!!!!! was my reply

Had Oliver to the vet this morning, and he is doing well. The bladder infection has cleared up, and his mobility is noticeably improved. Sugars were 7.9, which is good. The infection had him up around 18 or 19. He's lost a bit more weight, too, which is a good thing.

sooooooo glad Oliver is doing better. That sounds painful, doing the blood prick from the ear? doesn't he just SCREAM? can't see doing that with Evil Kit (who IS the second cutest thing ever, Weez being the first, of course)

I thaught I was poor before

I thaught I could pass gass fom my silli ass

I think I can take this rotten situation onto new heights of creation

I will become healthier stealthier, and wealthier

I will not only phart, but will also make art

I will write a short novel

about living in a hovel

I'll still be poor

BUT I'LL STILL PASS GASS FROM MY SILLY ASS

And this time I will make being poor an art form!

But, I will never conform.

The actual Susan.

:lol: x 55 absolutely BRILLIANT

Glad you were able to get in for yer mammogram under the wire. Stay strong--it's all going to be ok

Yes Sleez, so sorry about this, and for Leesargh too. Damn this economy.....

I ditched my mammogram this year......_{don't even care}.

Wow, congratulations on your new home!! That was quick . When do you get to move in??? Our house took 16 months to build I guess it was worth the wait

I KNOW!!!! I was SHOCKED at the quickness of it....but that just shows you how SLOW the construction industry is here.......things are happening much faster....very little building in these parts - almost none, in fact. How can they keep building, when they've torn down all the trees and uprooted the orchards and built SIDE-BY-SIDE houses already.

Congrats, Potty

Well peeps, bored of moaning but STILL feel like cr@p .....GADS, haven't been to see Sven in 10 days!!

Just soooo tired, lacklustre ..... and now I have a stinking cold....BAH!!!!!!!!!!!

T'is wee Alzey's 17th birthday tomorrow!...... Tel will be making a birthday cake to rival any gluten one (you should know not even 10 days of sickness will put me off me phood!! )

Nik, worried about you.......this DOZ sound swine-ish....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALZY!!! (I think I missed it)

No way could I just pour it out (just couldn't )......coulda asked Mark to drink it up, I suppose...... ...I opened it up and was just gonna take a few sips and now I've polished off just about the whole thing It's actually helping my packing efforts--between the caffeine and the sugar I'm making record time here

This was the last of it--when it's gone, it's gone.

Sugar is a bit like riding a bike

I like yer thinkin, Pads x 20

Josie has a phriend over for the weekend. Willa is here for the next 24 hours. Willa is about 4 months old and is a golden retriever. She's a cutie and already annoying Jo-dog which surprises me. I really thought Jo-dog (who has had lots of practice annoying everyone) would be annoying Willa!!!

Just ask Weezee, puppies are VERY annoying. she was TORTURED by Lauren's June Bug, a six-month old lab who could NOT keep herself off the Weez.

Sewzan.....My husband's bosses were told they had to let more people go, and hubby was the highest paid in his department......and the most knowledgeable and most dependable. This is what yer daddy meant when he said life wasn't fair.

it really is NOT fair. But....keep the faith, all you sills. Other doors DO open. ♥

Hey!! I can get a muumuu here for like, $18!!!

Got up at 3:30 this morning, got on the 5:20 boat, took the limo to the airport and sat around for a loooooong time. Got to my hotel about 2:30 Hawaiian time and made myself go walk along the beach. Achieved my goal of going to see the pink hotel. And I am completely wiped.

Gonna try to do some homework, but I thought I'd say hi first.

HOMEWORK? In HAWAII??? see my earlier instructions, Geoss. Homework NOT allowed, unless sipping cocktails AT ALL TIMES. *cackle*

more later

[curlyfries]

OK....so we know you're a bit 'wonky'

....other than that......how are you doing???

Good to see you, btw......can't stand when sillies stop coming around

[Darn210]

Susie . . . so good to see you . . . you know you need to come see us more often (even if you don't post).

Really really tired . . . think I'm going to bed. Have to get up and make those PF Changs knock-off lettuce wraps tomorrow for a teachers lunch. It has to be there by 10:30. Doesn't that sound appetizing?? To be working with raw chicken at 9:30 in the morning??

[curlyfries]

Have to get up and make those PF Changs knock-off lettuce wraps tomorrow for a teachers lunch. It has to be there by 10:30. Doesn't that sound appetizing?? To be working with raw chicken at 9:30 in the morning??

Personally......I like my chicken cooked

[jerseyangel]

Speaking of Changs, we just got through eating take out from there Never have tried the lettuce wraps, though.......they sound good.

Sooz--so great to come home to a two-parter from you I couldn't believe there were 2 pages of silly to read--like old times!

Bevvie's jokes--phull of kings and thumbs

Well, I'll say one thing--PeOter's reign has started out wif a bang! (he'll need his sceptor though)

[DingoGirl]

YE GODS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:lol:

really missed my sills......

had ONE MILLION quotes and just got rid of them all....would have taken ALL BLASTED NIGHT to write....as it is, I've been reading for.........1.5 hours?

Problem now is, without me quotes, can't remember ever-thing I wanted to say

Geoss dancing madly in Hawaii....can't believe I missed that!!! Sheesh, next time, send out the dingos for me.......send a pm.....MUST know about things like this....or a BIRTH, for Pete's sake (how's she doing, Leese?)

polished sceptres, kids cussin Janit feedin' raw chicken to the teachers

Snaugh and winter coming on.....no air conditioners (fondly called A/C here) in England

Patio furniture stowaway means HOT, SUNSHINEY DAYS AHEAD!!!

Pads is doing WHOT to her garage floor? that just sounds downright exhausting and tedious.....but think how SHINY it will be!! <Pads runs one of THOSE kinds of houses _{where the garage floor is cleaner than my kitchen floor}>

Shroomie!! So sad about those last two of that generation going, luv Can't beLIEVE you have 42 first cousins.....I have.......just THREE biological first cousins, and two that are adopted...I talk to ONE of them....love her....her brother's the wacky INSANE ba$tard who embezzled all the money from their (formerly) wealthy grandfather, who now is penniless and must move out of his home......unbelievable!!

Am soooooo envious of fun family reunions, like Rachelle's....all those peeps, sitting around in blankies and drinking hot chocolate and laughing.....have really never had that with fam, in all me life....saw some pics on the 'book of things like this, and BURST into tears....

PHORGOT everything else!!!

back hurts......been working HARD to get 10 pounds off NOT EASY a'tall......not really happening, so far....maybe lost a pound?

Nikkers - how are you feeling???

Emmel - hi, silly bundt L O V E yer pic, how is that silly Standard doing there?

Hello to Jacquie, Polisher of Royal Balls, and Oscar

And a *cackle* to Bevel's royal poetry

no more emoticons to give.........and what have I forgotten here?

Geoss - been to Hilo and Kona, made my hair frizz like crazy, but LOVED IT!! (was in sixth grade)

MORE TOMORROW!!! I am off to BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

☺

missed you, my sills ♥

[jerseyangel]

Nite nite Soozle--I'm headed to bed meselph