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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original


TriticusToxicum

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curlyfries Contributor
Ah, Lisa.... ..... .the question is: where is the youtube clip of YOU and partner?

That would be right along with the Loch Ness Monster, aliens and Elvis. :lol::lol::lol:

I have air conditioning, but refuse to give in to turning it on just yet....and yes, it is sweltering here, too.


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curlyfries Contributor

Oh....wait.......here I am......

Edna and Sven are doing a good job, don'tcha think? :lol::lol::lol:

psawyer Proficient

Well, I do have AC and it is needed in a three-story structure with a flat roof. It is a bit cooler than it was yesterday morning, but by afternoon it will be hot and humid with more thunderstorms.

Open Original Shared Link The observations are taken at Buttonville Airport, 4 km due west of my home. I'm not near any flight path from there. The two runways intersect in an "X" shape, with vectors NNE and SSE.

Mtndog Collaborator

All that swing has reminded me that I WILL learn to tango after this stupid IV is out...so sassy! I love this

Morning, all!

All right - - everybody who has this HEINOUS Amazon Jungle-like weather happening - - who of you has air conditioning? NO sympathy for you. Howevah, if you are like me, and dying in a hot house (at least we're in a bungalow... ...), well, we can sweat and commiserate together....:soakedpantingface:

BEV!!! Is that FINALLY Uncle Ray in your av???!! Fan-f*ckin-TAS-tic!! :D:D

Yes- sweltering in hell here- 104 today and 107 tomorrow- they've issued a heat cramp warning! WTH is HEAT CRAMP warning?

Yes- tis our very own Uncle ray. :D :D

He sends this:

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady

because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about

what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new

husband's occupation.

'He's a funeral director,' she answered.

'Interesting,' the newsman thought. He then asked her if she

wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three

husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all

those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face

and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first

married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a

circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when ;

in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked

why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, 'I married one for the money, two

for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'

Daxin Explorer
He sends this:

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady

because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about

what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new

husband's occupation.

'He's a funeral director,' she answered.

'Interesting,' the newsman thought. He then asked her if she

wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three

husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all

those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face

and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first

married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a

circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when ;

in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked

why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, 'I married one for the money, two

for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'

ROFL :D :D :D

That's about all I can say.

Mtndog Collaborator
ROFL :D :D :D

That's about all I can say.

:D Yay- we made you smile!!!!!!!!!! You have missed the Introduction to Uncle ray 101: he's my 76'ish year old uncle who forwards outrageously funny emails- he doesn't let his wife read them :lol: :lol:

Has everyone melted? I wish I was in bonny Scotland with Nikkeigh!!!!!!!!!!

elye Community Regular
Has everyone melted? I wish I was in bonny Scotland with Nikkeigh!!!!!!!!!!

Trying to remember where Nikki said she was staying in Scotland..... .. .Aberdeen area? If so, I wish I were there, too.. ... .

Open Original Shared Link


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Jestgar Rising Star

cold and rainy here.

Saw something I thought was amusing. A prison transport bus, completely with caged interior, with the destination sign on the front reading "EXPRESS". Not sure why I thought that was so hilarious.

Green12 Enthusiast
OMG - this is so decadent - am sitting in living room, on couch, using kissey's laptop......luxurious and comfy but - don't like using these blasted things - got all me keys in the wrong place....... :blink: (Kissey has made my house wireless, somehow. But pleeze don't axe me how)

I do NOT know how you all are watchign the horse race.......I can hardly bring myself to do it at all, and will NEVER do it again, after that broken ankle in the last race..... :sadsadsadface: I just feel too sorry for the horses and worry that something bad will happen.........gahhhhhhh...................

Susie, I had the same difficulty when I first got my laptap, it was so .........foreign :huh: Took a long time to adjust to the keys and the whole set up. One year later, I can't imagine going back to my PC. I do think I make more typing/spelling errors though, I think the keys require a harder push or sumfin. I tap on them and sometimes it doesn't take.

And I feel the same about the horse race, can not watch after what happened with that poor horse :((

No real recipe, actually. Just take whatever ribs you like---beef, pork

When I fix pot roast, (I usually add water and bouillon, steak seasoning and/or garlic powder and pepper) once I take

Just got back from dancin' (west coast swing)...my all time favorite thing to do :D:D:D

More beef talk :blink:

Lisa, swing dancing sounds like SO much fun!!!! Yay for you :)

Years ago I wanted to learn how to country line dance, and ever since Dancing With The Stars has been on I've wanted to learn how to ballroom dance. I must DANCE!!!!

Ugh....This was one of the longest weeks I've had in some time...and I need to blow off some steam!

Ryan, hope you have recovered from your long stressful week.

Yes, the recitals are quite the production these days. My nieces do the same drill.

More heinousity here, having to do with what else???? Yep, water. I tell ya, it's something new every day :angry:

Oh NO Patti! :o

More visits from the plummer?

That would be right along with the Loch Ness Monster, aliens and Elvis. :lol::lol::lol:

:lol: Lisa

:lol: Uncle Ray

Bev!!! I love that movie Shall We Dance!

I probably shouldn't mention it's kind of cooler here :ph34r: I don't know what the deal is, usually we are right up there with you all with the sweltering heat.

Green12 Enthusiast

I missed saying bon voyage to Nikki. I want to go to bonnie Scotland!!!!!

We got up this morning and had a pleasant breakfast out on the deck.

Peter, your deck sounds like a LOVELY place, always having breakfasts and dinners out there. Do you take reservations?

Saw something I thought was amusing. A prison transport bus, completely with caged interior, with the destination sign on the front reading "EXPRESS". Not sure why I thought that was so hilarious.

That is funny Jess :lol:

curlyfries Contributor
Lisa, swing dancing sounds like SO much fun!!!! Yay for you :)

Years ago I wanted to learn how to country line dance, and ever since Dancing With The Stars has been on I've wanted to learn how to ballroom dance. I must DANCE!!!!

I've taken some ballroom dancing lessons, but doubt if I remember much of it :huh: The problem with a dance studio is that you have a group lesson, then you go home. You have to go back on a dance night to put it into practice...if you haven't already forgotten. And the place where hubby and I went, the other people seemed a bit snobby and not welcoming to new people. <_< Dance clubs usually have an hour of lessons and a few hours of dancing afterward.....and...people mingle more. Experienced dancers take you under their wing. :D....and it's cheap!

I can do a little salsa, night club 2-step and hustle. My favorite show is So You Think You Can Dance. :D AWESOME!!!!!

elye Community Regular
I can do a little salsa, night club 2-step and hustle. My favorite show is So You Think You Can Dance. :D AWESOME!!!!!

I suddenly feel that I must decree the appaearance of a new avatar for you, Lisa...we wanna see a photo of you and DH in action! Er... .... .DANCING, I mean.... .. ........ :o;)

Jestgar Rising Star
I suddenly feel that I must decree the appaearance of a new avatar for you, Lisa...we wanna see a photo of you and DH in action! Er... .... .DANCING, I mean.... .. ........ :o;)

vertically...

Mtndog Collaborator
I can do a little salsa, night club 2-step and hustle. My favorite show is So You Think You Can Dance. :D AWESOME!!!!!

Do a little salsa, make a little tequila, get down tonight!!!!!

vertically...

:lol: :lol: :lol:

curlyfries Contributor
I suddenly feel that I must decree the appaearance of a new avatar for you, Lisa...we wanna see a photo of you and DH in action! Er... .... .DANCING, I mean.... .. ........ :o;)

:o:P:rolleyes:

It may be a long wait, as there is no such photo at this time.......hmmmm......I'll have to see what I can do.....

curlyfries Contributor
Do a little salsa, make a little tequila, get down tonight!!!!!

Funny......that's not how I remember that song going....... :lol::lol::lol:

Green12 Enthusiast
The problem with a dance studio is that you have a group lesson, then you go home. You have to go back on a dance night to put it into practice...if you haven't already forgotten. And the place where hubby and I went, the other people seemed a bit snobby and not welcoming to new people. <_< Dance clubs usually have an hour of lessons and a few hours of dancing afterward.....and...people mingle more. Experienced dancers take you under their wing. :D....and it's cheap!

Good to know Lisa, thanks :)

I haven't gotten into So You Think You Can Dance, surprisingly....I seem to watch almost every other show on TV :lol:

vertically...

:o

:ph34r:

:lol:

:D

The return of the totem of emotions!

Do a little salsa, make a little tequila, get down tonight!!!!!

Bev is loopy today!!!!! :lol::lol:

elye Community Regular
The return of the totem of emotions!

Henceforth known as The Emotitotem... .. .

:rolleyes::lol:

curlyfries Contributor

I apologize for this in advance :lol:

Hello and thank you for calling the State Mental Hospital

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up; our operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

tom Contributor

Scotland??!! I missed givin' Knick a Bon Voyage too!

And may I say, I just love the new spelling of my name. :lol: Ptaum used to use one - what was it? Soup-czee? :lol:

Wow since when is Tzu-tse Miss MemoryGirl?

I didn't recall that at all, so did a lil search & then it made sense.

After 1st crowning, I used the word coup, which doesn't sound like soup, eh Soup-sie?

:lol:

Jess 1979!!!?? :o that's my HS grad yr :o

Any West-coast swingers dance to Lavay Smith & the Red-Hot Skillet Lickers?

:lol: Bev :lol:

I know I should've known better, but was sucked into thinking the interview was real. Way to go Uncle Ray . .. .. .again. :)

Jestgar Rising Star
Jess 1979!!!?? :o that's my HS grad yr :o

:lol: :lol: I knew I could con someone! :D

I type much younger than I am :rolleyes:

tom Contributor
:lol: :lol: I knew I could con someone! :D

Oh sure - take advantage of my reluctance to exclaim "I thought you were older than THAT!"

elye Community Regular
Jess 1979!!!?? :o that's my HS grad yr :o

...That's my first year in HS....feathered hair, leg warmers..... :lol:

OMG....and that infamous question fits in very well, here, and coincidentally, Jack asked me this yesterday, so I shall posit it to everyone:

Where did you find yourself when you heard Elvis had died?

It was a momentous day for me - - August 16, 1977......My mom and I went shopping together for my first bra. I was wearing it, amazed at how uncomfortable it felt and how everyone would be staring, when the news flashed on the TV screen. So funny how things become paired in our consciousness..... ..

Whenever I purchase a new brassierre, I think of Him...... :DB)

psawyer Proficient

Okay, everybody, make me feel old here. There are, as far as I know, only three of us over fifty, and only one older than me. I'm the oldest male here. Does that make me the Crown Prince of Silly Old Age? :huh:

Oh, wait, I used to be the king. I am not dead, but I am not the king anymore. I must be Open Original Shared Link :D:D

Oh, wait, he's dead too. :(

I guess I'm just me, that crazy old phart they call the oracle. Who knew? :rolleyes:

elye Community Regular

PeOter!! You Old Phart.. ..do you even remember Elvis? :lol::P

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    • lmemsm
      This may make you feel better about cross-contamination: https://nationalceliac.org/celiac-disease-questions/do-i-need-new-designated-pans-plates-and-utensils/ https://theceliacscene.com/rethinking-cross-contamination-no-need-to-be-so-careful/ I use Tom's of Maine or a toothpaste that states it's gluten free.  I have allergic reactions to some toothpastes so some of the toothpastes in health food stores are usually safer for me. They're typically gluten free as well. Spices can contain cross-contamination from gluten.  There are a few lists online of spices that are safe for celiacs.  I also grow my own herbs and use them in place of store bought when I can.  I think Badia lists their spices as gluten free and Spice Lab has some gluten free too. Knitty Kitty has a great point about nutritional deficiencies and B vitamins.  I got a lot of aches and pains when I got off gluten.  I tried to replace wheat with other healthy grains like teff, buckwheat and sorghum.  Limiting one's diet too much and not getting enough vitamins, can make someone feel worse.  A lot of the gluten free foods in the stores are made with lower quality ingredients than the wheat varieties.  I try to replace all my foods with homemade options.  Then I know the quality of the ingredients and which vitamins I may be high or low in.  Probiotics or prebiotics can help with bathroom issues.  Better to get them in foods if possible and not pill form.  My doctors keep recommending magnesium too.  It's not supposed to be taken alone, but they don't seem to care about that.  It's easy for vitamin D to be low too.  That was another thing doctors told me to take.  Unfortunately, they didn't monitor it and it went too high.  Again, better from natural sources like food and sunlight.  However, supplementing can help if you're not getting enough.  Some sources say to take D with K2.  You may want to have iodine levels checked.  If you add iodine, make sure to get sufficient selenium for thyroid.  You can get iodine naturally in most seaweed.  Nori may also be one of the few non-animal sources for B12.  Brazil nuts are a good source of selenium and you only need a few a day to meet RDA.  Some brands of nuts specifically say gluten free.  Unfortunately, there are issues with Brazil nut production and they're much harder to find this year. The more you can vary your diet the better.  One study said aim for at least 30 different foods in a week.  You might want to try kiwi fruit.  There were some studies that said eating kiwi improved mood.  It also has a covering which most people don't eat, so that should protect what's inside from contamination. I've limited my diet quite a bit over the years because of migraines, so I know how uncomfortable it can be finding safe foods.  However, I'm afraid limiting diets like that may actually be causing more harm than good.  It's something I'm trying to work on.  I keep trying to expand the number of foods I eat and my recipe repertoire.  I made a list of brands of foods that I've found that are gluten free so I have a guide when I'm shopping.  
    • knitty kitty
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    • max it
    • cristiana
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    • Dora77
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First noticed in the gym. • Abdominal bulge on the right side, not painful but seems to be getting slightly bigger. Doctor didn’t find a hernia on ultrasound, but it was done lying down (I’ve read those can miss hernias). Noticed it like 6 months ago, couldve been there longer. • extremely dry and mildly swollen hands (this started before I started excessive hand-washing), and bloated face. • Signs of inattentive ADHD (noticed over the past 3 years), now combined with severe OCD focused on contamination and cross-contact. • Growth/puberty seemed to started after going gluten-free. Before that I was not developing. Dont know if any of these are because of celiac as my dad doesnt have those and he is a lot less strict gluten-free then me. I also had pancreatic elastase tested four times: values were 46 (very low), 236, 158, and 306 (normal). Gastroenterologist said one normal value is enough and I don’t have EPI. Family doctor prescribed Kreon anyway (after I pushed for it), and I just started taking 1 capsule (10,000 units) with meals 2 days ago, but couldn‘t see effects yet because I’ve been constipated the last few days. Maybe because of thyroid. I don’t have Hashimoto’s. No thyroid antibodies. But I took levothyroxine for slightly low FT4 levels. My thyroid levels fluctuated between borderline low and low-normal. And recently lowered my dose so that may have caused the constipating. I probably didn’t need it in the first place, and am thinking about stopping it soon.   Current Diet Right now, I only eat a very limited set of “safe” foods I prepare myself: • Gluten-free bread with tuna or cheese • Milk and cornflakes • gluten-free cookies/snacks • Bananas (the only fruit I trust right now) I rarely eat other fruits or vegetables, because I’m scared of contamination. My dad, who also has celiac but doesn’t care about CC, buys fruits, and he might’ve picked them up right after handling gluten bread. That makes me feel unsafe eating them. Even fruit at stores or markets feels risky because so many people with gluten on their hands touch them.   My Home Situation (Shared Kitchen) We’re a family of 5. Only my dad and I have celiac. He eats glutenfree but doesn’t care about CC and sometimes (but rarely) cheats. My mom and siblings eat gluten bread at every meal. My mom is honest (so if i ask her to be cautious, she most likely would try to), but doesn’t seem to understand how serious celiac is. She: • Stopped using gluten flour • only cooks gluten-free meals (but they still heat up gluten bread and also cook gluten noodles) • Keeps separate butter/jam/jars for me • Bought me a stainless steel pan Bu we didn’t replace old wooden utensils, cutting boards, or other pans. The new they bought me pan was even carried home in a shopping bag with gluten bread in it, which triggered my OCD. It also has a rubber handle and I’m scared it might still hold onto gluten. Even if it’s washed well, it’s stored next to other pans that were used for gluten food/bread. Our kitchen table is used for eating gluten bread daily. My mom wipes it but not with soap. I’m scared tiny particles remain. If she made gluten-free bread dough on a board at the table, I’d still worry about cross contmaination contamination even with something under the dough and on the table as at one point the dough would probably touch the table. So I stopped eating anything she makes.   I know OCD is making it worse, but I can’t tell how much of my fear is real and how much is anxiety. Examples: • I wash my hands 20–30 times a day — before eating, after touching anything at home or outside, after using my phone/laptop. • I don’t let others touch my phone, and I’m scared to use my laptop because friends at school or my brother (who eat gluten) have touched it. And it annoys me a lot when others touch my stuff and feels like it got contaminated and is unsafe instantly. • I stopped eating while using my phone or laptop, afraid of invisible gluten being on them. • I wash my hands after opening food packaging (since it was on store cashier belts where gluten food is placed). • I avoid sitting anywhere except my bed or one clean chair. • I won’t shake hands with anyone or walk past people eating gluten. • At school, when switching classes, I wash my hands before getting out my laptop, again before opening it, etc. • I open door knobs with my elbows instead my hands   Job Concerns (Powder Coating, Sandblasting, Etc.) I’m working a temporary job right now that involves: • Powder coating • Sandblasting • Wet spray painting • Anodizing There’s also a laboratory. I don’t need this job, and my OCD makes me believe that dust or air particles there might contain gluten somehow. Should I quit?   Doctors Haven’t Helped My family doctor told me: “Asymptomatic celiac isn’t serious, if you have no symptoms, your intestines won’t get damaged, so you don’t need a gluten-free diet.” I knew that was wrong, but he wasn’t open to listening. I just nodded and didn‘t argue. My gastroenterologist (who’s also a dietitian) said: „If your antibodies are negative, there’s no damage. It might even be okay to try small amounts of gluten later if antibodies stay negative.“ Also said, pepper that says “may contain gluten” is fine if it only contains pepper. She was more informed than my family doctor but didn’t seem to fully understand celiac either.   Questions I Need Help With 1. Is it realistically safe to eat food my mom cooks, if we get separate pans/ and boards even if gluten is still used in the same kitchen? There will always be low risk of cc chances like that she will still touch stuff that was touched by her and my siblings after they ate gluten. And as there are gluten eaters in the house and she also prepares and eats gluten. So would opening the fridge then getting the food and touching the food be okay? So basically what i am doing, washing my hands multiple times while preparing food, she would only wash it once before, then touch anything else (for example water tap or handles) that were touched with gluteny hands, then also touch the food. I dont know if I ever could feel safe, I could try telling her how important cc really is. And I trust her so she wouldnt lie to me then be careless about cc, but idk how safe it really can be if she and everyone else keeps eating gluten and touching stuff in the house after eating. 2. Do I need to worry about touching doorknobs, fridge handles, light switches, etc. that family members touched after eating gluten? What about public places like bus handles or school desks? Or like if i went to the gym, I would be touching stuff all the time, so there will be small amounts of gluten and those would get transferred on my phone if I touch my phone while in the gym. But I want to knos if it would be enough to do damage. 3. Is an endoscopy (without biopsy) enough to tell if my intestines are healed? I’d pay privately if it could help and if i dont get a refferal. Or do i need a biopsy? 4. Could my job (powder coating, sandblasting, etc.) expose me to gluten or damage my intestines through air/dust? 5. Do I need certified gluten-free toothpaste, hand soap, shampoo, or moisturizer? (For example: Vaseline and Colgate don’t contain gluten ingredients but say they can’t guarantee it’s gluten-free.) 6. Is spices like pepper with “may contain traces of gluten” safe if no gluten ingredients are listed? Or does everything need to be labeled gluten-free?  7. Is continuing to only eat my own food the better choice, or could I eventually go back to eating what my mom cooks if she’s careful? 8. is cutlery from dishwasher safe if there are stains? Stuff like knives is used for cutting gluten bread or fork for noodles etc. I often see stains which i dont know if its gluten or something else but our dish washer doesnt seem to make it completely clean. 9. I wash my hands multiple times while preparing food. Do i need to do the same when touching my phone. Like if i touch the fridge handle, I wash my hands then touch the phone. I dont eat while using my phone but i leave it on my bed and pillow and my face could come in contact with where it was.  10. Do i need to clean my phone or laptop if theyve been used by people who eat gluten? Even if no crumbs fall onto my keybaord, i mean because of invisible gluten on their fingers. 11. Does medication/supplements have to be strictly glutenfree? One company said they couldn‘t guarantee if their probiotics don’t contain traces of gluten.  12. I had bought supplements in the past, some of them say glutenfree and some of them dont(like the brand „NOW“ from iherb). I bought them and used them when i wasnt washing my hands so often, are they still safe? As I touched and opened them after touching door knobs, water taps etc. It was like a year ago when i bought those and even though i was eating gluten-free, I never worried about what i touch etc. I know this post is long. I’m just extremely overwhelmed. I’m trying to protect myself from long-term health damage, but the OCD is destroying my quality of life, and I honestly don’t know what’s a reasonable level of caution anymore. Thanks for reading.
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