Wedding Question

[blueeyedmanda]

So my bride side has finally kicked in. I am starting to plan my wedding. I have had the dress for months, and my bridal party is finalized. Yesterday I went to borders and picked up some wedding magazines and some books.

Enough about that.

For those of you who have recently had weddings or have been to them how was the head table set up?

My party is very small, and our mothers will not be sitting with us. (not sure people do this I just saw it in some of the books I have)

Do flower girls and ring bearers sit at the head table? A wedding I went to years ago I remember they did but it is not mentioned anywhere in the books. So I am wondering what everyone's take on this is. My flower girl will be six and our ring bearer is 7, so they would not need assitance at the table. I was thinking of including them it is a very special day for them.

Any ideas? Suggestions?

I have no idea where to begin, today off Ebay I ordered Weddings for Dummies. My mom is not a help because she was married by the JP, so they didn't have a reception. A few of my coworkers are anti-weddings. So I am on my own and I am scared I will screw it up or do something wrong....Help :)

[celiacgirls]

I would let the flower girl and ring bearer sit with their parents. My daughter was a flower girl when she was 6 and she was very excited about it. However, on the actual day, she found it kind of boring. From her perspective, she had to wait around for all the pictures for hours while her cousins were free to roam around. She sat with us at the reception and could then play with her cousins.

[Ursa Major]

My oldest granddaughter was her aunt's flower girl when she was four, and she felt very special when she sat at the head table (her family was seated nearby). Also, she now loves looking at the pictures, and finding herself in her special dress standing in front of the rest of the wedding party.

If you seat the kids at the head table, you need to make sure they can get to their parents easily if they feel the need to see them. But I think they are old enough to be in the pictures and sit at the head table, and will likely cherish the memory if it is planned right.

They ARE part of the wedding party, and I believe need to be treated as such. Just make sure they are seated beside each other, and beside people they really like. And that they aren't forced to stay put if they are done eating, but free to go and play if they feel like it.

[CarlaB]

I agree that the ring bearer and flower girl will be bored at the head table.

I did not have a head table at our wedding ... I wanted to mingle and I wanted my friends who had to travel to be there to have a chance to visit with the other people who travelled there and weren't in the wedding party. I don't have anything against head tables, but I wasn't comfortable being "on display." I didn't even assign seats ... everyone sat where they wanted.

It's your day, do what you want, there is no right and wrong.

[Ursa Major]

I do agree with Carla that head tables (especially when elevated) aren't the greatest. I am glad that there is no such custom in Germany, because I would have felt awful being on display and having to kiss on demand and giving speeches and other strange customs they have here.

On the other hand, I am glad that most weddings I have gone to had people assigned to tables. For my son's wedding only the wedding party had assigned tables, and everybody else had to find their own seats.

Because I am so awkward in social situations, I can't just go and grab a seat somewhere, especially if all the seats near people I know are taken. My husband went off as soon as we got there (the reception was in the backyard of my son's inlaws) to talk to people he knew. By the time he finally listened to me and decided to find us a place to sit, we had to take a table way in the background, where I didn't want to sit. It was hard for me to even hear the speeches.

By then I was so upset that I was close to a meltdown and had to hide in the bathroom for fifteen minutes (I was then told it was rude for the mother of the groom to disappear like that ).

Anyway, I think it is good to assign tables to people. Use your best judgment on who you think would like to sit together (I was seated beside my mother-in-law at one daughter's wedding, which I didn't appreciate since she hates me). If in doubt you can ask.

[StrongerToday]

I would also vote to keep the kids w/ their parents. If they are truly behaving, then they can join you for a bit - but you will have enough to worry about!

Also check out theknot.com my friend did this for her wedding and loved it!

[Guhlia]

I think that perhaps you should talk to the kids and their parents before the day. If they both feel comfortable sitting with the wedding party, then by all means, let them. However, make sure you have a back up plan in case one of them gets uncomfortable or freaked out. Also, you may want to dismiss them from the wedding party's table early so that they don't have to sit still for quite as long. Perhaps those chairs could be removed when the children move and everyone else could move so there isn't any empty spot in the table. This way they can still be a part of the wedding party, but they aren't forced into doing the whole thing. Or, if your tables are rectangular, put the children at the ends of the table so there will be one empty seat at each end after they leave, at least that way it will stay symmetrical.

[amybeth]

Do what you and your future spouse feel the most comfortable with!

For example, my husband really wanted all of his highschool friends to sit together at one table - but they didn't make a "Complete" table for our set up -- so my friends had to be split up. It was more important to him and his friends are more spread out about the country, so we went ahead and split my friends up. They were fine - I don't even think they noticed.

We did not want to be on display and wanted to sit with our wedding party (and their dates), so we had a regular table around the middle of the room - so everyone could hear toasts and "see" us.

we only asked my parents and my in-laws (they're divorced) for seating input. They knew the ins and outs of each family and who would be best placed with whom.

Ultimately they people you want to please are you and your fiance'!!!

My niece was one at the time and although my sister was in my wedding party, we didn't really want a toddler at our table. (We both adore my niece, but wanted to have an adult meal and conversation)...we set up a high chair for her at my mom's table and an "emergency" high chair in reserve near our table. My niece only sat with us for about 10-15 minutes, so it worked out well.

Finally, at my sister's wedding she left small toys or coloring books at the tables where children were seated. (I forgot to do this at my wedding!) It made the children feel special - helped them get through a long potentially boring meal, and made their parents appreciate the extra effort. I thought it was a great idea.

Have fun! What an exciting time!

[blueeyedmanda]

Thank you guys. I love the different suggestions you all came up with. It gives me an idea on which way to go. Keep them coming!

[Jo.R]

I eloped, because I saw too many friends stress over the small details, for one it ruined her wedding day. This is hopefully a one time thing, it cost a lot of money, do what you want. Don't worry if it bucks tradition, don't have regrets later because of trying to do it right. What ever is going to make the day fun and happy for you and the groom is what is going to be right. Have fun.

[tarnalberry]

My party is very small, and our mothers will not be sitting with us. (not sure people do this I just saw it in some of the books I have) Do flower girls and ring bearers sit at the head table?

My flower girl will be six and our ring bearer is 7, so they would not need assitance at the table. I was thinking of including them it is a very special day for them. Any ideas? Suggestions?

I have no idea where to begin, today off Ebay I ordered Weddings for Dummies.

My mom is not a help because she was married by the JP, so they didn't have a reception. A few of my coworkers are anti-weddings. So I am on my own and I am scared I will screw it up or do something wrong....Help :)

For all of these items, I say: do what works for you. Think about what is practical along with what would make you happy along with what would make other people happy. We had our wedding party (ourselves and our friends who were best men and maids of honor) at one table, and everyone else sat themselves at the restaurant we had our reception at. I would specifically have NOT wanted to do arranged seating, because there's no way I would have sat people as successfully as they sat themselves. As ursula points out, however, there are exceptions and if you have those exceptions in your wedding, don't ignore them.

We got a couple wedding books - and hated all the suggestions in them. We mostly used them as a 'what not to do' guide.

There is no way to do it wrong, because it's your party, you get to do whatever you want to.

[blueeyedmanda]

I would also vote to keep the kids w/ their parents. If they are truly behaving, then they can join you for a bit - but you will have enough to worry about!

Also check out theknot.com my friend did this for her wedding and loved it!

I checked out theknot.com...very helpful thank you!

[LoveBeingATwin]

Here is what I did for my wedding and we had a somewhat of a small wedding. We only had a matron of honor, best man, flower girl, ring bearer and two ushers. This worked out great. For the head table, we really wanted to make that table available for the "wedding party" so we did. The ring bearer and flower girl were not too young to sit alone but we just asked them if they wanted to sit with us and they loved the idea. We did not do the riser head table because we didn't like that idea but we did have a wedding party table. Another thing that we did and was really important to us was to make sure the immediate family like moms,dads,sisters,brothers,grandmas and grandpas to the bride and groom got a table close to the wedding party so we had a couple tables reserved with each of their names. This worked out perfect. We just let them know ahead of time where they(the ones who had a reserved seat) were to sit so they weren't stuck in the back. I think this worked out well. I didn't have to worry that my great grandma was in the very back at the reception. The place that we had our reception you could see well from any place that you sat, We just thougt it would be nice to kind of make it special for those close to the bride and groom. Everyone loved the idea. Just a suggestion.

Another thing we chose to do, and some may not agree, but we did our pictures before the wedding. This way after the ceremony we could go right into the reception without having our guest wait. That was the best thing we could have done. Yes, the bride and groom had their "own" moment and then we did pictures together. It was awsome. We just had the wedding party and immediate family come early so we could get all the "posed" pictues out of the way. After the ceremony, the rest of the pictures were taken in the moment so we didn't have to grab people and stop the party. At first I didn't like the idea but now I can say that was the BEST thing we ever did.

If you want any suggestions on planning your wedding just let me know. We got married two years ago, which seems like yesterday but I know how you feel. All I can say is just do what makes the two of you happy. The rest will fall into place. I was very stressed out because I wanted everything to be perfect. You just need to decide what is really important to you both and work around that. Our big thing was to make sure the immediate family was involved. Best of luck to you. HAVE FUN!!!

[Guhlia]

I really like the idea of coloring books and cheap toys at the tables. That's a great idea. At our wedding we set disposable cameras at each of the tables and some of the kids ended up using them to take horrible pictures, mostly of the grass and their mommy's belly. I was so angry that their parents let them do this because we had to pay to have them developed. Coloring books and toys may have prevented this. Or, perhaps you could just do a small stack of coloring pages on each table, tied with a white ribbon (or whatever your color is) and a small box of crayons. That way it would tie into the wedding nicely and not detract from the look of the tables.

We actually had a very laid back wedding. We had it outside, at Don's family's house. It was very simple, but beautiful. We barely even needed any flowers because their backyard backs to woods and it was in June so there were flowers blooming all throughout the background. Our only flowers besides the bouquets were on the tables. It worked out very nicely. I thought it looked simple and classy. The least you can get away with, the better. At least that was my motto. It leaves less to get screwed up and makes things less stressful, especially if you're planning by yourself.

Also, on a side note, I didn't even have a wedding dress. I found a beautiful white prom dress on sale, just after prom for about $50 and that's what I wore. It was perfect. I really wanted to wear a white sundress, but I just couldn't find anything pretty enough to wear. the prom dress was perfect.

[blueeyedmanda]

I really like the idea of coloring books and cheap toys at the tables. That's a great idea. At our wedding we set disposable cameras at each of the tables and some of the kids ended up using them to take horrible pictures, mostly of the grass and their mommy's belly. I was so angry that their parents let them do this because we had to pay to have them developed. Coloring books and toys may have prevented this. Or, perhaps you could just do a small stack of coloring pages on each table, tied with a white ribbon (or whatever your color is) and a small box of crayons. That way it would tie into the wedding nicely and not detract from the look of the tables.

We actually had a very laid back wedding. We had it outside, at Don's family's house. It was very simple, but beautiful. We barely even needed any flowers because their backyard backs to woods and it was in June so there were flowers blooming all throughout the background. Our only flowers besides the bouquets were on the tables. It worked out very nicely. I thought it looked simple and classy. The least you can get away with, the better. At least that was my motto. It leaves less to get screwed up and makes things less stressful, especially if you're planning by yourself.

Also, on a side note, I didn't even have a wedding dress. I found a beautiful white prom dress on sale, just after prom for about $50 and that's what I wore. It was perfect. I really wanted to wear a white sundress, but I just couldn't find anything pretty enough to wear. the prom dress was perfect.

My wedding dress cost me $50. I am very proud of the price!!! The way I look at it, I am already ahead of the game

[TinkerbellSwt]

At my first wedding, the head table only consisted of the bride and the groom at a round table, a small one.. the wedding party, which was HUGE.. sat with their families and signifigant others.. we gathered in a lot of places for pics, plenty of them with all of the wedding party.. 21 in all... so we didnt have the issue of flower girls sitting with us and such.. they all sat with their families, and the bridesmaids and matrons sat with their husbands and or dates, same with the guys..