Good Friend's Wedding Menu...help?

[Meemsy]

I am attending a dear friend's wedding in two weeks. I RSVP'd to it before I was dx'd and before I had gone gluten free. Last night was the first time that I have gotten myself "glutened" and I am still miserable.

This got me to thinking...would it be incredibly tacky of me to mention to my girlfriend that I have dietary restrictions and that I am unable to eat any of the three entrees on her menu? Or do I just suck it up, eat nothing, and carry something in my purse to pull out and eat during dinner?

Any advice, help, suggestions, ideas are welcome because I have no clue about the etiquitte on this one!

Meemsy

[pinky]

i have been to a zillion weddings, and, when it is a friend of mine, i always ask about this. (most people WANT their guests to get to eat, esp as they are paying a lot of $$ to provide food for you whether you want it or not!)

generally, i ask (or email) and say that i am SO excited for the wedding, and i'm perfectly happy to bring my own food, but remind them about the gluten thing. i also offer to talk to the caterers. here's what i said to a friend just the other day whose wedding i'm attending in italy. in addition, i generally try to slip the gluten-free thing into other conversation, so this is part of a longer email chain about her wedding, her dress, etc...

"oh also on wedding topic-- don't know if you are down to the menu

level, and i can def talk to the caterers if you like and always do

bring a big stash of my own food on trips anyway if i'm a problem so

can just eat that-- but i wanted to remind you that i can't eat

gluten. in italy, they are surprisingly well educated about this

(italian celiacs get free food from the government!), but it means no

wheat, rye, barley, or oats-- so essentially no bread, breading,

pasta, flour, beer, soy sauce, malt vinegar, bread crumbs..."

of course, HER reaction was not as nice as i'm used to, but...

[Cherry Tart]

That would not be tacky in the least! When I was first diagnosed, I was usually afraid/embarassed to ask for assistance with my food. I would usually not eat and just pretend I wasn't hungry. After 3 years of being gluten-free, I'm over the uneasiness (finally!). Since my diagnoses I have gone to several weddings where I've requested gluten-free meals and they were all very accommodating. In fact, my friends told me that they would have been angry if I hadn't told them. After all, they are paying for my meal - they certainly want me to be able to enjoy it. Not to mention, most caterers/hotels are used to these kinds of requests and should be able to make you a special meal. They usually prepare a simplified version of what the other guests are having. The last wedding I attended, I had a plain steak w/ baked potato and veggies, the other guests had beef tips in a heavy sauce w/ mashed potatoes....I had several other guests tell me that they would rather have had my meal instead! Let your friend know your needs and rest easy

[isiskingdom]

That would not be tacky in the least! When I was first diagnosed, I was usually afraid/embarassed to ask for assistance with my food. I would usually not eat and just pretend I wasn't hungry. After 3 years of being gluten-free, I'm over the uneasiness (finally!). Since my diagnoses I have gone to several weddings where I've requested gluten-free meals and they were all very accommodating. In fact, my friends told me that they would have been angry if I hadn't told them. After all, they are paying for my meal - they certainly want me to be able to enjoy it. Not to mention, most caterers/hotels are used to these kinds of requests and should be able to make you a special meal. They usually prepare a simplified version of what the other guests are having. The last wedding I attended, I had a plain steak w/ baked potato and veggies, the other guests had beef tips in a heavy sauce w/ mashed potatoes....I had several other guests tell me that they would rather have had my meal instead! Let your friend know your needs and rest easy

I have a wedding to attend to this month and my hubby is in the wedding party so, our room is payed for the only thing is there will not be a kitchen in the room like some other wedding party people have. They are not easy to talk to he gets upset Very easy. Also the food thing I already put my food choice in because they needed it back asap but I doubt I will even eat any.Any ideas?

[Guest Doll]

I agree that this should not be a problem at all, unless they are not having their reception in a hotel or catered (Aunt Annie may not be able to be trusted making a gluten-free meal). I have gone to 2 weddings since being Dx'd (and one wedding when I wasn't dx'd yet and was a sick as a dog! ), and both have been not a problem. Both times they were aware of my Celiac. The brides informed the venue, and *I also* called and asked to speak to the wedding coordinator to confirm my meal. Make sure you find out the details and do this beforehand. Brides can be very busy, and may forget to double confirm you meal.

The first time was a buffet reception, the kitchen made me my own gluten-free dish. The second wedding was a plated meal. I got a plain chicken breast instead of the fillet mignon but at least I didn't get sick! I got fruit instead of wedding cake, and at midnight there was pizza. So, since I was starving, I simply asked the catering manager for something I could eat. They made me an omelet, and were very helpful.

As I've said in other posts, I find that using the term "allergy" tends to work best with the lay public. Some Celiacs don't agree with this, but it usually gets the job done for me. I don't know anyone who would feel troubled to make sure someone with a peanut allergy didn't have peanuts in their meal.

Have fun at the wedding!

[Guest Doll]

I have a wedding to attend to this month and my hubby is in the wedding party so, our room is payed for the only thing is there will not be a kitchen in the room like some other wedding party people have. They are not easy to talk to he gets upset Very easy. Also the food thing I already put my food choice in because they needed it back asap but I doubt I will even eat any.Any ideas?

The hotel restaurant should be able to make you gluten-free meals. If you want, you can also keep canned fruit, tuna, beans, juice boxes, peanut butter, rice crackers, etc. for snacks or small meals. You should be fine without a fridge for a night or two. As for your food choice, call the hotel directly and say that you need to request a gluten-free meal for so and so's wedding reception. This should not be a problem. It sounds like these people will make things more complicated then they need to be, so in this case, it sounds like the one time you should take care of things on your own. Hope things turn out and remember to enjoy the wedding!

[Meemsy]

Wow! Great advice...thanks everyone! I doubt I will get too far with the bride as I saw her on Saturday and she kept trying to get me to eat a cookie (you know the whole "it's not gonna kill you" line). It never occurred to me to talk to the wedding planner though...she is another friend and I'll call her in a bit and see if I can just take care of this on my own.

And Pinky...have fun in Italy...I'm SO jealous!!!!

[Cherry Tart]

I have a wedding to attend to this month and my hubby is in the wedding party so, our room is payed for the only thing is there will not be a kitchen in the room like some other wedding party people have. They are not easy to talk to he gets upset Very easy. Also the food thing I already put my food choice in because they needed it back asap but I doubt I will even eat any.Any ideas?

Needless to say, when it comes to our food, we must be nice but assertive. I would call the hotel, ask for the catering dept. and ask to speak to the person who is managing the event. Explain your situation and how dire it is that you get a special meal. I tend to agree w/ the other poster, sometimes its better to say that you have a food allergy to wheat (its a bit easier for the layman to understand). Just tell them of your requirements and how severe your reaction will be....sometimes fear of your reaction will make them even more careful Every once in a while, you will get a savvy person who will know about gluten - just be sure to clarify w/ them, sometimes they mistake glucose for gluten. Once you are at the event, I would check in w/ the event captain right away to remind them of your special meal. It may take a little persistence (and gracious thanks to the staff), but it will certainly be worth it in the end.

I would also suggest bringing some quick snacks (BumbleBars, gluten-free pretzels, whole fruit, etc) for when you are not attending catered wedding festivities. Have a great time!!!

[pinky]

Wow! Great advice...thanks everyone! I doubt I will get too far with the bride as I saw her on Saturday and she kept trying to get me to eat a cookie (you know the whole "it's not gonna kill you" line). It never occurred to me to talk to the wedding planner though...she is another friend and I'll call her in a bit and see if I can just take care of this on my own.

And Pinky...have fun in Italy...I'm SO jealous!!!!

be jealous of this--

after spending over $1000 on a plane ticket to get to this town in the middle of nowhere in italy for 4 days, the bride told me, when i asked her about food, that

"we aren't catering for any special meals-- including vegetarians-- except for mine of course!"

and this was after telling me about the shoes she is having custom made... hmmmmm...

[CarlaB]

I would just ask the bride for the caterer's phone number so you can talk to them directly. That way she will not have to worry about it herself, and you will have the comfort of knowing it was handled properly.

Be sure there are no additional charges to the bride for the accomodations they make for you ... if there are, pay them yourself.

I did this for my daughter's sorority Mom's night dinner, and it was no problem at all.

[Karen B.]

As I've said in other posts, I find that using the term "allergy" tends to work best with the lay public. Some Celiacs don't agree with this, but it usually gets the job done for me. I don't know anyone who would feel troubled to make sure someone with a peanut allergy didn't have peanuts in their meal.

Have fun at the wedding!

I have to agree with this statement. I usually find a way to work the word Celiac in the conversation, just in case they know about it. But everyone knows how dangerous a peanut allergy is to ignore, so the term allergy usually conveys the same info in a framework they'll understand. Having a guest get sick at a wedding they catered would definitely be bad PR so you're doing them a favor. :-)

Jax Peters Lowell had a novel idea. She wrote in the Gluten Free Bible that she had found an antique beaded handbag that was just the right size for her to put a few gluten-free goodies in to carry her through situations where they couldn't provide much gluten-free fare. I thought that was an idea with panache!

[Mango04]

I don't ever say anything to the bride (for some reason I feel strongly that it's important not to, but everyone has different ideas about this)...but...as others have already said, it's usually easy enough to contact the caterer directly. Even if you do that you should carry some snacks in your purse. That way if worse comes to worse at least you won't starve

[isiskingdom]

I would just ask the bride for the caterer's phone number so you can talk to them directly. That way she will not have to worry about it herself, and you will have the comfort of knowing it was handled properly.

Be sure there are no additional charges to the bride for the accomodations they make for you ... if there are, pay them yourself.

I did this for my daughter's sorority Mom's night dinner, and it was no problem at all.

I have no idea who is caterering and they know I have celiac plus since I have not really been around for 2 years because of all my sickness They don't want to hear it.

[happygirl]

Meemsy,

Another thought to consider:

If you are extremely sensitive, it might be worth it to bring your own food. I don't risk it----for me, its often not worth the small rish, because I get so sick. I bring my own food, give it to the caterer to "plate" for me, and they bring it out with everyone else's. I inform them of this beforehand. It seems to work well for me, and then I NEVER get sick, and dont have to worry.

[Phyllis28]

I went to a wedding this weekend. I am currently gluten free, soy free and low fat. I made a lunch that did not need to be reheated lunch at home, put it in a soft sided lunch box with blue ice, and ate it when everyone else ate. It was not problem for anyone.

[Meemsy]

Not only talked to the wedding planner, I talked to the bride too (actually the wedding planner told the bride I had called). Everyone was really good about it, and as it turns out the chef's aunt has celiac, so he is well versed in the food handling and preparation. Not only that, but the bride said she checked to make sure there will be something I can have for dessert also (on top of the gluten thing, I have a casien allergy too). Above and beyond the call of duty for any of them.

Then again, the bride has some pretty expensive things on her registery...maybe she's angling for that nice Tiffany cut crystal vase, hmmmm.

Thanks again for all the responses!

[Guest Doll]

Not only talked to the wedding planner, I talked to the bride too (actually the wedding planner told the bride I had called). Everyone was really good about it, and as it turns out the chef's aunt has celiac, so he is well versed in the food handling and preparation. Not only that, but the bride said she checked to make sure there will be something I can have for dessert also (on top of the gluten thing, I have a casien allergy too). Above and beyond the call of duty for any of them.

Then again, the bride has some pretty expensive things on her registery...maybe she's angling for that nice Tiffany cut crystal vase, hmmmm.

Thanks again for all the responses!

Awesome! This is the way it *should* be for all of us!

[tiffjake]

I would just ask the bride for the caterer's phone number so you can talk to them directly. That way she will not have to worry about it herself, and you will have the comfort of knowing it was handled properly.

Be sure there are no additional charges to the bride for the accomodations they make for you ... if there are, pay them yourself.

I did this for my daughter's sorority Mom's night dinner, and it was no problem at all.

I did this exact thing (that Carla said) for my sisters wedding. I went straight to the caterer. I also took food, but I didn't need it because everthing went so well! Have a wonderful time

[Lulu Magoo]

ugh... i am also feeling the "food uncertanty" with weddings. I am in three weddings next summer (hello stress and a lot of dresses).

My couzin has already told me that she will have a gluten free option for me and my sister-in-law and if anyone else need be.

Though one of my good friends (2nd wedding i am in) told me nothing on her menu was gluten free (she thought) nor did she want to call the cateror or give me the info.... hmmmm wierd i know! too much work? i was a bit baffeld at her for this. but i am wondering... sitting at the head table would it be better to accomodate myself... or to just not eat and eat before? I am very torn on the issue as I do not want to upset anyone nor do i want others to be like "why is that girl not eating?" Its not my day and im not one who likes the spotlight but am a bit self concious about it. Any suggestions?

(this wedding is also on a very suburban farm in the middle of iowa... not much goin on oin the food world)

O yea the 3rd wedding... its a block away from my dad's house. i can be my own chef:)

Thanks for all the support already from everyone on this site!!!!

lu

[sparkles]

The middle of Iowa... hmmmmmmm.... Iowa has a chain store called HyVee and they have quite an extensive gluten-free list of store brand foods. I have the Clan Thompson Listings on my computer and HyVee is listed with a whole lot of foods. Also I visit the HyVee in Marshalltown, IA (pretty much in the middle of Iowa) and they have a nice assortment of gluten-free products in their health food section. Their labels do list wheat. I can't remember if they say gluten-free or not but if you can check out the Clan Thompson list or contact the HyVee stores.

[gfpaperdoll]

I went to a wedding last year at a country club & just took my own food, I did let the bride know that I would not be eating, so that she would not be charged for a meal for me.

I am all for taking my food in those situations, once I have eaten something that has cross contamination issues it is too late. I say if you want to take your food, by all means do & if you want to eat there & the caterer is receptive then I would go ahead & do so.

I would not be self conscious eating my brought from home lunch at the head table - but I will say "it is all in the packaging" Carol Channing always took her own food & chef with her everywhere, even to the White House, she had all these sterling silver containers etc etc. I would package my lunch like a gift so to speak, to match the occasion. Now if someone will just come up with a business of special occasion gluten free lunch kits...

re Hotel rooms, you can always request a refrigerator & microwave be moved in. Some people need a refrigerator for meds or in our case food !!! If it is a nothing hotel in the middle of nowhere you can take a cooler & just get ice for it. You can even pack a cooler for air travel, you just cannot put ice in it for the plane trip.

[angel-jd1]

I just went to a friend's wedding this weekend. She also has celiac. I wasn't expecting to eat at their reception. I didn't even talk to her about it. However, when I got there 3 of her family members tracked me down (along with herself, like she didn't have enough to worry about being the bride) to tell me that there was gluten free bread for me and gluten free cake that I could have!! It melted my heart that they were nice enough to think of me also on their special day!!

It felt AMAZING to eat wedding cake at a wedding. I hadn't done that in YEARS!!

-Jessica

[laurelfla]

well, this is not really helpful for the situations mentioned here, but my entire reception in December will be gluten free! and i am doing it with pride. i will think of you all. i have been to just 2 weddings since diagnosis -- it feels so awful to me to be left out of eating cake and just relegated to the fruit! so wish me luck, it has been hard work explaining everything to the caterer (who had never heard of anyone not being able to eat wheat, etc. before).

p.s. i am all for going well-stocked to unfriendly territory, and never feel like you are displaying bad manners -- if it were because of pickiness, then i could see that, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with protecting your own health. and any bride who wasn't down with your bringing your own food for that reason wouldn't be a friend worth holding on to!