Big Problem, Neediing Help Asap!

[mamaw]

Hi Everyone

This is rather a long post so I'll say sorry now. I'm in a big bind ......What would you all do.

For my 60 th birthday , all my family got together to celebrate & of course beat me down cause I turned 60!!!! I expected that....

Now what happened next is a killer for me... My son's future wife was asked to pick up a cake for our family, she said she would get the gluten-free cake & handle everything with that. She is an RN.Basicly she would find a person who does gluten-free cakes instead of getting the one we know & trust.. She claims she contacted a store (gluten-free) that gave her a bakers name.

Well out comes the cake! My daughter & 2 kids are also gluten-free. She tries to put candles in this brick & we thought here comes another joke for turning 60! Then I realize this isn't a joke. This cake was so heavy about an inch high & so tough you couldn't cut it let alone eat it. In a generic box with no labeling or phone number , no ingredient listing or anything . The girl claims she only used the advice of the store & ordered this cake from the person they gave her. She does not know the baker of this cake.Then I hear this cost over $50-$60m bucks for this !!!!

I ask who did the cake as my son's girlfriend did order & pick-up this brick... I stated I wanted to contact the baker & let her know the cake was bad, & she should include an ingredient listing & a name & phone number & we would like our money back.... thats it.

My son's gfriend says nope I'm not telling you - Its done & over with. Well my family used their hard earned $$$$ for this !!!!

All my family wanted to do is have something special for me because I bake almost everyday for the children so they can be like other kids & have goodies. On my Bday I baked four goodies for their vacation bible school so they wouldn't be left out. This was the most special thing my family wanted to give me a treat that I didn't have to do myself, it had a great meaning to me & them.

Needless to say the cake (most of it) got thrown out but I did manage to eat a small piece so I didn't appear to be ingorant. Well , I rarely get sick but I was sick for 2 1/2 days after eating the cake. I thank God it was so bad the kids only tasted the icing..

Now I thought about what to do so I called the store where my son's gfriend claimed to give her the name. They all stated they know no one who does gluten-free cakes & they did not give out a name. ANd I believe them as I shop their often & I do not think they would jepordize their name for a baker as this.

So next, I approached my son's gfriend & begged her to give the name, she refused. I tried to explain that I got sick & I truly do not want someone else to get a $50 buck rotten cake either. We need to help each other as this gluten-free food is nothing but expensive.. I can't see knowing this & then letting others buy the same & be disappointed.

I see no reason if she does not know the person as she claims... I got sick from it she would want to tell. I & my family have a great family comes first motto . I would die for my mother & children. Isn't that what family is all about.Looking after & defending each other from harm?

She got very hostile about me questioning her & again she says its over -- I'm not telling you.

I now do not have any trust or repect for her as here she is about to join our family & she would defend a perfect stranger to her future family.This just blows us away.I see no family values in her thinking. I think it actually makes her guilty of wrong doing. Who would do such a thing to a family she claims to love?

I have given her chances to come clean but no way. My son is sorta stuck in the middle.

I (we) think by her doing what she has done ___ NOTHING ---she is looking guilty by ommission ..... I think she had a friend do the cake ( as at one point she said it was a nurse she does not know) & it flopped.

My poor Mother is 87 years young & she is so upset. She said this could be our last big celebration together & it was ruined..My family has cried over this & to think she is coming into our family makes me sick....

Help me with your take on this situation Please.

mamaw

[Guest j_mommy]

OH my...how horrible for you!!!!

Are you sure she didn't try to bake it and it flopped and now doesn't want to say anything????

I can guarentee I woudl have been very upset as well...considering you gave her the option of using someone you were comfortable with!

I hope you get this all figured out!!!

[Joni63]

Wow! I would be totally upset over this too.

I hate to say it but it does seem as though she has something to hide about it. There would be no other reason for her to not give the name of the person who did the cake. Why would she care that you want to complain about something that was entirely not edible and try to get your money back? I think she either baked it herself or had a friend do it and too embarrassed to admit it now? She probably doesn't want you to confront her friend or admit she did it herself because of the outcome.

Since you've already confronted her twice I doubt you will ever really know the truth. In the future I guess you won't be able to trust her with anything related to food. Sad, but seems true in her case.

[jerseyangel]

Hi Mamaw,

First of all, a belated Happy Birthday to you! Sorry these events have marred the event for you and the family

As I was reading, it was dawning on me that I don't think she actually used the baker that she said she did. I'm thinking either she made the cake herself, or possibly a friend of hers made it. Normally, when something is made to accomodate a special diet, the ingredients are clearly included. Why she would lie about that, I don't know--it makes no sense.

I don't know, S, the whole thing just sounds fishy to me. I would have a hard time trusting her, myself, after this. Like you said, why would she choose to protect the "baker" over her future family?

I just thought of something--did everyone chip in the $50-60? Maybe she tried to do this "on the cheap".

[hez]

I am so sorry. It is obvious that this person does not value honesty. It does sound like your son is in the middle. However, I think he has been given a sign as to her personality. I think it sounds fishy.

Hez

[Fiddle-Faddle]

I agree with everyone else.

She is obviously dishonest. Perhaps she was trying to bake it herself and went to a lot of effort, and is now embarrassed at how bad it was, but she should have had the decency to own up to it.

Yes, it gives you and your son a whole different picture of her personality and trustworthiness.

Perhaps you should print this thread out for them.

[psawyer]

If she had nothing to hide, she would be forthcoming. Draw your own conclusions, but a taunt that ends with the words "pants on fire" is prominent in my mind at the moment.

This is very sad, and I do hope it can somehow be resolved, but I have serious doubts that it can.

Happy birthday. May you have many more.

[mamaw]

Hi Again

Thanks thus far for your relpys. I appreciate all of them.

I did come directly out & ask her if she tried to bake the cake herself & she said No. And my son said she did not bake the cake , he only knows what she told him that she doesn't know anything. But since she called the person & ordered the cake & also picked it up she does know that much.

I have spent the last few years helping people not to get taken by nasty products. I alot of times already tried some awful stuff & paid high prices for it. I feel the Lord has been good to me & now is my chance to help others not to be taken by nasty tasting gluten-free foods. I was in marketing for years mainstream & I did tons of samplings & reviews for a living.

And I don't think she gets the seriousness of the problem.... I think I would have rather she cut off my arm than this.....I would have forgiven her as I don't hold grudges but I demand truth & honesty.

I think she had someone make the cake & there was cc. Also the cake looked like maybe a glutino mix but thats a guess on my part....

I hope to hear from more of you... it so far appears we all are on the same page with this one.......

I am considering giving her the relpys. I only worry that it will make her angry & she will take it out on my son. He hasn't had the best luck with finding that special someone. And again that could be the reason she doesn't want to say anything--- just hoping I'll let it fade away. I could do that if I knew the truth but now I'm hell bent on getting to the truth. I hate dishonesty....

mamaw

[gfpaperdoll]

Happy 60th Birthday!!! I think 60 is so much fun. I am glad that you had a family get together!!!

I think that the girl, lied, I think she made the cake & pocketed the money. No telling what she put in it. I think also that she is making some sort of statement about what she thinks about gluten free - & you in particular. I think that your son is in for trouble. does she know that it is genetic??? Maybe you should educate her. It sounds to me like she also set you up for this. What is her relationship with her family???

I think you should cook a smorgasboard of gluten-free cakes & goodies & have a "tea" for your mom & the aunts etc, nothing is said that you cannot have two celebrations... Heck I would make it a point & I would also take lots of photos. It might be one of those "meant to be" times.

Wishing you the best.

P.S. I would never trust anyone to bake a cake for me, unless I knew who it was & I only know ONE lady that bakes gluten-free cakes & they are scrumptous & sell for about $35.00, & I am in Houston, where there is everything. But I would only eat cakes this lady makes...

[Mango04]

In all fairness, I don't think it's possible for a non-celiac to truly understand the importance of a cake in this type of situation. Most gluten-eating people would assume that everyone would get over something like this soon enough. It's unfortunate that happened though.

I like paperdoll's idea. Maybe you can bake yourself a really awesome gluten-free cake and invite the family over for another celebration. Sort of like a do-over . Hope it works out. Happy Birthday.

[submarinerwife]

Happy 60th Birthday! I am so sorry to hear that this happened. However I hope that the cake alone did not ruin the whole party, the family all being together can be so special even without cake! It sounds like this girl is scared and may be trying to cya at the moment, maybe she did bake the cake and is upset because it didn't work and maybe she hoped to keep the extra money by cheeping out and made a mistake, Unfortunately it is just so hard for some people to own up to their mistakes especially if raised by a family that is too harsh and unforgiving. Maybe try letting her know that even if it is her fault that you are not mad at her, just concerned and that you don't want the mistake to happen again. If she baked it you could offer to help her learn to cook without the cc problem etc. sometimes you cannot approach an adult as an adult but as you would a young scared child. I hope everything can be fixed and if not I hope your son can keep from getting hurt. Life is never easy, I pray for all of you. I hope this girl can finally find an understanding of what you are going through and that she will do the right thing.

Blessings and Happy Birthday once again!

[Darn210]

From your description of the cake, it was obviously made by someone that had not made one before or they would have known immediately that it didn't come out right. And if it was made by someone that's never done it before, you know they don't understand the ramifications of cross-contamination. They could have even used regular flour to dust the cake pan. Especially, if they were using a mix - they wouldn't have thought to save some back to coat the pan - and what else would they have had in their pantry?

That being said, I think it's someone that she feels the need to protect. If it was a business or just an individual that does cakes on the side, I think she would have given them up. My first thought was that she baked it herself. If you think she is telling the truth that she didn't do it, then her mom or sister or best friend. Somebody that she really feels the need to protect.

Now, don't jump all over me, but the environment sounds pretty hostile. If she is feeling under attack, she may just be in defense mode and will not open up. She may be closing down communication because she is hoping it will all blow over and doesn't realize that she's making things worse. I'm sure she feels guilty and may even feel that she's gone too far and can't change her story now. I think she's going to need to feel safe and secure in/with YOUR family before she will spill the beans.

I also think a Birthday "do-over" to create some nice memories would be beneficial for everyone. But not until you can do it without getting worked up over the previous attempt.

[2kids4me]

I agree with the idea of making your own buffet of gluten-free goodies and getting together with family. Personally I would drop it - she isnt being forthcoming, and your son has chosen this woman. If he is being kept in the dark about the source of the cake, then he needs to question what else she does not tell him It just seems very odd that she would apparently go to all this trouble over the cake yet it is some secret person /location that she picked this cake up from and is not willing to divulge.

Life is short and unkind at times. Look back and remember the people who gathered to celebrate with you. In time maybe it can become a source of laughter over the "rock cake'. Maybe turn it into - "I know I'm tough, but I could not cut that cake!"

What you learned is to never invite this woman to a potluck at your house, just have her come without food and then there will be no issues. She can be in charge of decorating next time. I would imagine that for the wedding - if they get married - offer to pay for the cake and get one made gluten-free so you can enjoy the wedding!

You can't change her, she will never own up to this and it will only become confrontational, she is not open to suggestions, or anything else. let go of the cake and grab your mixmaster - whip yourself up your favorite cake and put the coffee pot on for an impromtu gathering of family.

Happy Birthday

Sandy