Frustrated W/ My Marriage

[Sweetfudge]

so i don't know what to do. i just needed someone to vent to. i am so frustrated right now with my life. i feel like my marriage is in shambles. i feel like i have no direction. and i don't have anyone to talk to, at least not face to face, because i have no friends. i am really tired of my life being like this. 75% of me wants to stick it out and fix my marriage, and 25% of me wants to bail ship before we both drown. i hate myself for that. but neither of us is happy with the other. he's not happy w/ me b/c i am my own first priority, and i'm not doing a whole lot with my life. i'm not happy with him because he's always nagging me, and because i am not attracted to him like i once was. i know i need to go to the gym, i know i need to eat healthier, i need to do the housework regularly, i need to budget my money better, i need to figure out how to regain my desire for him. but it's so hard to do all these things when i'm not right now. i feel like we're always fighting about these things. the solution is simple in theory...just start doing all those things. and yet...saying it is one thing, doing it's a completely whole other obstacle....

[tarnalberry]

so i don't know what to do. i just needed someone to vent to. i am so frustrated right now with my life. i feel like my marriage is in shambles. i feel like i have no direction. and i don't have anyone to talk to, at least not face to face, because i have no friends. i am really tired of my life being like this. 75% of me wants to stick it out and fix my marriage, and 25% of me wants to bail ship before we both drown. i hate myself for that. but neither of us is happy with the other. he's not happy w/ me b/c i am my own first priority, and i'm not doing a whole lot with my life. i'm not happy with him because he's always nagging me, and because i am not attracted to him like i once was. i know i need to go to the gym, i know i need to eat healthier, i need to do the housework regularly, i need to budget my money better, i need to figure out how to regain my desire for him. but it's so hard to do all these things when i'm not right now. i feel like we're always fighting about these things. the solution is simple in theory...just start doing all those things. and yet...saying it is one thing, doing it's a completely whole other obstacle....

may I suggest that starting to do *all* those things is horridly HARD!

start by doing *ONE* of those things. Just One. then, after you have that one down, and making progress, for something like two months, add in another. he can work on the nagging too, for that one.

but keep talking. perhaps that's the first thing - you guys work with a counselor to improve your communication skills. (there's always room for improvement in communication skills.) (this could be a nonthreatening counseling approach - you're not trying to "fix" anything, you're doing the equivalent of going to a personal trainer, only for your communication styles.)

[blueeyedmanda]

Hi

Wow, where to begin....I don't want to sound selfious but right now I think the first priority should be you and your health. You have been ill and need to get things back on track on that front first. Have you both talked about things, how the marriage is sinking and how you overall feel anymore.

I know the job situation for you at this time has been rocky as well, could this also be causing more unneeded stress on the marriage? As for going to the gym....that is not something you should be nagged for, I would file that at the bottom of your to do list. Housework, do you guys share at all or is this something you do solely on your own? If this is the case maybe you can ask for some help on a few things.

I really do not want to see the marriage sink or you either. It does look like overall you want to work out the problems and that is a good sign, it means you have not given totally up yet. The whole finding the desire is a tough one, and one I am not sure I will be much help with...that is something you might need to work out on your own. If possible could you guys take a long weekend and go away and spend time together. It might help regain some of the lust. How long have you been married? I keep thinking it is pretty recent but I may have that wrong?

I know John and I went through a phase in our relationship where honest to god we fought everyday over the pettiest things you could ever imagine. It makes me look back and think gosh I am lucky we are still together.....Hope this helps.

[Jestgar]

Hey Sweetie,

You're doing the right thing by letting it out here so you can clear your head for talking to the hubby. I seem to remember a previous vent a few months ago. Maybe it's just the low point in the cycle and everything will seem much better in a week or two.

[jkmunchkin]

1st off, we are always here for you to vent

2nd, is it possible that subconsciously you don't want to bother trying to "fix" the things that he disapproves of because you don't think it will make any difference?

Just a thought.