How Do I Overcome Bad Advice?

[sharps45]

I'm only recently diagnosed, and have spent hours researching this disease. In the course of telling some family members I found out that my nephew, 22, was diagnosed several years ago. His doctor told him that anything he could eat that didn't cause him symptoms was alright. (I also had my first doctor tell me something similar) How do I tactfully tell him that he really needs to get on the diet and stay on it? His mother has a strong personality, and while I love her to death, my getting too adamant could cause some problems in the family. Could someone help me with some facts and statistics that I could use to convince them of the danger? I understand his reluctance to face the truth, as I had very few health symptoms when eating gluten, and had a hard time convincing myself I had to go gluten-free. Please help! thanks

[happygirl]

Give him the book by Dr. Peter Green---he's a leading authority on Celiac. It should hopefully be a kind nudge.

[Guest j_mommy]

I agree with the book choice!!!

At the same time I would drop a few notes of wisdom and leave it at that, I wouldn't push every time you see him. Some people are in denial and just don't want to follow the diet as it should be followed or only follow it at convient times. Soemtimes we must realize that it is their body and their life.

It is especially hard when it's a family member doing this. My grandmother who is in bad health anyway refuses to do anything. It is very frustrating, but I have choosen to let it go b/c I do want to enjoy our time together and fighting every time we see each other just isn't worth it!

Good Luck!

[EBsMom]

Give him the book by Dr. Peter Green---he's a leading authority on Celiac. It should hopefully be a kind nudge.

That's a great idea! The book really covers it all.

Convincing family members to get tested or take the diet seriously can be really shaky ground. My f-i-l is a walking laundry list of symptoms and associated conditions and he absolutely refuses to consider the fact that he probably has celiac disease. My b-i-l was just diagnosed and he's eating "a little gluten" and thinks that it's okay. I tried to talk to them both, but it was verging on being confrontational. All I can hope now is that I planted a seed, and that they'll eventually figure it out. In the end, it's their call. My f-i-l is about to turn 70, so he's lived a long time with his problem....he's been sick and debilitated for many of those years, though. It's even harder to watch a young person continuing to ingest gluten, knowing what they're probably doing to their bodies.....I hope your nephew figures it out. Good luck!

Rhonda

[sparkles]

Your nephew is 22.... seems like IF given some correct information, he might make the right decisions about his diet. Print up a few articles about celiac disease or turn him on to this site. But like everything, some people find it easier to ignore the facts and stay in denial. Let's face it, if we could just eat a "little" gluten, life would seem much less overwhelming at times. All you can do is give him some facts and I think the written word is less confrontational.... Good luck!

[sharps45]

Thanks everyone for the answers. I don't think the book is the way to go just yet. The articles may be my best opening. Maybe by showing him that I can do it alright may help. I'll let you know. thanks again

[Mom23boys]

Solicit his help getting started on this.

Don't direct it like "you need to do this" but "how do I __?".

"My dr said all celiacs must avoid cc . I searched the internet and it was verified at Celiac.com and __ sites. What is the easiest way for you to __?"

"That sandwich looks good. What kind of gluten-free bread do you like best?"

[Centa]

Hello, there

Tell him about this site,

...that there are people his age who are members, some of whom are twenty-somethings with cute avatars

...that people on this board write from experience about the effects of gluten in their life,

....and what they know from experience makes a difference.

...that he can ask anything he wants on the site, that that's' what everybody else is doing.

[kbtoyssni]

I would approach it from a "there has been recent research that shows you do not grow out of the disease and you must stay strictly gluten-free to avoid further complications even if you don't get immediate symptoms from eating small amounts of gluten". 22 years ago it was pretty standard for doctors to say that kids would grow out of it.

Why does his mother need to be involved in this? He's 22 so I would just talk to him. He's old enough to make his own decisions.

[sharps45]

He lives at the other end of the state, so just getting a face to face will be difficult. I also think that going through the mother would be the best approach. I really think I need to getting her on my side to get him to look at this disease would be the best approach. I really need to get some more information from her (what dr. told him, how he was diagnosed, etc.) before I hand a bunch of ugly statistics to the family. I'm hoping to talk to her tonite, so maybe I'll get back on the board tomorrow and let you all know what went on. thanks again

[Gemini]

Your nephew is 22.... seems like IF given some correct information, he might make the right decisions about his diet. Print up a few articles about celiac disease or turn him on to this site. But like everything, some people find it easier to ignore the facts and stay in denial. Let's face it, if we could just eat a "little" gluten, life would seem much less overwhelming at times. All you can do is give him some facts and I think the written word is less confrontational.... Good luck!

My nephew is 25 and I know he has celiac disease also. He always has stomach issues and loves his beer. He also has bad asthma and my family refuses to believe that their breathing problems are connected to gluten. So.....I convinced him to do an experiment, which was to go beer free for 2 weeks and then have one. He did it for me and when he raised the glass after 2 weeks, his chest tightened considerably after 1 sip of the beer. He was convinced BUT he has not reached the point where he can accept this. He thinks he can go gluten light and just has trouble giving up some of his favorite foods. He's a kid so I expected that. I think eventually, when he becomes much sicker, he will be ready to go gluten-free for good but it's hard to watch the damage being done. He was tested recently by his PCP, after telling him about me but I have no idea what tests were run and I have had to drop the enquiries for now. People get awfully pissy when you press the matter. It never fails to amaze me that people cannot connect food to their health problems and think they will die without bread!

[JNBunnie1]

My nephew is 25 and I know he has celiac disease also. He always has stomach issues and loves his beer. He also has bad asthma and my family refuses to believe that their breathing problems are connected to gluten. So.....I convinced him to do an experiment, which was to go beer free for 2 weeks and then have one. He did it for me and when he raised the glass after 2 weeks, his chest tightened considerably after 1 sip of the beer. He was convinced BUT he has not reached the point where he can accept this. He thinks he can go gluten light and just has trouble giving up some of his favorite foods. He's a kid so I expected that. I think eventually, when he becomes much sicker, he will be ready to go gluten-free for good but it's hard to watch the damage being done. He was tested recently by his PCP, after telling him about me but I have no idea what tests were run and I have had to drop the enquiries for now. People get awfully pissy when you press the matter. It never fails to amaze me that people cannot connect food to their health problems and think they will die without bread!

I think it's a little unfair to say that just because someone is young, then they have a hard time with self-discipline. I figured this out on my own when I was 19 and I've never cheated, and I know a lot of older people that cheat all the time. From a younger person's perspective, it's much easier to be open to what someone has to say to me when they don't have a preconception of my abilities or maturity. It's been my experience that the best way to teach a young person something is to ask them to teach you about it, the way someone else suggested.

[Gemini]

I think it's a little unfair to say that just because someone is young, then they have a hard time with self-discipline. I figured this out on my own when I was 19 and I've never cheated, and I know a lot of older people that cheat all the time. From a younger person's perspective, it's much easier to be open to what someone has to say to me when they don't have a preconception of my abilities or maturity. It's been my experience that the best way to teach a young person something is to ask them to teach you about it, the way someone else suggested.

Oh, I don't think it's unfair at all. I never said that all younger people are not disciplined, in fact, I never mentioned the word undisciplined. For younger people, food is a much larger social issue. It's younger people, especially unmarried younger people, that go out more often with their friends and significant others and most of their socializing revolves around food. It would be more difficult for them to forego eating the gluten way and, from my experience directly, more difficult for a younger person to explain to their social group why they can't eat what many in that age group usually eat.

My nephew is pretty mature for his age and I have never inferred to him that he is not. But I really believe it would be harder for many younger people to deal with Celiac for social reasons. The Western diet is not a healthy diet and many more young people rely on fast food for meals than people in my age group....at least they do around my neck of the woods.

You are an exception to the rule to know enough about food to figure it all out at such a young age and you should be proud of that fact. You also may have been sicker than my nephew and when symptoms are not bad enough to interrupt your life, your denial button is triggered. He knows he has Celiac but keeps saying things like he can't imagine going through life never being able to eat his favorite things like a roast beef sandwich. I responded by telling him he didn't have to give up his sandwiches....he would just have to stop ordering out and make them at home with gluten-free bread. It's all perspective and I suspect the real reason is the loss of convenience and the perception your social life will be dead, which is not true.

[JNBunnie1]

Oh, I don't think it's unfair at all. I never said that all younger people are not disciplined, in fact, I never mentioned the word undisciplined. For younger people, food is a much larger social issue. It's younger people, especially unmarried younger people, that go out more often with their friends and significant others and most of their socializing revolves around food. It would be more difficult for them to forego eating the gluten way and, from my experience directly, more difficult for a younger person to explain to their social group why they can't eat what many in that age group usually eat.

My nephew is pretty mature for his age and I have never inferred to him that he is not. But I really believe it would be harder for many younger people to deal with Celiac for social reasons. The Western diet is not a healthy diet and many more young people rely on fast food for meals than people in my age group....at least they do around my neck of the woods.

You are an exception to the rule to know enough about food to figure it all out at such a young age and you should be proud of that fact. You also may have been sicker than my nephew and when symptoms are not bad enough to interrupt your life, your denial button is triggered. He knows he has Celiac but keeps saying things like he can't imagine going through life never being able to eat his favorite things like a roast beef sandwich. I responded by telling him he didn't have to give up his sandwiches....he would just have to stop ordering out and make them at home with gluten-free bread. It's all perspective and I suspect the real reason is the loss of convenience and the perception your social life will be dead, which is not true.

That's true, I was VERY sick. It does seem harder for people to follow the rules when they don't have major repercussions for breaking them. People have been trained to expect everything to be convenient and easy.

On the other hand, every single person I know has supported me wholeheartedly in my gluten-free eating. They are more on top of things at restaurants than I am sometimes, and if I go to a friends house, they either buy something or make sure they cook in a safe fashion, so that I can eat. Fortunately, I've learned to be a good enough cook that people also enjoy coming to eat my food.

[Crystalkd]

I'm a little diffrent. My view is this. He is 22 and able to make his own choices. Share with him what you know. I've seen that family members no matter how hard they try or how well meaning they are are still clueless and defensive in some areas. My mom knows I can't eat pizza but she still doesn't grasp the food additives thing. My saving grace was that my stepfather went organic about a year before I got sick so he understands more. Even he at times forgets and looked at me crazy when I was mad at him for sticking glutened spoon in my rice pudding. His responce: I licked it clean!!! Gotta love him.

Tell your nephew what you've learned. Don't worry about his mom so much. It's his health not hers. The punishment for ignoring what you should do for Cealic could be deadly in the long run.

Like I said I see things a little diffrently.

[tom]

. . . His doctor told him that anything he could eat that didn't cause him symptoms was alright.

I LOST 5-7yrs of my life by thinking this way for a few yrs, prior to the disease's more serious complications.

A couple of those 'lost' yrs are, I'm 99% positive, . . . THE . . .. WORST . .. . THING .. .. I'LL . ..EVER . GO THROUGH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I could be a horrific burn victim tomorrow and next year I'll STILL say the celiac yrs were the worst.

And it was enTIREly caused by believing I could "get away with" some gluten.