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Glutened Myself On Purpose

chgomom

By chgomom
in Coping with Celiac Disease

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chgomom Enthusiast
chgomom
Posted

Hi everyone,

It's been awhile since I have been on. For a while I was doing really well, then in December my mother passed away. The 9th to be exact and her funeral was the 12th. If you don't remember, my father died in 2005 two days after Christmas. I am also working out a marital issue. So there is lots of stress and thats something I am addressing separate to what I just did yesterday.

Yesterday, after a night of long conversation with my husband, and on my way home from work, I stopped at Wendy's got a frosty (which is gluten-free) but then I added fries, and a baconater without the bread but their mayo and ketchup (this was abotu 3 pm)

Last night at about 8, I started having a panic attack where I felt like something was going to happen to me. Then it subsided and I was burping. Then last night I woke up, heart pounding, with a sick stomach and burping. Then this morning the D is coming, I had another one of those doom and gloom panicky things like something bad was going to happen to me, and I feel like I've been beaten with a bat and I know I am going to have D. Because last night it was normal, this morning it was softer and now I can feel another one coming (sorry for being gross). I am even getting these little pings of pain in different spots all over.

I feel like such a loser, I've been gluten free since June 06. Has anyone ever done this, or am I the lone ranger on this. How stupid could I be!!

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darlindeb25 Collaborator
darlindeb25
Posted

Feel better and start over! Don't beat yourself up. It happened, it's over, tomorrow is a new day! Yes, we have all made mistakes. I usually do not make mistakes with food, sometimes I say things I want to take back, which can hurt someone else worse and I wish I had glutened me instead of hurting them.

If you would like to talk, feel free to email me, my door is always open--ok.

Deb

Tim-n-VA Contributor
Tim-n-VA
Posted

I read this originally in the context of weight loss but...

Think about those navigation systems you have in your car. If you miss a turn it doesn't tell you to drive through people's yards and it doesn't say "You missed your turn, drive off of a bridge". It figures a way to get you back on track.

We all make mistakes, some intentional, some not. The key is to get back on track.

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

I am so sorry about your Mom and Dad. It sounds like you are under a lot of stress right now. Please don't beat yourself up over this, your body is doing that enough for you. I haven't done this with gluten but I have with my casein issue. Sometimes I just get into this mindset, usually when depressed, that it just isn't fair. So much has been taken away from me and why does this have to go too. Then I get angry and will at times just say 'screw it' and grab some cream cheese or a chocolate bar with milk. As much as I hate to admit it I have been doing just that the last couple of days. And yes I do pay for it also, I woke at 3 am this morning feeling like someone was twisting my intestines and then knifing them. Am I sorry I did it? Yes of course I am. Do I understand why I did it? Yea, I have been under extreme stress lately, nothing compared to what you are going through, but still lots of stress. Will I do it again? I don't know, I will try not to, the cost is too dear. But I also realize I am human, and you are to. You can't change what you did yesterday. Don't punish yourself for it. Please be sure to keep in mind that the intense emotions you are feeling are being intensified by the gluten reaction. Try to pamper yourself if you can and keep in your mind that those intense feelings will fade to a more tolerable level once the gluten effects have passed. Hang in there and big

(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

chgomom Enthusiast
chgomom
Posted
  • Author

Yeah...this reaction has me feeling like I am losing my mind.

I never thought it would be that intense.

Is that normal? Like paranoid, achy...holy cow.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

I'm so sorry about your dad and now your mom :( You're under so much stress right now, so please don't be upset with yourself for this one lapse. It really sounds to me like you went right to the point of glutening yourself, but from the choices you made--stopped short. Of course, the CC got you, but you did show restraint ;)

None of us are perfect--I've not ever cheated with gluten--but I do push my other intolerances from time to time. I had some stress last year--major surgery and a move. I can't say that I felt in control at all times, but I did my best. That's really all we can expect of ourselves.

You questioned the panic--I get this, too when accidently glutened. It's like a heightened sense of anxiety. I think, no--I know, I hate that more than the physical symptoms.

It will pass, and you will feel well again :)

Best of luck with everything, you're not alone--come back and post anytime!

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted
Yeah...this reaction has me feeling like I am losing my mind.

I never thought it would be that intense.

Is that normal? Like paranoid, achy...holy cow.

Yes this is normal. It will go away but it may make some situations difficult when it is present. I feel so hopeless and scared when this happens, but telling myself it is the gluten not the world around me helps me to cope. I hope it goes away quickly for you.

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Aves Newbie
Aves
Posted

I just went gluten free in May of 2007. I first knew something was wrong because I became terribly depressed, and then when I began to stop eating gluten (it was a process since I didn't know where it was hidden) the first sign that I had gluten was feeling free floating anxiety and mild paranoia. Sometimes it took me awhile to find where it was hidden, but Voila! it would always be something-- blue cheese, those nice little potato chips, whatever...

The best thing out of all of this is that when I am gluten free I'm so calm! That constant anxiety in my life was definitely a sign of a gluten reaction.

Yeah...this reaction has me feeling like I am losing my mind.

I never thought it would be that intense.

Is that normal? Like paranoid, achy...holy cow.

chgomom Enthusiast
chgomom
Posted
  • Author

Yep....like anxiety but to the next level.

And it reminded me of when I went gluten free. Those first couple of months where you go up and down, and realized just how sick I was then. I guess thats why I am so disappointed with myself.

Each day is a new day, and a new opportunity to start again though.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
Each day is a new day, and a new opportunity to start again though.

Exactly! :D

chgomom Enthusiast
chgomom
Posted
  • Author

OMG...still today I feel like I am going to throw up.

I have yellow BM's, and I am nauseaus.

What the heck did I do to myself.

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
OMG...still today I feel like I am going to throw up.

I have yellow BM's, and I am nauseaus.

What the heck did I do to myself.

Hey, when I get bad glutened, it lasts for a month. Don't put any limits on yourself for when you think you're 'supposed' to feel better by. Just pamper yourself for now with mint tea and gentle foods. If your poo continues to be funkified colors, I would consider that there was some other kind of food contamination, as in food-borne illness, and don't allow yourself to get dehydrated. I always had bad nausea with glutening but never threw up, too.

I have some good stress-time treats you can get anywhere. I actually do milkshake therapy sometimes. After my father died, from leukemia, I had lots of sex with my boyfriend. I know that sounds strange, but the whatever chemicals orgasm releases kept me from getting too depressed. (well, you can't get that anywhere) And chocolate. And baking keeps me calm, for some reason. Even when it doesn't come out good, I love baking. I've got a bunch of cakes and cookies in the freezer, even a pie.

loco-ladi Contributor
loco-ladi
Posted
What the heck did I do to myself.

I believe we shall call this proof positive you are not losing yoru mind ;)

You just got the best (if not most comfortable) proof you need to stay gluten-free

been there done that myself, and if I am not mistaken not a single one of us here can say they havent done the same thing so heck welcome to the club we are a large but friendly group :D

Keep your chin up it will end eventually.

dksart Apprentice
dksart
Posted

Hi,

I hope you are feeling better.

I got cc'd at Chick fil A right before Christmas and it turned into an ear infection that lasted two weeks and screwed up my equilibrium. That turned into a hell of a sinus infection for another week until I got the flu. That totally kicked my butt until New Years when I got a relapse that was even worse. Not to mention all of the belly issues, headaches and arthritis/swollen joint problems that lingered for weeks after that.

I have been sick for over a month straight, just feeling better as of yesterday. Still struggling with brain fog and a slight depression.

If I ever eat at a fast food restaurant again, it won't be through a drive-thru window. I will go in and speak with a manager and explain the necessity of clean work surfaces, new gloves and no condiments etc. that could have been cc'd. I am still kicking myself for being in too much of a rush to eat good food.

Good Luck,

Debbie

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