Return Of The Monster Child

[Aleshia]

so... we went to a wedding yesterday and there was limited choice of food... we had brought some of our own snacks for the kids but I still gave them some sliced meat and cheese and veggies from the buffet and a bag of potato chips and then I read the ingredients on the potato salad and couldn't see anything obvious on it so gave them some of that too... anyway, I can' figure out if he is just over-tired because we got home late so he didn't get as much good sleep as he usually does (you just cant sleep the same in the car!) or if he was glutanized... maybe there was a hidden ingredient... maybe he got cross contaminated from some of the bread or something that was on the buffet near the meat? I'm pretty sure he didn't take any of the crackers they had there because I had given him some of our rice crackers and he didn't even finish those... the poor guy couldn't even have any of the wedding cake and he didn't even fuss about it... now he's screaming and crying about everything. nothing makes him happy... he didn't want waffles, he wanted his yogurt on a plate he doesn't want to sleep in his clothes (he woke up in them cause we didn't want to wake him to change into pjs but he's not going to sleep so I don't know why he's saying that) he's fussing about toys and what chair he wants to sit in and he just won't stop... its just constant crying and whining and it gets on my nerves because I can't understand him and there is no reason for it that I can see... I ask him if he gets a tummy ache or anything from anything he eats and he says no... but it must be doing something to him!! in some ways I just want to cuddle him cause I'm sure he doesn't understand why he is acting the way he is and he probably can't control it very well... but in other ways I want to make sure that he knows his behavior is unacceptable and not just allow him to make everyone elses life difficult... oh the mommy guilt! what to do what to do! anyway how do you out there who have this problem deal with it? do you cuddle your child or discipline them?

[Ursa Major]

While you don't want to tell him that it is okay to behave like that, actually disciplining him wouldn't be appropriate for something that he has no control over. It very much sounds like your son was glutened somehow, and he is suffering and has no idea why he is so miserable.

Just try being loving, without coddling or pitying him. This won't be the last time this happens I am afraid (but hopefully it won't happen often). You just need to bear with it and see if you can minimize the problem. Can you sit him in front of a movie (yes, sometimes it is appropriate to use the TV to pacify a child) with his favourite juice or snack to get a break?

[RiceGuy]

Well, I can only speak from my experiences as a child. I would get so confused I just couldn't function. It was very alarming to me, but my parents just figured I was making it all up so I could stay home from school or something, or that I was intentionally being a brat for some reason. It frustrated me that they didn't listen to what I was trying to explain, but I also couldn't fully comprehend it all since I was feeling so out of it. It was sorta like being detached from your own body, but still trapped inside it. Like you go around watching yourself do bizarre things, as if you're only watching it on a TV screen. Imagine what it might be like to have a second personality split off from your own, and it is the one in control of your body. It wants to follow routine, but it's like you are the one that knows what you're supposed to be doing, and it doesn't. So you want to communicate the instructions, but you don't know how.

That's perhaps the best way I can explain it, the way it happened to me. In such a case I cannot see how discipline is warranted or helpful. If my parents had listened to me, and just said "ok, go back to bed until you feel ok again", I think I would have been able to manage that, as long as they helped me get there.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that you know your own child best. But no, I do not believe he really wants to be misbehaving.

[Aleshia]

Well, I can only speak from my experiences as a child. I would get so confused I just couldn't function. It was very alarming to me, but my parents just figured I was making it all up so I could stay home from school or something, or that I was intentionally being a brat for some reason. It frustrated me that they didn't listen to what I was trying to explain, but I also couldn't fully comprehend it all since I was feeling so out of it. It was sorta like being detached from your own body, but still trapped inside it. Like you go around watching yourself do bizarre things, as if you're only watching it on a TV screen. Imagine what it might be like to have a second personality split off from your own, and it is the one in control of your body. It wants to follow routine, but it's like you are the one that knows what you're supposed to be doing, and it doesn't. So you want to communicate the instructions, but you don't know how.

That's perhaps the best way I can explain it, the way it happened to me. In such a case I cannot see how discipline is warranted or helpful. If my parents had listened to me, and just said "ok, go back to bed until you feel ok again", I think I would have been able to manage that, as long as they helped me get there.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that you know your own child best. But no, I do not believe he really wants to be misbehaving.

that seems to be how he is acting a lot of the time... I mean he kinda seems in his own little world and you have to tell him something many times before it seems to click in his mind that you are even talking to him... I did tell him to go in his room until he stopped fussing and that when he was settled down he could come out again and try to eat his breakfast... he was crying for an hour then came out and said that he hurt his fingers on the toy box asked for some cuddles said he was better and went and ate his breakfast as if nothing had happened... its so strange!

anyway I'm just glad he's not fussing anymore but he still isn't quite the angel that he was yesterday at least I recognise him as a child now instead of a monster!

I don't get frustrated to the point of being angry with him anymore now that I know gluten is probably the culprit and he is probably confused about what he feels... if he has brain fog like I do it would be very scary for him at his age to not understand it.... I do get frustrated with myself though... cause its like I don't know what to do.. I got so many conflicting things going through my head... my husband is a lot stricter with the kids than me and I know they walk all over me cause I'm not consistent enough but part of that is because of my own brain fog... I tell them "when we get home you are gonna be in big trouble for that!" then by the time we get home i have totally forgotten all about it... so they get away with it with absolutely no consequences and they know they can do it again next time!

[YoloGx]

I so relate. When I got sick my parents would stick me in my room by myself--so really there was no reward. I was so often out of it. I even sometimes saw or heard people when they weren't actually there. I told myself stories and basically hypnotized myself so I could get some sleep. If I was afraid of something I "saw" my mother would calm me down by having me lie down and she would rub my belly.

I highly suggest you give your son digestive enzymes. I just found this stuff called Gluten-zyme by Country Life that save me from D the other day. It was so great! It makes going out to eat not so fearful since it helps one digest glutens better!! Nevertheless its not a cure all; I still got burning and achy feet and calves (which I also had constantly as a child--worse when lying down trying to sleep) though taking extra co-enzyme B vitamins helped counteract some of that. The co-enzyme B's might help your child too--especially with carb and protein metabolism as well as nerve, heart and mental functions.

I also ate a bunch of papaya that same night I got glutened which I think helped counteract the D too. Taking papaya/bromelain caps right away would act similarly.

Taking marshmallow root and/or slippery elm caps 2 to 3 times a day would be soothing and healing for the inflamed villi in his intestines.

Peppermint and chamomile tea are also good soothing additions.

Avoid raw vegetables and fried anything while his intestinal system is so raw. Its also best to eat the cave man (or child?) diet while he is healing--thus few grains and of those have them be whole but cooked. Emphasize root vegetables and squash for now as far as carbs go. Some meat should be OK but not fried.

Fresh pineapple may agree with him too. It has lots of enzymes. I can see why he went for the plain yogurt--again it has good enzymes. And don't give him plain milk--you probably already know that of course!

He may not be able to tolerate much sugar. I never could. Stevia is a good sweetner. In baked goods make sure to use some applesauce to counteract the strange bitter taste it gets if you use much stevia. It really works well.

Hope this helps.

Bea

[Aleshia]

I can see why he went for the plain yogurt--again it has good enzymes. And don't give him plain milk--you probably already know that of course!

it wasn't "plain yogurt" he wanted... he wanted me to put his yogurt on a plate... he always wants something different than what I give him... has to change things somehow...

as for the milk he refuses to drink milk so I don't force it on him. he prefers cereals either plain or on top of yogurt which is fine with me too. he does like cheese so I figure if he has green vegetables and either yogurt or cheese then at least he is getting some calcium that way.

you mentioned not fried meats... I have been cooking chicken breast in a nonstick pan with no oil or anything. it turns out nice with a brown finish on it... that wouldn't be considered fried right?

[dbmamaz]

I just want to say that sometimes when my kids are having a really bad day like that, I'll just sit down calmly with them and say, You arent having a very good day, are you. I'll try to hold them or rub their back and see if they can say what might help, but some days are just like that. I find this also helps when they see another kid (sibling or neighbor) really acting out, we say, it looks like (child x) isnt having a very good day, is he. I feel like it teaches them to understand their own feelings and be compassionate about others too - we're pretty emo around here (my daughter's favorite word) so compassion is important to us, often more important than 'discipline"

[Cinnamon]

Sometimes a nice, warm bath helps, maybe with a little Epsom Salts to help them detox.

[Aleshia]

Sometimes a nice, warm bath helps, maybe with a little Epsom Salts to help them detox.

ok this is gonna sound terrible... my kids are lucky to get a bath more than once a week I don't know why but that is one of the hardest things for me when I am so tired and worn out and stressed out by all the housework I'm behind on... its basically all I can do to feed and clothe them and get the oldest to preschool on time

[dbmamaz]

wow, bath was one of the first things i'd do when they got cranky . .. just run some water, throw in some bubbles and some toys, tell the oldest one to catch the younger ones if they fall under and yell for me . . . then go somewhere within ear-shot and get a break. If they were bored or cranky or trying to make a mess w water somewhere else .. . throw them in the bath . . . measuring cups and happy meal toys. Sometimes they'd stay an hour! and if you throw in bubble bath, theres not much ring around the tub, which i rarely washed.

[Aleshia]

Sometimes they'd stay an hour! and if you throw in bubble bath, theres not much ring around the tub, which i rarely washed.

maybe that is the problem... I wouldn't want to have a bath in the dirty tub... so don't want the kids to and don't have the energy to wash it every time...

[mammajamma]

I also would give my kids a bath whenever they seemed to be losing control (routine always helped with that, they got a bath every day like clockwork!)... my son has ADHD and now I am wondering if going gluten-free will help him as well... his blood tests were "borderline" but has been losing weight recently and the pediatric GI recommended I get him scoped as well...