Embarrassed @ Whole Foods

[FoxersArtist]

To date I have been a very lucky parent. Every parent seems to have one of "those" stories (of how their child embarrassed them to death in a public place), proudly tucked away under their belt. These are the sort of points that adult caretakers earn so that on the day their offspring turns 16, mom or dad can march around their children's newest friends and attractions with naked baby photos. (In my case, this was a photo of a 5 year old me hanging my bottom so far down into the toilet that all you could see was a little head and a couple of twiggy arms sprouting out the sides...don't forget the gigantic pair of glasses that made me look like a granny-wanna-be.) Let me assure you if you were not already aware, there IS a difference in motive here. Small children are simply full of wonderment and curiosity and they want the whole world to know it. The world around them envokes curiosity and exciting new adventures are just around the corner - every corner. An adult armed with the family baby album is driven mostly by revenge. Don't let those warm fuzzy statements fool you("we're so proud of how far she has come"...and take THAT for all of the years that I so loyaly scrubbed boogers out of the floorboard carpeting in my minivan.)

When Andy and I first had our son, Gabe, I recall one thing my father reminded us of over and over again. He got this gleeful yet cantankeous sparkle in his eye as he remarked in a sassy voice: "Just wait until he's a little older. Payback is a B%##$!" Gee, was I really that much trouble dad? Are you sure I was the bad kid?

Today I got just a small taste of what it feels like to be embarrassed of your child in a public setting. My mom always shared the story of how my sister would wave "hello" at everyone who passed in the grocery store. Gabe has been doing this for some time and I think it's adorable. So does everyone else, I am sure, and I have been eager to see him improve his interaction around others, until today.

Andy dropped me and the kids off at Whole Foods Market to grocery shop while he went to an appointment. It's the same routine we have every Thursday afternoon and I always look forward to it, since I don't get out much. I loaded the kids in the cart, kissed Andy goodbye (yes, yes, we do those sorts of things in public, more ammunition against our kids as they get older.) I realized that I really had to use the bathroom after drinking a can of organic orange soda so we went in a different door than usual and headed toward the bathroom.

Opening up "facility" doors while maneuvering a shopping cart is always a task, especially when filled with 40 lbs of squirming baby. It usually goes something like this: Open door, get halfway through door when door suddenly springs closed and wedges you halfway in and halfway out. Nudge door open again with foot or butt. Clang, clang, clang as rungs of shopping cart smack metal door jam on the way in. Door closes on end of shopping cart because you can no longer reach it to prop it open. Stranger comes along, gives you a shy smile and offers to hold door for you, making you feel like an idiot.

And this is exactly what happened. After nearly colliding several times with the kind lady who had saved us from our ongoing battle with the lavatory door, I steared the cart in a bee line toward the handicapped stall as she remarked that I sure had my hands full. she has no idea. She took the stall right next door. Whew! We survived that adventure and amazingly, the cart fit with little trouble into the stall. Katie was quietly gnawing on the straps to my purse and Gabe was examining a new toy his dad had spoiled him with earlier in the day.

Before my mind could wander off, Gabe became very excited. ...and chatty...

"Poop? Poop. Poop! POOP!" He was pointing at the toilet. Shhhh, there is a lady right next to us, I thought to myself.

"POOP! POOP! POOOOOOP! BIRD POOP!" Greeaaat, there is no stopping him now.

"Pooopoooopoooopoooooopppppppooooop!"

"Yes Gabe, this is where we go potty."

"POOOOOOOOOOPPPP!!!!"

I was frozen in time. I was sure that this was exactly what the woman in the other stall was trying to do because I hadn't heard any noise over there. I am quite sure my son wasn't helping. A minute passed and Gabe's attention span shifted. THANK GOODNESS! He reach down for one of his toys but then suddenly changed course. To my horror I realized that he could reach the stall lock and at this point I was momentarily stranded where I was.

Click, clack, click, clack, click, click, click!

Someone new came into the bathroom as he was sliding the lock back and forth. Oh please let them not come to my stall. Oh, but they did. Clunk, Clunk!!! But the door was stuck. It was still locked. Whew! That could have been really bad. If the lady in the stall next to me had as much bathroom anxiety as I do, she was not having a good time. Gabe's attention span shifted again, which is right on que for him and his mouth was once again engaged.

"Hi! Hiiii! Hiiiiiiii! HI!!!" It wasn't what he was saying that made me want to get out of there so quickly, it was what he was doing. He had noticed that the stall had a gap at the bottom and was open on top. He had watched the lady next to us enter her stall and he remembered that she was in there. He was stretching as tall as he could and then hanging out of the cart as low to the ground as he could get, frantically flailing his arm in a waving motion as he talked. He was greeting our neighbor enthusiastically.

Ayyyyyeeeee think it's time to go now. I grabbed the cart as Gabe was still in the middle of his frantic episode of greeting and pushed them out into the main area. I was already feeling a bit frazzled when the soap dispenser shot foamy soap clear across the vanity near the second sink, completely missing me. Had someone else been standing there, I'm sure they would have been assaulted.

I wiped my hands, grabbed the kids, and left before anything more could happen. I must have been extra eager to get out of there because the door didn't have time to hit us on the way out.

-Anna

[Ursa Major]

Oh, Anna that is absolutely hilarious! That is the kind of story I remember for MANY years. Until the kid gets married. I have a tradition, of using my 'speech privileges' at my kid's weddings to tell ALL (okay, not quite) the most embarrassing childhood stories I remember. Everybody is in stitches by the time I am done, my kid is quite embarrassed (but not too bad, I won't tell the truly terrible stories, just the cute ones) and my husband can say all the boring things I skipped (like thanking people who contributed to the wedding, saying what a fabulous guy/gal the new son-in-law/daughter-in-law is, etc).

So, remember this bathroom fiasco well! You will need it at some point.

[GlutenGalAZ]

I'm sorry I just have to laugh. I feel sorry that it happened (I don't know what I would have done -- probably panic attact) but very funny. I guess you can always be thankful you weren't glutened and doing other stuff in the bathroom while this was happening.

My parents always say that -- One day you will get yours OR Your kid is going to be just like you...

Wonder if you will encounter the lady at the store in the future???

[taweavmo3]

Ack! That is hilarious!!!!! My kids are always embarrasing me, so I know the feeling all too well. I remember one time I was picking up a prescription for my son, and the pharmacist mentioned that it might turn his stools red. My son looked at me, and loudly asked "What are stools mom???". I tried to dismiss him, say that I would tell him later, etc...but he would not let it go. He could see I was getting a little flustered, so he only got louder. I finally just said "it's your poop!". Everyone started laughing, and of course my son was completely satisfied, lol. Kids, it's always an adventure isn't it????

[Ridgewalker]

I was sure that this was exactly what the woman in the other stall was trying to do because I hadn't heard any noise over there.

:lol: What a great story! And ah, yes... The waiting-for-you-to-leave-so-I-can-poop silence!!! We were just having a discussion about that in the Silly Yak thread a week or so ago...

[celiac-mommy]

That is SOOO funny. I try to write all of our experiences down so I never forget. They say the funniest things!

I don't know if you want me to share or not, but this happened to us about 3 weeks ago:

Picture the innocence of 6 year olds and a loud 2 year old:

We were on a field trip at the zoo, I had 3 6 y/o girls with me: Madeleine, Kennedy, Makala, and then Max was in the backpack. We went into the elephant house (with about 30 other people) where the zookeepers were feeding a large male. As we stood there, the elephant started to have a BM. Max started yelling "He's pooping, He's pooping, He's pooping!!" People around us were staring and giggling. The girls proceeded to yell, "Eeeewww gross!" Then, for some reason the penis started decending, the girls eyes were as big as saucers, and pretty soon, it was dragging on the ground and bouncing off the elephant's legs as he walked.

I turned the girls around about that time and said, "Time to go!"

As we walked out, Madeleine said, "Mom, what was that?"

I said, "His penis."

She said, with a disgustes look on her face, "Gross," followed loudly by, "GIRLS HAVE A VAGINA!"--There was a couple in front of us laughing like crazy. I was trying really hard to keep a straight face.

Kennedy looked at me exasperated and said, "I sure wish elephants wore clothes."

Madeleine said, "Yeah, at least a sweater and some underwear!"

At least the couple in front of us was entertained

[jerseyangel]

Thanks for the laugh this morning! Your story brought back some memories, let me tell you!

[ptkds]

When my dd was 2, we were sitting at church. The whole room full of women got quiet. She was sitting on my lap facing me. She patted my chest and said very loudly, " Mommy, boobies?" I was so embarrassed it was pathetic! I have so many others, but I can't remember them right now!