Moving Abroad

[SeMeCl]

Hello all. I'm just putting this out there because I feel like someone has to understand. When I moved abroad to study this last July I was SO incredibly excited about everything. I had heard you go through and up and down and up process and in the end you are changed forever. I thought, "I'm STRONG, I'm not that dependent on my family, and I don't see my friends much as it is....I won't have downs." I came here so excited and I live with a family that is incredible, but I have had some incredible downs, but I have also done some incredible self-discovery. These are my downs: I don't really know/spend time with a lot of people so I am INCREDIBLY lonely. This hasn't gone away, it has just gotten better with getting out of the house for more than just school. I think this has been my biggest struggle, I didn't/don't know what to do about the emotional struggles. I am a pretty private person and not very outgoing. This is not to say I don't have friends or don't enjoy going out, I DO! I have incredible friends, most of which I consider family and have known for 10+ years (I'm not that old either, that's about half my life!) But this is also part of my problem, it has made it so I don't really make friends so well here, the people I get along with are mostly just like me and go out because of church (I'm not religious and I feel guilty going to church to meet people while other people are worshiping and there for spirituality is disrespectful). The other 90% of the Americans in my group just want to get drunk and go to clubs every night. I know I'm young, but why does 20's equate drunken party? What happened to eating out, walking on the beach (incredible beaches here), seeing the art work, getting ice cream (incredible ice cream too), this stuff? I still don't go out much, but I am feeling less stressed since I actually started putting more effort into my life (possible mini depression for a bit). I just kind of woke up and thought, WOW I'm only going to be here another 2 months and I haven't done ANYTHING!

I am looking forward to a couple trips here soon. I could use some tips on how to meet people in a foreign country that does not center on getting drunk (I don't mind a drink or two at a bar, restaurant or in a backyard/patio, I just hate drunken "fun").

ALSO!!! I want this to be about sharing living abroad experiences, good and bad, stories, suggestions, ANYTHING ABROAD!!!! Keep this alive, please, because I think I feel more alone on this than I really am.

Estoy en Valpara

[missy'smom]

Make sure that you do the things that you want to do! You have such a short time left. Make the most of it. Take lots of pictures. Don't let depression or lack of someone to do it with get in your way. I lived oversees for a year in my 20's and had contact with some Americans but didn't really click with them. The nature of my job brought alot of people across my path who were generally interested in meeting an American, so I was around people but I spent alot of time with myself too. I engaged in activities with people and sometimes I would have rather had other company(thankfully they didn't drink and party) but sometimes you take what you get and make the best of it and it's better than not joining in. Be open to friends in other age groups too. There are some people who are 10-20 years older than I am who I enjoy interacting with. I still remember the lady at the convenience store where I payed my bill, who found exchanging greetings with an American a curiosity and the little chit chat I had with the man at the department store lunch counter as I chose the dishes that I wanted and the call of the man who was selling hot baked sweet potatoes from the truck that he drove through the neighborhoods, even though I never interacted with him and the newspaper salesman who seemed to enjoy the challenge of trying to sell a subscription to a cute young American girl, even though she explained to him in his language that she couldn't read his language. Sometimes those brief or small daily interactions are more memorable others. That was 15 years ago. Enjoy the small stuff!

[kschauer]

I'm in Concon, PM me or email me or something and we can get together if you like. I know a bilingual person mid-twenties or so, in Valpo who would be happy to hang out without getting wasted. There is also a Yahoo group called "Chilegringos" or Gringos in Chile, not sure which, but there are a dozen or so people in the Valpo/Vina area, some your age, some older, I have emailed with them, always with the intention of meeting them, but I have never done it...

I'm a lot like you in that I have a few very close friends that I've had forever and I have a lot of trouble making new friends, I am not very outgoing or social really. It's hard being here, Chile is beautiful and wonderful but it's a long way from home.

You will go home a changed person, and I'm sorry to hear you feel depressed but you can get through it. You have two more months to soak up the culture here and you will remember it forever.

Get into a routine, go to the same coffee shop or grocery, smile at the locals, they are all so nice, ask them where they are from, you may not make instant friends, but like missy'smom said, these little things make you feel less alone, and you will remember them.

Good luck and seriously, get in touch if you need anything, I'm just down the road.

[SeMeCl]

I was getting to the point where I was depressed, but I decided to stop it in it's tracks (I don't want to go there.) I volunteer with English Opens Doors here, but not consistantly (because of the teacher ) Last week I spent money to go from Valpo to Vi

[missy'smom]

I hope you didn't think that I was implying that you should just live with being around people who get plastered. I'm very straight laced myself. I lived in Tokyo, Japan and taught English as a Second Language. As for relationships with teachers, In my case, what I took away from my interactions with my students FAR outweighed my issues with my teaching partner and were worth putting up with his idosynchrocies. Our jobs were such that we could have our own classes and some space even though we had to work together on some things. I did learn from that relationship. I had another teaching partner stateside that, had I to do it again, I would ask for a transfer(her issues were too much to overcome or put up with! ). But I'm always one to take away something good from experiences and I learned alot from that one too. The experience in Japan as a whole was very hard at times but one of the best things I have ever done in my life and I have alot of good memories. I agree with kschaur, I'm not really outgoing but sometimes a gentle friendly smile(without any expectations) is enough to encourage someone to make a gesture or offer a word in return.

[Mango04]

I'm in my late twenties and I live abroad. I think the feeling lonely thing is completely normal, as is the only finding drunken people thing.

It helps me to avoid having any expectations or criteria about what should happen or what I'm supposed to do here. Also, don't be afraid to just go out and do things by yourself if you have to. You're more likely to strike up conversations with the locals if you do that, instead of constantly being surrounded by big groups of other foreigners.

[Mother of Jibril]

In college I spent a semester in Mali... what an amazing experience! It was HARD, but I learned a lot about myself. The difficult thing there is that it's a very family-oriented society. Single women don't just go out to clubs unless they're prostitutes My host family wasn't very helpful about introducing me to people... they were so busy working and going to school.

In 2003 I traveled to Australia by myself for three weeks. Wow!! That is a trip I'll never forget. I was there for a conference and I stayed a little longer to do some traveling around the Brisbane area. My favorite part was when I went to a small town along the coast (called Rainbow Beach) for a few days. Sometimes it WAS lonely, but I stayed in a hostel with six people to a room. I met this really interesting retired woman who was traveling around Australia taking photographs of wildflowers. If you have a chance to travel around in Chile, I think it helps if you're in a situation where there are more single travelers like yourself. You don't have to be friends forever It can be fun to meet really different people and see what you learn about yourself.

Best wishes! Study abroad is such a great opportunity.

[SeMeCl]

Yeah I think studying abroad/living abroad is one of those experiences that makes you completely evaluate EVERYTHING including those things about yourself you never even knew existed. But I see it ending as one of the best experiences of my life. Although, I'm lonely at times I don't regret it. Tonight a fellow gringa and I went to a random location and found an AWESOME book fair and another feria! It was SUPER cool. I think there are some people who can meet others easily, they tend to make friends anywhere and then there are others that tend to make friends slowly. Both types have their good and bad qualities and I am not saying I regret my type; my down side is I have trouble getting to know people in a short time. I honestly am not outgoing in large groups, but very much so in small or one on on things.

I believe that no matter how well you make friends studying abroad is an amazing and difficult experience. These are great tips!!

Mango, where are you now?

I agree with the hostel thing. When I was in Argentina, I met a lady from Australia that was traveling South America alone for a few months and an American that dropped everything, and has been skiing/snowboarding in Argentina for the past three months.

The places you never dreamed your life would take you.