Irritated

[Dasmith]

Wow.....I am truly irritated at my mother in law...she invited my husband and myself over to dinner tonight b/c my brother in law, wife, and son are visiting. I asked what we would be having and she said roast, potatoes, etc. I asked if she had put anything like a seasoning packet or something in with the roast, etc. b/c of my celiac's. (I am newly diagnosed as of Jan 9, 09) and was telling her how I feel so much better, and her response was "well doctors will tell you anything to get you to eat healthier, they make up all kinds of syndrome's" OMG....I was stunned...and absolutely said nothing...I didn't know what to say....so I said (after a few minutes of silence) well I guess we will see you later........

Spoke to my hubby right after and vented....he will be talking with her later...I told him to wait until after the family is done visiting...why make them uncomfortable...and if I get sick...I just won't eat there again...I will bring my own food...(I still may do that anyway, probably will) Darn her!

Anyway..thanks for letting me rant....thank goodness for this site.

[rinne]

Rant away.

My mother-in-law told my husband she didn't think I was sick, just lazy. I laugh now but at the time it was not funny.

[Julie anne]

you should try to explain to her that celiac is a very serious issue. it is becoming more common each year. if not treated a person could die. nothing to joke around with, especially because most seasonings have wheat or some kind of gluten thickener.

[Dasmith]

Unfortunately...my mother in law...is a stubborn women...and if she thinks "it is in my head" that is probably what I will have to deal with...if it becomes toxic I will not see her anymore...I have had to do this in the past so I will do it again. I just hate that my poor wonderful husband ends up listening to her crap. I would NEVER ask him to abandon his family...but I sure don't have to deal with it. We will see how it goes...I will update tomorrow after tonights dinner...fingers crossed I don't get sick. I am not in the mood...lol

[Julie anne]

well maybe you should fix dinner then? lol besides i think gluten-free food tastes better. lol hope everything works out for u

[ravenwoodglass]

I would print out some info on celiac from perhaps the NIH, here's a link to their awareness campaign homepage

Open Original Shared Link

in addition I would also eat before I went. If she does not take this seriously you will get sick and it is just not worth it. Perhaps bring a safe salad or a treat from home and sit with the family at the table and enjoy their company. If folks ask why you are not eating all of her yummy and likely poison food explain that you are newly diagnosed and are feeling better and don't want to risk eating at anyones home until they learn how to feed you safely. Look right at her when you say it too.

[Dasmith]

Raven...I think you should come to dinner with me LOL I am a pretty outspoken person...but for some reason this is a touchy thing for me...probably all the years of "it is all in your head". It has made me timid (which is a word that would never be associated to me until now). It is weird. I will get there....and I am gonna take some snacks with me...if nothing looks gluten free...I will not eat it. I am one of the lucky ones that has D....severely. I have spent many moments on the side of the road....lol (my poor husband).....lol, and it is not worth that again....having "normal" bowel movements these last few weeks has been amazing...and I won't be visiting that upon myself puposely again.

Thank you to all of you....you have all made me smile....

[ravenwoodglass]

Raven...I think you should come to dinner with me LOL I am a pretty outspoken person...but for some reason this is a touchy thing for me...probably all the years of "it is all in your head". It has made me timid (which is a word that would never be associated to me until now). It is weird. I will get there....and I am gonna take some snacks with me...if nothing looks gluten free...I will not eat it. I am one of the lucky ones that has D....severely. I have spent many moments on the side of the road....lol (my poor husband).....lol, and it is not worth that again....having "normal" bowel movements these last few weeks has been amazing...and I won't be visiting that upon myself puposely again.

Thank you to all of you....you have all made me smile....

Sometimes it is not our diagnosis but our recovery that makes a believer out of folks. That was how it worked with my family. I hope you have a good visit with your brother in law and the rest of the family.

[mallard]

So glad I am not alone!! My mother in law is the same way! She will sneak stuff into the food just so I can't eat it. I have had this disease for 11 years and have been with my husband for 8 years, so she has no excuse. We don't go over there for dinner anymore, they come to my house. Both my husband and I have tried to talk to her about it, but she starts crying and turns it around, so I don't even bother with it anymore. She will even go out of her way to mention that she made my favorite dessert-strawberry shortcake, and I will say but you know I can't eat that and she responds with oh that's right I forgot!!!

Good luck to you!! You are not alone!!

[Dasmith]

So glad I am not alone!! My mother in law is the same way! She will sneak stuff into the food just so I can't eat it. I have had this disease for 11 years and have been with my husband for 8 years, so she has no excuse. We don't go over there for dinner anymore, they come to my house. Both my husband and I have tried to talk to her about it, but she starts crying and turns it around, so I don't even bother with it anymore. She will even go out of her way to mention that she made my favorite dessert-strawberry shortcake, and I will say but you know I can't eat that and she responds with oh that's right I forgot!!!

Good luck to you!! You are not alone!!

Dinner actually went okay...I brought some of my own items and was able to eat the green salad and roast as she didn't use any seasoning other than salt/pepper. My sister in law and my brother in laws girlfriend we very supportive though...asked questions, etc. and were very receptive. My mother in law just sat there with her lips pursed...lol Oh well....we can't fix everyone.

Again...thanks to all of your responses....it makes this transition much easier.

[mastiffmommy]

Oy! Why are people so....aghghg! annoying! While going through the saga of medical issues before you get the diagnosis I also love the "hypochondriac" label. That one is fun. AGHGHG. I do karate. It helps.

[Amyleigh0007]

Wow! My MIL needs to get in touch with your MIL and have a crab party. We had Christmas Eve dinner at my house (totally gluten free home) and she insisted on making gluten filled mac and cheese for my niece and nephews. She wanted to use all of my cookware. When I told her that she would need to bring her own pots and pans and colander and spoons she acted like I was insane. She ended up doing it but she grumbled the entire time. I tried to be patient and explain my reasoning but she thought I was being paranoid. I had been married for almost 10 years and I am to the point were I could care less what she thinks of me.

[MollyBeth]

she insisted on making gluten filled mac and cheese for my niece and nephews.

That's so ridiculous!!! People hear gluten free and they think it's going to taste horrible and so drastically different or something... I have made gluten free mac and cheese a couple times since switching with brown rice noodles and I can't even taste the difference! Sometimes I just want to yell, "unwrinkle your nose, sit down, shut up, and try it! you're acting like a three year old that won't eat their vegetables!"

[debmidge]

Raven...I think you should come to dinner with me LOL I am a pretty outspoken person...but for some reason this is a touchy thing for me...probably all the years of "it is all in your head". It has made me timid (which is a word that would never be associated to me until now). It is weird. I will get there....and I am gonna take some snacks with me...if nothing looks gluten free...I will not eat it. I am one of the lucky ones that has D....severely. I have spent many moments on the side of the road....lol (my poor husband).....lol, and it is not worth that again....having "normal" bowel movements these last few weeks has been amazing...and I won't be visiting that upon myself puposely again.

Thank you to all of you....you have all made me smile....

Dear Dasmith: How old of a woman is your mother in law? Is she stubborn about this because of her generation? or is she like this on other topics? My mother in law is old enough to be my grandmother and when we told her about her son's celiac diagnosis her response was that she could kill it on high heat in the over (i.e., pretty much burn the food to serve it to him). We let her know that high heat wouldn't work.

[Glutenfreewarrior]

Tired of hearing about spouses and parents that don't believe /support the Celiac diagnosis or treatment. People will shave their heads in support for friends or family having chemotherapy but giving up beer and pizza etc is a great inconvience for relatives of those with Celiacs. Celiac Disease is a disease of inconveince. People will complain being gluten free is too expensive but won't give up $50 a week in cigarettes or alcohol or weekly movie nights,sports tickets.... Even for their children. Its sad. Most people can afford junk food,daily coffee out but simple foods like rice, veggies chicken are too expensive? Do what we did cut out the extras on cable,save $25 a month by getting rid of caller ID,call-waiting ... Just the cable downgrade and phone extras cut our bills all most $100. Trade in the luxury car,take a couple years without a vacation away.Get back to basics. Imagine taking time to cook instead of microwaving or take out. Actually make time to prepare dinner and eat it together not an original idea but often forgotten. Whether its the person diagnosed or people in thier lives Celiacs Disease is also one of excuses. When a child's health is not valued above everything else that is inexcuseable.

[Dasmith]

Well...I have to say families in general can be pretty frustrating...but when it comes to my health I will write those off that don't support or try to help. My husband is fabulous...and he sees such a difference in my appearance ( I am not gray looking anymore), I feel good, I have energy, etc. I think he would fight anyone that questions my illness. I am blessed with a wonderful man. He is actually trying all the foods I am eating and he likes a lot of them so we will be a pretty gluten free house soon.

My mother in law is about mid 60's (not sure exactly, but I think 64). She has had issues with me always....so I am really not surprised at her response...I was just shocked at the moment.

On a different note....I accidentally glutened myself on Friday (using the same toaster as the household). I didn't know how sensative I was...I sure do now....36 hours of straight "living in the bathroom" UGH....won't do that again...that is for sure.. LOL

Again...thank you to everyone....it is nice having such a wonderful support system and an outlet for our frustrations as we all deal with this disease.

[jsites]

Wow, that stinks! Why are MIL's the worst? I've got the opposite problem, but still with the MIL. My husband is the one with Celiac. My family goes above and beyond to cook correctly for him and always makes sure that there is plenty available for him to eat that hasn't had any contamination. They've asked for lists from me and still usually call before the get together and ask about menu items and ingredients. My sisters even double check ingredients with me before going to the effort of making gluten-free crusts for pies, gluten-free desserts, etc when we potluck.

His mom however. Sheesh. She tried to cook him roast in bouillon that had wheat plainly written on the package. Then she wanted to rinse it off and have him still eat it. So, being the first time, I explained to her that it wouldn't work and where to look on the pkg. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. She brought over food that she "carefully picked out". Yeah, the pre-cooked chicken said wheat in big letters, the twice baked potatoes clearly said wheat or made on machinery with wheat, etc. You get the idea. So apparently her idea of careful is assuming things like chicken and potatoes won't have wheat. Nevermind other gluten sources, we can't even get her to read the word WHEAT in bold. She wanted him to eat the chicken w/out the skin? Yeah, right.

I'm glad your BIL/SIL were interested in learning more about it and gave you a good opportunity to discuss it in front of your MIL!!

[MonKol]

Tired of hearing about spouses and parents that don't believe /support the Celiac diagnosis or treatment. People will shave their heads in support for friends or family having chemotherapy but giving up beer and pizza etc is a great inconvience for relatives of those with Celiacs. Celiac Disease is a disease of inconveince. People will complain being gluten free is too expensive but won't give up $50 a week in cigarettes or alcohol or weekly movie nights,sports tickets.... Even for their children. Its sad. Most people can afford junk food,daily coffee out but simple foods like rice, veggies chicken are too expensive? Do what we did cut out the extras on cable,save $25 a month by getting rid of caller ID,call-waiting ... Just the cable downgrade and phone extras cut our bills all most $100. Trade in the luxury car,take a couple years without a vacation away.Get back to basics. Imagine taking time to cook instead of microwaving or take out. Actually make time to prepare dinner and eat it together not an original idea but often forgotten. Whether its the person diagnosed or people in thier lives Celiacs Disease is also one of excuses. When a child's health is not valued above everything else that is inexcuseable.

AWESOME!!!!! GLUETENFREEWARRIOR is our hero. I know its a late reply we just registered but I think you bout said it all here. Its a dismal place when we read about all the "inconvenience" people have to go through to ensure members of their own family don't become horribly ill. woe is me!! Gotta have that direct tv honey! Can't get rid of 9,0000 channels on the LCD TV or that Louis Vuitton bag and shoes. Besides what would the neighbors say if they found out we didnt eat Wheat? We would be embarrassed!!

Gluten is a status symbol LOL!!

[Ahorsesoul]

So true, we aren't doing a gluten free diet because we enjoy the challenge.

My list of heros because of their honest and up front posts:

MonKol

Glutenfreewarrior

[TEaglefeather]

I am new to the site, and was just reading this post and the replies and just saw something from someone else....

Does celiac make you very weak ? Because my husband suffers with weakness so much and he was such an energetic man and in the past couple of months it is taking everything he has just to get out of bed in the morning, he has to lie down to take naps through out the day and he takes all kinds of vitamins and energy drinks that if I took what he takes I would have a heart attack, and it still hardly even helps him ....

[Shess0816]

I am new to the site, and was just reading this post and the replies and just saw something from someone else....

Does celiac make you very weak ? Because my husband suffers with weakness so much and he was such an energetic man and in the past couple of months it is taking everything he has just to get out of bed in the morning, he has to lie down to take naps through out the day and he takes all kinds of vitamins and energy drinks that if I took what he takes I would have a heart attack, and it still hardly even helps him ....

Hello! I don't know when your husband was diagnosed, but probably for the first two months after my diagnosis, I was EXHAUSTED every day. I am a big runner -- I love running 4-5 miles a day probably 5 or 6 days a week and following my diagnosis, I had a hard time getting the energy to even walk a mile. I think it had something to do with my body trying to transition from one diet to another and figuring out the right calorie content and vitamins and all that stuff! I was diagnosed in March 2009 and now, in September, I am finally starting to feel energetic and good again! I definitely still have my tired days, and I do take a short nap almost every day, but I feel a ton better now! I think with me it was about getting all the bad stuff out of my system and getting used to a completely new way of eating!

[ang1e0251]

I kind of get the feeling sometime that people think we do this for attention or to be different. If they just thought it through, who would choose to eat or live this way? I would choose something easier if I wanted attention, like weird colored clothing or shave my pet so people would look. Really, you think worrying about every bite that goes to your mouth or taking your food to restaurants is fun?

I just don't get why they can't accept the premise that what we say is wrong really is wrong. I've always said that if someone can't see a cast on your arm, they don't believe you're ill.

[Gemini]

Tired of hearing about spouses and parents that don't believe /support the Celiac diagnosis or treatment. People will shave their heads in support for friends or family having chemotherapy but giving up beer and pizza etc is a great inconvience for relatives of those with Celiacs. Celiac Disease is a disease of inconveince. People will complain being gluten free is too expensive but won't give up $50 a week in cigarettes or alcohol or weekly movie nights,sports tickets.... Even for their children. Its sad. Most people can afford junk food,daily coffee out but simple foods like rice, veggies chicken are too expensive? Do what we did cut out the extras on cable,save $25 a month by getting rid of caller ID,call-waiting ... Just the cable downgrade and phone extras cut our bills all most $100. Trade in the luxury car,take a couple years without a vacation away.Get back to basics. Imagine taking time to cook instead of microwaving or take out. Actually make time to prepare dinner and eat it together not an original idea but often forgotten. Whether its the person diagnosed or people in thier lives Celiacs Disease is also one of excuses. When a child's health is not valued above everything else that is inexcuseable.

You make some excellent points here but I think why people react the way they do to Celiacs and their diet is because many are so emotionally attached to the food they eat, they just cannot fathom giving any of it up. That makes being supportive difficult because it makes them have to face their own bad eating habits.

Ask anyone who eats a bad diet and they will tell you they eat a decent one! Food is the BIGGEST emotional attachment of all, above butts, booze and, sometimes, drugs.

My solution to those pesky mothers-in-law or other relatives who continually say stupid things is to buy them Dr. Peter Green's book entitled: Celiac Disease:

The Hidden Epidemic. It makes a good Christmas/Chanukah gift and puts them on the spot to read it and actually LEARN something.

[mndtrp]

People are resistant to change, especially negative change. For the non-Celiac, changing food is a negative change. Even if it does benefit the Celiac, and by proxy the entire household. When I was first informed of my fiancee's situation, I wasn't happy. I was resistant to the change, but figured out pretty quickly that assisting would be the better choice. Some people will never change. My great aunt has respiratory problems, is on oxygen, but won't quit smoking. Family members who don't have to see the continual effects of eating gluten probably won't understand. Some people will go along with it out of empathy, and the desire to do the right thing, others won't be so helpful.

There are some incredible generalizations about people who aren't empathetic with the diseased. Not everyone who doesn't help out is so full of themselves and their possessions. Some people don't live in locations with an abundance of alternatives. Some people do have such a low income that they aren't able to afford the more expensive products, especially when cooking for a large group of people. When 6 tortillas cost $5, things get expensive quickly. There are ways around this, such as the Celiac bringing and cooking their own food. However, assuming that everyone who isn't helping is buying expensive products in other areas is an awful outlook.

Driving is polluting the air we breathe every day. Are all of you complaining about people and their inconveniences giving up your car? Or are you making the choice that the benefits outweigh the negatives? Why is there so much anger for people who don't change? It's not their disease, why should they be burdened? I grasp the fact that you are guests in their house, and they should help accommodate, but maybe the Celiac should take care of it themselves. I don't eat scavengers. I don't expect the people I visit to change their ways, and many haven't. If they are serving what I don't eat, I eat a salad and either go somewhere else or bring something. I don't hate them, or assume that they are dumping their money into something else and aren't able to change for me. I let them live their life, and then go back to my house where we don't eat such things.

If these are the heroes here, I'm scared to see what the rest of the people are like.

[Gemini]

People are resistant to change, especially negative change. For the non-Celiac, changing food is a negative change. Even if it does benefit the Celiac, and by proxy the entire household. When I was first informed of my fiancee's situation, I wasn't happy. I was resistant to the change, but figured out pretty quickly that assisting would be the better choice. Some people will never change. My great aunt has respiratory problems, is on oxygen, but won't quit smoking. Family members who don't have to see the continual effects of eating gluten probably won't understand. Some people will go along with it out of empathy, and the desire to do the right thing, others won't be so helpful.

There are some incredible generalizations about people who aren't empathetic with the diseased. Not everyone who doesn't help out is so full of themselves and their possessions. Some people don't live in locations with an abundance of alternatives. Some people do have such a low income that they aren't able to afford the more expensive products, especially when cooking for a large group of people. When 6 tortillas cost $5, things get expensive quickly. There are ways around this, such as the Celiac bringing and cooking their own food. However, assuming that everyone who isn't helping is buying expensive products in other areas is an awful outlook.

Driving is polluting the air we breathe every day. Are all of you complaining about people and their inconveniences giving up your car? Or are you making the choice that the benefits outweigh the negatives? Why is there so much anger for people who don't change? It's not their disease, why should they be burdened? I grasp the fact that you are guests in their house, and they should help accommodate, but maybe the Celiac should take care of it themselves. I don't eat scavengers. I don't expect the people I visit to change their ways, and many haven't. If they are serving what I don't eat, I eat a salad and either go somewhere else or bring something. I don't hate them, or assume that they are dumping their money into something else and aren't able to change for me. I let them live their life, and then go back to my house where we don't eat such things.

If these are the heroes here, I'm scared to see what the rest of the people are like.

I don't think there is hatred for people who refuse to change in small ways or to help, on occasion, when a Celiac comes to visit. I think you are generalizing on that one yourself. From my own experience, and I am an emotionally tough person to begin with, it is extremely hurtful when family members treat you like a second class citizen because you cannot eat gluten. Why would I take the time to visit family members when they never make any kind of an effort to accommodate their daughter, sister, etc. I have actually had family members contaminate my food (on purpose) and eat the gluten free stuff I always bring, which leaves me with nothing to eat. The only reason I can think of as to why someone would behave like this is they resent me because I have the will power to follow my diet and completely turn my health around. None of them have done so and yet complain of all their health woes which, coincidentally, mirror mine in full blown Celiac. OK....that's fine and I can let that one go but why all the resentment towards me because I do what I am supposed to do and act positive about the whole thing? It's immature and stupid behavior.

I have friends who make sure when they invite me to dinner that there is good food for me to eat. You are correct, some people do an outstanding job and really care and others behave like dopes. It is a somewhat selfish attitude, especially coming from family members. If you cannot rely on your own flesh and blood for support, it can be very depressing. When I have people over to my home, I always make sure if there is a dietary restriction, it is accommodated with a smile of support on my face and that doesn't have to cost a lot of money. No one here is asking the world to change for Celiacs but stupid and ignorant remarks, made by family members who may very likely have the disease themselves, are uncalled for and deserve the dope slap they may receive in return.