Dd Left Out Of Snack Time During Passover

[RBPhill]

New to forum, but so upset and would love help.

I am not Jewish, but my husband is and my DD attends a jewish preschool in the mornings. It is Passover time and her teacher sent me an email on Sunday night that they would be having matzah with cream cheese on Mon and Tues and to send in a Kosher for Passover snack. Monday I sent cucumbers and grape tomatoes so she could use cream cheese. Tuesday I plain forgot (for me passover was last Wed night at Seder, my husband doesn't keep it and it's not on my mind). I did remember when I got home 15 minutes before her snack time, and tried to call the school to have them dip into her supply at school for the dried cranberries (that the teacher knows are there since they use her supply box every day). The school did not answer and I did not leave a message b/c I planned on calling back. Doorbell rang, friend with baby came in, then another friend with baby came 10 minutes later.... In the back of my mind I assumed the teacher would just get her the cranberries. When I picked her up from school the teacher proceeded to tell me she didn't have snack today and is hungry that I should go home and feed her and that she was just "aweful" today. At recess (which is after snack-time) she didn't listen and did things she knows aren't allowed. When I got her home I talked to her about not listening (which is very unlike her) and she told me that she was upset b/c she watched all the other kids eat matzah, and the teachers told her mom forgot, and she was just watching everyone eat and only had a cup of water. The teachers were eating the matzah also and she just watched everybody eat. She was upset all day, exhibited some abnormal behavior, and we tried to make it up to her by giving her a big M&M ice cream - which she LOVED

I of course felt extreme guilt all day long. But that has turned to anger also at the school for not picking up the phone and calling me like they have all year when they question something about snack, and for the lack of sensitivity in the teachers for eating in front of her while all she had was water. This is a private school I pay good money for. I have had great communication all year long, and every day either bring her a snack, check what the snack mom brought, or when we don't communicate, we know they just dip into her supply which is plentiful with about two weeks of supplies in it. Unless there is something I am unaware of with dried cranberries, I can't believe they didn't give her some.

This of course is an incident isolated to the 8 days of Passover b/c of the strict dietary rules, and I brain-farted once all year during this week....

I would appreciate any comments.

[MaryJones2]

I wonder if they didn't give her the cranberries or other stuff from her stash because none of it was Kosher for Passover?

[mommida]

I told my daughter she had to be in charge of her Celiac. (As much as she can be.) I told her she knows more about Celiac and what she can and can't have. If anything is questionable about eating any snack she is not to eat it and go to her snack stash. (One in the classroom and one in her bag.) I try and keep a few different shelf stable snacks in there for different occassions.

You must ALWAYS have a candy treat in the snack stash for surprise birthday/celebration treats. If she eats the special treat on an average day- she probably won't tell you ~and she will learn not take advantage of the situation. My daughter came home one day, told me she ate the treat because she really wanted it and it was the best part of her day. (She got another candy treat put into her bag. I was glad it was there for her and she was open and honest with me.)

[TrillumHunter]

Dried cranberries might not be kosher if sweetened with corn syrup.

That said, this is a preschool. Their job is to nurture and educate children. That day, she was taught to be cruel. Surely one of the adults could have come up with something besides a cup of water. Or maybe her teacher could have shown a bit of solidarity and given up the matzoh? I think you should talk to them.

[RBPhill]

Had a conference with the teachers. They sealed off the box with the supply of snacks, because there were non-kosher items in there even though the cranberries were kosher. That box was unavailable for 8 days. The teacher said by her emailing me that the class was having a snack that my dd coudln't eat and could I bring something the next two days was her fulfilling her responsibility. I said that I should have been alerted that the box was unavailable. She also couldn't believe my suggestion that they should have taken my dd to play or not eaten the snack themselves. I think that is a complete lack of sensitivity on their part as preschool teachers. Am I expecting too much, am I crazy???

[MaryJones2]

They certainly could've handled the situation better. My guess is that the cranberries are Kosher but most likely not "Kosher for Passover" which is a different label. Generally most food approved for Passover has to come from the Passover section of the grocery and is only available a few weeks before so they should've let you know that you needed to supply a different box of food for that week. Most Passover food is gluten-free so I think they could've come up with an acceptable snack on the fly (but maybe I expect too much

[Jestgar]

OK, not Jewish and have no children, but

OMG! She's a little girl! It's difficult enough having to eat 'differently' every day of your life, but to be deliberately left out of something because your mom's a flake? Why are these people instructing children when their actions demonstrate that they have no interest in a child's well-being??

I don't care how non-kosher her snack box was - she's a little girl! How about putting a human first, and your self-righteous, "you must do things the way I dictate" little pettiness second?

OK, rant over. It just torques me to no end the way some people treat children as objects to make a point.

[caek-is-a-lie]

They were being extremely insensitive to your daughter. There is nothing ruder and more hurtful than your teacher forcing you to watch the whole class eat in front of you and announcing to everyone that you're left out on purpose because your mom forgot you. Of course you didn't forget your daughter. It was irresponsible of them to pass all the accountability on to you without even trying and without even giving you all the information regarding her snack box. It seems cruel and heartless to me. I'm sorry she had to go through that.

[TrillumHunter]

I agree with the previous two. Yes, observing Passover is important, this is a Jewish preschool after all. However, being a Jewish preschool could they have not come up with kosher for Passover gluten free snack for her? How about a piece of fruit? You said you aren't Jewish, right? The school is aware of this I hope. You need extra guidance on this issue. All that said, what happened wasn't right. They had your child in their care and they blew it. They know you aren't Jewish, they knew her snacks weren't available, they made no direct attempt to inform you, and they still blew it. Do they not care about her? Isn't that their job? To care about her? No matter if they think you are a flake or not, what about her? Would they shrug it off if it was their own child? Too bad, kid. Yes, this is a big issue and one that would make me question the school's general attitude toward kids. I can't imagine anyone in the preschool my kids went to doing that.

Your little one deserves some extra loving this week!

[mommida]

I am ignorant of Jewish law. There aren't any exceptions for medical reasons?

I am very sorry. I don't think this situation was handled properly.

In the future this pre-school needs to plan things out. If Kosher restrictions are to be kept, then they should also supply the gluten free Kosher item. (They supplied the snack for everyone else, you pay the same tuition.)

I don't think a child should have to make religious/medical decisions on their own when they are in pre-school.

(My earlier post I still stand by. I still talk to my kids about their safety and refusing questionable food, and going to their stash. I never knew they would lock her property away from her. )

[miles2go]

In the great battle of dietary restrictions, your child won. She may not be able to understand it now, but when she's older she'll understand that when faced with the choice of spiritual excision, a glutening or just trying to make do the best that she was able, she did the right thing and when she was just a little whipper-snapper! Of course she was upset all day, she's not old enough to process all that, and yet she still made the right choice. I think there's no reason for you to feel guilty (you should feel very proud of your parenting skills IMHO), everybody gets busy and has unexpected things happen. If the preschool truly cared about your kid, they could have at least put some cream cheese on a popsicle stick, a spoon or her finger so that she would be able to say when she got home that she got a creamcheesicle, or something, geez, it's not that hard to make little kids happy if you use a little imagination. That, after they called you! I hope you work something out with them that's good for your DD, whatever it is.

My $.02,

Margaret

[Ahorsesoul]

IMHO it seems to me that this teacher just taught a lesson that to be Jewish you shouldn't be a Celiac. You dd should not have been punished. I hope she does not let this horrible incident guide her life. In the whole school you can't tell me that teacher couldn't have found one item your dd could have eaten.

[mimommy]

I am so sorry for you, and even more sorry for your little one. I am reading this with my jaw hanging. This is completely heinous, and yes--cruel, and yes--irresponsible, and dare I say--un-spiritual ie loveless, thoughtless, heartless, meaningless treatment of an innocent just barely able to comprehend the significance of what it means 1) to be a member of a belief system and 2)what it means to live the REST OF HER LIFE with a disease.

I am soooo incredibly grateful for the support and willingness to help that has been shown our family by our entire school staff. People couldn't more gracious and understanding about it, and they put the child's well-being FIRST and FOREMOST.

I think you need to put your experience in writing to the preschool director, and perhaps the Rebbe (definitely, if the school is run out of your synygogue.) I think you must educate the staff and advocate for your baby, and ask them if they would have withheld insulin from a diabetic child or an epi shot from someone who had a bee sting. They clearly do not recognise/comprehend what it is they have done.

I would advise not including your child in on any conversations regarding this. Explain to your child how proud of them you are for handling the situation, explain that you understand their feelings and you don't blame them (I would have been angry and uncooperative too!), but be careful about letting them overhear too much of the adult talk (I have learned this the hard way.)

Consequently, I'm curious what your husband has said regarding this matter.

Best of luck to you and your child. You are a terrific parent and your little one is a trooper.

Happy Pesach!

[jerseyangel]

They sealed off the box with the supply of snacks, because there were non-kosher items in there even though the cranberries were kosher. That box was unavailable for 8 days. The teacher said by her emailing me that the class was having a snack that my dd coudln't eat and could I bring something the next two days was her fulfilling her responsibility.

This is just about the most thoughtless and uncaring thing I've ever heard! They sealed off her snack box--and didn't even bother to tell you about it? Shame on them!

This "teacher" ought to give a little more thought to the feelings of the children with whom she has been entrusted and less about rigid rules that a pre-school child can't completely understand. I can not believe that among the adults there, no one could come up with something suitable for her to snack on.

You are not expecting too much, nor did you forget about your little girl--you thought she had a snack available to her. It was they that did not communicate properly, and I disagree that she was "fullfilling her responsibility". I think she fell short.

I'm really sorry this happened.

[RBPhill]

Thank you everyone-as you all probably know it is important to have a community to turn to during this journey. Much appreciation.