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What Do You Tell Them?

latteda

By latteda
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

latteda Apprentice
latteda
Posted

If someone invites you over for dinner, how do you explain your intolerance to them? If you are with someone and they offer you food, how do you kindly refuse or ask the ingredients without offending them?

What if someone insists on having you over and wants to make a gluten-free meal for you? Where do you even begin to explain to them what you can and cannot have?

I'm just curious how you put it all in a nutshell and avoid being offensive.

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valeriek Apprentice
valeriek
Posted

I am sorry I am not going to be able to really help you with this because I do not eat at peoples house. I was just diagnosed in feb so I am still new to this but I am not going to chance it

good luck

Lisa Mentor
Lisa
Posted

Well, many times it depends on the situation.

If it's a small dinner party. I would tell them that you have recently been diagnosed with a food allergy. Offer to bring something that you can cook and share with the others. Or, you can mention that you would love to join them for dinner, but will be bringing a salad (or something) that you can eat due to your food allergies. And stress the company or fellowship rather than the food.

I always stress that I don't want anyone to go out of their way to accommodate me. I have found that it makes most people a little nervous., understandably.

Larger parties, you can bring a dish to share and get to the spoon before others dig in.

For cocktail parties, I generally eat before or after and size up the food closely while I'm there.

But, it was some time until I felt comfortable and confident to be a happy guest.

MaryJones2 Enthusiast
MaryJones2
Posted

I've been at this a while and don't know if there is a blanket statement for every situation. Generally I think it's really stressful for a host/hostess who isn't familiar with the gluten-free diet so I always let them know ahead of time that I'll be bringing my own food and not to worry about making any accommodations for me. If it's a sit down dinner I find out what's being served and make something similar.

Most of the experiences I've had with people insisting were friends/family who really wanted to show their support and once I explained that I was less anxious bringing my food they understood. I've only had a few instances in 3+ years where the host/hostess wasn't completely relieved that they didn't have to worry about it.

When it comes to food being offered on the fly I politely say no thank you and leave it there.

Everyone has their own way of coping with these situations and over time it'll get easier!

mamaw Community Regular
mamaw
Posted

Momma Goose gave good advice... I believe in being sincere & honest. I get invited out a lot & after explaining my food whoes most understand... I always try to make a dessert that everyone can share & that seems to open up the door to discuss Celiac & gluten intolerance... several people I know went after a evening' got tested & found

out what their ills really was ---- gluten intolerance!

I think after people get to taste gluten-free food that tastes very good they are more understanding & also that we truly are not weird or strange...we just have an eating disorder.

I carry a gluten-free goodie bag in my car & I always share.....

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

I always say that I'll take care to bring all of my own food, they don't need to worry about me. I say this is a very polite, friendly, but firm way that usually doesn't warrant any further discussion.

I think most people are actually relieved! :D

eeyore Collaborator
eeyore
Posted

When I go over to another person's house, I bring my own meal(s), and if there is some food there that is fine, I'll have it (like potatoes roasted in olive oil with garlic)...I've also noticed that people will go out of their way to help you if there's a problem, and sometimes they will have some food that you can have, even though it wasn't intentionally made to be gluten free. But I usually bring my own meal and/or snack, because I don't know what will be there.

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mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

However, it is difficult in the kind of situation I have. We have one particular couple that we eat with, used to be their place then ours. Now it has to be ours because we can't (Dh and I) both go somewhere to dinner and say we will bring our own :lol: Kind of defeats the purpose.

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

I smile and say I'm a pain in the a$$ to cook for. Then sometimes I offer to bring something, sometimes I name some chips or something that are snackable, sometimes I say I'll show up later, if it's a long party.

:ph34r: Or if it's someone I don't want to have dinner with I say "I just can't. I would feel so horrible if you went to all that trouble and I couldn't eat anything, or got sick".

latteda Apprentice
latteda
Posted
  • Author

Thanks for the responses! There are a lot of good ideas here.

My boyfriend's family, especially his sister, is always wanting to make sure they cook food I can eat, and now it's going to be WAY more difficult since I found out it's gluten intolerance and not just a wheat allergy. I know they will want to cater to my needs, but I hate the thought of them having to do that.

I am also taking a trip to Memphis to visit a friend one weekend next month and was stressing over how to explain my intolerance. I think I will just try to take some food that I can fix quickly and easily while I'm there. I hate being the Debbie Downer ("Yeah, I bet that famous hamburger shop IS good, but it'll KILL me...waah waaah"), but the alternative is certain no fun for anyone!

I really look forward to the day when I will have a home of my own and can entertain guests and invite people to MY house for dinner. That will make everything so much easier!

shandango Newbie
shandango
Posted
If someone invites you over for dinner, how do you explain your intolerance to them? If you are with someone and they offer you food, how do you kindly refuse or ask the ingredients without offending them?

What if someone insists on having you over and wants to make a gluten-free meal for you? Where do you even begin to explain to them what you can and cannot have?

I'm just curious how you put it all in a nutshell and avoid being offensive.

I'm just plain old honest. My health is more important to me than their feelings. I don't get annoyed when people can't eat certain things at my house and I would expect the same respect from them. But then again, I never been good at dancing on egg shells for anyone. The way I see it, I suffered long enough not knowing and now that I know what is wrong with me, I make it pretty simple for everyone else. Plus I have had food restrictions most of my life anyways because I was vegetarians for years first, so I guess it helps that I'm used to saying no to people.

I also pretty much refused to eat anything from a box as I spent most of my childhood doing that so really I'm just honest with people. I will say something like "no offense but I have a pretty particular diet, if you are willing to work with me on that, I'll be happy to come over and eat with you. If not, I'll eat at home." Sometimes I do offer to bring something I can eat. Most of my friends and family are very understanding and cooperative, and those that aren't I figure just don't care anyways so what's the point of having them around?

Good luck!

naturallyboredthriller Newbie
naturallyboredthriller
Posted

I, too, have the same problem. Sometimes it's not enough to simply tell people about your food allergies because they either 1) just think that they have to look for "wheat" or "gluten" in ingredient lists, 2) think I'm being a pain in the butt, 3) act as if my dietary restrictions aren't that important, or 4) don't understand how sensitive I am and that cross contamination is a pretty big and real issue. I have gotten to the point where I hate going to people's houses to eat and hate going out to restaurants because it's too much of a hassle to constantly explain my allergies only to have the cook completely disregard them, not worry about cc, or accidentally get glutened and feel like complete crap for days and weeks. Whenever anyone asks me to come over for a dinner party, I politely tell them that because of my allergies, it makes it very difficult to eat without getting sick and that I don't want to be a burden to them. I ALWAYS offer, and always do, bring my own food; at the very least, I'll bring a dish to share, but sometimes bring my own meal so that I can still eat with those I'm spending time with and not have to worry about being glutened. It's really hard whenever I am staying at someone's house because then I have to pack so much of my food and take it all with me because at least that way, I know that I'll be eating and don't have to worry about my host having to go out of their way to pick up extra stuff for me.

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