Bullied

[IxMissxMysticxPizza]

i was a small little skinny freak in elementary school, i had celiac disease and didn't know it, i was under-developed in fact i wasn't growing at all. my hair was thin. so i was the perfect victim for these kids. they picked on me, they gossiped about me, told me basically i was worthless. i'd make friends then they found out i wasn't popular and leave me or stay with me and talk behind my back. i was probably the least popular kid in my entire school. years went by and it all stopped in 7th grade when i started to grow(i knew i had celiac). whoo i just felt like sharing it. anyone else wanna share a bullying experience? it does not have to be celiac releated but since this is the gluten-free forum i bet it is.

[msmini14]

I wasnt really picked on during school, I was teased but nothing harsh. Most of have been teased but there are ones who have been so abused by others. This is only a bit of what happened to my little brother.

My younger brother has always been overweight, my mom did not feed us healthy food. She gave him whatever he wanted, a bunch of bacon, 5 pancakes with tons of butter and syrup, all the really really bad things. At this point in his life he is going to 24, he weighs 325lbs and is about 6' 5.

He was bullied all his life by his peers and teachers. It caused him to drown himself more in food, gain more weight and have very low self esteem. I can remember one story that he told me when he was in high school and this scene caused him to change, he snapped.

He was sitting at the lunch tables eating when another kid threw an un opened can of soda at him (yes un opened, can you imagine how much that hurt?) and hit his arm. Thank god it didnt hit his head. He went through things like this almost everyday and like most would turn again to food. After that incident he realized he is a big boy and started to really hurt people who bullied him. He had enough. He became a violent person, he snapped. He still has problems to this day, he has a lot of anger pent up inside of him for multiple reasons.

I think this is a good topic. Just like the other post, a boy killed himself at school. That is so sad. Parents really need to pay attention to their children and communicate with them. Do they have friends? Are they social? What are their friends like?

Teachers also need to take action, but they dont. Once a kid is ignored by a person of authority or that person does not take action the child will never trust teachers again. How can they.

[IxMissxMysticxPizza]

I wasnt really picked on during school, I was teased but nothing harsh. Most of have been teased but there are ones who have been so abused by others. This is only a bit of what happened to my little brother.

My younger brother has always been overweight, my mom did not feed us healthy food. She gave him whatever he wanted, a bunch of bacon, 5 pancakes with tons of butter and syrup, all the really really bad things. At this point in his life he is going to 24, he weighs 325lbs and is about 6' 5.

He was bullied all his life by his peers and teachers. It caused him to drown himself more in food, gain more weight and have very low self esteem. I can remember one story that he told me when he was in high school and this scene caused him to change, he snapped.

He was sitting at the lunch tables eating when another kid threw an un opened can of soda at him (yes un opened, can you imagine how much that hurt?) and hit his arm. Thank god it didnt hit his head. He went through things like this almost everyday and like most would turn again to food. After that incident he realized he is a big boy and started to really hurt people who bullied him. He had enough. He became a violent person, he snapped. He still has problems to this day, he has a lot of anger pent up inside of him for multiple reasons.

I think this is a good topic. Just like the other post, a boy killed himself at school. That is so sad. Parents really need to pay attention to their children and communicate with them. Do they have friends? Are they social? What are their friends like?

Teachers also need to take action, but they dont. Once a kid is ignored by a person of authority or that person does not take action the child will never trust teachers again. How can they.

thanks for sharing! im sorry for what happened to ur brother. that must be so hard for your brother, bullying is so awful. believe me i know and have anger and lots of negative emotions inside of me rfom the bullying. i have severe low self-eestem and an annoying feeling to please everyone. like the one kid i tried to commit suicide cuz of their lingering bullying words. ur worthless, ur pointless, ur ugly, ur a loser..blah blah for anyone whos been bullied it doesn't stop there, it haunts you forever.

[msmini14]

I am sorry you have to go through this, some kids can be very mean. I think it is a lack in parenting and authority at school.

It is a phase and soon you will be out of there to go on with your wonderful life. Sometimes things like this happen to us to make us stronger. Dont let these idiots alter who you are.

Also some people are afraid of what they dont understand. Again I am sorry you are having to go through this.

Do you talk to your parents or teachers? Is your family supportive of you being gluten free?

I cant even imagine how hard it would be to grow up with celiac and the parent of a celiac child. omg I would worry about them going to school and getting sick or to a b-day party.

Do you bake or do any of your own cooking? Cooking is fun, I love to do both but I end up eating most of it lol.

I am glad you found this site for support, I see you just joined. Welcome to the boards =) Everyone here are very friendly and will always help out if they can.

[mushroom]

thanks for sharing! im sorry for what happened to ur brother. that must be so hard for your brother, bullying is so awful. believe me i know and have anger and lots of negative emotions inside of me rfom the bullying. i have severe low self-eestem and an annoying feeling to please everyone. like the one kid i tried to commit suicide cuz of their lingering bullying words. ur worthless, ur pointless, ur ugly, ur a loser..blah blah for anyone whos been bullied it doesn't stop there, it haunts you forever.

I am so sorry you had to put up with that merciless bullying. It can rob you of your self-esteem and any feelings of worth when you are abused so constantly. But now it has stopped, and you CAN recover and it will only haunt you forever if you let it. Can you find a counselor you can talk to and get all these feelings out and get rid of them, so that you can validate who you are, realize you are a good and important person and demand respect and not just try to please everyone? I know what it's like, I was there, I was you (picked on for other reasons though) and used to be this fawning, please-like-me and be-my-friend kind of person, and it really sucks. Okay, so maybe I have over-compensated a little bit now but it's much better than being in that other place. If you do not have someone in your life who can validate you I really think some counseling would help. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and some encouragement.

{{{{hugs}}}}

[msmini14]

I am so sorry you had to put up with that merciless bullying. It can rob you of your self-esteem and any feelings of worth when you are abused so constantly. But now it has stopped, and you CAN recover and it will only haunt you forever if you let it. Can you find a counselor you can talk to and get all these feelings out and get rid of them, so that you can validate who you are, realize you are a good and important person and demand respect and not just try to please everyone? I know what it's like, I was there, I was you (picked on for other reasons though) and used to be this fawning, please-like-me and be-my-friend kind of person, and it really sucks. Okay, so maybe I have over-compensated a little bit now but it's much better than being in that other place. If you do not have someone in your life who can validate you I really think some counseling would help. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and some encouragement.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Mushroom, you always give such good advice!

[Sweetfudge]

i wasn't really bullied, but since my celiac onset a few years ago, i gained a lot of weight, and got the "celiac gut". i got asked all the time if i was pregnant. that's really hard on your self esteem. thankfully i've lost the weight, still have a small gut, but i haven't been asked about being preggers since christmas.

people really can be so inconsiderate. especially about things that we don't have a lot of control, like how our bodies react to food. life doesn't get easier as you get older, but you learn a thing or two. one thing i learned was that the only opinion that matters is your own. that and positive self talk is so important! the more you hear negative things, the more you need to tell yourself positive things!

when i was in high school, i used to cut myself. there are so many healthier ways to deal with depression/low self esteem!!! hurting yourself is never the answer. if you feel like you have no one to turn to, at least turn to your friends here! we are here to help having someone to talk to (a friend, counselor, anyone) is a great outlet!

[ang1e0251]

I'm so sorry about the bullying. That is a big point of anger for me. I tried to always teach my kids better than that. I know all about those negative tapes we play over and over in our heads. It's distructive. You have to list your very good points to yourself and everytime the tape starts playing, just tell yourself stop it. THen go over your new list.

If your family can't tell you how worthwhile you are, (some just aren't good at it, especially if they don't feel very valuable themselves and only feel powerful if they are putting you down) then go to a mirror and tell yourself what you needed to hear from them. Some of my family has died and can never tell me good things, so I just pretend to say the words I needed to hear from them. Apologies for bad behaviour, turning a blind eye when I needed support, or just telling me I am a smart and worthwhile person to know. Those qualities that you have, a generous heart and caring friend. You proved that by starting a hard subject with your personal story. I admire you for that.

Keep telling us about it. There are many here who will be supportive and others who will have had similar experiences and still others who will silently read and benefit from your story without comment.

[ptkds]

I was bullied througout my school years. I lived in a small town my entire life, so I knew these kids from kindergarten. I was teased because I was shy and I had red hair. Then my mom became a teacher at my elementary school and it got worse. I was even bullied by my 5th grade teacher because my family was a member of the same church as her and we were inactive. She once brought me into the teachers workroom (which would have never happened with another student) to yell at me. She wanted to make sure my mom saw it. Junior high was the worst. I was teased relentlessly. I turned to food as comfort, therefore I am really overweight now. I was teased out of any sports, so I didn't exercise because I didn't want to make a fool of myself.

I still live with the aftermath of it. I don't think I can ever get over it. I am constanlty worried that my kids will be treated like me, and I have tried to make sure they know how to deal with it. Kids can be so mean to each other. I have a really low self esteem and I am always worried about what other people think about me. And I seem to have a hard time developing good friendships. I always seem to screw it up, though I haven't quite figured out how. And I can totally understand how a kid would commit suicide because of it. I considered it myself, but I was too scared of the pain, and deep down I knew it would only hurt my family.

Bullying shapes a person into who they are. That person would be a totally different person if they hadn't been bullied. Occasional bullying wont do much IMO, but constant, relentless bullying can kill a person's spirit. It changes you. If I hadn't been bullied, I would have the sefl confidence now that I so desperatly need to be a better adult. I am always second-guessing myself on everything I do, and I shouldn't be doing that, but I can't help it. I have no idea where I would be if only I hadn't been bullied and I had a better self esteem.

So to any parents out there, PLEASE teach your kids to be nice to other kids, no matter how different they are. It all starts with the parents.

[nomentanus]

I was certainly bullied in school, all the way through - but it was much worse in University - from the professors. They didn't want mutants in their fine country club. Subtler bullying (a little) but much nastier, and much more sincere. They were all good politically correct gentlemen doing it, too.

[Angels~Exist]

You can't let bullies get to you because the way you treat people is a big factor in determining how good of a person you are. Bullies make themselves feel better by making you feel worse. I think it's sick and I'm sorry you had to go through that! Making jokes about an illness is just that much worse.

[still tiredofdoctors]

I can't remember when I wasn't sick when I was in school. I had allergies like you can't imagine, and I was obviously gluten-sensitive -- just not celiac yet. I can remember one year that I missed two months of school because I had diarrhea so badly that I literally could not go anywhere.

The bullying and abuse I took? Outrageous. To this day, I can tell you the names of the persons who were so abusive . . .

Oddly, I would not want the lives those people have today. One individual ended up committing suicide. Perhaps they felt so badly about themselves that they needed someone who they thought was "one peg down" in order to make them feel "one peg up".

I think those experiences -- even though they were pretty awful -- were part of the "big picture" developing who I am. I didn't go to college until I was 31 -- I thought I was too stupid . . . but when I DID, I graduated Magna Cum Laude . . . and I realized they were wrong! In an odd way, it made me much more compassionate, I think. It also helped me to stop one of my teenaged patients from committing suicide because SHE was being bullied. I found that out AFTER her mother told me. I had no idea she had plans . . . I just talked with her. I'm a PHYSICAL therapist -- not a mental health professional. That was a very defining moment in the realization that the bullying may have eventually HELPED me. GO FIGURE.

I also think that it helped me raise children (now adults) who are more open, more accepting of individuals' differences and less judgmental. It was important to me that I instilled those qualities in them.

I am so sorry that you are having to undergo this. Having been there, I know it is AWFUL. At this point, I know it does not make sense that I would say this, but someday, you may see it as a life-changing blessing. In the meantime, please know that these individuals do not KNOW you -- they don't know you well enough to know your strengths, your talents, your uniqueness . . . and while they THINK they know your weaknesses -- well, they are more than likely without a doubt, very wrong about those.

You have an important place in life's overall scheme. You have talents and gifts that you will share and share and share. You are infinitely important in touching people's lives that you may never know you have touched -- so much for the better. The world is a better place because you are here. You are SUPPOSED to be here.

Please keep only those thoughts with you when the bullying starts. Or, when you start to remember what was said . . . and always remember: they are WRONG.

P.S.: I endured the subtle "bullying" from my professors just like nomentanus. While that is VERY hard to endure, just remember that you WILL prove them wrong . . .

[mommida]

Lynne is right. Long term studies of bullies have proven that the bully has very low self esteem. Is most likely to end up alone after failing every relationship. More likely to end up in jail, more suicidal. In short the bully is the one who needs serious help.