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Feeling Left Out (Gir)

K8ling

By K8ling
in Coping with Celiac Disease

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K8ling Enthusiast
K8ling
Posted

I am a member of the spouses group at our base, and i have had to miss the last three play dates because the women planning them plan them AT FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS. Aside from this being terrible for the health of the kids, there are other options available. They always invite me to come play and I tell them "sorry guys, it's going to be rough being surrounded by food I am allergic to" (and that my son simply doesn't eat!). I feel like every spouse event is centered around FOOD (ALWAYS food I can't eat- they're big on sweets and pasta at this base). I am at the point that I don't even want to be a member anymore because people think I am snotty because I don't go. Why should I go, starve, bring my OWN wine, and constantly be worried about getting CC'd???

I usually am looking for the silver lining but today I am just not feeling it. I feel left out because I miss food and the social interaction that came with it.

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heatherjane Contributor
heatherjane
Posted

I am a member of the spouses group at our base, and i have had to miss the last three play dates because the women planning them plan them AT FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS. Aside from this being terrible for the health of the kids, there are other options available. They always invite me to come play and I tell them "sorry guys, it's going to be rough being surrounded by food I am allergic to" (and that my son simply doesn't eat!). I feel like every spouse event is centered around FOOD (ALWAYS food I can't eat- they're big on sweets and pasta at this base). I am at the point that I don't even want to be a member anymore because people think I am snotty because I don't go. Why should I go, starve, bring my OWN wine, and constantly be worried about getting CC'd???

I usually am looking for the silver lining but today I am just not feeling it. I feel left out because I miss food and the social interaction that came with it.

I understand how you feel. In situations like that, I always try to eat a good meal before I go, so I'm nice and full and not starving. Then I'll get a coke or something when I'm there so I'm not feeling TOTALLY like the odd man out.

I've realized that I need that social time, or I'll just be a hermit for the rest of my life. Plus, it helps to remind myself of all the nasty stuff that I'm NOT eating. Those people filling up on pasta and greasy fast food are just going to regret it later....maybe your presence will even bring them a little conviction. Also, I would ask someone they can plan something not food related to make it easier on you. It can't hurt to ask, and it will show them that you really do want to be a part of the group. Hang in there. :)

GlutenFreeManna Rising Star
GlutenFreeManna
Posted

I don't even have a kid and I feel the same way sometimes. My friends are always inviting me to restaurants where there is nothing safe to eat. At first I tried going and either not ordering (bringing my own or eating in advance) or playing the ask 20-questions of the waiter game and I still either got sick or was starving by the end of the night. SO I just don't go to those places anymore. I do keep suggesting places that I can go though and have been able to enjoy a few times out at places where I can get a safe meal.

Can you suggest places to go with the kids that are not food related? Does the local library do story time or other events for the kids? They don't allow food in most libraries so that would be safe. Suggest local parks with lots of shade and everyone can bring their own picnic lunch. That way you bring your own food for yourself and your son but you're not the only one. A group of my friends that are mom's got group discounts to the local zoo and the aquarium. I bet if you start suggesting places like these without even mentioning that you are doing it because you of your food allergies, someone will be interested. Is there anyone in the group that you talk to the most when you have gone? If you can't get the group coordinator to change plans to non-food outings, then maybe you can start inviting one or two moms to just go those places with you. When you go and have a good time, then maybe your friends will speak up and say how great the resources are at the local library or what fun the kids had at the park or something...Then it's not just about you switching the activities for food issues, it's more about fun suggestions. Just some thoughts. I know it can be lonely.

precious831 Contributor
precious831
Posted

Hugs, I know the feeling. I feel like an outcast. I go to a mom's group and it's always centered on food. They're making cupcakes, making ice cream, potluck etc. etc. And people don't understand, sometimes I just don't go because I don't feel like my daughter and I sitting there and watching everyone pig out and we can't eat. We can bring our own food but you know it's not the same. They also go to fast food places, which we don't eat fast food anyway.

2 weeks ago I went to our scrapbooking party. There was a woman there who barely knew me. They were eating brownies at some point and I said very quietly to my friend who hosted the party that "I wish I can have a brownie." I didn't announce it, just said it softly. Then this woman who barely knew me said, "who said that?" My friend said "so and so did." So then she said "Oh I don't feel bad for you at all, I feel bad for your DD but not for you" while stuffing her face with brownies! So rude. So you see, I've lost my appetite for attending these events because of what they do and also rude comments like this.

missceliac2010 Apprentice
missceliac2010
Posted

I had gastric bypass surgery 3 years ago. I remember "missing" food so much back then. I would go to family and friend events and feel like the local freak show. People still watch what I eat very closely, and never seem to miss a chance to comment on "how little I eat." Now, since the Celiac diagnosis, I feel like an even bigger freak! My diet is so limited by size, type, sugar content, etc. Whenever I go to any kind of party, I always make sure I eat first and bring a drink. (Not everyone has diet soda.)

I learned to stop my love affair with food after the bypass surgery. Food became "subsistence" and nothing else. Food is a way to keep me alive, not emotionally happy. Although I do love the fact that I have found a few local bakeries that specialize in gluten-free, so I don't have to cook every loaf of bread I eat, I am still trying hard to maintain my steadfast feeling that "food is fuel."

Try to remember that. Food is only fuel. Not happiness, not friendship, not love. When you are at your gathering of fellow moms, try to enjoy the company and companionship. I was an Army wife, and I know that having support from other moms is very important. Bring snacks, and celebrate your difference with pride!

Good luck to you. I know it's easier said than done, but if you get in the right mind set, you can do it. We are Moms! We can do anything! ;)

I am a member of the spouses group at our base, and i have had to miss the last three play dates because the women planning them plan them AT FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS.

K8ling Enthusiast
K8ling
Posted
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Skylark Collaborator
Skylark
Posted

I get around it by organizing things myself. I have friends over all the time and serve gluten-free food. When we're going out, I help with contacting everyone and make sure we choose a restaurant where I know I can eat.

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Aphreal Contributor
Aphreal
Posted

2 weeks ago I went to our scrapbooking party. There was a woman there who barely knew me. They were eating brownies at some point and I said very quietly to my friend who hosted the party that "I wish I can have a brownie." I didn't announce it, just said it softly. Then this woman who barely knew me said, "who said that?" My friend said "so and so did." So then she said "Oh I don't feel bad for you at all, I feel bad for your DD but not for you" while stuffing her face with brownies! So rude. So you see, I've lost my appetite for attending these events because of what they do and also rude comments like this.

Oh my heavens. I had to re-read that. What is WRONG with some people!

sandsurfgirl Collaborator
sandsurfgirl
Posted

There are so many fast food places that offer at least a couple of gluten free items.

I don't let this disease stop me from socializing no matter what it is. I would either find out what I could eat there or bring my own food. Or just eat before you go and bring a couple of snacks.

If you son is only 2 years old and he doesn't eat fast food, then bring food for him.

You won't get CC'd if you are careful. I have a 3 year old and I get it about being glutened by their filthy face and hands. So keep tons of baby wipes out and wipe a lot. Take the kid to the bathroom for hand washing after gluten eating. Don't give kisses until the face is wiped.

You don't have to miss out on these things if you want to go. Change your mindset. You are there for the interaction even if they are there for the food.

My kids eat gluten free at home, but I feel that it's wrong for me to put my dietary restrictions on them when we are out. They are not celiac. I am. I'm not going to impose the restrictions and difficulties I have on them and not let them participate with other kids in eating cake or whatever at a party or enjoying a Happy Meal at a playdate.

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