Dealing With Celiac With A 4 Year Old

[MaryannG]

My 4 1/2 year old has been diagnosed with celiac since she was 18 months. This has turned into a blessing because it never bothered her that she couldn't eat gluten... until now. Up until this point she woudl say she can't have it beacuse it has gluten, or as if it has gluten in it. It's almost like she takes pride in things being gluten free. Recently I can tell she has been having a little harder time with this. It started off with little things like the other day one of her friends said she would have gluten free cupcakes at her b-day party and my daughter yelled "yay then I can eat them"! Ok so thats a good example. However lately she is getting jealous when my other non-celiac daughter eats off my husbands plate or is able to eat anything she wants at a party, yet she can't. She started asking why can her sister do it but not her. We gently explain because her belly doesn't hurt when she eats it but you can have XY and Z. Tonight broke my heart, which is prompting me to write this. We were at Burger King and my non-celiac daughter asked for chicken nuggets. My celiac daughter said she wanted them to. I said no you can have a cheeseburger (w/o the bun of course) and she got tears in her eyes. Then she got "mad" and looked away. I tried to talk to her but she just got upset and looked away. She wouldn't talk about it. I ended up telling her I'd make her nuggets when she got home. I usually don't try to initally say you can't have it because it has gluten, I try to say its not healthy, or it doesn't taste very good, or something else and then if she still insists then I say it has gluten. I do this because sometimes in life you just can't have everything and its not always because of gluten, but ultimately if she insists I tell her it has gluten. I can imagine how much it must stink to not be able to eat almost everything when everyone else can. I am so jealous of people who have kids that don't have this. I am looking for advice on how to empower our children to not get upset about this and try to teach them that being different is ok. I don't know how to explain to her that its ok to feel bad but not to let it define her at 4 years old. I thought I was doing a good job until now....

[divamomma]

I have no answers as this is all fairly new to me. I have a 4 yr old daughter who has tested positive on bloodwork and we are waiting for a biopsy to confirm. I also have a 6 year old daughter who has tested negative. I fear this will happen often around our house. I am already dreading the feelings of unfairness and jealousy....from both girls. While I have no answers I understand where you are coming from. I hope others on here can give you some advice...which I will be reading as well. Take care.

[MacieMay]

This is sad!! What a bummer!!

In our house, we are ALL eating Gluten-free. I have an 21 month old (gluten-intolerant), a 6 year old and an 8 year old. My older girls can still eat pizza and macaroni and cheese at school or when we go out to eat. They adjusted fine with that. How do you explain to a toddler that she can't eat something that everyone is eating? You can't!! So we don't eat anything in front of her that she can't have.

Maybe you can get your oldest to make the sacrifices, or you could just put your foot down and tell your oldest she can't have Chicken nuggets and then make her get the same thing as her sister. Your 4 year old makes food sacrifices everyday, maybe it will help if she sees someone else make them for a change. : )

i hope this helps

Good luck!!

[MacieMay]

I should add... I don't think that any 4 year old is going to get, it is "OK to be different" they are not mature enough. 4 year olds are all about here and now. If that makes sense. I think its a great lesson but one she might not get until she is older. I bet if you could get your oldest or maybe even your husband to make some gluten-free food choices, that could be really empowering for your 4 year old to see.

good luck!

[Roda]

I agree that most 4 yr olds just don't have the maturity to understand the necessity of the diet. I have an almost 6 year old and he is still coming to grips with it. He usually wants for nothing, but with the holiday's my oldest has been bringing home treats that he can't have. My oldest son is a very sensitive child (to other's feelings) and I find him eating things when his brother is around that he knows that are gluten free to not hurt his feelings. We do have a shared household, but my husband and oldest try not to deblibertly eat things he can't have in front of him. All our meals are gluten free as are our baked goods so it only really leaves convience stuff like bread, pretzels etc. and I make sure he has something the same. As to when my son tells me he hates eating different or that something isn't fair, I let him vent and express his feelings and I just tell him that I'm sorry and give him a hug. Then we usually go have a gluten free treat together.

[sassiskull]

I feel this frustration. My daughter is 3 1/2 years old, has been gluten free for a year. She understands to a point and is learning the cc of celiac disease. Just today at her dance party she was sitting with her pre prepared plate from home of goodies and another kid took their cookie and did "cheers" to my daugters gluten-free cookie, she just looked at me. I told her we would get a new cookie at home. She was fine BUT I saw the look in her eyes, not only did she not get to grab off the snack table she lost her snack I looked at my husband and said Can we home school, what will go on if im not right there! my poor girl is in for let downs over food! Food is this huge deal society builds up. Fun toys in happy meals, pre k's have days themed on food. Once we were told to come to a bday party after dinner because they wouldnt have gluten-free! (please know I bring my daughters food and never expect anyone to provide gluten-free for my daughter) In short our beautiful lil ones who can't have gluten and those beautiful ones with food allergies will always have that "food" issue. I also have an older child (14) we chose to continue to let him have gluten. Its not fair to him and its not fair to her, her whole life will be filled with people eating things she cant. I guess If she needs to get used to it, Id rather her learn at home and not in a situation with peers where maybe I won't be there to fully explain. He is 14 though and old enough to know what she can't have. He has his own space for gluten goodies up high and out of reach. I try to teach my daughter that we are all special and unique, her cousin can;t have peanuts, Grandpa can't eat too much sugar ect. While this is no doubt going to be a lifelong journey I think as Mommies we are all doing the best we can and from what I just read from your post you are doing a great job and unfortunatly we will see the heartache up close. In my dreamworld my daughter will meet a best friend the 1st day of kindergarten with celiac disease, they can eat lunch together every day But that probably won't happen. Life is not fair, it never will be. Its extremely unfair that our babies have to face hurt and people not understanding over something as simple as food. I feel I was given a child with celiac disease for a reason, for the reason that I can help her and guide her. When I get down or frustrated my mother reminds me of this.... "Sweetheart it is food, just food she will get over it and move on, some babies never get to leave the hospital or snuggle and watch movies or go to a theme park and ride the ferris wheel, some kids never get to learn to write their name or learn to ride a bike, your baby can't eat a donut or regular pizza crust. You will be helping her learn and guiding her through social situations for the rest of her life but some mommies never get to hear Mommy I love you or feel that hug when they come at you running full blast or feel their baby kiss them" So while I know how tough situations can be, and how your heart breaks with hers just be strong and keep being the awesome mommy you are and keep teaching her. I am dreading this week, not only is it Christmas and we have a million gluten fests to attend my lil one is due for bloodwork so that means many vials, so while some people think buying things is not the right way to deal with bloodwork ( I was actually told this by a friend who of course child doesnt have celiacs or need bloodwork drawn often) I will be taking my teary eyed 3 year old to build a bear right after. Nothing wrong with a lil spoiling.

[salexander421]

This breaks my heart! We are still in the testing process with our almost 3 year old and our 16 month old is already gluten free and we will go through the testing process with her a little later. Me and my two girls (with the exception of my oldest going through a gluten challenge) are gluten free but my hubby is not. He tries not to eat anything in front of my girls that they can't have but sometimes it happens and my oldest gets a confused look like "why can't I have it too?" She's in that age where she asks if something is gluten free and gets excited when she finds out it is cause she knows she can have it then. I do fear though that this will not always be the case as you have said has happened with your girl.

I would try talking to your non-celiac child with out the other one in the room. Try explaining to her how serious it is when her sister eats gluten and how tempting it is for her when she sees others eating it. Maybe the two of you could come up with a plan to only eat gluten items when your 4 year old is not present. And, if you don't already do this I would suggest one on one dates with your girls; gluten free with your 4 year old and gluten filled with your other...make it special for each in different ways and hopefully this will help with any resentment issues on either side. Hope this helps!

[Beth03456]

My 4 yo has Celiac and my 6 yo does not. The kids eat mostly gluten-free at home, since we cook them the same dinner. My 6 yo eats other stuff at school and sometimes they will have different things. We have a book called Gluten Free for Emily that is helpful in that it shows that sometimes you just can't eat what the other kids have. It is hard, although my 4 yo has a pretty good attitude about it so far. Maybe its because he still probably has a wider palatte than his older sister, who is pretty picky. We naturally cook a lot of things that are gluten-free, such as chicken, vegetables and salad, and he likes Udi's bread. We don't eat fast food anymore, although we go to McDonald's and get ice cream a few times a year. I take our 6 yo occassionally for a treat, but I take him out for eggs and sausage occasionally too. We've slowly started putting less emphasis on food and I always bring stuff with me even if we are just going out for a couple hours, just in case. Sometimes we go out to eat and he will just have what I've brought him plus fruit or ice cream. Anyway, its hard but we're trying to adapt.

[mommida]

Dealing with Celiac for any person (any age) has a long list of irritations.

One of the pitfalls of the diet is not feeling the freedowm of options. If you can say to your little one, "the burger with no bun?, the salad?, or should we try a different place?" If I remember right, 4 year-olds really want to take charge of their situation.

School!!? That is a really hard decision. Public school in our area was a joke. Private school was nice for a while but did have some issues about gluten free (and more issues) got too expensive in this economy. Now we are trying Public Charter Cyber school. Working out pretty good. Check out www.connectionsacademy.com it is free for us in MI. It also has a tuition based private school area of the website so if you get directed to the wrong part of the site go back to the free public school part. Check the availability in your state. There are different schools offering the public cyber school. K12 The kids have a teacher (s). They communicate in live lessons, e-mail, and phone calls with the teachers. (Just thought I would throw that into the homeschooling file as you will find homeschooling curriculum is very expensive.)

[MacieMay]

Dealing with Celiac for any person (any age) has a long list of irritations.

One of the pitfalls of the diet is not feeling the freedowm of options. If you can say to your little one, "the burger with no bun?, the salad?, or should we try a different place?" If I remember right, 4 year-olds really want to take charge of their situation.

School!!? That is a really hard decision. Public school in our area was a joke. Private school was nice for a while but did have some issues about gluten free (and more issues) got too expensive in this economy. Now we are trying Public Charter Cyber school. Working out pretty good. Check out www.connectionsacademy.com it is free for us in MI. It also has a tuition based private school area of the website so if you get directed to the wrong part of the site go back to the free public school part. Check the availability in your state. There are different schools offering the public cyber school. K12 The kids have a teacher (s). They communicate in live lessons, e-mail, and phone calls with the teachers. (Just thought I would throw that into the homeschooling file as you will find homeschooling curriculum is very expensive.)

Wow.... that is so cool! Public Charter Cyber School!! I have never heard of such a thing. One of the posts above mention not putting a lot of emphasis on food. I think that is such a valid point. Even kids without food allergies or Celiac, why put the emphasis on food. Why not just make healthy choices and be done. Most healthy choices are gluten-free.

[curlyq]

It is so very heart breaking to see what these little ones go through. I have a 7 year old DD with celiac, and our 5 year old just tested positive as well. One thing that we have found helpful is to be sympathetic, but straight-forward. If I am sad and upset about it...so will my daughter. If I am confident and matter of fact, she typically will follow my lead. When she does get a little bummed about what she can not have, I am quick with a hug, sympathy, and then a distraction. No point in dwelling on what we can't change.