How To Explain That I Don't Want To Eat Out

[llama3]

I have relatives who want to take me out to restaurants and I find it so stressful right now that it's just not worth it, but I don't know how to explain that to them. When I go out, my choice seems to be between pain/discomfort or eating a very expensive plate of lettuce. Either way, there is lots of stress and I feel embarrassed asking the waiter to leave off ... everything. I just don't want to do it.

[mushroom]

There is nothing wrong with explaining to them that you are having a difficult time figuring out what you can and can't eat at the moment, and that adding in the complexity of a restaurant menu is just too stressful for you right now. Just thank them and tell them you will take up their offer when you feel more comfortable doing so. I presume you have mentioned that you are celiac/gluten intolerant??

[srall]

I have BTDT. I was just done with it when I spent $25 on a plain caesar salad...just lettuce and plain chicken...and oil. Ugh.

So, I'm married and my husband is on board since I do all the cooking, but for the times it does come up, I usually eat before I go, then order a glass of wine. The one piece of advice I do have is to try and make sure you find a way to be social. I'm almost 2 years in with myself and my 8 year old and I'm noticing invitations (especially for my daughter) dropping off. I'm struggling with trying to find ways to make my diet and my daughter's very easy on others. I should add that I do send food with my daughter, so I'm not expecting anybody else to make allowances for her.

I don't really know the answer to this problem...host people at your house with safe foods? Arrange with restaurants to see if you can bring your own plate? Just order coffee or a drink? It's something we are still trying to figure out.

[llama3]

I presume you have mentioned that you are celiac/gluten intolerant??

Yes, but at this point I'm tentatively self-diagnosed so it's hard to be taken seriously. I will try to explain it though as you said.

I have BTDT. I was just done with it when I spent $25 on a plain caesar salad...just lettuce and plain chicken...and oil. Ugh.

Exactly! I'm also avoiding dairy and I know I cannot tolerate onions and am allergic to chilies. Potatoes also seem to be a problem. I find plenty of foods to eat at home but when I go out it seems as if restaurants ONLY know how to cook with the foods I can't eat.

[Juliebove]

Just tell them there is nothing safe for you to eat there. Do you have any restaurants in your area with a gluten-free menu? We do have some here.

You could also try to find places that cook from scratch and get to know the chefs and/or owners. That's what we do. They will gladly cook special foods for us. Look for places that mention food allergies on the menu.

But really in the beginning it is probably best just to cook the food yourself. That way you know it is safe.

[Chad Sines]

I have the same problem. My parents like to eat out at sit down places but often I just want to eat at home or grab some take out. I think it is from a pattern of bad dining experiences where I have gotten sick before even finishing the meal. At least at home if it happens, I am in a "safe" place so to speak.

[domesticactivist]

Have you tried suggesting alternatives? What are the motives behind going out? Could it be they think it will be easier because everyone can have their own plate? Does noone have the space to host? Is it just what they are used to?

I have a couple blog posts that might help you:

The holidays

Going out to eat

Crazy diet people 1 2 and 3

They are on the site linked from my profile.

Basically, it makes sense not to want to go out to eat. If your family members can not accept that, when you have gently explained and offered alternatives, there is not much to be done but accept that limitation of the relationship.

[llama3]

Have you tried suggesting alternatives? What are the motives behind going out? Could it be they think it will be easier because everyone can have their own plate? Does noone have the space to host? Is it just what they are used to?

I have a couple blog posts that might help you:

The holidays

Going out to eat

Crazy diet people 1 2 and 3

They are on the site linked from my profile.

Basically, it makes sense not to want to go out to eat. If your family members can not accept that, when you have gently explained and offered alternatives, there is not much to be done but accept that limitation of the relationship.

It's more that it's just what they're used to and it's something nice that they can do for me. If I cook for them or go out but don't eat anything, then they don't feel as if they are giving me anything anymore - even though I would rather just have their company.

Thanks for directing me to your blog, it looks good.

[kareng]

It's more that it's just what they're used to and it's something nice that they can do for me. If I cook for them or go out but don't eat anything, then they don't feel as if they are giving me anything anymore - even though I would rather just have their company.

Thanks for directing me to your blog, it looks good.

Maybe they could buy steaks or an expensive fish and cook with you? Buying the food that's niceer than usual might make them feel they are treating you.

[Skylark]

There aren't any restaurants that work for you? I'm pretty happy at Outback with an unseasoned steak, salad, and steamed veggies. It's not super-expensive.

[domesticactivist]

I really like kareng's idea. ps, thanks for checking out my blog (oh, and I just added pictures from this Thanksgiving to the Holidays post).

Since you know your relatives just want to do something nice for you, even though it's awkward you probably just need to tell them what you would appreciate more. They love you and will adjust.

[Elizabeth5220]

I'm having the same problem...and I'm from a small town and we don't have Outback, PF Chang's, Chili's, etc!! I'd have to drive 75 miles one way to find a good gluten-free restaurant...