My First Celiac Kiss :(

[GlutenFree-MLDub]

Well, I'm oddly shy about writing personal stuff online, but I need some advice or something! I'm newly acknowledged Celiac (I was biopsy diagnosed in 2003 and ignored it with the help of my own denial skills and some idiot doctors). Now I'm gluten free since the beginning of June and feeling better, but oh man do I have reactions to CC!

I'm also single and dating which is torture enough! A guy I'm dating kissed me (for about 15 minutes ) last night a couple hours after having sliders. I also just remembered he had a sip of my drink right after the sliders. I GOT A STOMACH ACHE! (and my symptoms recently had not been tummy issues - they were neuro). I've seen and read a bunch of the past threads on kissing here, but it seems some people don't have issues and maybe there are a TON of people without issues who just never comment because it's not of interest to them?

So, here's the problem. I still get stomach aches a lot since I'm healing and still determining whether soy, dairy, etc are issues, so how do I know if I need to worry about this? Could the stomach ache have been something else like soy? I'm keeping a strict food diary and DID NOT eat in the restaurant where we went on the date. My doc has me preparing all my own food because I'm getting sick when I eat out no matter how gluten free the food is. There's a chance it could be cosmetics that I have not yet eliminated from the house yet, but I'm trying to feel that situation out as well before replacing stuff like shampoos with wheat.

Problem number two... I don't know how long I'm going to date the guy and I have a feeling telling him to brush his teeth before kissing me may very well secure that fate.

What do I do? With him, or with anyone else I end up dating and kissing? I can see working this out with a partner that is more permanent, but this is tough. Lord, I'm 40 years old and I feel like I'm learning about birth control for the first time or something. This is ridiculous.

[mamaw]

I believe in being up front & honest... Tell him about celiac disease ... If he is truly interested in you for who you are then he will understand... And if he doesn't get it then you have your answer & you don't need that in your life...life is to short ...several people including one man feels the same in this forum......there are alot of celiac people wanting to match -up with other celiac people....

[Mom-of-Two]

I agree! I couldn't do it without my husband, who is absolutely 200% supportive with my celiac, and even went gluten free himself when I started. (he had his own reasons too, psoriasis, etc) but I couldn't be with someone who didn't get the seriousness of it.

That makes me think about my 8 year old who is just starting down this gluten free road and her dating life , not something I had thought about before!

[RL2011]

Hi,

The best advice is... Date someone that also has celiac disease and your problems are solved. I have also had issues with dating related to eating out and requesting that my date brushes her teeth before kissing. And I have never dated anyone that has celiac disease so I'm not sure if it would make such a difference but it sure would make life easier in so many ways.

If you like gluten-free tiramisu or at least if you are willing to make it with someone then I'm your next date!

I have been dreaming about gluten-free tiramisu ever since someone here got my thoughts on trying some.

[mamaw]

Richard,

You made me laugh! But I can tell you I never cared for tiramisu(sp?) but Feel Good Foods has a gluten-free one that is delish! Remember this is coming from someone who doesn't like this dessert!!!!+ Just delish...... you can order online......

mamaw

[RL2011]

Richard,

You made me laugh! But I can tell you I never cared for tiramisu(sp?) but Feel Good Foods has a gluten-free one that is delish! Remember this is coming from someone who doesn't like this dessert!!!!+ Just delish...... you can order online......

mamaw, The desert was not my primary interest.

[mamaw]

Well , I assumed that was the case but didn't want to get personal ........ ! Buy A cute puppy---my son states if works everytime!!!! Just make sure you feed it grain free!!!! Also I suggest a quick dessert for a romantic evening, strawberries & whip cream ! *!* An old stand by for years...

[Newbee]

I understand what you are going through. I'm 38 and single and have not dated since being diagnosed a year ago. I fear having that conversation with a guy, but there are some serious consequences in getting gluten in your system whether it is through kissing or otherwise. I think it is a good test whether the guy is willing to brush and floss before kissing you. If he won't do it then he's not the guy for you and I suspect it will come out in other ways eventually. This way you find out early!

And there people out there that will accomodate this disease. My brother has celiac disease and to help my brother his wife has gone gluten free so that he can have a completely gluten free home without risk of cc. How great is that! You can find it too!!

[GlutenFree-MLDub]

So, since I didn't have any gluten, do you all think I probably got the stomach ache from the guy's 'filthy' mouth?

How do you know what's causing issues for you when there are other variables like foods or cosmetics that may be giving you problems?

Do you think people who don't get symptoms in the same situation are just not as sensitive or not as aware of what's happening in their bodies? My only GI issues were stomach cramps and bloating, but it's been many years since that was a regular occurrence. My Celiac got bored in my intestines and went for my brain and adrenals.

[GlutenFree-MLDub]

Oh. And the guy is really nice so far - I think he is understanding-ish... but when you're not attached to someone, wouldn't you rather date someone who doesn't have a thing like this? Like he doesn't drink because he's in AA... and I'd probably rather be with someone who doesn't have that, right? It's just hard to drop bombs on people you're new to dating - and 'brush your teeth before you touch me' is kind of a bomb to drop. It sounds like I'm being uptight and frankly crazy. I don't know... maybe this guy would ask me to brush my teeth after having alcohol.

I am finding there are a TON of people who have never even heard of Celiac which surprises me.

[JNBunnie1]

So, since I didn't have any gluten, do you all think I probably got the stomach ache from the guy's 'filthy' mouth?

How do you know what's causing issues for you when there are other variables like foods or cosmetics that may be giving you problems?

Do you think people who don't get symptoms in the same situation are just not as sensitive or not as aware of what's happening in their bodies? My only GI issues were stomach cramps and bloating, but it's been many years since that was a regular occurrence. My Celiac got bored in my intestines and went for my brain and adrenals.

Short answer- you don't know. If your shampoo has wheat in it, that CAN make you sick. If your date had gluten and kisses you, that CAN make you sick. If your cosmetics have gluten, they CAN make you sick. Some people don't react to these things. That's fine. If it CAN make me sick, I don't care. I avoid it. It's much easier to avoid such things than to be sick, for me.

Frankly, kissing someone who's been eating gluten sounds like a WILL make you sick to me. I've been in a long term relationship since going gluten free, on the rare occasion he eats gluten while we're out, he kisses me first and then we wait through two toothbrushing cycles. Just because why risk it? How is waiting twelve hours for kisses more misery than being horribly ill? Which I get that I probably get more horribly ill than a lot of people, but still.....

[dws]

Well, I'm oddly shy about writing personal stuff online, but I need some advice or something! I'm newly acknowledged Celiac (I was biopsy diagnosed in 2003 and ignored it with the help of my own denial skills and some idiot doctors). Now I'm gluten free since the beginning of June and feeling better, but oh man do I have reactions to CC!

I'm also single and dating which is torture enough! A guy I'm dating kissed me (for about 15 minutes ) last night a couple hours after having sliders. I also just remembered he had a sip of my drink right after the sliders. I GOT A STOMACH ACHE! (and my symptoms recently had not been tummy issues - they were neuro). I've seen and read a bunch of the past threads on kissing here, but it seems some people don't have issues and maybe there are a TON of people without issues who just never comment because it's not of interest to them?

So, here's the problem. I still get stomach aches a lot since I'm healing and still determining whether soy, dairy, etc are issues, so how do I know if I need to worry about this? Could the stomach ache have been something else like soy? I'm keeping a strict food diary and DID NOT eat in the restaurant where we went on the date. My doc has me preparing all my own food because I'm getting sick when I eat out no matter how gluten free the food is. There's a chance it could be cosmetics that I have not yet eliminated from the house yet, but I'm trying to feel that situation out as well before replacing stuff like shampoos with wheat.

Problem number two... I don't know how long I'm going to date the guy and I have a feeling telling him to brush his teeth before kissing me may very well secure that fate.

What do I do? With him, or with anyone else I end up dating and kissing? I can see working this out with a partner that is more permanent, but this is tough. Lord, I'm 40 years old and I feel like I'm learning about birth control for the first time or something. This is ridiculous.

I totally understand what you mean. I have stayed in a marriage that I probably should have gotten out of long ago partly because I don't know how I would date with all the gluten issues. Dealing with the curve balls life throws at you is hard enough without this additional difficulty. A lot of people say that if someone you try to date is scared off by your request for brushing teeth before kissing, then they weren't worth it anyway. I don't think they are taking into consideration that first impressions are formed quickly in the dating world and can determine whether or not someone wants to see you again. Once you get to know someone better, a request like that might be better received. The trick for you is getting past those first few dates. It's definitly difficult and I don't know what the answer is. Dating someone who is also gluten intolerant seems like the best answer, but that sure narrows the field down. I have heard talk on this forum or maybe it was another forum about creating a gluten-free dating site. Not sure if it ever came about. A gluten free lifestyle is a preference you could put on regular dating sites if you are into the online thing. Maybe there are enough of us out there to make it a successful search. Anyway, hang in there. This is like a lot of things we have to deal with-not impossible, just more difficult than normal.

[GlutenFree-MLDub]

A lot of people say that if someone you try to date is scared off by your request for brushing teeth before kissing, then they weren't worth it anyway. I don't think they are taking into consideration that first impressions are formed quickly in the dating world and can determine whether or not someone wants to see you again. Once you get to know someone better, a request like that might be better received.

I'm glad you mention this! Particularly for young girls to read. It really is true. I think someone who's been your boyfriend/husband for awhile and is persistently not accepting your needs on the Celiac front is a candidate to be kicked to the curb. But I think as we all know, it's hard to accept some of the requirements of this disease... even for ourselves, much less for someone who's never been sick from gluten, much less anything. The idea takes some getting used to and a lot of science talk that isn't very sexy. I'm definitely not going to require a date to be Celiac. If I limited myself to that, I'd die alone. It's hard enough to find a guy that I'm compatible with.

Another thing people who have been in relationships for awhile have forgotten is that when you have only a few dates with each other, there's not much to go on... and you've already been high maintenance around meals and kissing, the prognosis can't look good from the other person's perspective. It's hard to see all the great things past all the toothbrushes and it's easy to ditch out for something easier. You're not invested yet.

So, you're right... and this will be especially hard for teenagers and college-aged kids who are insecure by definition... and whose dating prospects are inexperienced and will not 'get it' right away. Even the nicest guy may not get it right off. I didn't. I need to find the right disclosure plan for dating. Perhaps I pick a place to eat where he's unlikely to come in contact with much gluten when first kisses could be the outcome. Something like Sushi where he's unlikely to have breadcrumbs still lingering.

[kareng]

I have 16 and 19 year old sons. They each have at least one friend with Celiac as well as a mom and a friends sister. When I was diagnosed and we told them, they already knew some about it. They would be willing to date a gluten-free girl. They could go to Pei Wei or PF Changs and eat gluten-free so they could kiss her. Thier dad has talked to them about brushing thier teeth first. It would make for an awkward first kiss. Maybe get it over with at the beginning of the second date? Before the gluten?

Just to show you that there are boys who understand. I think the younger ones are likely to have heard of food intolerances

[dws]

I'm glad you mention this! Particularly for young girls to read. It really is true. I think someone who's been your boyfriend/husband for awhile and is persistently not accepting your needs on the Celiac front is a candidate to be kicked to the curb. But I think as we all know, it's hard to accept some of the requirements of this disease... even for ourselves, much less for someone who's never been sick from gluten, much less anything. The idea takes some getting used to and a lot of science talk that isn't very sexy. I'm definitely not going to require a date to be Celiac. If I limited myself to that, I'd die alone. It's hard enough to find a guy that I'm compatible with.

Another thing people who have been in relationships for awhile have forgotten is that when you have only a few dates with each other, there's not much to go on... and you've already been high maintenance around meals and kissing, the prognosis can't look good from the other person's perspective. It's hard to see all the great things past all the toothbrushes and it's easy to ditch out for something easier. You're not invested yet.

So, you're right... and this will be especially hard for teenagers and college-aged kids who are insecure by definition... and whose dating prospects are inexperienced and will not 'get it' right away. Even the nicest guy may not get it right off. I didn't. I need to find the right disclosure plan for dating. Perhaps I pick a place to eat where he's unlikely to come in contact with much gluten when first kisses could be the outcome. Something like Sushi where he's unlikely to have breadcrumbs still lingering.

Sounds like a good strategy. You'll just have to make sure you get him hooked with some really good kisses so you can reveal the gluten-free thing sooner rather than later.

Edit: I just thought of the perfect plan! Take the guy skinny dipping after diner. While in the water, have a water spitting contest, which will lead to lots of laughter and then some great gluten free kisses. This way his face and mouth get good and clean and he'll be none the wiser The only flaw might be convincing him you don't go past 1st base on the first date when you are already skinny dipping and kissing.