Get email alerts Get Celiac.com E-mail Alerts  




Celiac.com Sponsor:
Celiac.com Sponsor:




Ads by Google:






   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

  • Announcements

    • admin

      Frequently Asked Questions About Celiac Disease   09/30/2015

      This Celiac.com FAQ on celiac disease will guide you to all of the basic information you will need to know about the disease, its diagnosis, testing methods, a gluten-free diet, etc.   Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts What are the major symptoms of celiac disease? Celiac Disease Symptoms What testing is available for celiac disease? - list blood tests, endo with biopsy, genetic test and enterolab (not diagnostic) Celiac Disease Screening Interpretation of Celiac Disease Blood Test Results Can I be tested even though I am eating gluten free? How long must gluten be taken for the serological tests to be meaningful? The Gluten-Free Diet 101 - A Beginner's Guide to Going Gluten-Free Is celiac inherited? Should my children be tested? Ten Facts About Celiac Disease Genetic Testing Is there a link between celiac and other autoimmune diseases? Celiac Disease Research: Associated Diseases and Disorders Is there a list of gluten foods to avoid? Unsafe Gluten-Free Food List (Unsafe Ingredients) Is there a list of gluten free foods? Safe Gluten-Free Food List (Safe Ingredients) Gluten-Free Alcoholic Beverages Distilled Spirits (Grain Alcohols) and Vinegar: Are they Gluten-Free? Where does gluten hide? Additional Things to Beware of to Maintain a 100% Gluten-Free Diet Free recipes: Gluten-Free Recipes Where can I buy gluten-free stuff? Support this site by shopping at The Celiac.com Store.

First Time Declining An Invitation
0

7 posts in this topic

So after a year I had my first super awkward "I can't come eat dinner at your house" conversation. We have friends who we have had over to dinner a few times. They have a few kids, one in kindergarten and the youngest isn't one yet. Having them over is always a great pleasure and I love cooking for them. The kids aren't too picky and everyone is just great fun to be with. Well, finally the other night the husband told us that his wife has explained to him that it is their turn to make us dinner. She put him in charge of finding out what I can eat.

 

Now it all seems well and good when they see what I cook. There is meat, vegetables, fruits, homemade pickles, deviled eggs (any excuse I can find to make them), always gravy... no shortage at all of wonderful things. This means that there is no time to notice that there isn't bread anywhere in sight. It seems so simple, don't feed me bread.

 

I tried a simple, it really wouldn't work. He didn't seem to get it. So I had to explain everything to him. I had to explain the pots and pans, the plastic/wooden utensils, the cutting boards. I explained how I got sick from eating something I shouldn't have when the cover fell off it in the microwave. I told him that despite all that, and on top of gluten, the soy and MSG thing is insanely hard to plan around and then on top of that even I can barely keep track of what fruits and veggies I am and am not allowed to have.

 

We did come up with a plan. Mondays for us means family home evening, which is an opportunity to spend family time together doing a fun activity which is something scripture based generally and then because most families have kids there are snacks. So, instead of us going for dinner, we will go over for a family home evening and we'll bring the snacks. I think it is a good compromise.

 

I just feel awful. I simply can not take a risk that involves eating food someone else prepared. I have simply stopped eating out or eating anything I didn't make. I've cut down on packaged foods. Since this MSG thing a few weeks ago I just can't take risks. It was one thing when it was gluten and I was paranoid about things like cancer and being sick for a month. Now it is a matter of losing my vision. I will not risk my sight to make someone feel good. Somehow telling myself that doesn't make me feel better about the fact that I may have made someone else feel bad.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ads by Google:

Oh, Adalaide, I feel for you.  I have been on both sides of this now and don't like it.  I am glad you came up with a plan.

 

I thought of another plan for someday.  How about having someone come to your kitchen and cook?  Maybe if it were a good friend.  I am going to stew on that.  I might feel safe.  ON the other side, I never really feel comfortable in someone else's kitchen.

 

Oh, I just had another thought.  Have her come early and work together to cook the meal.  I did have a great deal of fun doing just that once.  My friend actually thanked me for teaching her how to cook!

 

I hope this all will be easier in time.  I think we always might have some easy way to offend, though.

 

Diana

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a good plan with really good friends I find is ask them exactly what they're going to cook and how. If one is super super sensitive as you are, Adelaide, then going to your friend's place and cooking together might be a good plan.

 

A friend just invited me for Sunday lunch. I feel comfrotable enough because she was with me as a Thai restaurant where I kicked up a fuss and spoke to the owner, the waiter AND the chef and they brought the soy sauce to the table and I showed them where it said "wheat 25%"  and why I insisted to have things cooked with no sauce at all even if "it wasn't Thai cooking". I ate my un sauced stuff and wasn't sick. She (the friend) understood what was happening.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like you came up with a great compromise in a very graceful way. You still get to spend time with your friends, they get to host, you get to eat snacky foods and you won't be ill... Very nicely done.

 

I hope it's a fun evening.  :)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm glad you were able to work it out

 

I feel for you for how hard this is. I went to a friend's house who was frying up a load of potato pancakes. she had made several dozen of them, there was flour flying everywhere. after she was done, she told me she was going to fry up a few for me without flour. I tried to explain to her why I couldn't eat them. I know she was hurt and probably still is. why do people put such an importance on food??

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites




I'm just trying to avoid the hurt feelings of showing up to help cook and all her pots and pans are nonstick or all her utensils are plastic or she just put a cake in the oven for her kids or she got this or that thing that she is sure is safe that isn't for any various number of reasons which may or may not be gluten related for me. I figure if I try to avoid 100% the issue of eating food from other people's houses I can avoid the issue. Except I worry that I still may have hurt her feelings. :(

 

Oh well I guess. I'm happy with our compromise and we're still deciding if we should take Jell-O white chocolate strawberry thingers or chocolate krispy treats. They haven't called yet to say when they want to have us over so I have time to decide.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like you did just the right thing. It is so important to keep socializing, and each of us has a new dilemma every time we have a new event.

I am getting better at it. And I think most of that is down to my response, and most of that I credit to reading about how people on this board handle things, so I treasure posts like yours to get new ideas.

I am off.to my in laws tomorrow, and taking my own lunch and snacks. I don't yet know if we are eating there or at a restaurant,, but I know I will be eating safely.( last time we went, one family member gleefully turned up with a gluten free chocolate cake. I wouldn't eat it, but asked a few questions, and it was made with almond flour. My son has an anaphylactic allergy to almond. Other people just don't get food issues and I won't take the risk. Makes me sad I can't safely leave my son with his grandparents or aunt. But that's another story).

My own silver lining is that as I cook my own food, I always like what I eat:)

I hope you have a lovely evening when you go ahead. Don't be afraid to chase the invitation if it takes a while, I think we end up having to be super reassuring to people sometimes

Mw x

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      103,367
    • Total Posts
      917,517
  • Topics

  • Posts

    • 9 year Old going through testing
      Yes, ATTITUDE, in all caps, and i am in the field of health care...!
    • TTg IAG > 100 but also Hasimoto's
      Thanks for pointing all that out Gemini! I look forward to finally getting off gluten for good to see how much everything changes.  I never thought about the absorption of my synthroid with all my other issues.  I just see my primary dr. for all my thyroid, perhaps I will ask for a referral to an endo dr for further evaluation and treatment.  Thanks for all the information! 
    • Gluten And Vertigo
      Christiana, I just felt to look at the site. I thought I had clicked to get email alerts. But, actually my email has been 'fritzing' sort of.  Thank you for your note. It is important for my diagnosis. I was diagnosed with chondritis of the collar bone a few months before the fall that resulted in the immobile right arm. The osteo surgeon gave me a cortosol shot that helped a lot. That MRI showed a rotator cuff tear nearly 2/3 thru the strip of tissue that connects the muscle tissue to the bone and makes the shoulder 'rotate' in place.  That was almost a year ago now. I have been learning to be very very mindful about how I use that arm, when I reach, carefully, how I rest it and sleep position. Interesting that I did see a search answer that said ' they are saying now that there could be a connection btn rotator cuff tear and inflammed collar bone. My primary doctor also said I could have an inflammed chest wall that resulted in the chondritis. I remembered that word from a child's diagnosis years ago. That was in his knees and was treated by this same osteo surgeon, by casting the legs over summer holiday, which ended in healed x-rays. That was osteo chondritis desicans. He said then, 'if it is horses, we would have to shoot them.'  I tried to get a blood test three weeks ago for the same antibody we were treating that child with thru his then pediatritian, for rheumatoid antibodies/ recurring strep throat. I had gotten a 'sort of' diagnosis, or agreement from that primary care doctor, allowing me to get the recommended antibiotics (one of the few treatments that it is allowed, because of the need to keep the hearing). But, his new nurse did not relay the request properly. I hate doctor office politics. I hope this newbie is not going to mess with this doctor's little family as well. Last month when researching Meniere's one of the things listed about it was that autoimmune disease is connected to it also. I was hurt before the falls and the inflammation and the collar bone chondritis and the rotator cuff tear. I was very very concerned about it setting off some kind of autoimmune inflammation reaction or worse that can happen when tissue cells are being repaired rapidly and it felt like lots of toxins were being cleansed and processed over a period of many months. The only similar feeling I have ever experienced was when I had a 'deep tissue massage' to release and cleanse a cortisol 'hump' I had after a prolonged period of high family stress situation. Right now, my primary (an O.D. , or osteopath) is working with me. There are two ENTs in this area he offered for Meniere's and has given me Physical Therapy at his complex for Balance Therapy. It is great that that therapist has a MIL that is also dealing with Meniere's and getting exercises from a major hospital complex in the city. I was able to give her some celiac's diagnosis information. Sounded like her MIL and her son were likely to be candidates.  I did not know what the definition was of the term 'vestibular' as in vestibular migraine, another connection to Meniere's. I just typed www.bing.com and then typed 'definition of vestibular.' That had information about the connections btn hearing and sitting positions. I will look up costochondritis. Thank you, again. Best wishes, Anne
    • What Are Your Brands & Flavors Of Gluten Free Ice Cream ?
      I don't worry about the same facility, but I check if it is on the same lines. I think it is usually a good idea to find out if things are made on shared lines. And if they are made on the same line as gluten-containing products how good is the cleaning in between? Chocolate is a good example of this. For example, I contacted a company whose chocolate I used to eat before being diagnosed and they outright told me they are not good about cleaning on shared lines and it is not safe for allergies or celiac. I have had this response from other companies as well (especially when it comes to chocolate sadly). I think this is why Godiva is not safe. Its just a good idea to check.
    • TRUSTING OTHERS about GLUTEN! how do you know if someone has used gluten free flour?
      Wow you all have more balls than I do. I've been gluten free since 2007 and I'm still afraid of offending people. It gives me lots of troubles, really. I'm more like rockstarkate I guess...the "people pleasing" aspect.  I love how you all just have the flat out rule I Will Not Eat It Unless I or a Celiac Made it. (Or a trusted family member).  I still simper and grovel and cringe and apologetically turn things away.  People still put dishes in my face and say "This should be gluten free..."  and I have to awkwardly not eat it and then seem rude.  I've done the whole...checking the bottles thing too.  I do try to dart out of things more though now. I volunteered in other countries in recent years and I felt as vulnerable as all heck, having to rely on them to make food, as well as definitely feeling like I offended people who didn't get it at all. I was feeling brave when I signed up for those but after the second time I was like okay, the fear/anxiety/stress about the food is too much. I managed to dodge out of getting sick, and for the most part people humored me...but it was pretty difficult because I don't like offending people, especially other cultures, with them trying to be nice and make food for me...pretty sure I did offend people as well as annoy many others.  Anyway...no OP, you are not alone. For sure I have trust issues eating other people's food. They say they know but I do truly doubt they are as strict as I would be.   A few times I will still brave eating something...like some little mozzarella balls with vinegar...though, I did still look at the labels.  Someone had to give me a persuasive speech and show me all ingredients (just salt and pepper) after making me chicken wings once. I do tell people, basically, NOT to make me stuff. But they still do.  Another time a friend had worked really hard and was having a terrible time and offered me a burger patty when I arrived, assuring me it was gluten free. I knew I hadn't been there to watch whether she used the "bun spatula" on it or not...but I just didn't feel like giving her a fight about it since she was having a rough time and hosts like to feel they are feeding guests, blah blah. So I ate it. And got glutened. And wailed and gnashed my teeth haha. Lesson learned.  I need to stick to my guns more. I just always feel like I'm being too "difficult" as it is. But...sigh.  It is refreshing for me to read these empowered no BS responses though. You all remind me of where I'm coming from, and not that I'm just being some kind of high maintenance, rude, crazy person. You'd think after, what, nine years now, I wouldn't still be bothered by it...
  • Upcoming Events

  • Blog Entries

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Larry Gessner  »  cyclinglady

      Hi There, I don't know if there is a place for videos in the forum. I just watched "The Truth About Gluten" I think it is a good video. I would like to share it somewhere but don't know where it should go. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
      Here is the link if you have never watched it.
      https://youtu.be/IU6jVEwpjnE Thank You,
      Larry
      · 2 replies
    • ChiaChick  »  Peaceflower

      Hi Peaceflower, Just wanted to say thank you for the chat.
      · 0 replies
    • ukuleleerika

      Hello! I am new to this Celiac website... Is there anyone out there with Celiac AND extensive food allergies? My allergies include shellfish, dairy, eggs, cantaloupe, kiwi, mango, nuts, oranges, red dye, and more I can't think of. I went to the allergist about a year ago to see why I wasn't feeling well, and once everything was eliminated, I still didn't feel well. We did more testing to find out I had celiac as well as allergies to cattle as well as rye grass (I live on a farm basically). This was back in January 2016. I recently had my endoscopy with the gastroenterologist a week ago. I have no idea what to do or what to eat... So fish and potatoes for me!
      · 2 replies
  • Who's Online (See full list)

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      60,513
    • Most Online
      1,763

    Newest Member
    ajrosales
    Joined