How To Deal With Hypocrite Mother

[Persei V.]

She's not helping at all. Once I hinted at the idea of going gluten free after two months between ill and underfed (juice fast when I stayed the whole day at school and had swimming classes), she was the first one to jump in and say I was probably "overreacting" and "it isn't that serious", although the last time I was that ill, I had undiagnosed lactose intolerance.

But I stick to a gluten-free diet because she can't control what I eat anyway. My health improved greatly (including my ever present anemia). So she was all nice and dandy, took me to the doctor and to a blood test, and things nice parents do when their children are ill for 8 weeks.

And then came the glutening by accident on restaurants. I insisting I knew it had gluten, otherwise I wouldn't be glutened (no kidding) and she saying I was a drama queen and a paranoid. Later, she gave in when I was no longer ill after giving up on eating out et al.

Meanwhile, I only tell anyone I was ill when I couldn't cope with. One day, after 6 weeks of nice health, I got glutened again and she screamed at me telling I was just "paranoid" and "couldn't feel a thing on the stomach without thinking of gluten". Ok, so I cried. Ever since, I barely tell my mother anything. Whenever my stomach is fussy I just make food and throw it away on the toilet. Not by vomit, thanks heavens.

And there are three homeopathic remedies I can use whenever this happens (suggested by my doctor, bless her), and my house is basically overflowing with different homeopathic stuff because my dad is also an homeopath. I can have my medicines hidden and get some relief. Relief enough for me to hide everything.

So now my stomach is mildly fussy again. It might be my period (the pain of the cramps won't let me eat, normally) or it might CC since she makes sandwiches in the pan I use to cook my tapioca and my omelet. I'm getting more sensitive as the times passes, it's possible to tell. It's a possibility I'm glutened by CC.

How do I tell her I need a separate pan and utensils for my own use (which I can buy by myself)? She tells me it's nice I got better, but I'm afraid what she'll say...

Sorry for any "grammer" mistakes

[GottaSki]

Perhaps your mother just does not understand how careful you need to be?

I found this article that explains it very clearly - maybe you can share it with her to start a conversation at a time that you are feeling good, rather than only discussing when you are feeling poorly - let her know that whether or not it is true, you feel she is dismissing the steps you are taking to remain healthy and would very much like to have her help in the process - answer any questions she has and then break out the new cookware.

I highly suggest that you choose a color that is different from any other cookware/cooking utensils that is already in the kitchen - that way there is very little confusion about what items are gluten-free. Bright green or red work well and are easy to find both in cookware/utensils. Don't forget to add your own colander and cutting board to gluten-free items. When we still had a combined kitchen I labeled everything that was gluten-free with a small green dot sticker - there are other ways, but important to keep separate butter, peanut butter and condiments that are marked gluten-free (this of course takes everyone in the house understanding CC issues).

Open Original Shared Link

Good Luck

[eatmeat4good]

I'm so sorry you feel lousy and do not get sympathy or even simple support at home. It has to be frustrating and stressful. I would purchase a pan and wash it at every use and take it to my room if I had to. Mother can what she wants to. If she is up for being educated, you can share articles with her. If it doesn't help, just know that you are not alone. My family thinks I'm "weird" about food but I just ignore it and do what I need to do to be safe and when the comments are negative, I just change the subject to something neutral and try not to react. I only drink something when I'm with them. So yeah, it might appear to be an eating disorder. But it isn't and I know it. I stopped talking about gluten and just do what I need to do to be safe around them. Some people understand and some don't. I hope she is willing to come around. It's sad not to have your mother's support. But you can do this! You can buy your own condiments if you have $ for that. Does your dad the homeopath have any words of encouragement for you? I really hope so. Maybe a refer them here for some education. I hope things get better at home. How old are you if I may ask? I'm wondering how long you will have to stay in that environment if they don't learn about CC.

[Marilyn R]

Tell Dad you'll clean his car out if he'll give you money for a new pan. If you need a ride, make that part of the deal.

Mom doesn't need to know the details, and she doesn't need to know that you keep your pan in your bedroom.

[Juliebove]

Oh how I can relate! I am an adult now but my mom still doesn't get it. And she has food intolerances her own self.

As a kid, she pushed me to drink milk and eat ice cream. I hated the things. They made me ill but I didn't realize that they were what were making me ill. At age 16, a Dr. told me to stop drinking milk. I did. I got some better. But... I didn't know enough back then to realize that it also meant not to consume foods that contained milk. Neither did my mom and she still doesn't today.

She is not supposed to have eggs. She will make a big announcement at dinner and say that she is not going to have eggs! And then she will order a waffle or pancakes. When I point out to here that there are eggs in there, she tries to tell me that there aren't. She did the same thing with me about some soup. I have made the soup from scratch and I know that it contains eggs. It is the Greek Avgolemono. I'll bet that Avglo or something similar even means egg in Greek. I just gave up on that one. She kept insisting that it was cream in the soup and not egg.

She doesn't think that some things matter. Like a little flour used to dredge a pork chop in.

All the time I get how it is just a little bit and that a little bit can't hurt. Cross contamination can't hurt! What I tried to do with her...but it didn't work was to use the medication thingie. She takes some prescription medications. I asked her to show me her smallest pill. It was indeed very tiny. So I said... "Why don't you give one to Angela?" My daughter. She looked at me like I was nuts. So I said... "Well it's tiny! A little bit won't hurt her. Right?" She didn't get it. To me it is very much the same thing.

Sadly some people will just never get it. And then we have to deal with it. My mom has even asked us not to mention our foods in front of her. Because she doesn't want to hear about it. *sigh*

[Persei V.]

I explained to her about CC already. It's not like she doesn't know there's a risk. But I will try to explain again. And meanwhile, thank God I saved some money...

Thank you for the kind responses!