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Gluten Free Etiquette?

Smunkeemom

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Smunkeemom Enthusiast
Smunkeemom
Posted

My daughter has been gluten-free for about 18 months now. I belong to a family that does a lot of family dinners. I also belong to a church family that does a lot of cook outs ect.

I have been asking what they were serving, so that I can figure out what to bring so that Annika can eat. Some people have gotten upset and even said that it was rude to ask. I am not asking them to fix anything special, I just want to know if there is going to be anything there already that she can eat so I can build from there.

I had one couple who were having a pizza party so I brought Annika a microwave dinner , the wife came to me privately and asked that I not fix it because it would make her kids "jealous". I explained that I had to provide her with something she could eat, and that I wasnt' going to feed her gluten and I wasn't going to make her watch us eat without any food of her own. She said "next time dont' bring her"

This was a kid thing, kids were welcome, I told her if my child is not welcome that we won't be back. (I know that was probably rude)

How do you deal with cookouts and such with your children?

I make her gluten free cupcakes for birthday parties and freeze them individually ahead of time, but still feel like I should call and see if the ice cream is gluten free for her. If I don't call ahead I end up reading the label there and people get annoyed.

I don't want Annika to feel out of place, and I don't want her to miss out on family dinners or cookouts with friends.

What should I do?

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lovegrov Collaborator
lovegrov
Posted

I really have no suggestions because it sounds like you were being perfectly reasonable and they were being extremely rude.

richard

skbird Contributor
skbird
Posted

Boy, that burns me up. That's like if you were to call to ask if they had a ramp to their house because your daughter is in a wheelchair and they said don't let her be in the wheelchair because the other kids would be jealous they didn't have one, too! That was so incredibly rude... Wow!

I don't know what I'd do if I was a parent in general, but in addition a parent of a Celiac!

I think you handled your end very well.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Stephanie

Canadian Karen Community Regular
Canadian Karen
Posted

My Lord, I don't think you need to worry about being the one that was rude!!!

Considering we live in a world filled with food allergies, I can't believe this person doesn't realize that she needs to be a bit more "flexible"...... She was the one being rude (and inconsiderate)........

Karen

floridanative Community Regular
floridanative
Posted

I agree with everypne else. The woman at the pizza party is not worth knowing! You should feel sorry for her that she has such bad manners. I have a hard time believing people can be that rude but I know they can be. You were right to do what you did - end of story.

Tiffany M.

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted

I agree, the people you seem to have been dealing with are being rude and unaccomodating. There may be an improved approach you can take, but for the most part, it's a simple concept. Pointing out the discrimination these people are showing against your daughter *may* help them realize what they are really saying, but it might not.

kabowman Explorer
kabowman
Posted

I agree - I would continue to ask and if you know that some people are just rude, then don't ask them. Know that they will be rude and it is not worth spending your time and energy with them. They just are not worth your time and your daugher will eventually learn that some people are just rude. Sorry...I don't have a lot of patience for people who act supidly or rude.

As to dinner parties, I eat first, take my own food, and ask how everything was prepared. Sometimes I can eat their food, sometimes I can't but either way, I have a back up. It has worked well most of the time. As long as you are prepared as her parent, which it sounds like, then it should continue to work. Just ignore the ignorant people.

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jenvan Collaborator
jenvan
Posted

WOW! I agree with what's been said here before. That woman is the biggest "B" I have heard of in a long time!

With cookouts, dinner parties etc, we check on what is being served, and based on that info, bring our own food etc. I think you weren't rude in what you said. If you're daugther isn't welcome there, and the other kids are, then you shouldn't want to go back. WOW. Arg! I hope she finds herself in a place of 'need' and is treated the same way. Sounds like she needs to be humbled. And what is with this "my kids will get jealous thing?" 1st off, isn't pizza one of kids favorite foods? And second of all...can she not handle her children well enough that the introduction of a new outside food would upset the balance so??

(I'm steaming!) Arg Arg Arg ! :angry:

Smunkeemom Enthusiast
Smunkeemom
Posted
  • Author

Thank you all. I thought that I was unreasonable or something(it has happened before ;)) I will continue and try not to let my anger for this person let me take it out on other people. I have made a decision that if people have a problem with Annika's diet then they don't deserve our company. Last year my family refused to get a gluten free turkey at Thanksgiving (and Annika isn't the only one with celiac in the family either) so we had thanksgiving with my husband's family. It was so nice for Annika because she could eat everything except the stuffing and some of the desserts but they bought special dessert for her and this year they are making gluten free stuffing :D I married well, huh ? :D

kabowman Explorer
kabowman
Posted

One more comment, I don't know how old your daughter is, but my sons ages 14 & 12 both are very picky with their friends and won't put up with that behavior by choice, once they know about it. Also, both are very good at handling difficult situations appropriately and I am almost always impressed with how they deal with difficult people - adults and children.

Something your dughter will need to start to learn too, unfortunately.

jenvan Collaborator
jenvan
Posted

definitely sounds like your husband's family does have the right idea!

MySuicidalTurtle Enthusiast
MySuicidalTurtle
Posted

You seem to be dealing well with her food but running into bad people. Just don't let them stop you and this will show her hwo to deal with things when she is older.

nettiebeads Apprentice
nettiebeads
Posted
Thank you all. I thought that I was unreasonable or something(it has happened before ;)) I will continue and try not to let my anger for this person let me take it out on other people. I have made a decision that if people have a problem with Annika's diet then they don't deserve our company. Last year my family refused to get a gluten free turkey at Thanksgiving (and Annika isn't the only one with celiac in the family either) so we had thanksgiving with my husband's family. It was so nice for Annika because she could eat everything except the stuffing and some of the desserts but they bought special dessert for her and this year they are making gluten free stuffing :D I married well, huh ? :D

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A pretty good rule of thumb for life is not to hang around people who upset you if you can help it. Looks like you are practicing that. Why some people can't be accomodating I don't know. It's not like you jumped up and down with joy when you got her dx of celiac disease going "now I can draw all kinds of attention to my dd because of the celiac disease! Woo-Hoo!" (yes, I'm the sarcastic one) It's a disease I wouldn't wish on anyone. So if people are going to be accomodating to your dd, then of course you will be gracing them with your presence. Give them a big hug for me, and for your dd, because she's had to learn about short-sighted, insensitive people so early on. And as for turkey day - I'm kinda dreading mine - it'll be with dh family. He's cooking so I'll get a really yummy gluten-free cornbread stuffing and the rest will have to make do with stove top stuffing. But believe me his oldest sis will say something! And she's had that gastric bypass so SHE has special diet needs. Ah, the life of a prima donna must be so hard... (sarcasm again, sorry)

  • 2 weeks later...
thundergirl2006 Newbie
thundergirl2006
Posted

:P

Thank you all. I thought that I was unreasonable or something(it has happened before ;)) I will continue and try not to let my anger for this person let me take it out on other people. I have made a decision that if people have a problem with Annika's diet then they don't deserve our company. Last year my family refused to get a gluten free turkey at Thanksgiving (and Annika isn't the only one with celiac in the family either) so we had thanksgiving with my husband's family. It was so nice for Annika because she could eat everything except the stuffing and some of the desserts but they bought special dessert for her and this year they are making gluten free stuffing :D I married well, huh ? :D

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ursa Major Collaborator
Ursa Major
Posted

Smunkeemom, I agree with the others, you weren't rude at all, it was the other people who were. And she calls herself a Christian? Wow! In contrast, everyone in my church is so sensitive and accomodating and sweet about my diet needs.

That's as upsetting as when my youngest daughter wasn't invited to her best friend's birthday party three houses down when she was three, because her leg was broken (she did have a walking cast and was getting around fine), and 'she wouldn't be able to play the games anyway and would feel left out' (the mother's explanation). I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut and not telling her how incredibly insensitive she was, because Susie was very upset when she found out.

Anyway, you know not to bother with those people again, you win some, you lose some.

Smunkeemom Enthusiast
Smunkeemom
Posted
  • Author
Smunkeemom, I agree with the others, you weren't rude at all, it was the other people who were. And she calls herself a Christian? Wow! In contrast, everyone in my church is so sensitive and accomodating and sweet about my diet needs.

That's as upsetting as when my youngest daughter wasn't invited to her best friend's birthday party three houses down when she was three, because her leg was broken (she did have a walking cast and was getting around fine), and 'she wouldn't be able to play the games anyway and would feel left out' (the mother's explanation). I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut and not telling her how incredibly insensitive she was, because Susie was very upset when she found out.

Anyway, you know not to bother with those people again, you win some, you lose some.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

to be fair there are many people in my church who do much better than this woman did, in fact she is quite in the minority there, that is just my best example, I have many more problems with people who are in my family then I do with the people at church.

gluegluten Newbie
gluegluten
Posted

hey i am in the same situation with my family and what not; on my dad's side, it's like when we eat somewhere, they say "don't bring up the gluten-free topic to the wait staff, etc"...or when i eat at my grandmother's house....the same scenario...

but i have to so i don't eat gluten....

errr i know where you folks are coming from...

:(:(

Smunkeemom Enthusiast
Smunkeemom
Posted
  • Author
hey i am in the same situation with my family and what not; on my dad's side, it's like when we eat somewhere, they say "don't bring up the gluten-free topic to the wait staff, etc"...or when i eat at my grandmother's house....the same scenario...

but i have to so i don't eat gluten....

errr i know where you folks are coming from...

:(  :(

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

we do a lot better at restraunts, we have found out where some are that have gluten free menus and we can just go to those places. It is very hard at family dinners because they assume so much

misc family memeber:"well it's just chicken broccoli rice and cheese, she can eat all that"

me: "is there anything else at all in it?" and "what kind of cheese" and "is it plain white rice"

misc family memeber: "well there is cream of chicken soup"

me: "well, she can't have any then unless you have the label for me to read"

misc family member: "GOD!! She can't eat ANYTHING!!!!!!!! I could never live like that, I would have to cheat"

me : "she can eat lots of things, she just can't eat things with wheat rye barley oats, and trust me if you had celiac you would only cheat once before you figured out that it just isn't worth it"

misc family member : "you are so rude, she should learn to have table manners and eat what is presented"

this is the point where my face turns red and smoke starts coming out of my ears and my husband escorts me outside and when I come back in magically everyone apologizes, I have no idea what Michael says but it works in the short term (read 2 days)

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