Just A Little Frustrated With My Son

[chrissy]

my oldest son does not want to be tested for celiac. he says he would be devastated if he had it. he will be 23 in april and is living at home with us and has a dead end job that does not even give him full time hours. he lives in depression more often than not. he has the runs about 1/2 the time. he went over a year being nauseated and throwing up and having the runs. i have tried to tell him that if he has celiac disease, it could be the answer to his health problems. he also has dermatitis in patches all over his body. he tells me he can't take much more, yet he finds a problem with every solution we try to give him. he doesn't want to take antidepressants and he doesn't want to go to a councelor.

christine

[MySuicidalTurtle]

It doesn't matter if he does or doesn't have Celiacs if he doesn't want to follow the diet. My borther has been sick this week from cheating. They are only doing pain to themselves. Since your son does live at home you should be able to use that to get him to see a therapist and such. 23 is young so don't let him frustrate you too much.

[Rusla]

You should ask him if he will be more frustrated from having it or when they tell him he has colon or stomach cancer.

[Guest nini]

the depression is more than likely from having undiagnosed celiac... if he were to go gluten-free, the depression would probably go away. I understand being reluctant to give up your fave. foods, but if you can find a way to show him that he'd not really be giving anything up, and gaining health at the same time. Also, scare him silly with the risk of colon cancer for undiagnosed celiacs, oh and the risk of death. Put the fear of God into him. He lives at home, you still have the right to dictate certain things at home... (within reason) but I think a genetic health issue is a good reason to put your foot down. Don't give him a choice.

[Kristie]

my oldest son does not want to be tested for celiac. he says he would be devastated if he had it. he will be 23 in april and is living at home with us and has a dead end job that does not even give him full time hours. he lives in depression more often than not. he has the runs about 1/2 the time. he went over a year being nauseated and throwing up and having the runs. i have tried to tell him that if he has celiac disease, it could be the answer to his health problems. he also has dermatitis in patches all over his body. he tells me he can't take much more, yet he finds a problem with every solution we try to give him. he doesn't want to take antidepressants and he doesn't want to go to a councelor.

christine

My sister was devestated when her tests came back that she had celiac. You would think that she might be relieved. But after trying the diet and the changes she felt she was relieved. There is a lot of research on celiac and mental disorders out there on the internet. Unfortunately the bottom line is you can't make him get tested and if he does you can't make him stick to the diet. This must be so frustrating for you. My sympathies are with you.

Good Luck.

[Rachel--24]

the depression is more than likely from having undiagnosed celiac... if he were to go gluten-free, the depression would probably go away.

I agree with Nini on that...depression was one of my biggest problems before I went on the diet. It chaged almost overnight for me. Changes arent always so quick but I was pleasantly surprised. I completely lacked motivation and because I was sick I didnt care much about anything. His attitude would probably change if he went on the diet.

[Rusla]

Not only is his depression and dh part of this but he could end up losing his teeth. I think you may have to scare him into going gluten-free. Many people say to me that they could not live with what I have and that they are glad they don't have Celiac. At first I thought I would be devastated but instead it was liberating. I am more devastated when I get glutened.

I lost 11 teeth in less than 5 years, dedicated my life to the washroom had dh all over my face and my sister terrified me with telling me stories of what happened to her Celiac friends. One of them had colon cancer and now has to have all of his fecal matter emptying into a bag attached to him. I would say your son would be less devasted to be diagnosed as Celiac than to have colon cancer.

I am bipolar but I have been a little better since going gluten-free just over 2 months ago. Many people and I hate to say this but many men just don't want to know. How many memebers of your family have the disease? Challenge him to go gluten-free for a month and if he doesn't notice a difference on anything then he can go back to his way of life. Chances are he will notice something if not you will. My big D dedication to the washroom was dramatically changed within two weeks of going gluten-free.

I suffered with this all of my adult life and probably throughout the latter part of my childhood. He needs to do something or he needs to reach rock bottom and not want to suffer anymore. Getting a diagnois freed me.

Best of luck, it would be good if you could get him to even come on here and read the stories and talk with all of us also.

[chrissy]

three of my kids are diagnosed with celiac, 3 have tested negative, 4 have not been tested yet, and one came back IgA deficient---so he needs more testing. we have a combined family---yours, mine and ours. we don't know which (or both?) sides the celiac is coming through, so we need to get them all tested. my son that doesn't want to know has had more symptoms over the last several years than any of the 3 that have tested positive. he also doesn't want to have to pay anymore medical bills. i am looking into a study for families with at least 2 diagnosed members-----it would pay for the testing, so then maybe i could get him to get it done.

christine

[Rusla]

three of my kids are diagnosed with celiac, 3 have tested negative, 4 have not been tested yet, and one came back IgA deficient---so he needs more testing. we have a combined family---yours, mine and ours. we don't know which (or both?) sides the celiac is coming through, so we need to get them all tested. my son that doesn't want to know has had more symptoms over the last several years than any of the 3 that have tested positive. he also doesn't want to have to pay anymore medical bills. i am looking into a study for families with at least 2 diagnosed members-----it would pay for the testing, so then maybe i could get him to get it done.

christine

'

Chrissy, (your name is one of my nom de plume's in writing)

Many people never want to know and from my own observation men are the ones who prefer to bury their heads in the sand. My brothers are that way, my son, my friend. They believe if they can't see it then, it doesn't exist and with this it does exist, won't go away and can kill. Believe me I know how frustrating dealing with stubborn kids can be. He must be a taurus, they are stubborn and bull-headed. If three have it he is most likely to have it with all of his symptons. My son who is now 33, still refuses to listen to things and the only way I get him to do anything about having himself checked for things is to ask him if he wants to see his kids grow up. I hope he can get covered with that plan then maybe he willl do something. I wish you the best of luck.

[taweavmo3]

I can only imagine how frustrating that must be. That is one of the reasons I am so thankful we found out about celiac so early on in my child's life......she will never know anything other than gluten free.

I do have a 28 year old brother who sounds identical to your son though. He's been sick his entire life, he has practically every celiac symptom there is and still will not stick to the diet. He's tried it, admitted how much better he feels, but gets in a slump and cheats. He has job hopped, has never been able to stick with anything, and has become increasingly depressed. It is extremely frustrating, but I've come to the realization that he is an adult, and until he truly wants his life to be better, there isn't much I can do. He's married, and they have been trying for a baby for two years w/out success. Even the small chance that his celiac is causing infertility is not enough to make him stick to the diet. If that doesn't convince him, I don't know what will. I've given him books, websites, etc. until I finally just gave up. If he gets serious about changing his life, and asks for help, I'll be there. Until then, I'm done and he can just be sick forever if he chooses to.

We always get into an argument when he tells me that the diet is too hard.....which I think is just an excuse. I mean, I know the diet is difficult, but I think it's much easier for an adult than a child who doesn't yet even understand why they can't eat what everyone else is. When you are an adult and make a choice, it's still really hard, but you understand that it's best for your health. Anyway, I just don't even ask him anymore if he's on the diet, b/c it just causes tension between us!

I hope your son comes around, maybe as he matures a bit more he'll finally take his health seriously. I think men in general take longer to start thinking about their health. My husband is in his 30's and is finally starting to listen to me regarding losing weight, eating better, etc. His dad had a major heart attack in his 40's, but dh still didn't think about his own health until now. All my talk in the world fell on deaf ears until he was ready to hear it. I'm sure it's a million times harder though with your own kids, to have to watch them suffer when you know what could make them better. I hope he decides to make a change soon, good luck.

[Guest nini]

' He must be a taurus, they are stubborn and bull-headed.

hey now, I'm a Taurus!!!! LOL!!!!! (you are right, we are stubborn and bull headed) before my dx, whenever someone tried to suggest to me that my health issues were related to my diet (which was very high in gluten content) I scoffed at them and said things like I was unwilling to change my diet and there was nothing wrong with my diet... yeah, I was wrong!

[Rusla]

Nini, my son and sister are taurus's they stomp and snort like bulls. I may be stubborn but they surpass me. I am a goat not a bull.

[jerseyangel]

Not to keep off the track here--but I had to add that my mom is a Taurus, and there is no one more stubborn than her Thanks--I feel better now.

[tiredofdoctors]

My kids are waiting for me to have my genetic testing. I am negative celiac, but have gluten ataxia. My neuro doc is going to do HLA testing next visit. Then my kids are both going to be tested for the same. Both are going to be tested for Thyroid antibodies, because I had thyroid troubles early-on in life, and they are as well. Mine then converted into Hashimoto's. I think because my kids have seen what gluten has done to me, they are both more willing to have the testing done. My approach to them is that I want them to have the knowledge base of what they may be facing, and then can make their decisions based on that information. (My kids are 19 (girl) and 23 (boy)) Funny, my son appears to be more interested in having the testing done than my daughter. I think that my daughter has some fears due to the fact that she is getting married, and the potential of passing on the genetic "garbage" to her children in the future. I wish you the best of luck. I know that, when dealing with your kids, it's "iffy" at best when you're trying to convince them to take care of their health -- when they're that young, they feel invincible.