Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Birthday Parties And Family Get Togethers.

shai76

Recommended Posts

Smunkeemom Enthusiast
Smunkeemom
Posted
I am so sorry that you guys have to or had to put up with that kind of abuse. I guess I am lucky, we only have one of my husband's brothers' living near us and they (husband and wife) are totally supportive of my diet. I do know that two of them (that live far away) would not be supportive nor would their spouses. My husband has seen me almost dead and so he is totally emphatic to people about my diet when we go out to dinner or over to their homes to eat. I agree with Smunkeemom that you do not need to take that abuse from anyone - relative or not. Your health and the health of your child is more important then that. If your husband wants to see his family, then send him alone. I have a relative with a daughter-in-law that was really mean to her and enough was enough. She now sees her son and grandchildren away from their home and it is working out great. No more stress over the abuse. I wish you both well in your given situations.

thank you. I knew they were abusive (or I thought they were) and hubby agreed, but I was starting to think he was just agreeing because he thought he had to or something. My big issue has been still seeing my mom, and she is still seeing them, so I get the "are you sure you haven't been brainwashed? because they seem fine to me"

I think they are NOT okay, my big test is would I talk to my kids like that and the answer is NO, so if I don't want my kids treated like that, why would I allow myself to get treated that way?

I sometimes think my family is so screwed up that they can't even see that they are screwed up.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted

I think a lot of it has to do with intent.

My dad teases me a bit and says things like, "I bet you wish you could eat this." So I just tease him right back when I'm enjoying a high fat snack and not worrying about my cholesterol or weight!! With him it's all in jest. It's his way of acknowledging my problem.

I've cut it off with my mom and sisters. They are very emotionally abusive, and always have been. I'll spare you lots of examples, but here's one to show you the difference in their intent -- I was visiting (they live in Texas, we live in Ohio), and after a busy day my mom said, "Let's order pizza." I was newly "off gluten" so gave her the benefit of the doubt (assumed she forgot, unlikely after a whole week of making so many issues out of eating), my husband and I PAID for the pizza for our six kids, my mom and step-father, then my husband took me out to get something to eat as there was nothing in the house. The gossip got all around the family, not that I had celiac, rather that we had Mom cook for us all week (she didn't!!!!!), then we went out to dinner and didn't even invite her.

That's one example, obviously it took much more than that to justify cutting off from them ... but that gives you the idea. Very different intent. Dad doesn't mean to hurt me, he's actually trying to be understanding, so I can overlook comments that seem insensitive. Mom is not trying to be nice ...

Smunkeemom Enthusiast
Smunkeemom
Posted

Carla that is exactly the type of thing that goes on in my family. My husband said the other day that if I got some weird disease that could only be treated in one hospital over seas that my family would quit speaking to me because I didn't die close to home where they could see me, instead of getting a cure far away.......and he is right, that is exactly how it would go down.

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted

I can relate. I put up with all of it so my kids would get to know their family. However, when the kids started asking why they treated me this way (they don't treat each other this way, and I realize that sounds paranoid <_< ), I knew it was time to stop being an example for them of accepting abuse for the sake of the relationship because that's the last thing I would want one of them to do. The other final straw was when they were trying to win my dad over to their way of thinking. I knew the only way I could say to Dad that they were outright lying about me was to not be talking to them at all.

Family is tough. All families have problems. My husband's does, too, but it's not abusive, it's just weird family issues.

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted

Not speaking to family IS an option. It's not one to be taken lightly. It's not one without it's own external challenges (primarily social ostracization from people who think "but it's your family, you have to love them, they raised you and are your family"). It's not one without it's own emotional difficulties (giving up the hope of something that society tells us we should be entitled to). But as you chose to get in a car, to open your mouth, to walk through a door, and so on, you CHOOSE to interact with every person you do interact with. It is a choice, and you can make a different one. Sometimes it does seem impossible, but it is always possible. Most times resolution is the better route, but why stand still for someone who repeatedly stabs you with your kitchen knife, when all you need to do is walk away?

shai76 Explorer
shai76
Posted
  • Author

I'm glad I'm not the only one having to deal with this stuff! I know my husband has put up with people not taking his allergy to animals serious his whole life. Even after having to spend two weeks in the hospital on a respirator when he was 4 his family still got more and more animals, and they go hunting, touch deer hides, and that laugh when his eyes swell up. To make matters worse his dad is a butcher with his own deer processing business. We can not go there for half the year that different hunting seasons are going on. They act like we are mean for not taking their grandson to see them all fall and half the winter, but it's either that or my husband could die. They also ask me things like, "how will your son ever grow out of his allergies if you don't give him the things he is allergic too?" They don't get it. I'm convinced it is ignorance, not ill intentions, but for our safety and the safety of our child, we don't leave him alone with people. He's with us always, which might become a problem when he starts school.

mart Contributor
mart
Posted

I think we're all related. My family does garbage like that. They all get together and gossip behind my back in my own house about how we are so "problematic" with health and food, then they act all condescending. With family like that, who needs enemies? I've worked hard to keep it together but find myself bitter towards them.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


Smunkeemom Enthusiast
Smunkeemom
Posted
Family is tough. All families have problems. My husband's does, too, but it's not abusive, it's just weird family issues.

my husband's family has problems too, but they are much healthier, when one of them said something to me that hurt my feelings I said "when you joke about that, it hurts my feelings" and they appologized and it hasn't been brought up since.

That's the kind of people I want my kids around, people who care. It's not like we never argue or get our feelings hurt, but there is an undercurrent of love, that seems to make the rest of the crap not matter as much.

I can't begin to speak as to what kind of undercurrent runs in my family..........eww..... :huh:

penguin Community Regular
penguin
Posted

Remember one thing and it'll give you courage:

Mean people suck...all of the life out of you

shai76 Explorer
shai76
Posted
  • Author

I could never not talk to my family. I love them, and I want to be with them, which is why I am going to take the extra steps necessary to help them understand, even if it annoys them. Today, about the cake, I just told them if it doesn't bother us why should it bother them? And they couldn't answer and shut up about it. Then we moved on to more important topics like Big Ben in a terrible motorcycle accident today. :(

Tony'sMom Rookie
Tony'sMom
Posted

I don't want to sound rude but these are not the type of people I would want my kids around. Making fun of disabled people? Yuck.

I know how difficult it can be ( and I do know) but you need to tell your family to back off. Do you want them to mock your son for his celiac disease? Because if they will make fun of his dad then they will eventually make fun of him too.

I'm sorry they aren't more supportive.

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
I could never not talk to my family. I love them, and I want to be with them, which is why I am going to take the extra steps necessary to help them understand, even if it annoys them. Today, about the cake, I just told them if it doesn't bother us why should it bother them? And they couldn't answer and shut up about it. Then we moved on to more important topics like Big Ben in a terrible motorcycle accident today. :(

This is a great attitude! I also appreciate tarnalberry's response. I did stop seeing my family (some of them), but it was an abusive situation for over 30 years, waaayyy before gluten intolerance! It was a long time coming! If it's just a problem seeing eye to eye on diet, or other ways we think others in our families are weird, that's one thing. If it's abuse, it's a whole different story and needs to be addressed in a different way. Walking away is not something to be taken lightly.

I get the kind of comment you mention above from my husband's side occasssionally. That's just the nature of families who are comfortable together. Sometimes we say things to people we are more comfortable with that we would never say to friends or strangers!

Walking away should only be an option in the case of ongoing abuse.

shai76 Explorer
shai76
Posted
  • Author
This is a great attitude! I also appreciate tarnalberry's response. I did stop seeing my family (some of them), but it was an abusive situation for over 30 years, waaayyy before gluten intolerance! It was a long time coming! If it's just a problem seeing eye to eye on diet, or other ways we think others in our families are weird, that's one thing. If it's abuse, it's a whole different story and needs to be addressed in a different way. Walking away is not something to be taken lightly.

I get the kind of comment you mention above from my husband's side occasssionally. That's just the nature of families who are comfortable together. Sometimes we say things to people we are more comfortable with that we would never say to friends or strangers!

Walking away should only be an option in the case of ongoing abuse.

Carla, that's exactly what I am talking about. My family would not just walk up to a person they don't know and make fun of them, but when they feel comfortable enough around family they do and they see it as fun, and "bonding" in a weird way. I just think they get carried away and don't realize when they are actually stepping over the line from fun to rude. They also think I need to relax about the food thing with my son, and to some extent they are probably right. I am very anxious around food.

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
Carla, that's exactly what I am talking about. My family would not just walk up to a person they don't know and make fun of them, but when they feel comfortable enough around family they do and they see it as fun, and "bonding" in a weird way. I just think they get carried away and don't realize when they are actually stepping over the line from fun to rude. They also think I need to relax about the food thing with my son, and to some extent they are probably right. I am very anxious around food.

Maybe the fact that you know you need to relax (while keeping him gluten-free of course) is part of the reason you are so sensitive to it right now. Much in the same way the family members who criticize us the most are the ones with the symptoms who won't be tested.

shai76 Explorer
shai76
Posted
  • Author
Maybe the fact that you know you need to relax (while keeping him gluten-free of course) is part of the reason you are so sensitive to it right now. Much in the same way the family members who criticize us the most are the ones with the symptoms who won't be tested.

You're so right! My dad loves to say, "I don't know where you got those allergies from" all the while he is sucking on an asthma inhaler, coughing and wheezing, itching all over. lol

maggee Newbie
maggee
Posted

I might be chiming in late here but I have had a similar problem - (my 7 yo recently diagnosed celiac but has had multiple food allergies since he was a yr old)

I endured the same issues and tried to solve them without 'losing' family or hurting feelings - but here is what is really boiled down to.. however I handle these situations is exactly how my son will handle these situations.

When I realized this I decided to stand up to bullies ("family" or not), educate the ignorant, and never compromise. My son and 3yo daughter have learned that most people (especially adults) will offer food that is bad for them and will always turn it down.

It wasn't easy at first but I know my children will encounter this throughout their lives I want them to know how to protect themselves.

Sorry you have to go thru this as well as deal with the health issues but I hope this helps.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,556
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    Rachel Wilson
    Newest Member
    Rachel Wilson
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.4k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Scott Adams
      Taken Seriously

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      Your post demonstrates the profound frustration and isolation that so many in the Celiac community feel, and I want to thank you for channeling that experience into advocacy. The medical gaslighting you endured for decades is an unacceptable and, sadly, a common story, and the fact that you now have to "school" your own GI specialist speaks volumes about the critical lack of consistent and updated education. Your idea to make Celiac Disease a reportable condition to public health authorities is a compelling and strategic one. This single action would force the system to formally acknowledge the prevalence and seriousness of the disease, creating a concrete dataset that could drive better research funding, shape medical school curricula, and validate the patient experience in a way that individual stories alone often cannot. It is an uphill battle, but contacting representatives, as you have done with Adam Gray, is exactly how change begins. By framing it as a public health necessity—a matter of patient safety and protection from misdiagnosis and neglect—you are building a powerful case. Your voice and your perseverance, forged through thirty years of struggle, are exactly what this community needs to ensure that no one else has to fight so hard just to be believed and properly cared for.
    • Scott Adams
      Looking for a gluten-free roomie in Denver CO

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      I had no idea there is a "Louisville" in Colorado!😉 I thought it was a typo because I always think of the Kentucky city--but good luck!
    • Scott Adams
      Allergy medication: cetirizine by the HealthA2Z is it gluten free?

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      Navigating medication safety with Celiac disease can be incredibly stressful, especially when dealing with asthma and severe allergies on top of it. While I don't have personal experience with the HealthA2Z brand of cetirizine, your caution is absolutely warranted. The inactive ingredients in pills, known as excipients, are often where gluten can be hidden, and since the FDA does not require gluten-free labeling for prescription or over-the-counter drugs, the manufacturer's word is essential. The fact that you cannot get a clear answer from Allegiant Health is a significant red flag; a company that is confident its product is gluten-free will typically have a customer service protocol to answer that exact question. In situations like this, the safest course of action is to consider this product "guilty until proven innocent" and avoid it. A better alternative would be to ask your pharmacist or doctor to help you identify a major national brand of cetirizine (like Zyrtec) whose manufacturer has a verified, publicly stated gluten-free policy for that specific medication. It's not worth the risk to your health when reliable, verifiable options are almost certainly available to you. You can search this site for USA prescriptions medications, but will need to know the manufacturer/maker if there is more than one, especially if you use a generic version of the medication: To see the ingredients you will need to click on the correct version of the medication and maker in the results, then scroll down to "Ingredients and Appearance" and click it, and then look at "Inactive Ingredients," as any gluten ingredients would likely appear there, rather than in the Active Ingredients area. https://dailymed.nlm.nih.gov/dailymed/   
    • Scott Adams
      Protein or fat?

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      What you're describing is indeed familiar to many in the Celiac community, especially in the early stages of healing. When the intestinal villi are damaged from Celiac disease, they struggle to properly digest and absorb fats, a condition known as bile acid malabsorption. This can cause exactly the kind of cramping and spasms you're seeing, as undigested fats can irritate the sensitive gut lining. It is highly plausible that her reactions to dairy and eggs are linked to their higher fat content rather than the proteins, especially since she tolerates lean chicken breast. The great news is that for many, this does improve with time. As her gut continues to heal on a strict gluten-free diet, her ability to produce the necessary enzymes and bile to break down fats should gradually return, allowing her to slowly tolerate a wider variety of foods. It's a slow process of healing, but your careful approach of focusing on low-fat, nutrient-dense foods like seeds and avocado is providing her system the best possible environment to recover. Many people with celiac disease, especially those who are in the 0-2 year range of their recovery, have additional food intolerance issues which could be temporary. To figure this out you may need to keep a food diary and do an elimination diet over a few months. Some common food intolerance issues are dairy/casein, eggs, corn, oats, and soy. The good news is that after your gut heals (for most people who are 100% gluten-free this will take several months to two years) you may be able to slowly add some these items back into your diet after the damaged villi heal. This article may be helpful: Thank you for sharing your story—it's a valuable insight for other parents navigating similar challenges.
    • Beverage
      Diagnosed celiac for 1-2 months ago and everything makes me bloated.

      By Beverage · Posted

      I had a very rough month after diagnosis. No exaggeration, lost so much inflammatory weight, I looked like a bag of bones, underneath i had been literally starving to death. I did start feeling noticeably better after a month of very strict control of my kitchen and home. What are you eating for breakfast and lunch? I ignored my doc and ate oats, yes they were gluten free, but some brands are at the higher end of gluten free. Lots of celics can eat Bob's Red Mill gluten-free oats, but not me. I can now eat them, but they have to be grown and processed according to the "purity protocol" methods. I mail order them, Montana Gluten-Free brand. A food and symptoms and activities log can be helpful in tracking down issues. You might be totally aware, but I have to mention about the risk of airborne gluten. As the doc that diagnosed me warned . . Remember eyes, ears, nose, and mouth all lead to your stomach and intestines.  Are you getting any cross contamination? Airborne gluten? Any pets eating gluten (they eat it, lick themselves, you pet them...)? Any house remodeling? We live in an older home, always fixing something. I've gotten glutened from the dust from cutting into plaster walls, possibly also plywood (glues). The suggestions by many here on vitamin supplements also really helped me. I had some lingering allergies and asthma, which are now 99% gone. I was taking Albuterol inhaler every hour just to breathe, but thiamine in form of benfotiamine kicked that down to 1-2 times a day within a few days of starting it. Also, since cutting out inflammatory seed oils (canola, sunflower, grapeseed, etc) and cooking with real olive oil, avocado oil, ghee, and coconut oil, I have noticed even greater improvement overall and haven't used the inhaler in months! It takes time to weed out everything in your life that contains gluten, and it takes awhile to heal and rebuild your health. At first it's mentally exhausting, overwhelming, even obsessive, but it gets better and second nature.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.