Help -- Feeling Kind Of Abandoned

[eleep]

I want to get out of town and have a vacation -- I really need to get away and I've got a week between summer and fall terms to travel. I want to go home and visit my family -- but my stepmother (who I love dearly) is really scared and concerned about all the cross-contamination issues and worried that she's going to gluten me.

I'm trying my best to reassure her over email that I'll eat my own sandwiches and do everything I can to take any hassle off of her, but I have to admit that I'm having a tough time with this -- lots of tears as I type. I'm kind of afraid (no matter how irrational this is) that I have no more family or home to go to for refuge -- the family that I was trying to build with my boyfriend is gone and my own family is also resistant and distant.

[jerseyangel]

Erica--Sorry you're feeling so badly As we know, it takes time to recover from a breakup--you were together for so long. Add to that a diagnosis that further causes changes, and that's a lot to deal with! Your step-mom sounds like she is afraid of another unpleasant visit. Now that you are stable with the diet (I assume you are), I would just go and she will see for herself that your moods are better now. Maybe write her a letter explaining how the gluten affected you, and assure her again that you are better. A vacation with loved ones would probably be very good for you right now. Hope it works out for you

[eleep]

Thanks -- you're right and that helps -- I actually just got off the phone with my stepmom and I think things will be fine. I'm a little prone to freaking out these days -- it helps to be able to vent on this board.

[jerseyangel]

I'm glad you talked with your step mom. Feel free to vent here anytime--we all understand. Take care

[Fiddle-Faddle]

Could your stepmom go out-of-town with you during your vacation? Maybe you could have a really nice Gal's Time Out!

[queenofhearts]

Erica, I hope you have a great vacation with your family. It may take some adjusting, but it sounds like you are both willing to work to make things better this time. You've been really strong dealing with the bf, & everyone gets worn down now & then!

Relax & recharge, you'll feel better.

Leah

[jesscarmel]

Hi Erica,

I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad right now. Being diagnosed and getting used to everything is so stresfull. even with a good support system, i have at t imes felt misunderstood and unsupported. i hope that you end up having a good trip. it sounds like you have been really strong to be able to deal with being diagnosed and ending a relationship. i hope you have good friends to hang out with!

Jess

[rinne]

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time, what a lot to deal with all at once. I'd be weeping too.

I hope the time with your family gives you what you need. Take care, be kind to yourself and remember what Dr.Yan says," we must love life".

[tiredofdoctors]

Hi Erica -- I'm so sorry you're having difficulties. I know that it's cold comfort, but you're not alone . . . all of us, at one time or another, have had difficulty with starting the diet, adapting to the cooking, worrying about family, cross contamination, and on and on and on . . . . I think that it's actually part of the process of fully accepting the disease. It sort of makes the reality "kick-in" a little stronger. Sometimes that's good, sometimes, it's devastating.

What I really want you to know is that, you have such a powerful resource with the people who are on this forum. I don't know what I would have done without them, early, mid and even now in my disease process. They are the most kind, compassionate, knowledgeable and generous people you will meet. I want you to know that you can vent anytime . . . I don't know that there's one of us who have been on here for awhile who hasn't vented at least oh, say, 10,000 times! Just kidding. But yes, I think we all have vented at least once. It's great when we're here for the good stuff, but just as importantly, please know that we're here for the bad stuff, too.

Take care of you.

Hugs,

Lynne

[taz sharratt]

  eleep said:

I'm trying to hold up and keep my spirits up, but I'm having kind of a hard day today. My 5 and a half year boyfriend left me just after the diagnosis (there's more to the story -- he's got some issues himself -- my earlier posts say more about that) and I've been trying to deal without him around -- doing pretty well and not leaning on him or anything, although I was sending him emails for a while even though I knew it was a bad idea.

One of my biggest obstacles has been adapting to the fact that I'm cooking for one -- and that there are all these new cooking and eating things to learn -- it's been tough eating with a loss of appetite from the breakup and, also, a large part of our relationship was based on the fact that we both loved to cook and eat together -- there were two of us to split that work for a very long time. Every few days or so, I lose a little spirit and can't bring myself to cook dinner until I'm already really hungry and anxious and this sets off a new wave of grief.

I really just want to get out of town and have a vacation -- I really need to get away and I've got a week between summer and fall terms to travel. I want to go home and visit my family -- but my stepmother (who I love dearly) is really scared and concerned about all the cross-contamination issues and worried that my visiting will be like my last terrible visit -- which was just before the diagnosis when I had an inexplicable bad temper, anxiety and panic attacks.

I'm trying my best to reassure her over email that I'll eat my own sandwiches and do everything I can to take any hassle off of her, but I have to admit that I'm having a tough emotional time with this -- lots of tears as I type. I feel lost and isolated and scared from this whole breakup/celiac thing happening all at once -- and I'm so afraid (no matter how irrational this is) that I have no more family or home to go to for refuge -- the family that I was trying to build with my boyfriend is gone and my own family is also resistant and distant.

know where your comeing from, i lost my dad a couple of days before the diagnoses came through for me, the 2 together was enough to make me think ide lost the plot, i had family and good friends around me to help, go be with your family you need them and im sure after a little time your step mum will be able to get her head around the cc, keep your chin up girl

[GFBetsy]

eleep -

Another thing that will probably help your stepmom is if you send her some recipe ideas that are "naturally" gluten free - veggie soups, burgers, baked potato bar, etc. You can also let her know the brands of cereals, etc. that you can eat. Then she won't have to worry about having nothing to feed you, and that may help her feel less stressed about the whole visit.

Hope you get to have an enjoyable time at home!

[AndreaB]

eleep,

I agree with everyone else. It is very difficult to adjust to a breakup on top of celiac but not impossible. Your visit with your stepmom could be just what you and she need.

We are all here for you. Even though cyber friends aren't the same as having a real live person on your couch visiting with you, we love you and support you.