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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

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jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
I guess that makes us the family Faberge eggs :P

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::P

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Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

My sis just sent me this one:

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A. M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time . .

Priceless!

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
I guess that makes us the family Faberge eggs :P

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

Very cute!! :lol:

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted

The joke ... :lol::lol::lol: I've heard it before, but it still makes me laugh.

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted

ha ha ha, priceless indeed.

I got nothin' here. just getting ready for my big Thursday - - Gray's and Men in Trees. Ah, the glamorous life of a single, crazy old dog lady in Fresno. ;)

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted

:lol: just got this email - - love the use of the words - - - esp rectitude and pokemon :lol::lol::lol:

ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST

>>> > >

>>> > > Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning

>>> > > submissions

>>>

>>> > >

>>> > > The winners are:

>>> > >

>>> > > 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

>>> > >

>>> > > 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have

>>>gained.

>>> > >

>>> > > 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

>>> > >

>>> > > 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

>>> > >

>>> > > 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

>>> > >

>>> > > 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you

>>>absentmindedly

>>> > > answer the door in your nightgown.

>>> > >

>>> > > 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

>>> > >

>>> > > 8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

>>> > >

>>> > > 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you

>>> > > are run over by a steamroller.

>>> > >

>>> > > 10. Balderdash (.), a rapidly receding hairline.

>>> > >

>>> > > 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

>>> > >

>>> > > 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by

>>> > > proctologists.

>>> > >

>>> > > 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

>>> > >

>>> > > 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with

>>> > > Yiddishisms.

>>> > >

>>> > > 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief

>>> > > that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets

>>> > > stuck there.

>>> > >

>>> > > 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts

>>> > > worn by Jewish men.

>>> > >

>

>

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Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Those are awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted

Hi - di - ho peeps!! ..all sillies!!!

I see you've been busy!!..whilst *I* pine away longing for access to my computer (..damn..can't afford new monitor yet <_< )

GOOD LORD!!..Was there a Steve (gfp) sighting????!!!!! :)

...... it's like I settle down and get comfy when I see a gfp post 'cos I know I'm gonna enjoy reading it !!!! (especially fabulous brilliant tails of adventures in far flung lands !!!) :):)

Richard still busy at work???!! ..but dropping in with talk of Saab's and Citroen's...I had a Citroen once..drove like a pig...

Belated congratulations to Susan on mastering the link thingy (with a line under it)!!! :lol: HURRAH!!!!

Crockpot???? :huh: Mmmm sounds like the tool of an accomplished cook :unsure:

I long to buy a slow cooker ...throw all ingredients in - turn on .. come back several hours later and eat (this appeals to me)

Yes...'tis true ...without a computer to hand I am bereft :( ..I have been drawn ..no forced to do other things :unsure: :unsure: :unsure: to keep me from going mad with boredom.

This week I have read 2 books (but that was ok) and cleaned the oven, and various other equally heinous chores that probably should have been done a long time ago... but dear god!!!..what on earth did I do BPC (before PC )

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Nikki- We miss you!!!!!!!!!! come back.......

gfp Enthusiast
gfp
Posted
especially fabulous brilliant tails of adventures in far flung lands !!!) :):)

Hmm must get round to writing up my australia/vietnam trip!

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted

Nikki! you must get a new monitor at once!! we miss you!!!

OMG a Nikki sighting and a Steve sighting in the same day - - - almost the same as the double Citroen sighting in the same day!! :rolleyes:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
Hmm must get round to writing up my australia/vietnam trip!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Now you know I'm gonna have to get a cushion and a cup of tea for that one!!!!

Cannot wait!!

Bev .. thankyou!! ...I miss you all too dahlings!!!!! :wub:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
Nikki! you must get a new monitor at once!!
gfp Enthusiast
gfp
Posted
Not very common in California I imagine ....whereas Steve is awash in gay Paris :lol::lol:

Hey, can't a guy quote Oscar Wilde without that :D

LOL

Anyway... I got two spare monitors neither of which is much good but servicable for checking here... If you can think of anyway to get them to you from either Lancs (will be there next week) or Paris you're more than welcome... but you could probably pick a cheapo one up from ebay for 20 quid...

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
Hey, can't a guy quote Oscar Wilde without that :D

LOL

Anyway... I got two spare monitors neither of which is much good but servicable for checking here... If you can think of anyway to get them to you from either Lancs (will be there next week) or Paris you're more than welcome... but you could probably pick a cheapo one up from ebay for 20 quid...

20 quid :lol::lol::lol: is quid still a term that is used - and how much is it??? :huh:

gfp Enthusiast
gfp
Posted
20 quid :lol::lol::lol: is quid still a term that is used - and how much is it??? :huh:

I'll tell you when you tell me something of use ....

quid pro pro ?

oops sorry....

its just the vernacular for a pound and I don't have a pound sign on my present keyboard :D

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
I'll tell you when you tell me something of use ....

:lol: ha ha, I say, and pshaw, the thought of you waiting for me to tell you something of use - mighty long wait :lol:

but here, this is amusing :lol: (and particularly for the Luddite-inclined, such as yours truly)

Open Original Shared Link

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

QUID THIS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P :P :P :P

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
QUID THIS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P :P :P :P

:lol::lol::lol:

oh QUID this, QUID that, PSHAW and HARRUMPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (see, only nonsense coming from me now and STeve is waiting for me to tell him something worthwhile )

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Oh- I apologize for yelling last night :P I was being silly. This time I can blame it on margaritas and an IMAX theatre. No trampolines or cosmos were hurt in the writing of this post.

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
Oh- I apologize for yelling last night :P I was being silly. This time I can blame it on margaritas and an IMAX theatre. No trampolines or cosmos were hurt in the writing of this post.

we forgive you for the drunken yelling. :lol: now what is my excuse? :huh:

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
we forgive you for the drunken yelling. :lol: now what is my excuse? :huh:

Moo hoo ahh ha ha ha..........you don't need one. This is the Tickle Me thread!

gfp Enthusiast
gfp
Posted

Lol that's hilarious...

Its actually even funnier if you speak Norwegian cos the Danish translation isn't exactly word for word... which tickles my peculiar funny bone because of cultural differences from Norway and Denmark...

They actually add quite a few thank-yopu's etc. not in the Norwegian .. but I guess this might only be funny for someone who lived amongst them.... still I'm easily amused.

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
Lol that's hilarious...

Its actually even funnier if you speak Norwegian cos the Danish translation isn't exactly word for word... which tickles my peculiar funny bone because of cultural differences from Norway and Denmark...

They actually add quite a few thank-yopu's etc. not in the Norwegian .. but I guess this might only be funny for someone who lived amongst them.... still I'm easily amused.

The translation of what? QUID THIS! QUID THAT! Or harumph and heinous!

Ok, a little joke for you:

The Blind Man

She had just finished her shower when the doorbell rang. Tiptoeing to the front door, shivering in plump, pink nudity, she called, "Who is it?"

"The blind man," came a mournful voice, so she shrugged and opened the door with one hand while reaching for her purse with the other. When she turned to face the man, he was grinning from ear to ear and she saw that he was holding a large package in his arms.

"You can see!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah," he nodded happily. "And mighty pretty too. Now, where do you want I should put these blinds?"

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