The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[elye]

Ha! She'd make a wicked mother-in-law...watch out, Jen.

Speaking of mothers-in-law, a mini-survey: who has a mother-in-law that bucks the well-heeled stereotype of MIL as horrid Medusa? I do, I do! My MIL is a terrific, hip lady, who knows her boundaries, adores her grandkids, and is a GREAT houseguest. She's also very English (love you all, Nikki) and the only thing she has ever addressed me on is the "horrific" way I make my cup of tea (microwave. Two minutes and it's done!)

[nikki-uk]

No Mil for me.

Hubby's Mum died when he was 11 and his 'stepmum' is 2 yrs older than him (just too weird )

the only thing she has ever addressed me on is the "horrific" way I make my cup of tea (microwave. Two minutes and it's done!)

..and rightly so!!..definitely not how we make tea.....

[nikki-uk]

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool.

One starts to insult the other one.

He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'

The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk."

[elye]

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.

[DingoGirl]

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool.

One starts to insult the other one.

He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'

The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk."

Excellent, Nikkeigh. And may I say, OMG, no one is hotter than Beckham at this moment (speaking strictly from a visual perspective, ha). Are you Brits missing your skinny, peroxided, US-residing "royalty"?

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.

- wait - is this true?

[nikki-uk]

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.

Love it!!

And may I say, OMG, no one is hotter than Beckham at this moment (speaking strictly from a visual perspective, he). Are you Brits missing your skinny, peroxided, US-residing "royalty"?

Absolutely!! ...and *swoon* David is rather easy on the eye isn't he??? - just don't expect any intellectual conversations!!

....Soozeigh,.....LOVE the yellow dawg convention ...lots of fun with tail wagging and butt sniffing??

[jerseyangel]

BOOB TUBES!!

OMG--that is hilarious! I've never heard them called that Remember those sun dresses that you would make from fabric with the tube top already attached? You just had to sew up a seam, and that was it. Probably around 79-80 ish.

Bev--Metta sent me that gravy ladle joke over the weekend--loved it

[DingoGirl]

Oh, Susan! You're introducing a new scent to the thread! A "slight canine stink" is where I often feel at home, having had many huge, stinky dogs through my lifetime. Dog stink mingling with the estrogen reek...are we primed for this?

how did I miss this? Yes, I am utterly at home amidst sweat and canine stink. IN fact, did I tell you guys, I have a DATE tonight from a guy I met that very same day, carrying my stink and sweat, into the pub? He has called every day since then. a hoot. He likes me too much already because i"m not that interested........ain't it always the case? and OMG he lives in my 'hood - - a block away........so I CAN"T really call him a stalker, can I, as he DOES have the right to be here.....

[OMG - - have I TOLD you guys this already? am I losing my dingo-addled brain? too lazy to read back......]

Love it!!

Absolutely!! ...and *swoon* David is rather easy on the eye isn't he??? - just don't expect any intellectual conversations!!

....Soozeigh,.....LOVE the yellow dawg convention ...lots of fun with tail wagging and butt sniffing??

SO OVERrated, them intellectual con-ver-say-shuns........

Yes, I had about 230 pounds of Yellow Dawg this weekend, and you should have seen the girls out on the walks......all three, same color, almost teh same size, and walking in PERFECT tandem on three leashes on my left side.......people were actually honking and waving, and whipping their heads around to see the sight! They were so cute.....and such very good girls on the leash. WE shoulda been in the newspaper or something!!

Anywho as a result of all this canine, I must now rent the shampooer and clean the stink-ass carpets......which means, y'all will hear me whining about my back for the next two days...... (I REFUSE to pay nearly $100 when I can do it myself for $30 - harrumph)

OMG--that is hilarious! I've never heard them called that Remember those sun dresses that you would make from fabric with the tube top already attached? You just had to sew up a seam, and that was it. Probably around 79-80 ish.

Patti - - guess what - - they're back in style again - - :lol: Saw some the other day....in fact tried on a darling boob-tube-ish (but looser -er, not looser on the breast part but looser on the tummy part) yesterday at TArget.......and STILL not enough boobage to hold the dang thing up......

HARRUMPH!!!!!!

[CarlaB]

Yes, I had about 230 pounds of Yellow Dawg this weekend, and you should have seen the girls out on the walks......all three, same color, almost teh same size, and walking in PERFECT tandem on three leashes on my left side.......people were actually honking and waving, and whipping their heads around to see the sight!

Do you get this same reaction if you go out on a walk alone. I'd bet you do.

Anywho as a result of all this canine, I must now rent the shampooer and clean the stink-ass carpets......which means, y'all will hear me whining about my back for the next two days...... (I REFUSE to pay nearly $100 when I can do it myself for $30 - harrumph)

Yeah, only $30, but hundreds in pain killers and doctor bills. Get that guy down the street to do it for you.

[DingoGirl]

Do you get this same reaction if you go out on a walk alone. I'd bet you do.

Yeah, only $30, but hundreds in pain killers and doctor bills. Get that guy down the street to do it for you.

He's already offered......several times......he was thinking of ANY way he could to get over here....

My back will recover. not to worry.

and Carla - - no, I got WAY more attention w/ the three amazingly perfect canines....one guy on his bike stopped and said, my gosh, you could power a CHARIOT wtih all those dogs!!

[CarlaB]

and Carla - - no, I got WAY more attention w/ the three amazingly perfect canines....one guy on his bike stopped and said, my gosh, you could power a CHARIOT wtih all those dogs!!

Okay, we'll need Tom to settle our debate ... Tom is is Susan or the majestic dogs?

[tom]

Okay, we'll need Tom to settle our debate ... Tom is it Susan or the majestic dogs?

Oh no ya don't!! Don't go bringing ME into this! <ONE of these emoticons must be right!>

With my 2" sidekick screen, I actually have *less* info to base an opinion on than the rest of you.

Perhaps an interesting tangential question is whether a GUY w/ a gaggle of chariot-worthy dingos would get even 1/4 of the attention. I'll guess no.

[tom]

Yay!! A burst of activity for TickleThread!

Absolutely!! ...and *swoon* David is rather easy on the eye isn't he??? - just don't expect any intellectual conversations!!

From what I've heard, also don't expect his voice to sound like a grown man's!

how did I miss this? Yes, I am utterly at home amidst sweat and canine stink. IN fact, did I tell you guys, I have a DATE tonight from a guy I met that very same day, carrying my stink and sweat, into the pub?

more than a little funny that you predicted this.

He likes me too much already because i"m not that interested........ain't it always the case?

Uhhhh . . . . why go on the date?

Seems counterproductive.

and OMG he lives in my 'hood - - a block away........so I CAN"T really call him a stalker, can I, as he DOES have the right to be here.....

Hehehehehe "call" him one anyway!

<hehehehe - cut 25% here lol>

He's already offered......several times......he was thinking of ANY way he could to get over here....wanted to bring me this new Carl's Jr. orangesicle drink etc......said he'd even leave it at my door......

<stalker>

now THAT is really sort of pitiful, isn't it?

No doubt.

oh the burdens of being irresistible

[tom]

OK - to finish filling in for a triple-post - here's something a niece sent me:

***STUFF TO DO AT WALMART IF YOU'RE BORED***

>-1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

>

>-2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

>

>3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

>

>4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,

>" 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.

>

>5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

>

>-6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

>

>7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

>

>8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,

>"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

>

>9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

>

>10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

>

>11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

>

>12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

>

>-13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,

>say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

>

>14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..

>"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

>

>-15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! '

[elye]

Susan, I forget what you look like. Put up a face shot. Get the guy down the street to take one. On second thought, don't...we want you really smiling, and it just sounds like he's not gonna do it for ya. Mygawd, I wish you lived in Ottawa...my brother has recently entered the single scene again (wife left him for another guy--don't get me started)...really attractive in a Robert Redford kinda way. Sigh...as my bro keeps saying, all the great ones are unattainable, this time through geography...

[nikki-uk]

SO OVERrated, them intellectual con-ver-say-shuns........

Gosh,...aren't they??

Patti - - guess what - - they're back in style again - - :lol: Saw some the other day....in fact tried on a darling boob-tube-ish (but looser -er, not looser on the breast part but looser on the tummy part) yesterday at TArget.......and STILL not enough boobage to hold the dang thing up......

SOOooo know where you're coming from there me old mate - more...ummm...BELLY TUBE keeping the blasted thing up!!

Okay, we'll need Tom to settle our debate ... Tom is is Susan or the majestic dogs?

I'm not Tom - but it's definitely the Susan factor causing the furore, sweeping by majestically (hair blowing behind her)...like a Bodicia with her golden hounds pulling her chariot into battle.........

Perhaps an interesting tangential question is whether a GUY w/ a gaggle of chariot-worthy dingos would get even 1/4 of the attention. I'll guess no.

Well, maybe a look....but no honking

[tom]

...like a Bodicia with her golden hounds pulling her chariot into battle.........

Gah!!!! Omg gnih-keyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! Only the 2nd time I've had to look up a word (non-medical) seen in this forum!!

You sly minx u!

I see that this Queen of the Iceni tribe is called "the first British heroine".

So I'll label this bit of yankee ignorance excuseable once again. (Hehe ya, don't think I'm not keeping track! )

[DingoGirl]

Uhhhh . . . . why go on the date?

Seems counterproductive.

INdeed.

okay - - update - - so NO date!!!! he's coming over here for my famous mojitos, as any casual, nice neighbor would. Susie is feeling pretty good about it. Didn't want the poor sot to take me to dinner and feel, you know, ripped off or something.

(25%, indeed, it's more like FIFTY percent with you, crazy)

Um, Emily? Is Ottawa farther from CA than Georgia? (will have to glance at Canadian map but methinks Ottawa is in the eastern part of the country) Because I kind of have a "boyfriend" there......OMG send photos of this REdford-ish brother! ha! Poor guy...it'll take him a while to recover from that biz-natch who left him.....

will post a photo......you see I AM brunette, I always say, we get the second, LINGERING look and not the first (the blondes with BOOBS get the first open-mouthed stare as they walk by).......that FREAKING hair, like a golden beacon in the sun..... Stupid SIREN"S call for all hapless dolts out there......

sheesh.

I'm not Tom - but it's definitely the Susan factor causing the furor, sweeping by majestically (hair blowing behind her)...like a Bodicia with her golden hounds pulling her chariot into battle.........

*snort*

are those people in the cupboard under the stairs putting drugs in your (microwaved) tea again???

*snigger*

WHERE"S BEV?????????????????

BEV, COME AND PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mtndog]

WHERE"S BEV?????????????????

BEV, COME AND PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm here but very sad and very feeling yucky! You're right...

brunettes get the 2nd Lingering look.

[tom]

Oh LOL all over this one, Pseu-zee - "microwaved tea" and all.

INdeed.

okay - - update - - so NO date!!!! he's coming over here for my famous mojitos, as any casual, nice neighbor would. Susie is feeling pretty good about it. Didn't want the poor sot to take me to dinner and feel, you know, ripped off or something.

Give me 2:1 odds and I'll bet he shows up w/ flowers.

(Are u *both* calling it "not a date"? )

I've *never* understood the guys that think a simple dinner creates other obligations.

Tho if the 'strategy' works a few times, maybe the operantly-conditioned man isn't the primary source of the popularity of "dinner obligations"?

(25%, indeed, it's more like FIFTY percent with you, crazy)

<recalibrating target to 35%>

(Hey it's a process!) LMAO

will post a photo......you see I AM brunette, I always say, we get the second, LINGERING look and not the first (the blondes with BOOBS get the first open-mouthed stare as they walk by).......that FREAKING hair, like a golden beacon in the sun..... Stupid SIREN"S call for all hapless dolts out there......

sheesh.

Susie's in fine form today.

Maybe the THIRD look, which includes witty repartee, should carry more weight than first or second?

[edit - does the potential misconstruement here outweigh the point?]

Uh-oh gotta go fix mom's pc, hit WhFds, stop by a buddy's and hopefully have daytime left for bball and /or sax. Wow it's such a thrill to not be stuck spinached to the recliner anymore!!

[CarlaB]

Bev, I'm right there with ya' ... it's a down day. Honestly, my bad days at this point are better than my good days a few months ago, but they still are a pain. I've done basically nothing but lay around all day ... I have walked up and down the stairs several times ... I am thinking of going to the grocery ... but I think that Moe's might win out ... a bad day used to mean I needed help walking to the bathroom and that Adam had to spend the day home from work, so today is considerably better than that. Hang in there!

Tom, you are in good form today, too! The only thing that creates obligations is a wedding ring ... some women don't seem to understand that though and still expect the wine-ing and dining ... that's probably the man's fault (everything is the man's fault, you know) for creating this connection when they were dating.

And you all are right about blondes! I bleached my hair platinum ... see the avatar ... last summer. Every head would turn when I would walk into a room ... it has nothing to do with the chest, only the hair. Even with it in the dark shades of blonde, I catch guys staring.

I bet that he doesn't show up with flowers ... do guys really do that??? I've been married since I was 21 (you didn't think I would wait to long considering the info two paragraphs ago ), so I really don't know ... do guys really show up for a date with flowers???

[DingoGirl]

OH - a sad and yukky Bev today! Susie doesn't like taht. Sending dingo hugs and butt-biffs.

And Gnick-eeh was actually making a literary reference - - OMG - totally escaped me! Heat-addled dingo brain.

no no, no obligation with a dinner date....and guys never expect anything. As you can see from my lurvely photo, whilst I AM a beauty, I am really sought after for my.......canine stench.

I *really* want this guy to be my friend, maybe?.......but he's already over-excited.....

but OMG I fear dehydration - Just mowed/hand-cut/raked/pruned/swept and watered in 103 (? or more?) weather...am utterly drenched in sweat as we speak.......clothing is soaked through.....am waiting to cool down before shower. *MUST* remember to hydrate thoroughly and eat plenty, as we do not want a repeat of last week.......and pulverizing hangover.

(wondering if Emily thinks that is actually a photo of me with fake teeth :lol: )

[CarlaB]

(wondering if Emily thinks that is actually a photo of me with fake teeth in )

No, she thinks those are your real teeth and fake boobs!

[DingoGirl]

No, she thinks those are your real teeth and fake boobs!

:lol:

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh Go Carla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tom]

Ack I'm driving hoping for a red light so I can type!

Bev! Hope you're back in the saddle soon!

And I've been meaning to ask about the horse, of course.

Do u have one or some or used to or wish u did or WHAT!??

The only thing that creates obligations is a wedding ring ... some women don't seem to understand that though and still expect the wine-ing and dining ... that's probably the man's fault (everything is the man's fault, you know) for creating this connection when they were dating.

Well, that's on the other side of the issue.

But it reminds me of something many married men have told me about a jar and some marbles and I might violate a man-law if I say too much. Certainly these men don't tell their *own* wives, but maybe women hear about it thru the grapevine.

. . .., so I really don't know ... do guys really show up for a date with flowers???

Hehe *I* sure wouldn't know - been out of it for 9-10 yrs. (back b4 celiac I definitely wasn't a 'date flowers' guy. Would have to go back to the rare high school dance for that)

I just say don't put it past a guy who's willing to deliver some drink to an empty porch & slink away like a servant.