The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[elye]

Here in the province of Ontario, legislation was passed in 1997 that allows women to be topless in public. Interestingly, I have seen NO topless women at any beaches, parks or streets since then. We can do it here, but no one's jumping. I just can't be bothered....more area to sunscreen. Burned boobs do not sound fun.

[CarlaB]

You could always wear tassles.

[DingoGirl]

You could always wear tassles.

Carla! Were you here in the days of the tassel-twirler discussion?? I was thinking that you were not - but that little comment indicates that you MUST have been.....or else your little lyme brain IS as twisted as ours!

I got nothin'. Um, first day of period, so wait, I got somethin' all right......menstrual bloat and cramps. Oh, and complete crankiness. Here is what I had last night for dinner, in no particular order:

vanilla ice cream

horrible caramels from the 99 cent store

Trader Joe's Spicy Soy/Flaxseed tortilla chips

sunflower seeds

and several pieces of bazooka bubble gum.

did I mention I feel (and look) like utter rubbish today?

harrumph.

[Darn210]

Here is what I had last night for dinner, in no particular order:

vanilla ice cream

horrible caramels from the 99 cent store

Trader Joe's Spicy Soy/Flaxseed tortilla chips

sunflower seeds

and several pieces of bazooka bubble gum.

Hey, that's not so bad . . .

sunflower seeds . . . protein

ice cream . . . dairy

soy/flaxseed tortilla chips . . . soy . . .soybean . . . bean . . . vegetable

caramels . . . sugar pills . . . medication?

gum . . . doesn't count since you spit it out

You just gotta know how to spin it.

It was misfortunate that your caramels were horrible.

[DingoGirl]

Hey, that's not so bad . . .

sunflower seeds . . . protein

ice cream . . . dairy

soy/flaxseed tortilla chips . . . soy . . .soybean . . . bean . . . vegetable

caramels . . . sugar pills . . . medication?

gum . . . doesn't count since you spit it out

You just gotta know how to spin it.

It was misfortunate that your caramels were horrible.

oh my gawd

:lol:

excellent work, Janet, you nutty lady.

It was not only misfortunate (love the word) that the caramels were horrible.....it was misfortunate and SCARY that I ate them. But, guess what else. I pulled a George Costanza, and retrieved them from the trash. that's right, I had thrown the rest of the disdainful caramels out (in their own bag, folks) and then got them out last night, in my menstrual dysphoria.

They are NOW thrown safely away into the hideous large trash can outside, never to be seen or eaten again.

Forgot to mention, I ALSO ate celery w/ peanut butter (vegetable + peanut i.e., vegetable). That was my main course.

[nikki-uk]

Hmmm would it be common in a country where even regular beaches are full of topless women? Or maybe that's rumor crossed w/ wishful thinking. Wait! No it's not!! I've been to a few beaches in Asia where Euros and some asians were topless. Hmmmmmm

Wondering who would "When in Rome" it if at such a beach - say . . .on a Greek island?

Not I

Here in the province of Ontario, legislation was passed in 1997 that allows women to be topless in public. Interestingly, I have seen NO topless women at any beaches, parks or streets since then. We can do it here, but no one's jumping. I just can't be bothered....more area to sunscreen. Burned boobs do not sound fun.

We Brits are 'allowed' too but it's generally too bloomin' cold matey

I pulled a George Costanza, and retrieved them from the trash. that's right, I had thrown the rest of the disdainful caramels out (in their own bag, folks) and then got them out last night, in my menstrual dysphoria.

At first I thought maye pulling a George Constanza was American code word for 'pulling a fast one' ..as in pulling off some amazing trick but then realised it was food related caused by menstrual dysphoria

Done many a strange thing myself induced by m. dysphoria

BTW Susie - thanks for the recipe tips for the nutritionally sound dinner - (when menstruating)

Should there not been a tad more sugar/chocolate in there??

[elye]

Ahhhh, the dietary lapses when menstrual...(still with us, Tom?)...this reminds me of the wonderful euphemisms my girlfriends and I used to employ as teenagers for this special time of the month, glancing knowingly at one another and smiling ruefully while in the presence of boyfriends.

My Friend is here (Ha! What the hell were we thinking?)

ROOS (Recharging the Ovarian Operating System)

Aunt Flow is visiting

Massacre at the Y

Seems so long ago....

How times change. Now this is said: "I am bleeding. Please go away".

[CarlaB]

Yes, I was here for the tassle discussion ... but I was seriously just trying to think about how to cover up the part you definately wouldn't want burned!

I love caramel ... I like it better than chocolate, always have.

I can't imagine how poorly I'd eat if I weren't feeding kids every night! That looks like a tasty menu to me!

And the gum, that was after dinner exercise!

[nikki-uk]

Poor Tom will have run away screaming

Aunt Flow is visiting

Internationally popular

Another :

The painters are in

"I am bleeding. Please go away".

My personal favoUrite

[tom]

Well, you were looking for what you could dispute just a little while ago, and only you can tell us if you're worthy of an upgrade ... and do you really think it is an upgrade?

CarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrLAAAAAAAAAAAA (hehe now I'm reminded of Fred Flintstone - awesome horn section on that theme song btw)

"Argumentative" would be asking Rachel which of the "5 foods" pockets-full of cookies replaced, not just hoping that a humorous 'anti-male' post has something I can try to have fun with.

. . . .horrible caramels from the 99 cent store . . . .

harrumph.

That's the tiniest harrumph. ever.

Oyyyyyyy I get queasy just reading the menu . . .

Aww susie . . . food from the 99cent store?? After the nutbar 'glutening'?

But a hearty LOL for "pulled a Costanza"!!

I've seen so much Seinfeld, I can perfectly play back the video in my head of that doily'd eclair.

At least you didn't turn to discover someone watching!

W/ 9 seasons to cull from, there's gotta be scores of situations where "pulled a Costanza" works. The phrase deserves wider use, I say!!

[tom]

...(still with us, Tom?)...

<wiiiiiide grimace> juuuuuuust barely <shudder>

Tho the massacre one was new to me and got a quick chuckle

[nikki-uk]

Carla! Were you here in the days of the tassel-twirler discussion??

Tassel twirling whilst show boarding !!!!

and several pieces of bazooka bubble gum.

Oh I love that stuff !!

I drive hubby mad as I blow bubbles and 'click' it. He says I am very 'unladylike

I can't imagine how poorly I'd eat if I weren't feeding kids every night!

OMG yes !!, didn't think of that Carla !!

But a hearty LOL for "pulled a Costanza"!!

I've seen so much Seinfeld, I can perfectly play back the video in my head of that doily'd eclair.

Ah ha !! It was code word - but we haven't had Seinfield shown here in years.

I will however try to remember to use that phrase should I ever pull something out of the ''bin'' & eat it !

[CarlaB]

CarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrLAAAAAAAAAAAA (hehe now I'm reminded of Fred Flintstone - awesome horn section on that theme song btw)

"Argumentative" would be asking Rachel which of the "5 foods" pockets-full of cookies replaced, not just hoping that a humorous 'anti-male' post has something I can try to have fun with.

Yeah, you're right, you're not argumentative at all ....

Seinfeld, always thought he was hysterical until I saw him live ... he is his own biggest fan ... so pompous ... wouldn't even sign an autograph for a local restaurant manager who went WAY out of his way to keep it private that Seinfeld was dining there.

Totally different than Bill Cosby ... saw him live, too. He was awesome. Total class.

[Darn210]

I've been known to hide behind the pantry door to scarf something down so the kids don't see . . . It's part need to set a good example and part if they see me, I'll have to share.

I can't imagine how poorly I'd eat if I weren't feeding kids every night!

And the gum, that was after dinner exercise!

Excellent . . . fits in perfectly with the menu.

Totally different than Bill Cosby ... saw him live, too. He was awesome. Total class.

I saw Steven Wright once. It was a long time ago but we had a blast. I sat next to a friend of mine who would repeat the last word or two of his one liner and then giggle.

SW: "I'd kill for the Noble Peace Prize."

Friend: "gigglegiggle Peace Prize gigglegiggle"

SW: "Half the people you know are below average."

Friend: "gigglegiggle below average giggle giggle"

I found her amusing - the person on the other side of her probably did not.

[CarlaB]

I've been known to hide behind the pantry door to scarf something down so the kids don't see . . . It's part need to set a good example and part if they see me, I'll have to share.

What are your kids learning from this? Hide behind the pantry door if you want to sneak something!

[Darn210]

What are your kids learning from this? Hide behind the pantry door if you want to sneak something!

In my own delusional world - they think I'm pondering dinner alternatives. In reality, they are probably thinking . . . there she goes again, now there won't be any chips (or crisps) for our lunch boxes.

[tom]

Yeah, you're right, you're not argumentative at all ....

Am TOO!!

<did I just fall into a bugs bunny / elmer fudd bit?>

[elye]

<did I just fall into a bugs bunny / elmer fudd bit?>

Now THERE was an animated series with a fantastic ongoing score, and a terrific horn section. Memories....

[DingoGirl]

all of this is amusing Susie today.

the internationally famous Aunt Flo IS visiting today. HAR-RUMPH!!

Totally different than Bill Cosby ... saw him live, too. He was awesome. Total class.

must comment on this however....

in fourth grade, Cosby came to play in a tournament at the tennis club which was my day care until I was.....well, in college, I guess. So, my best friend and I followed his wife and him (that IS correct grammar, in case anyone axes you!) out to the car, and shyly asked for his autograph.....he looks down at us and says....."awwwwwwwwww Man!!! I don't think so" and then just swiped his finger onto each of our palms. In a very condescending way. So...I have never liked him since. But yeah, I'm sure Jerry is very pompous.

What are your kids learning from this? Hide behind the pantry door if you want to sneak something!

If no one sees you eat it, do the calories really count?

back to work.

[CarlaB]

in fourth grade, Cosby came to play in a tournament at the tennis club which was my day care until I was.....well, in college, I guess. So, my best friend and I followed his wife and him (that IS correct grammar, in case anyone axes you!) out to the car, and shyly asked for his autograph.....he looks down at us and says....."awwwwwwwwww Man!!! I don't think so" and then just swiped his finger onto each of our palms. In a very condescending way. So...I have never liked him since. But yeah, I'm sure Jerry is very pompous.

Hmm, don't these stars know they OWE us autographs? After all, we're the ones who sign their paycheck!

[tom]

Posted this on OMG, but w/ the expertise he can provide I think it's worth repeating here.

I'm meeting *another* forum member tomorrow! He even lives in my little Ahwatukee part of Phx and owns a Health Food / Vitamin store. He's offered up his resources and knowledge re: pills, supplements etc on this thread.

Open Original Shared Link

I sure coulda used him LAST month, searching for a D vitamin w/out soybean oil!

axes

[Mtndog]

Oh Lord- you sillies have been busy! I have to catch up but wanted to add these first:

1. the Even Stephen debates from the daily Show...so funny. Here's Open Original Shared Link

Actually halloween is pretty funny too!

And another from fresh Uncle Ray:

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35

years of carrying the mail

through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was

greeted by the whole

family there, who congratulated him and sent him on

his way with big gift

envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of

really fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of

terrific fishing

lures.

At each of the houses he was met with congratulations,

farewells, cards, and gifts.

At the final house he was met at the door by a

strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the

door, which she closed behind him, and led him up the

stairs to the bedroom where they had a most passionate

liaison.

Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him

a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage,

blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of

steaming coffee. As she

was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out

from under the cup's bottom edge.

'All this was just too wonderful for words,' he said,

' but what's the dollar for?'

'Well,' she said, 'last night, I told my husband that

today would be your last day, and that we should do

something special for you. I asked

him what to give

you.' He said, ' Screw him...give him a dollar.'

The blonde then blushed and said, 'The breakfast was

my idea.'

[Mtndog]

My Friend is here (Ha! What the hell were we thinking?)

ROOS (Recharging the Ovarian Operating System)

Aunt Flow is visiting

Massacre at the Y

Seems so long ago....

How times change. Now this is said: "I am bleeding. Please go away".

OMG- I love these! And BRING OUT THE TASSLES!!!!!!!!!!!! No burned boobies!

SusieQ- If it makes you feel any better, I have not recharged the ovarian operating system in 6 months (thank you Lyme- NOT!!!!!!!) and I still have those days. Today for lunch I had coffee frozen yogurt and Tings. Oy!

[CarlaB]

I didn't go to the medical marijuana link a few minutes ago ... but then I went from this thread to LN and there was a medical marijuana thread there. LOL. So I came back to see what this one was all about.

[Mtndog]

I didn't go to the medical marijuana link a few minutes ago ... but then I went from this thread to LN and there was a medical marijuana thread there. LOL. So I came back to see what this one was all about.

i'll have to go to lymeNet and see if their thread is as funny as Even Stevphen! I love Steve carrell :wub: