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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

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kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

I think the bathroom and the laundry might be enough. A clean kitchen is important to you. Plus, you don't want to look like a spiteful child. You need to act like a mature mom. If he wants to know which detergent to use or if he should use hot water, be gracious and tell him. Just as you would do if you were teaching the kids. Maybe get him his own toilet brush, sponges and bathroom cleaners to keep under the sink.

Just keep your cool! Good luck!

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celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

Just keep your cool! Good luck!

I shall do my best :P

GlutenFreeManna Rising Star
GlutenFreeManna
Posted

am I crazy?? I don't think I am, but I would like an honest, honest opinion.

Okay, I know I know you least of all the others posting here but I have to disagree with some of the advice that's been given. First he criticizes your cooking and now he criticizes your housework?!? Are you newlyweds? If not then, girl, something bigger than housework and cooking may be going on. I don't want to jump to conclusions or freak you out but when a spouse is having an affair he tends to start criticizing his spouse a lot more even when she does everything right. I'm probably biased in this direction because I've seen it happen to a lot of my friends. This may not be the case in your marriage but he may be criticizing you to make it easier in his mind to get out later. Making him do all his own stuff will only push him away more. Get yourself to some counseling so you can get it all out in the open instead. Even if it DOES turn out that he is only concerned about your level of cleaning and cooking and nothing is going on with him at least you will have a chance to detail for him all you do and how unappreciated you feel. And then you can work out with the counselor a more equal split of the chores.

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

hmm, now there's a whole different perspective. But if the situation isn't livable for Rachelle now, how could she continue to support it? I'd really have to think this through to see if I agree with what I understand you to be saying.

GlutenFreeManna Rising Star
GlutenFreeManna
Posted

hmm, now there's a whole different perspective. But if the situation isn't livable for Rachelle now, how could she continue to support it? I'd really have to think this through to see if I agree with what I understand you to be saying.

I'm not saying things don't need to change as far as how much she does around the house--clearly things are unequal and unfair if he doesn't even know how to work the washing machine. That needs to change, but how she goes abotu changing it could make a big difference in whether it works out to be a positive change or not for their marriage as a whole. Sometimes a third party (i.e. a counselor) is better at making a man see how boneheaded and rude he is being. It may also reveal deeper thigns toolike maybe he's just a momma's boy that never had to do anythign and he's treating her like his mom. She has other kids to worry about she doesn't need to worry about him too...but her telling him that may not make the impact she would like.

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

Okay, I know I know you least of all the others posting here but I have to disagree with some of the advice that's been given. First he criticizes your cooking and now he criticizes your housework?!? Are you newlyweds? If not then, girl, something bigger than housework and cooking may be going on. I don't want to jump to conclusions or freak you out but when a spouse is having an affair he tends to start criticizing his spouse a lot more even when she does everything right. I'm probably biased in this direction because I've seen it happen to a lot of my friends. This may not be the case in your marriage but he may be criticizing you to make it easier in his mind to get out later. Making him do all his own stuff will only push him away more. Get yourself to some counseling so you can get it all out in the open instead. Even if it DOES turn out that he is only concerned about your level of cleaning and cooking and nothing is going on with him at least you will have a chance to detail for him all you do and how unappreciated you feel. And then you can work out with the counselor a more equal split of the chores.

I'm 110% positive this isn't the case. If it was, he knows the consequences. We discussed this before we were married. We've been together for 15 years and married for 13. I know that I am part of the problem. He went from his (stay at home) mother's house to my house where I felt the need to out-do her and be super wife, then super mom/wife, then when I was preggo with Max 6 years ago, I told him that things had to change and he had to step up and help out. He doesn't notice things that need to be done, so I made up a chore list for him to take care of on my work days, AND I had a housekeeper. Now that Maddie is old enough to take on more responsibility, I feel like he's handing his chores off to her. Problem with that is, she has anywhere from 1-3 hours of homework a night, so if she doesn't have time to do the chores, the chores don't get done. It's not her fault. There's no TV during the week in our house, so I know she's working hard.

If anything, I think his job is getting to him. He's unhappy and sometimes I feel like he's taking it out on me...

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

I'm not saying things don't need to change as far as how much she does around the house--clearly things are unequal and unfair if he doesn't even know how to work the washing machine. That needs to change, but how she goes abotu changing it could make a big difference in whether it works out to be a positive change or not for their marriage as a whole. Sometimes a third party (i.e. a counselor) is better at making a man see how boneheaded and rude he is being. It may also reveal deeper thigns toolike maybe he's just a momma's boy that never had to do anythign and he's treating her like his mom. She has other kids to worry about she doesn't need to worry about him too...but her telling him that may not make the impact she would like.

If he doesn't like it, he's free to walk, but I know he won't, and I won't either. I saw a councelor for a while last year. He refused to go with me.

I talked to him on the phone a bit ago. I communicated that I was stopping at the store on my way home and asked if he could take the kids to their activites after their teacher conferences tomorrow so I can go home and get packed up for the beach this weekend. He politely agreed. I will politely go over the laundry and bathroom this evening.

I do need to learn to take a breath before reacting when I feel like he's attacking me.

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Lisa Mentor
Lisa
Posted

WELL! I might as well jump in there too! :P

Not a fan of the "do your own laundry" idea. Not that it's a good idea...but throwing clothes into a washer adding soap and them tossing in the dryer, is an easy thing to do. But, when those clothes sit in the dryer for three days, holding up the entire production line.....is a Pain in the Arse. MY control-freak-status would be on shaky ground.

UNLESS......if that's the case, you should pile up the rest of the families clothes, divide into loads and let them pile up in the laundry area.....waiting for him to take out his clothes AND fold the wrinkles out of them. :rolleyes

But, in all reality...sit down and talk to Chris. You reclaimed it ounce, you can do it again, if you choose. Men are stupid, sometimes. They need reminders that what they cherish most can be lost if it's not cared for. xxxooo

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

I'm not saying things don't need to change as far as how much she does around the house--clearly things are unequal and unfair if he doesn't even know how to work the washing machine. That needs to change, but how she goes abotu changing it could make a big difference in whether it works out to be a positive change or not for their marriage as a whole. Sometimes a third party (i.e. a counselor) is better at making a man see how boneheaded and rude he is being. It may also reveal deeper thigns toolike maybe he's just a momma's boy that never had to do anythign and he's treating her like his mom. She has other kids to worry about she doesn't need to worry about him too...but her telling him that may not make the impact she would like.

I see. I was reading it wrong then. I do agree with this statement, how you go about effecting the change is important and I'm glad you realized that the rest of us are pretty similar in our approaches and offered your viewpoint. Perspective s a very good thing.

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

WELL! I might as well jump in there too! :P

Not a fan of the "do your own laundry" idea. Not that it's a good idea...but throwing clothes into a washer adding soap and them tossing in the dryer, is an easy thing to do. But, when those clothes sit in the dryer for three days, holding up the entire production line.....is a Pain in the Arse. MY control-freak-status would be on shaky ground.

I know this won't happen bc he is totally anal retentive about how he wants his laundry done. If I tell him that he has clothes in the dryer, and if he wants them unwrinkled, then he'll pull them out right away. He refuses to iron and I WILL NOT iron his clothes. Not doing his laundry would actually help bc his clothes make up about 1/2 of my loads. It's rediculous!! It's worth a try...

GlutenFreeManna Rising Star
GlutenFreeManna
Posted

Well you know your marriage better than anyone else. Just use your intuition and keep your eye's open. Could just be his job stressing him but I still find it strange that he just started criticizing you after 15 years. I hope he responds well when you lay out what you need from him. You don't deserve to be walked over but at he same time reacting too strongly could backfire. I'm a believer in "you get more flies with honey" and all that stuff....Just keep taking those deep breaths. :)

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

Well you know your marriage better than anyone else. Just use your intuition and keep your eye's open. Could just be his job stressing him but I still find it strange that he just started criticizing you after 15 years. I hope he responds well when you lay out what you need from him. You don't deserve to be walked over but at he same time reacting too strongly could backfire. I'm a believer in "you get more flies with honey" and all that stuff....Just keep taking those deep breaths. :)

He's always done this. Gets a bug up his arse every few months. As long as I lay it out calmly and logically, then I think he'll take it well... I'll let you know tomorrow ;)

Also, it's not the time it takes to do a load of laundry, it the folding and putting away that takes all the time

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Lots of good advice, Rach. I tend to agree with Em's reasoning. Jess--you sound just like my shrink! Youse break it all down good.

Just had a couple glasses of wine and am feeling mellow.....

Lisa Mentor
Lisa
Posted

I know this won't happen bc he is totally anal retentive about how he wants his laundry done. If I tell him that he has clothes in the dryer, and if he wants them unwrinkled, then he'll pull them out right away. He refuses to iron and I WILL NOT iron his clothes. Not doing his laundry would actually help bc his clothes make up about 1/2 of my loads. It's rediculous!! It's worth a try...

YES, by all means....give it a go if it could work for you! :D My husband will do his own laundry and then let it sit for days, and days, but he said he needed these clothes.......true confessions, aren't we? :P

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

I was thinking wine too. But I think I'll go for a run tonight after work. Helps me soooo much!!

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Just had a couple glasses of wine and am feeling mellow.....

Yay, Paghteigh! Fantastic to see you poking your face back in here..... . ...:) :) ... .Think about you a lot, and I so hope that things are okay in your neck o' the woods.....

:wub:

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

.Think about you a lot, and I so hope that things are okay in your neck o' the woods.....

:wub:

Me too!!!

Lisa Mentor
Lisa
Posted

.Think about you a lot, and I so hope that things are okay in your neck o' the woods.....

:wub:

Me too! :)

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Yay, Paghteigh! Fantastic to see you poking your face back in here..... . ...:) :) ... .Think about you a lot, and I so hope that things are okay in your neck o' the woods.....

:wub:

I miss it here....things here are ok for the moment. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

I miss it here....things here are ok for the moment. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

It's your baby!!! Plus, I'm sure on the outside, you're a rock!

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

I miss it here....things here are ok for the moment. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

That's why you come here for someone to lean against. :)

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

I'll bet that you are.. . . . . . ..:)

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

I miss it here....things here are ok for the moment. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

It's OK to have a few mushy places! I'm sure you are a rock when it counts.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

The buzz is wearing off--you guys are the best :)

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

The buzz is wearing off--you guys are the best :)

Maybe a wee bit more....just to help you sleep?

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