The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[celiac-mommy]

Speaking of new tats--I was in Wal Mart recently and a guy had one on his upper arm. It was new and sore looking and he had it covered with plastic wrap. <gag>

Ewwwww! I think I have to keep it covered for a few hours but after that I'm supposed to keep it uncovered to let it heal.... 7-10 days of healing... That's gonna be difficult on the inside of my wrist

He does his own laundry? He never leaves it in the dryer more than a few minutes? He cleans the bathroom he uses and vacuums or cleans the floor he has stepped on? He cleans the dishes he uses, including the ones he uses to get his food from? Not sure what your problem is!

I know, I'm a b%$@#

[kareng]

Ewwwww! I think I have to keep it covered for a few hours but after that I'm supposed to keep it uncovered to let it heal.... 7-10 days of healing... That's gonna be difficult on the inside of my wrist

I know, I'm a b%$@#

Cause I'm sure he does all those chores?

What is the tat going to be? I have thought of getting that no gluten symbol. The wheat stalk with the red line across it.

[celiac-mommy]

Cause I'm sure he does all those chores?

What is the tat going to be? I have thought of getting that no gluten symbol. The wheat stalk with the red line across it.

Ummmmm, yeah, none of the above......

This is essentially the design. Will be outlined in black with blue shadings. It's a Celtic love knot representing my infinite love of my children, without having their names stamped on me

http://www.patagoniagifts.com/files/d_2578.webp

[kareng]

Ummmmm, yeah, none of the above......

This is essentially the design. Will be outlined in black with blue shadings. It's a Celtic love knot representing my infinite love of my children, without having their names stamped on me

http://www.patagoniagifts.com/files/d_2578.webp

That's pretty!

Yeah...don't put thier names on permanently. They may always be Max and Maddie to you, even when they have changed thier names to Maximus the Magnificant or Esmeralda the Wiccan Goddess.

[jerseyangel]

This is essentially the design. Will be outlined in black with blue shadings. It's a Celtic love knot representing my infinite love of my children, without having their names stamped on me

http://www.patagoniagifts.com/files/d_2578.webp

Nice!

[Darn210]

He said I start too many things and never finish... Like the laundry...

There is no such thing as laundry being "finished"

He would have a hard time with me . . . I hate housecleaning . . . have plenty of time to do it but don't.

And now I have even MORE time. Before I was working a little . . . remember? Part time at a preschool? . . . as of a couple of weeks ago, I am there no longer. I slipped a disc and am now just getting mobile enough to run a few errands. I'm not allowed to lift anything over 10 pounds. I don't know many preschoolers (I worked with the 2 year olds in Mom's Time Out) that weigh less than 10 pounds. Good news is that the Physical Therapist says until further notice I am NOT to vacuum. He said it is the household chore that is the hardest on the back.

Anywho . . . I should send you pics of the piles of garbage that we sleep on here and your hubby will be much more appreciative of you.

[Jestgar]

Anywho . . . I should send you pics of the piles of garbage that we sleep on here and your hubby will be much more appreciative of you.

me too. Your hubs doesn't know how good he's got it.

Sorry about the back, toots.

My news for the day is that I made pickles. I used the juice left from store bought pickles and added it to jars of sliced (discount) cucumbers. For about two bucks I have four jars of pickled cucumbers, and two jars of pickled beet stems (for adding to things like potato salad, or tuna salad).

My floor isn't clean enough to walk on, but I can offer you some tasty pickles when you come over.

[elye]

Man.. .. ....Rashyellle, that's a tough road to hoe.....It's difficult (if not impossible, methinks) to change a person's way of thinking and approaching relationships once middle-aged......Jesse's the way he is, feels the way he does, and I'm sure has been this way all of his adult life. What you do have complete control over are your reactions to other people's behavior, so I think I'd concentrate on that. I wish I had some really terrific advice for ya.......I'm really lucky -- DH helps a great deal around the house... . ....

But he has awful gas.

It's a tradeoff.. . . ...

[celiac-mommy]

Maximus the Magnificant or Esmeralda the Wiccan Goddess.

My MIL would drop dead on the latter!!

There is no such thing as laundry being "finished"

I slipped a disc and am now just getting mobile enough to run a few errands.

No joke!!

Soooo sorry about your back! I did that 3 years ago. I still have problems from it

My floor isn't clean enough to walk on, but I can offer you some tasty pickles when you come over.

Love pickles!!!!

It's What you do have complete control over are your reactions to other people's behavior, so I think I'd concentrate on that. I wish I had some really terrific advice for ya.......

That's actually really good advice..... bc....... I'm preeeeetty sure I didn't handle myself very well. My eyes were pretty swollen this morning from crying. I should have just said, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and left the room. Easier said than done

[Jestgar]

My eyes were pretty swollen this morning from crying. I should have just said, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and left the room. Easier said than done

soooo.....let's analyze this.

Why did it upset you so much? (Aside from feeling unappreciated), do you think you should have completed the tasks he was grouching about? Do you feel that you are responsible for the housework?

[kareng]

soooo.....let's analyze this.

Why did it upset you so much? (Aside from feeling unappreciated), do you think you should have completed the tasks he was grouching about? Do you feel that you are responsible for the housework?

Good question!

Come lay on Dr. Jess's couch and have a pickle!

[Jestgar]

Good question!

Come lay on Dr. Jess's couch and have a pickle!

But bring your own clean sheet.

Seriously. If we can figure out why it bothers you so much we can figure out how you can best handle it next time.

[celiac-mommy]

It upsets me so much because I do sooooooo much and he notices NOTHING. Then gets on my case about not doing anything. It chaps me, makes me soooooo angry that he thinks if he picks up his crap only that it's enough. If Maddie has too much homework (which I think should come first...), and doesn't get the dishes done, then he refuses to do it bc it's 'her' job now. If he had spent the 30 minutes on Monday night getting the dishes done while I was literally laying facedown on the floor, instead of spending 3 hours surfing the net, THEN I wouldn't have had to do it last night and could have finished putting up the Halloween decorations or getting thru my pile of mail, etc... The irrational yelling came first and then when I get super mad, I cry. Then my feelings were just plain hurt when he said if I spent less time going out and having fun and more time on the housework, then we wouldn't have all these piles of 'crap' everywhere. I might go out after work 1 night a month with the same girlfiend, we have dinner at Cheesecake Factory and then spend an hour walking through Nordstroms--that's my fun, my big night out.

Should I keep a daily log of every frickin thing I do just to justify myself?? My days off comprise of:

Get up by 630

Prying the kids out of bed

Hot breakfast

Getting them to quit lollygaggin and get ready for school

Make lunches

Throw in a load of clothes

Do the breakfast dishes

Pull out any proteins from the freezer needed for dinner

Take the kids to school

Go to yoga

Shower

Groceries (on Mondays)

Throw in another load of laundry

Dust (mondays)

Vaccuum

Mop (mondays)

Clean bathrooms and showers (there are 4) (thursdays)

Prep dinner

Make snacks for after school

Go to school, check with PTA pres for anything I need to do

Pick up kids

Swimming (thursdays)

Gymnastics (Mondays/thursdays)

Come home, get dinner in the oven

Make lunches for next day while helping Maddie with homework

(Jesse is out running during this time)

Have dinner

Everyone retreats to a different part of the house

Clean the kitchen

Get baths done

Read/cuddle with Max

Get kids to bed

Fold the 2 loads of clothes from the morning

Put clothes away

Maybe catch 1 TV show on the DVR

Go to bed by 10

man, I'm lazy

[Jestgar]

I'm really gonna try to break this down to the most primal emotions here (and since we're girls, they're still a lot more complex than a male's emotions )

It upsets me so much because I do sooooooo much and he notices NOTHING

Why do you need him to notice? Would you do it if he weren't there? If yes, try to let it go. If no, don't do it.

Then gets on my case about not doing anything.

Ties in to above. If you got done what YOU wanted done, the rest is his concern.

It chaps me, makes me soooooo angry that he thinks if he picks up his crap only that it's enough.

Stop doing any of his stuff. Really. Any of it.

If Maddie has too much homework (which I think should come first...), and doesn't get the dishes done, then he refuses to do it bc it's 'her' job now

Tough one. Is there a way to trade chores if one person is busy?

If he had spent the 30 minutes on Monday night getting the dishes done while I was literally laying facedown on the floor, instead of spending 3 hours surfing the net, THEN I wouldn't have had to do it last night and could have finished putting up the Halloween decorations or getting thru my pile of mail, etc.

Trade chores again. Is the work really equitably divided?

The irrational yelling came first and then when I get super mad, I cry. Then my feelings were just plain hurt when he said if I spent less time going out and having fun and more time on the housework, then we wouldn't have all these piles of 'crap' everywhere.

Well, he could just be a complete and total @$$hole, or he could have no idea how to respond to a female in distress (even though he caused it) and resort to anger and creating distance so he doesn't have to deal with it. As Em said, you can't change his behaviour, only yours. Can you rewrite his words in your head so that he's not saying "if you didn't spend so much time having fun the house would be clean" but instead saying "I hurt the person who is my life and I can't deal with that"

I might go out after work 1 night a month with the same girlfiend, we have dinner at Cheesecake Factory and then spend an hour walking through Nordstroms--that's my fun, my big night out.

Can you schedule your fun, just as you schedule chores, so your 3 hours a month is weighed against all the hours of home maintenance? I know I telescope things, and weigh them inappropriately unless I have them clearly laid out. He may do the same thing.

[celiac-mommy]

I'm really gonna try to break this down to the most primal emotions here (and since we're girls, they're still a lot more complex than a male's emotions )

Why do you need him to notice? Would you do it if he weren't there? If yes, try to let it go. If no, don't do it.

Ties in to above. If you got done what YOU wanted done, the rest is his concern.

I don't care at all until he tells me I'm not doing enough or I start too many things and never finish them (referring last night to the Halloween decorations that I wasn't finished with yet)

Stop doing any of his stuff. Really. Any of it.

Like laundry too?

Tough one. Is there a way to trade chores if one person is busy?

Trade chores again. Is the work really equitably divided?

Trade with who? Max can't do dishes yet and Jesse doesn't do chores. I give the kids tasks to do here and there and they really are helpful. Maddie did all the dusting for me yesterday bc I didn't get to it Monday. Max is very good at following my orders as long as it's 1 at a time and I'm specific

Well, he could just be a complete and total @$$hole, or he could have no idea how to respond to a female in distress (even though he caused it) and resort to anger and creating distance so he doesn't have to deal with it. As Em said, you can't change his behaviour, only yours. Can you rewrite his words in your head so that he's not saying "if you didn't spend so much time having fun the house would be clean" but instead saying "I hurt the person who is my life and I can't deal with that"

Lie to myself to make it sound better? Cuz I'm not exaggerating, he really said that. I know he's not trying to hurt me, and I don't think he's a totall arse, but he WAS acting like a jacka$$

Can you schedule your fun, just as you schedule chores, so your 3 hours a month is weighed against all the hours of home maintenance? I know I telescope things, and weigh them inappropriately unless I have them clearly laid out. He may do the same thing.

How far in advance can I schedule my fun? I am planning on going to the movies with a few girls on the 18th of next month, so how many hours of chores do I have to write down to justify a night out?

[celiac-mommy]

am I crazy?? I don't think I am, but I would like an honest, honest opinion.

[kareng]

Don't do his laundry! Make sure he has his own basket. You might still do the bed sheets & towels, or just wash your towels.

When he looked at the Halloween decs and said that, I would have looked at him like he was nuts. Maybe suggested he finish it while you get the dinner & help Maddie with her homework. Then walk away. No discussion.

Honestly, from what I have heard now and before, you married a 12 year old. You may have to treat him like he was one of the kids. J - Monday & Wed nights are your dishes nights. He & Maddie can trade if they agree., etc

Obviously, he doesn't work with any women. That has been the best training for my hub. J learned a lot this summer from working with some, too.

[Jestgar]

Jesse doesn't do chores

I sorta think this is the big issue. It's easy to criticize someone when you have no idea how hard their job is.

I really mean stop doing his work. You guys already share dinner nights, so don't worry about that, but seriously, why on earth would you do his laundry? He's a grown man. Have separate bathrooms, his can look any way he wants it to.

Also, changing his words isn't lying to yourself, try to figure out why he's saying what he's saying. If he really just wants a clean house, then either he has to clean it, or figure out how to budget a house cleaner several times a month.

Stop believing that his satisfaction is up to you, because it's not. A wife is not a servant, she's a partner. Your responsibility is to take care of your children, a grown man can take care of himself.

[celiac-mommy]

Y'all are great! I am going to give him an extra laundry basket tonight and tell him politely that since he feels that he isn't responsible for taking care of anything that's not his, he can have his laundry bc I really just don't have time to do that and get everything else done. Perhaps I should install a camera in the laundry room for the first time he tries to turn it on. That should be youtube worthy. First time I asked him to grab the clothes out of the dryer for me it took him 20 min bc he couldn't get the door open (it was the washer and since it's a front loader, it locks while it's running ) I had a housekeeper, but I'm trying to save $$ so I can cut my hours at work next fall. I don't mind doing the housekeeping, as long as I can get some help keeping everything picked up. I'm actually excited about the laundry thing bc, man, when he's out of town, I hardly have any laundry to do!!

[elye]

I sorta think this is the big issue. It's easy to criticize someone when you have no idea how hard their job is.

So true. Can you copy out that brutally long list you posted above with all your weekly chores and show it to him? He may really have no idea what you are doing to maintain your household. That's no excuse for his behavior -- he is being a childish ass -- but he may need a reality check before anything else.

Honestly, I am suspecting that his behavior is largely due to a very child-like jealousy. He is jealous of you, Rahshyellle, and here's why: you are a very successful career woman, highly artistic and creative, a superb parent, surrounded by a lot of friends that you enjoy socializing with.......does he have all of this? On the scale that you do? I'll bet not.....I read him as someone with self-esteem issues, perhaps deep-seeded.....and his way of handling the I-don't-measure-up feeling is to try to bring your great accomplishments down -- you don't get enough of the housework done, and if I yell this loud and often enough I will believe it and not feel so inadequate.

Stop believing that his satisfaction is up to you, because it's not. A wife is not a servant, she's a partner. Your responsibility is to take care of your children, a grown man can take care of himself.

Yup. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness.

[Darn210]

Can you do all the dishes except the ones the he eats off of? . . . let them pile up if he doesn't do his own? . . . then switch to paper plates if he runs you out of dishes and tell him if he would wash HIS dishes, you could save the money from eating off of paper products.

Do you have an extra bathroom so that he can have (and clean) his own? I would share the kids' bathroom just to drive that point home.

Anybody got any ideas on how to wash half of a bed sheet?

I do have to say that I'm pretty lucky. My hubby pitches in pretty well. It probably does help that we both have about the same tolerance for clutter/dirt. I will say that one of his faults is that you can wash anything together in the laundry as long as you use cold water.

[Jestgar]

Honestly, I am suspecting that his behavior is largely due to a very child-like jealousy. He is jealous of you, Rahshyellle, and here's why: you are a very successful career woman, highly artistic and creative, a superb parent, surrounded by a lot of friends that you enjoy socializing with.......

I agree. And I think he's afraid you'll realize just how inadequate he is (in his mind) and dump him. To try to prevent you from figuring that out he's trying to make you feel less than you are, and himself seem more important.

[Darn210]

and his way of handling the I-don't-measure-up feeling is to try to bring your great accomplishments down -- you don't get enough of the housework done, and if I yell this loud and often enough I will believe it and not feel so inadequate.

Hmmmmmm <stroking me chin hairs> she may be on to something.

[celiac-mommy]

Can you do all the dishes except the ones the he eats off of? . . . let them pile up if he doesn't do his own? . . . then switch to paper plates if he runs you out of dishes and tell him if he would wash HIS dishes, you could save the money from eating off of paper products.

Do you have an extra bathroom so that he can have (and clean) his own? I would share the kids' bathroom just to drive that point home.

Anybody got any ideas on how to wash half of a bed sheet?

I do have to say that I'm pretty lucky. My hubby pitches in pretty well. It probably does help that we both have about the same tolerance for clutter/dirt. I will say that one of his faults is that you can wash anything together in the laundry as long as you use cold water.

That cold water laundry thing is why I started doing all the laundry in the first place I was thinking about the bathroom situation and what I decided was that along with the laundry basket, I will tell him that he may, from now on have our master bath. By monday I will have all of my stuff cleared out and will be sharing with Madeleine from now on. It's the upstairs hall bath which makes more sense to keep it clean since guests use it. I refuse, after Monday to clean his bathroom. The laundry ends tonight. Not sure how to go about the dishes. I will do them on nights that I cook and will leave them otherwise. I HATE a messy kitchen, but I will have to deal. I'm feeling more empowered by the minute!!

I agree. And I think he's afraid you'll realize just how inadequate he is (in his mind) and dump him. To try to prevent you from figuring that out he's trying to make you feel less than you are, and himself seem more important.

I'm just not sure about this one. He is the most self assured, confident person I've ever met in my life. He's never been insecure re: me before, and I work with all men... He did tell me once recently after I told him what I wanted him to do with my body if I passed away before him that I was NEVER allowed to die bc he wouldn't be able to function without me. I just asked that he make sure the kids get at least 3 servings of veggies a day, and not just baby carrots...

Hmmmmmm <stroking me chin hairs> she may be on to something.

Thanks for the laugh!!

[Jestgar]

A confident person doesn't need to criticize others for their lack of accomplishments. Your achievements, or lack there of do not reflect on me.