The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[elye]

  Mtndog said:

...I wanna be an internet bridesmaid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OOOOHHHHH, yyyyesss!! A huge gaggle of internet bridesmaids! Bev, Janet, Nikki, Amanda, me.....and of course, Ptaum.....

I have found the PERFECT dress for us all:

http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u171/la...ic/IMAG0278.webp

[Darn210]

  elye said:

http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u171/la...ic/IMAG0278.webp

Perfect!!! Blue is my best coloUr.

[Darn210]

Well, after Emily went shopping for bridesmaid dresses, I decided I wanted to go to . . . haven't found anything better than what Emily has proposed but I did find Open Original Shared Link.

[jerseyangel]

  elye said:

OOOOHHHHH, yyyyesss!! A huge gaggle of internet bridesmaids! Bev, Janet, Nikki, Amanda, me.....and of course, Ptaum.....

I have found the PERFECT dress for us all:

http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u171/la...ic/IMAG0278.webp

What am I...chopped liver???? I could fill that little number out like nobody's business!

[jerseyangel]

  Darn210 said:

Well, after Emily went shopping for bridesmaid dresses, I decided I wanted to go to . . . haven't found anything better than what Emily has proposed but I did find Open Original Shared Link.

[elye]

  Darn210 said:

Well, after Emily went shopping for bridesmaid dresses, I decided I wanted to go to . . . haven't found anything better than what Emily has proposed but I did find Open Original Shared Link.

Pregnant bridesmaid dresses......

JANET!!!!! .....Something you're not telling us???!.......

  jerseyangel said:

What am I...chopped liver???? I could fill that little number out like nobody's business!

Gahhhhhh....of COURSE, Patti. You were the name that was constantly escaping me....I kept looking at the names I'd typed, thinking, 'there's someone else...'

Actually, you should NOT be one of the bridesmaids....you should be the virtual Maid of HonoUR. And here is Bjork modelling your dress:

http://news.softpedia.com/images/news2/Bjo...r-Charity-2.webp

[jerseyangel]

  elye said:

[ And here is Bjork modelling your dress:

http://news.softpedia.com/images/news2/Bjo...r-Charity-2.webp

Bwah!!!!

[Darn210]

  elye said:

Pregnant bridesmaid dresses......

JANET!!!!! .....Something you're not telling us???!.......

No . . . I have nothing to share . . . but look again. It wasn't a bridesmaid dress, it was a prom dress . . . and I'm not headed off to prom, either.

  elye said:

Gahhhhhh....of COURSE, Patti. You were the name that was constantly escaping me....I kept looking at the names I'd typed, thinking, 'there's someone else...'

Actually, you should NOT be one of the bridesmaids....you should be the virtual Maid of HonoUR. And here is Bjork modelling your dress:

http://news.softpedia.com/images/news2/Bjo...r-Charity-2.webp

Oh Yes!!!! Patti will look stunning!!! (just like that stunned swan)

[Mtndog]

Patti- You are most definitely NOT chopped liver (pate maybe?)

Susie can wear Open Original Shared Link

Dave will clearly look Open Original Shared Link

[

  elye said:

OOOOHHHHH, yyyyesss!! A huge gaggle of internet bridesmaids!

Well, at least wew're not Internet brides (yet!)

  elye said:

Pregnant bridesmaid dresses......

JANET!!!!! .....Something you're not telling us???!.......

that is the FOULEST dress evah!!!!!!!!!

[elye]

It's my experience that you either love him or you hate him...I luuuurrrrrvvvve him. Woody Allen. I'm sitting with Gus, happily enjoying Crimes and Misdemeanors. DH fails to appreciate his art, can't understand how I sit transfixed and chuckling at his masterful scripts and dialogue, the fabulous scores.....

Okay, who loves Woody? Who can't stand him?

[Darn210]

Woody Schmoody . . . I'm still on wedding stuff!!!!

I cut and pasted the whole article . . .

Wedding guests inevitably face the age-old question: What to give the bride and groom? If you're attending a wedding and thinking about anything that appears on the list below, please reconsider. Brides told us the worst wedding gifts they received.

Erring with art

Don't assume that your taste in art is the same as the couple's -- one person's Picasso is another person's "what were you thinking?" Here are a few pieces of tragic wedding present artwork that are sure contenders for "Most Likely to be Stashed in the Attic":

"A 3-D painting of horses"

"A really ugly art piece involving a cow tooth"

"A ceramic fish statue"

"A hand-painted lucky horseshoe"

"A picture of a wine cork"

"A ceramic angel in a bathtub"

"A hand-blown vase that looks like a hookah"

Cheapskate

The standard wedding etiquette is to spend approximately as follows: For a coworker or a distant family friend or relative, try to spend around $50-$75. For a relative or friend, the ballpark should be about $75-$100, and for a close relative or close friend, you'll want to spend $100-$150 or more. But as long as you avoid the skimps below, you should at least stay on speaking terms.

"A $15 garage rack (we don't even have a garage!)"

"A bottle of vinegar vegetables"

"A mop"

"Dollar-store picture frame with price tag still attached"

"Febreze air freshener"

"Gift card that was empty"

"Mounted can opener with the UPC code removed (so the giver could get the rebate and we couldn't return it)"

"An IOU"

"Nothing"

Re-gifting is a crime

Nothing says "Congrats on your marriage, but we didn't want to shell out for a real present" like giving a gift that someone else has already given you. Here are a few of the most obvious regift no-nos:

"A regifted tray (with the original card to the regifter included with the present)"

"A regifted set of wine glasses we'd given our cousin"

"A regifted apple peeler/corer/slicer"

"A regifted gravy boat that was broken"

Incredibly inappropriate

These couples received suggestive wedding gifts could be taken the wrong way -- without really trying. Avoid these inappropriate presents, or risk having to explain yourself to the happily married couple, and in some cases, the bride's father.

"A book on relationships"

"An emergency survival kit"

"A book called Why Men Love B****es -- I returned it"

"Edible underwear"

"Fertility idol"

Utterly useless

From the redundant to the... er, "unique," here's a list of gifts that would make better gag gifts than wedding presents.

"Six George Foreman grills"

"A birdhouse made of license plates... we live in a condo!"

"A friend gave us a framed invitation to her own wedding, which happened about five months before"

"A Jesus night-light"

"A snowman lamp"

"A Bill Clinton pot holder"

"A cinnamon-scented stuffed dog"

"Dueling harmonicas"

-- Miles Stiverson

[elye]

  Darn210 said:

"A friend gave us a framed invitation to her own wedding, which happened about five months before"

"A Jesus night-light"

OMGaaaaaawwwd!!!!!

[Mtndog]

  Darn210 said:

Woody Schmoody . . . I'm still on wedding stuff!!!!

"A Bill Clinton pot holder"

I don't like Woody BUT I do like Scoop with scarlett Johanson and Hugh Jackman. At least Woody is tolerable in that.

A Bill Clinton pot holder-SWEET!!!!!!!!!

We got a card that wasn't written out and had nothing in it............someone is probably wondering why they didn't get a thank you :lol:

[tom]

  elye said:

Sounds like you should be hitting the court with Doreen. TWO leagues?!

Oooh boy Em there might be something TO that.

The little "meet for coffee" became 2 hrs of fun , even tho I was feeling only ~60% well.

I DO feel like I used up all my silly tho.

~90min in, I found she HAD broken up w/ prev bf . .. ..hmmmmm

When I asked "why DID we break up way back when?", her 1st reply was "you were just dumb".

2nd was "you just didn't want a relationship w/ ME", which was true, but I didn't want much of one w/ ANYone. (Well, maybe Amy)

Hard to say how this might go, but regardless of the direction, it sure won't be another 4 or 5 months this time before we do something.

  DingoGirl said:

Thom - - put that av caption up OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1) *guffaw* almost spit coffee

2) you'll need to be more specific w/ the Big Bad OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!

3) Did we get that 'part 2' yet?

4) Oh who am I kiddin' .. ...the proposed av-caption IS too phunny & perhaps, dare I say, too purrrrrrphect for the situation at hand to allow it to be sacrificed in a pretend power struggle. <wackl> (Phractured Phaerie Tale anyone?)

Methinks the Sillyvilleian perspicacious Pseuzee knew this.

5) That WAS a big mess o' EEEEEEEEEEs!

  DingoGirl said:

severe headache..........too much Yukon Jack at the HIDEOUSLY boring (yet somehow still fun) play last night...........

Yukon Jack - arrrrrrrgh I should've known to go w/ something sickeningly sweet for Kissey²

  Mtndog said:

Ptaum- I KNEW you would know them. I LOVE Bela! He was awesome tonight- that man turns a banjo into a...........I don't know. It was so cool.

Ohhhhhhhhh yeeeeaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!

'Manda! How worthwhile is Wedding Crashers on tv?

  elye said:

....Yet another catchy song title around which to compose words...Bile on the Berber...

but arrrrgh I got nuthin

[Darn210]

  Darn210 said:

"Dollar-store picture frame with price tag still attached"

. . . and a picture of somebody's forehead. . . Emily was that you?

[blueeyedmanda]

I would like to have a BIG Frilly bridesmaids dress!! with lots of poofs!!!!

[elye]

  Darn210 said:

. . . and a picture of somebody's forehead. . . Emily was that you?

No way! If 'twere me, the tag would say 'Walmart".....

And I have given, as gifts, and only to select friends and family who are on the same...unique and bizarre...humour page as I, lovely picture frames. Inside I have placed parts of photos I have taken....the backgrounds of crowds, with two or three people who have been passing by and inadvertently gotten into the shot. Lots to harvest from our European trip.

Again, it becomes one of those, "Oh! Interesting shot! Who are those people?"

"I'm not sure".

[tom]

  Darn210 said:

. . . and a picture of somebody's forehead. . . Emily was that you?

OhMaGahhhhhhd Janet I SO wish I'd thought of that!!!!!!!

[DingoGirl]

  SquatsWifDingos said:

OMG i look a deer frozen in the headlights !!!!

no darling.....you just look like the goofball that you are. and slightly askeert as to....what is the next thing that will come out of my date's mouf???

  psawyer said:

I just noticed that my post count is closing in on a significant value, and my insurance broker's office is closed until Monday. I do hope that I have appropriate coverage, since the magic threshold will amost certainly be surpassed before then.

I see that, Saturday night, he's still at 995. Best to wait until the insurance office opens on Monday, eh? ( I am being emoticonally conservative as do NOT have the patience to be busted!!!!!!!!!)

  Mtndog said:

Oh my GAWD...I was afraid by the time I had logged on I would have missed the wedding!

nope. stay tuned........

and what in hell are those eskimo models?

  elye said:

Such an electrifying presence, and so attractive, but he maintains a single flaw that I could not stop focusing on, and remained with me as I tried to fall asleep. His ears are huge and stick out a fair amount....

OMG - you've got to be kidding me - my ears are like PRINCE CHARLES'S compared to this guy...........this is the SAME affliction with which I suffer. Attractive, electrifying presence, charming, lovely, but with ears that are going to be surgerized FO' SHO'................ask Kissey - I bore him with it constantly (not really - er - do I? mostly I talk about gettin' me boobs bigger)

  nikki-uk said:

Kitty Will has lost all bravado and is reluctant to go out again (I think he doesn't enjoy the fierce wind up his kilt )

However I am taking Emily's advise and am ignoring the plaintive cries of the little smelly scamp - he MUST toughen up to survive in da hood

Little smelly scamp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

  blueeyedmanda said:

Wow Patti think of how it changes, could smoke on school grounds then and now they are trying to ban it in public parks and most dining places have already gone smoke free.

OMG - in California, it is SHOCKING to smell smoke - ANYWHERE - - never happens!! I don't know where smokers go now........

  elye said:

Well, that's certainly fitting on here....We've all been led to believe that David is a Second-Coming calibre of saint....right, Susie?

you.....have........no............idea......... my dream man actually exists......'tis the shock of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG so sorry for being so KISSEY and SICKENING on here!!!!!!!!!!!! (you should see us in real life - gads)

Em - am quite amused by your bilious berber story.......... bah ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!

  nikki-uk said:

Are you sure he didn't just wet himself??? ......and is it legal to keep a Open Original Shared Linkchap under such conditions

oh dear gawd This gave me quite a snort

  elye said:

Yes, we've had this North African gent staying with us for some time. I'm trying to find an anti-stain product to spray on his skin that won't cause a rash....you'd think that kitty puke would just wipe right off his body, but no. He and my Brazilian get along quite well...I am trying to launch a mini UN here, you see.

200 calories

part 2 coming up..................

[DingoGirl]

  Darn210 said:

I'm thinking that maybe David's surprise is a quick trip to Las Vegas to tie the knot . . . in which case, the yeti should skip the tux and get himself an Open Original Shared Link.

OMG - David - should I tell them? (he's not here now so I can say whatever in hell I want - oh wait, I'd do that anyway..... )

We ARE in fact going to Vegas at end of March for a wedding......ha ha ha ah!!!!!!!!!!!!! now settle down, all ye mad sillies, 'tis for some good friends of his....alas, young Jenn is coming with us!! and it will be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo much fun........this is a shocker - I have never been to Vegas........... can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Mtndog said:

NOOOOOOO...I wanna be an internet bridesmaid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yer all on the list!!!!!!!!!!!!! we'll take that lurvely bridesmaid dress that....someone found? the blue one? just perfect.........

  elye said:

It's my experience that you either love him or you hate him...I luuuurrrrrvvvve him. Woody Allen. I'm sitting with Gus, happily enjoying Crimes and Misdemeanors. DH fails to appreciate his art, can't understand how I sit transfixed and chuckling at his masterful scripts and dialogue, the fabulous scores.....

Okay, who loves Woody? Who can't stand him?

Woody.............I may be the only person that's in the middle.......don't really care either way but possibly leaning more towards dislike......yes......that's it......do not like him.....okay.....wait - can't stand him. Yes, that's it!!!!!!!

  Darn210 said:

"A cinnamon-scented stuffed dog"

excellent - is it a dingo?

we'd like a really good king-sized mattress, pleez, as Susie doesn't share space easily and a cozy, old, adobe house. Can you all chip in? throw in some Berbers while you're at it.........

  tom said:

1) *guffaw* almost spit coffee

2) you'll need to be more specific w/ the Big Bad OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!

3) Did we get that 'part 2' yet?

4) Oh who am I kiddin' .. ...the proposed av-caption IS too phunny & perhaps, dare I say, too purrrrrrphect for the situation at hand to allow it to be sacrificed in a pretend power struggle. <wackl> (Phractured Phaerie Tale anyone?)

Methinks the Sillyvilleian perspicacious Pseuzee knew this.

5) That WAS a big mess o' EEEEEEEEEEs!

:lol: you have NOT lost yer silly..................and how in hell did you do that Kissey Squared thing, wif the TWO?

good news on your date today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  blueeyedmanda said:

I would like to have a BIG Frilly bridesmaids dress!! with lots of poofs!!!!

yes, absolutely, in a bright, bilious green, or maybe a horrible peach coloUr

  elye said:

Inside I have placed parts of photos I have taken....the backgrounds of crowds, with two or three people who have been passing by and inadvertently gotten into the shot. Lots to harvest from our European trip.

Again, it becomes one of those, "Oh! Interesting shot! Who are those people?"

"I'm not sure".

yer windin' me up...................

OMG! Kissey's not here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to bed early - - v. tired from this fantastic wine-tasting we went to today............you would NOT believe the despotic wine-maker, taking a few of us (20 or so) into the cellar for a private tasting and FREAKING LECTURE, at end of the day. mygawd, everyone (yours truly included) got in SO much trouble for laughing, talking, commenting............um, helloooooooooooooooo, it was the END OF THE DAY at a WINE TASTING for gawd's sake......and he kept getting MAD at us and telling us to be quiet..........

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! one of my FAVORITE movies is on TV - - Secondhand Lions - absolutely adorable and I highly recommend it if you haven't seen it (MIchael Caine and Robert Duvall as wealthy old codgers)

Susie is too tired to be silly!!!!!!!!!!!!!! off to bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kissey-kissey!

p.s. just ate some gluten-free peanut butter cookies from Trader Joe's - - - ohhhhhhh myyyyyyy gaaaaaaawd - -- frozen section, pre-made, and you bake them - to die for

[psawyer]

  DingoGirl said:

I see that, Saturday night, he's still at 995. Best to wait until the insurance office opens on Monday, eh? ( I am being emoticonally conservative as do NOT have the patience to be busted!!!!!!!!!)

Must be careful. We've already had one unexpected incident involving liquids this past week. The dishwasher developed a leak which Jacquie found on the kitchen floor Tuesday morning. It has been fixed, but now freezing rain is expected tomorrow evening and lasting into Monday's morning commute. And another major snow storm is forecast for Friday. I'm doing a rare Sunday shift at the shop tomorrow, so I won't be lurking here and tempting the fates.

Some interesting wedding ideas and outfits have been posted here today.

Elvis at the wedding in Lost Wages, NV. Gawd.

[DingoGirl]

  psawyer said:

Elvis at the wedding in Lost Wages, NV. Gawd.

I would TOTALLY do a wedding at an Elvis chapel. I am a major, major Elvis fan.....saw him in concert, in Freznooo, when I was 10......read every book I could ever get my hands on, and went to Graceland in my early 20's....... adn OMG - just saw Priscilla Presley interviewed - freakishly sad what she's done to her very oversurgerized, stiff, immobile face....... A shame.

PETER!!!!!!!!!! mygawd, the fluids have already begun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take care, Man! Take cover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! turn the pipes off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tom]

  DingoGirl said:

...............ask Kissey - I bore him with it constantly (not really - er - do I? mostly I talk about gettin' me boobs bigger)

Are we sure bigger is the right word?

[DingoGirl]

  tom said:

Are we sure bigger is the right word?

:lol:

oops - ya - yer right - - BIG - significant - existent - registering on the mammary radar, necessitating a brassiere......anything of that sort.

OMG - wedding registry - forgot to add - LOTS and LOTS of absinthe.

Tom may I just mention what an addled-brained simpleton I am and how PLEEEEEEEEEEZED I am w/ your av and caption. :lol:

nighty-night me sillies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tom]

  elye said:

No way! If 'twere me, the tag would say 'Walmart".....

And I have given, as gifts, and only to select friends and family who are on the same...unique and bizarre...humour page as I, lovely picture frames. Inside I have placed parts of photos I have taken....the backgrounds of crowds, with two or three people who have been passing by and inadvertently gotten into the shot. Lots to harvest from our European trip.

Again, it becomes one of those, "Oh! Interesting shot! Who are those people?"

"I'm not sure".

:lol: flolf Em!!! You are too much!!!!!!

  DingoGirl said:

Woody.............I may be the only person that's in the middle.......don't really care either way but possibly leaning more towards dislike......yes......that's it......do not like him.....okay.....wait - can't stand him. Yes, that's it!!!!!!!

Not the only. I've loved some of his but not even bothered to view others. (What was that "the annual storming of the US embassy - a tradition almost as old as the embassy itself")

But I lean towards liking Woody, despite whatever-the-**** went on w/ his .. ....<really?> stepdaughter?

  DingoGirl said:

.................and how in hell did you do that Kissey Squared thing, wif the TWO?

'Superscript'

Gnickee clued me in last week.

It's in some text formatting menu of yours somewhere.

  DingoGirl said:

..... and FREAKING LECTURE, at end of the day.

  DingoGirl said:

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! one of my FAVORITE movies is on TV - - Secondhand Lions - absolutely adorable and I highly recommend it if you haven't seen it (MIchael Caine and Robert Duvall as wealthy old codgers)

Susie is too tired to be silly!!!!!!!!!!!!!! off to bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's evident by the lack of the favoUrite superfloUs letter.

I *did* earlier notice that that movie was on and wondered whether it was worth a look.

(I'm out seeing a band again now tho so that says it all for my confidence in yet another Robert Duvall movie. Of all the dingoisms I've seen, this Robert Duvall crushiness is most confusing of all, and that's sayin' somethin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

  DingoGirl said:

p.s. just ate some gluten-free peanut butter cookies from Trader Joe's - - - ohhhhhhh myyyyyyy gaaaaaaawd - -- frozen section, pre-made, and you bake them - to die for

Hehe I was there earlier & those were the sample-of-the-day tuh-DAY!.

  DingoGirl said:

OMG - wedding registry - forgot to add - LOTS and LOTS of absinthe.

  DingoGirl said:

Tom may I just mention what an addled-brained simpleton I am and how PLEEEEEEEEEEZED I am w/ your av and caption. :lol:

AAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!! Glad I looked for what's been posted since I started my reply. Was gonna ask if you'd seen it

*********

Ok it's hrs later now and John & I have been doing an absinthe comparison test & . . ..this is cracking me up .. .he's suddenly taking GREAT offense to my av, tho it's now the 3rd time it's been mentioned.

<shhhhhhh . . ..he doesnt know it's up currently>