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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

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gfp Enthusiast
gfp
Posted
Oh...don't get me started!!!!! They'll send you a bill for $0.05 if they want it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Evil (we need a little devil icon)

Funny thing, because of a refund onthe same card I had 20.something in credit for 3 months.

Again not a lot of money but I guess they didn't send me a cheque because of all the reasons I found sending a 27p cheque stupid?

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DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
Funny thing, because of a refund onthe same card I had 20.something in credit for 3 months.

Again not a lot of money but I guess they didn't send me a cheque because of all the reasons I found sending a 27p cheque stupid?

Evil indeed!! :angry: You should write them a letter about this very thing. Harrumph!

Excellent jokes, everyone! :lol:

and Ill Mitch - - - OMG - - maybe he'll show up on American Idol...... :huh:

gfp Enthusiast
gfp
Posted
Evil indeed!! :angry: You should write them a letter about this very thing. Harrumph!

Excellent jokes, everyone! :lol:

and Ill Mitch - - - OMG - - maybe he'll show up on American Idol...... :huh:

That the irony... it will cost me nearly as much to send it recorded as just pay! And why waste my time over $20?

Its all to trivial to be angry .... I just think its beautifully ironic...

Another one is my cell company, the main thing I don't like is they keep calling me with offers....

I keep explaining I don't want the offer... indeed I want to switch operators... BUT why... ? because you are the third person today (having just hung up twice) to violate my privacy and interupt me .. why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you about 2AM and we can discuss this?

click....

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted
why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you about 2AM and we can discuss this?

click....

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted

I think we can agree that banks (with call centres in Mumbai!), computers, mobile phone companies AND 12 year old boys are EVIL!!!!!!!

...yes, I am a very angry :angry: Mummy with said son who would try the patience of a saint!!!...and I would like to throttle him like Homer does Bart (probably not advisable, but would give me great satisfaction!! :lol: )

Which Open Original Shared Linkare you???

...off to lay down in a darkened room with a tranquilliser...... :angry:

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
I think we can agree that banks (with call centres in Mumbai!), computers, mobile phone companies AND 12 year old boys are EVIL!!!!!!!

...yes, I am a very angry :angry: Mummy with said son who would try the patience of a saint!!!...and I would like to throttle him like Homer does Bart (probably not advisable, but would give me great satisfaction!! :lol: )

Which Open Original Shared Linkare you???

...off to lay down in a darkened room with a tranquilliser...... :angry:

Oh Nikki :( It sounds like you have your hands full today...

I remember those pre-early teen age years with my boys :o --throttle is right!!!! :lol:

I did the quiz--I'm a Marge :D

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
I did the quiz--I'm a Marge :D

:D Me too!!! (although today I feel I have homicidal tendencies)

He is soooo very grounded for the next 100 yrs!!! :lol:

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stef-the-kicking-cuty Enthusiast
stef-the-kicking-cuty
Posted

Wow, there's good jokes on here. I love this one:

Heaven is almost full. Not many souls fit in anymore. So God and St. Peter call in a meeting to figure out their problem. Then they come to an agreement to only let special cases into heaven. 5 minutes later it knocks on heavens door and St. Peter answers:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
Wow, there's good jokes on here. I love this one:

Heaven is almost full. Not many souls fit in anymore. So God and St. Peter call in a meeting to figure out their problem. Then they come to an agreement to only let special cases into heaven. 5 minutes later it knocks on heavens door and St. Peter answers:

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

You guys are so funny! Here's one--

9 Words Women Use

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not quest ion, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted

Thanks Patti!!! :lol:

Here's What Men Mean

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

:lol::lol: Nikki :lol::lol:

So, so true!

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
:D Me too!!! (although today I feel I have homicidal tendencies)

He is soooo very grounded for the next 100 yrs!!! :lol:

Tee-hee! I used to have a classroom of 30 of them. Used to threaten death all the time and developed eyes, ears and a nose in the back of my head. My students now (who are 18-20 yrs old) are amazed that I can be writing on the board and know EXACTLY which one of them is talking under their breath! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Lisa Simpson!

Stef-good to see you.

patti- My favorite word in a Fight is "Whatever!"

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Nikki- Pinch-Punch, First day of the Month! And Happy April Fools :ph34r:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted

ARRGHHH!!!!

Got me there Bev!!!! :lol:

In honour of Open Original Shared Link:lol::lol:

stef-the-kicking-cuty Enthusiast
stef-the-kicking-cuty
Posted

Haha, those are funny, too. I have a student who says "fine" sometimes, too.

It's good to be back, too. :rolleyes:

Hugs, Stef

gfp Enthusiast
gfp
Posted

How many celiacs does it take to change a lightbulb?

203

One to read the label

One to phone the company

One to check the lists

and 200 to discuss it :D

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
How many celiacs does it take to change a lightbulb?

203

One to read the label

One to phone the company

One to check the lists

and 200 to discuss it :D

OMG- so true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE the Simpsons!

Oh and here's one way to deter hoitting the snooze button in the a.m. :

Open Original Shared Link

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
Open Original Shared Link

Ha ha !! I LOVE the snooze button!!

Check out

old lady with attitude!!! :lol::lol:
Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
Ha ha !! I LOVE the snooze button!!

Check out

old lady with attitude!!! :lol::lol:

That is AWESOME! I have to admit I love the words bugger and wanker!

Here's Open Original Shared Link

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
That is AWESOME! I have to admit I love the words bugger and wanker!

Me too :ph34r:

Here's Open Original Shared Link

HA HA ,oh yes, it really upsets me when the kids do that (little buggers)

:lol::lol:

That guy's a total NUTTER!!!!

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted

Here's some very valid reasons to Eat chocolate over Easter

If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.

The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.

It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?

Because no one wants to quit.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

Chocolate is a health food. Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived either from sugar beets or cane, both vegetables. And, of course, the milk/cream is dairy. So eat more chocolate to meet the dietary requirements for daily vegetable and dairy intake.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

:D Nikki, I love your "chocolate logic"! :lol:

I'm sending it along to Mark, who is a worse chocoloholic than I am (and that's saying a lot) ;)

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
Here's some very valid reasons to Eat chocolate over Easter

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

As my niece Olivia says, while throwing her hands up in the air: "I didn't know!!!!

Yes- CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's one for you:

Signs the Easter Bunny is Nuts

10. Neighbors describing him as "a quiet loner."

9. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at Santa, "You're going to die up there, fat man!"

8. Can't stop washing his paws.

7. Colorful eggs now filled with Prozac.

6. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.

5. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a "suicide egg."

4. Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny recently discovered in his crawl space.

3. Won't come out of his compound in Waco, Texas.

2. He's hippity-hopped up on crack.

1. Keeps rubbing himself for good luck.

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted

PATTI!! It must be a 'blue hammer' thing that we crrrave chocolate!!! :lol:

Signs the Easter Bunny is Nuts

:lol::lol: Freaky bunny!

Ok, totally unrelated to Easter...strictly for cheese fanatics

Open Original Shared Link

:blink::blink: ...people actually watch this???? :unsure:

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