We All Need A Laugh...to Cope

[i canary]

Last month, I had a nurse tell me that the supplements the doctor wanted to take were gluten free even though it had wheat, barley and rye in it. According to her they only used the part of the plant that doesn't have gluten in it. I just stared at her awhile. She repeated herself when I didn't response. I finally told her "If they told you today that it was possible to take the poison out of rat poison would you sprinkle it on your breakfast?" That shut her up. (I’m looking for a new doctor )

This past week a co-worker had a birthday so everyone (but me) went out to eat to celebrate. I didn't go because I'm going thru a bad spell where all I can eat is a slice of gluten-free toast. Everything else nauseates me. The smell of food is sickening. Anyway when they got back from stuffing their faces, I had a co-worker tell me, while rubbing his huge full belly, that he wished he couldn't eat either.

[chgomom]

See, my co-workers actually know how serious it is.

Thats something I am greateful for. My boss, knows if I have run to the bathroom more than 3 times, or if I am sitting there sick in my seat the only thing that will help me is going to rest and trying agian tomorrow.

And she doesn't count it against me.

They also don't ask me out to lunch if they are goings somewhere where they know I can't eat.

When they order out, they give me cash to go to Wild Oats Supermarket, or to run to Noodles or etc.

They also make a point to bring in fruit when there is a party.

So I am pretty lucky.

Except when I walk by treats at other areas of the company peo-ple who know me....still say silly things like....you're lucky....losing all that weight.

[Adelle]

I went to a bookstore today, asked if they had any "gluten free cookbooks"..... She pointed me to the diabetic cookbook section. Before I could further explain, she just walked away.

Once at a thai food place, after I tried to explain, the waitress took the menu from my hand, pointed to the "no MSG added" on the front, and looked at me like I was a moron. We asked for another server, the next one spoke to the kitchen, I ate and did not get sick!

And the classic, "if ur on a DIET, why are u still FAT?"

I went to a bookstore today, asked if they had any "gluten free cookbooks"..... She pointed me to the diabetic cookbook section. Before I could further explain, she just walked away.

Once at a thai food place, after I tried to explain, the waitress took the menu from my hand, pointed to the "no MSG added" on the front, and looked at me like I was a moron. We asked for another server, the next one spoke to the kitchen, I ate and did not get sick!

And the classic, "if ur on a DIET, why are u still FAT?"

[chgomom]

Yeah.....my own doctor.

I am so scared about losing all this weight the wrong way, or for the wrong reasons....

too tired to excercise...but have lost nearly 70 lbs (thats essentially what I said to him and the old GI doc)

2 weeks agi the regular doc said "Yeah? Well. You got a long way to go"

2 mos ago the old GI doc says "Well with as heavy as you are, you're obvioudly eating something"

Needless to say, thats why I have a new GI doc.

[rinne]

EEK! I'm laughing at me. Mispost.

[Saz]

The dietician: I would like you to gain some weight:

Me: ok

Dietician: Of course some people with celiac find it very hard to gain weight and if you are cheating (wich I was at the time) it can be made harder.

What the? In one sentence I'm getting told to gain wieght the next I'm told why I probably can't

After explaining that I can't have flour or wheat to people "oh but breads ok right?

or

Person: I found this product that is gluten free, it such and such

Me: Yeah, I don't like that

Person: But its gluten free, you can eat it!

Thats great but I don't have to like it!

[CarlaB]

I'll throw in a positive one here .... I was over at my husband's aunt and uncle's house (he's actually only 8 years older than us and has a young kid). We were having Skyline chili and I brought my own so I didn't have to worry about contamination. Usually I pour it into my pot before going over, but this time I just brought my cans. I was suffering a bit of brain fog, I asked for his can opener. He said, what about the gluten on it, and washed it off for me!!!! Glad he was on the ball as I most certainl was not!!! This is a person who has seen me suffer quite a bit from this, so he definately understands.

[L.A.]

I'll throw in a positive one here .... I was over at my husband's aunt and uncle's house (he's actually only 8 years older than us and has a young kid). We were having Skyline chili and I brought my own so I didn't have to worry about contamination. Usually I pour it into my pot before going over, but this time I just brought my cans. I was suffering a bit of brain fog, I asked for his can opener. He said, what about the gluten on it, and washed it off for me!!!! Glad he was on the ball as I most certainl was not!!! This is a person who has seen me suffer quite a bit from this, so he definately understands.

On the same positive note I was at a family function this weekend and my Gatorade bottle was on the table when my youngest nephew moved it out of his way with hands covered in cake...my oldest nephew (15) saw the whole thing and threw the bottle away. He explained to me what happened and handed me a new bottle of Gatorade. What a sweetie! L.A.

[ehrin]

I'll also add a good one. I don't think this one is valid, by any means, but it's the cutest damn thing I've heard my boyfriend say. Just to give you some background, last year I bought a house with a male friend of mine. My bf is quite young and just is not ready for that yet - my roomate goes by Lambert and my bf is James:

Lambert: I'm going to put some of the Pumpkinheads (Shipyard Ale seasonal ale) in the freezer to get cold.

Lambert then proceeds to put the beers into the ice bin - no biggy

James: Bert you can't do that! The gluten from the labels will get in the ice!

I smiled, laughed, and told James that was a bit too overboard, but thanked him profusely for caring.

[Drama-Queen]

Some of my favorite gluten-free ignorant phrases...

Just after explaining to my boyfriend what Celiac is, he said the most amusing thing and we both laughed over it. He was embarassed and I was amused. Mind you, I had explained what gluten was and what it was in.

Kyle: "So can you have this Belgian waffle mix?"

(The obvious answer was no...but me being humerous responded as follows)

Me: "Well let's see.....First ingredient: Whole Wheat flour....so I am gonna say no on that one."

Kyle: "Wow, I can be really dumb sometimes."

Me: "Yeah, and I thought all Aerospace Engineers on the Dean's list were 'spossed to be geniuses!"

We both laughed about this one.

My friend at the supermarket:

"How about some whole wheat bread, the fiber would be good for your intestine."

If you call wheat fiber making my intestine better.

And more of my favorite phrases....

"This says gluten-free on it....but it also says that it is processed in a facility that also processes wheat. So you should be able to eat it...no problem!"

"Let's go to Baker's Square. I think you will like their pitas."

"Oh it's okay I used potato bread for your sandwich."

"Have a beer. This one isn't made with wheat it is made with barley."

"You can't eat wheat? But our family owns a wheat farming corporation."

"Hey that bakery is hiring, maybe you should work there!"

"Could you stamp and label these envelopes. Sorry but the stamps are the kind you lick."

"She's a hypochondriac and Celiac's isn't a real disease. She's just trying to get attention by faking that she is sick. I know what would prove she's faking. Let's crumble some bread crumbs into her granola. She wouldn't know so then she can't pretend to vomit or pretend she can't breathe. What a stupid b****."

fortunately on this one my friend Brenda replied to this jerk....

"Do you know that she was having 20 grand mal seizures a day in the hospital becuase of this? Do you want her to go in to anaphalaxis? How would you like to be exploding out your anus for 8 hours? You must have no soul. That last statement proved it. It's official you are not allowed in our circle of friends anymore."

Ha ha showed him!!

Needless to say, My sweetie Kyle has learned a great deal since then. He actually hugged my belly tightly and kissed it when my flab came back! He also loves to come over on Saturday nights and cook gluten-free with me so he can learn how the flours work. Sometimes he doesn't remember something, or messes up but he always asks first so that he doesn't poison me. Another thing, he has a seperate soap for me in his bathroom, separate toothpaste, deep cleans the kitchen before I come over, and he always lays out a seperate towel for me. Also he always brushes his teeth with my toothpast and mouthwash before he kisses me. What a gentleman!!!

[JenKuz]

"She's a hypochondriac and Celiac's isn't a real disease. She's just trying to get attention by faking that she is sick. I know what would prove she's faking. Let's crumble some bread crumbs into her granola. She wouldn't know so then she can't pretend to vomit or pretend she can't breathe. What a stupid b****."

Oh. My. God.

I saw someone mentioned in some other thread about people sabotaging food with wheat to see if people are "faking it." But seriously, I thought that must be a joke or something. That's just about the worst thing I've ever heard. That ought to be a criminal offense. It's the same as trying to poison someone! Ugh. How disgusting, I'm so sorry!

But I'm glad your friend let him have it. And your bf sounds very sweet

[imsohungry]

This isn't that funny, but....

I was out to eat at a dine-in restaurant with a friend. I stressed to the waiter that I could not have wheat or flour. I wanted a burger plain to eat like a steak with no sauces, gravies, or spices. As he walked away, I told him again that all I wanted was the burger and the plate and nothing else.

He was so proud as he approached the table. "I told the cook everything ma'am," he said as he placed my plate in front of me. Sure enough, the burger was "naked" just as ordered...and the bun it was on was "naked" too!

[Drama-Queen]

The person who thinks I am faking it is coming to the club I teach at this week. Funny, he sent me an e-mail acting like he was still "buddy-buddy" with me. Everybody knows what he said, including my sweetie. Problem for this jerk is that he is a real small fry. If he still thinks I am faking it I think my comment will be "Wanna trade lives? Why don't you try a day in my shoes?"

Bonus: My boyfriend was defensive line for football in highschool and went to state with his weightlifiting team. Also can still bench 350.

I will relish in the look on his face when he tells my boyfriend that I am faking it.

Appropriate quote:

"One of these days Alice, Pow! Right in the kisser!"

Some people are rather ignorant. Sometimes it can be funny when they think they are right. And amusing when they are soooo wrong.

[lonewolf]

"She's a hypochondriac and Celiac's isn't a real disease. She's just trying to get attention by faking that she is sick. I know what would prove she's faking. Let's crumble some bread crumbs into her granola. She wouldn't know so then she can't pretend to vomit or pretend she can't breathe. What a stupid b****."

Aarrgghh. My brother in law actually sabatoged my food once. He put bread crumbs in some meat patties and then swore up and down that he didn't. He was so convincing that I ate one. I wasn't even done with dinner when the stomach ache hit. Before it was time to leave I was running for their bathroom. I had the big D for 3 days and missed a half-day of work. I found out a few days later what he had done - another sister-in-law told me that it's impossible to make that certain recipe without bread crumbs, but he still denied it. His wife also told me she knew he put them in there. He had made comments before about how it was all in my head because I didn't have an official diagnosis and I should just find the right medication. (He's a pharmaceutical buyer for a large HMO.)

[chgomom]

Um, I just don't get, how people seem to think its mind over matter and we can "will it away", take a pill, or

"get over it".

Maybe, because most people when you tell them what you can't have, they go..holy cow. that leaves practically nothing! Thats dangerous, that would be like him having a peanut allergy and you giving him peanuts in dish ground up and saying see if he notices.

I'm sorry that happened.

[Drama-Queen]

sometimes you wish there was a pill like if you have lactose intolerance and can use the pill....maybe someday

[eKatherine]

It complicates things greatly that many people who think they have allergies do not (studies show that in the public at large it is often true that people make the mistake of attributing a passing illness to something they just ate), while many people have lied about being allergic in order to avoid some food they don't like or don't want to try.

[debmidge]

Statement from my mother in law:

If you bake it at a real high temperature the gluten will be killed. (I forgot what she wanted to make for my husband).

[CarlaB]

Statement from my mother in law:

If you bake it at a real high temperature the gluten will be killed. (I forgot what she wanted to make for my husband).

This is true, but that high of a temperature would leave you with charcoal and ashes to eat!!

[JenKuz]

Aarrgghh. My brother in law actually sabatoged my food once. He put bread crumbs in some meat patties and then swore up and down that he didn't. He was so convincing that I ate one. I wasn't even done with dinner when the stomach ache hit. Before it was time to leave I was running for their bathroom. I had the big D for 3 days and missed a half-day of work. I found out a few days later what he had done - another sister-in-law told me that it's impossible to make that certain recipe without bread crumbs, but he still denied it. His wife also told me she knew he put them in there. He had made comments before about how it was all in my head because I didn't have an official diagnosis and I should just find the right medication. (He's a pharmaceutical buyer for a large HMO.)

What did he have to say for himself?

[MistressIsis]

....from the annoying overweight co-worker

"sometimes I wish I had what you have so I could be skinny like you"

ROTFLMAO!! Most of my family is overwieght & "lactose Intolerant" won;t get tested for gluten & say the same thing to me! repeatedly!!