Anxious Bedtime Syndrome

[rutland]

Ive been struggling with this problem for a few months now and Im wondering if anyone else can relate. Whenever I sleep over my BFs house I cant seem to fall asleep. Im so used to being in my own bed alone and Im able to fall asleep fairly well when Im by myself, even when Im not feeling well. But when I sleep at my BFs I get so anxious at the thought of not getting to sleep that the thoughts start to snowball to the point where Im so wide awake and upset that I actually break down and cry. He falls asleep right away and then I start thinking "OMG hes asleep, I hope I can sleep, what if I dont sleep, how will I feel in the morning, AHHHHH!!

This happened again last night, so I took a tylenol pm for the first time. It actually made me more awake!

So far Ive tried everything natural. Herbal remedies, hot baths, relaxation cds, breathing, some of these things make me even more anxious. It doesnt help that Ive been experienceing chronic indigestion either, because Ive always found that can make it very hard to get a good nights sleep.

I do feel that my brain chemistry is off. It just feels like theres a lot of mental noise in my head and racing thoughts that I cant seem to control. I know I need professional help about this. I guess I just want to know if anyone can relate to this and what has worked for others.

Steph

[marciab]

Boy can I relate

I went through this several months ago with I gave up my sleep meds that I had been on for 16 years.

I knew that I didn't need the meds anymore because I could sleep all nite long every few days, but I was so obsessed with sleeping / not sleeping / how will I feel in the morning if I don't sleep that I was driving myself buggy ...

Finally, I figured out that if I try to make myself stay awake, I will fall asleep faster. I watch tv (set the sleep timer of course so it will go off and not wake me back up) , but you could read a book so you don't wake up your BF.

Marcia

[DingoGirl]

I had more than a decade of this, can totally relate....and my body simply wasn't able to sleep. the adrenalin required to keep me awake was SO fierce, combined w/ the huge anxiety over whether I'd actually sleep, that I could literally go days without sleep.....or maybe just get an hour or two here and there. BTW, I could MULTI-TASK on Tylenol PM's.....could take 2 or 3 and be up all night, just feel intensely groggy the next day. ugh.

So.....years ago my doctor and I decided that sleep was SO necessary for me and so elusive that I had to go on sleeping meds. I started w/ Klonepin (very strong stuff) and seroquel.....am totally off Klonepin and down from 300 mg.s of Seroquel to 100. I may always ahve to take it, and I have decided this is okay.

For you, I would recommend something less addicting like Ambien or Lunesta, if you're not totally opposed to trying a sleep med......my mom uses this for traveling, or when she's having trouble sleeping, and I think she only now needs it about once or twice a month or less than that.

the anxiety over not sleeping is insane......it just helps to keep sleep away even longer....Lord have I been there. I took melatonin, warm milk, hot baths, valerian (is that what it's called?) used to work out fanatically for decades, also was a fierce and regular rock climber/hiker.....I could go two entire nights on climbing trips, WIDE AWAKE....exercise didn't do a thing for me.

good luck.....shoot, I hope I didn't DIScourage you too much!

[rutland]

I had more than a decade of this, can totally relate....and my body simply wasn't able to sleep. the adrenalin required to keep me awake was SO fierce, combined w/ the huge anxiety over whether I'd actually sleep, that I could literally go days without sleep.....or maybe just get an hour or two here and there. BTW, I could MULTI-TASK on Tylenol PM's.....could take 2 or 3 and be up all night, just feel intensely groggy the next day. ugh.

So.....years ago my doctor and I decided that sleep was SO necessary for me and so elusive that I had to go on sleeping meds. I started w/ Klonepin (very strong stuff) and seroquel.....am totally off Klonepin and down from 300 mg.s of Seroquel to 100. I may always ahve to take it, and I have decided this is okay.

For you, I would recommend something less addicting like Ambien or Lunesta, if you're not totally opposed to trying a sleep med......my mom uses this for traveling, or when she's having trouble sleeping, and I think she only now needs it about once or twice a month or less than that.

the anxiety over not sleeping is insane......it just helps to keep sleep away even longer....Lord have I been there. I took melatonin, warm milk, hot baths, valerian (is that what it's called?) used to work out fanatically for decades, also was a fierce and regular rock climber/hiker.....I could go two entire nights on climbing trips, WIDE AWAKE....exercise didn't do a thing for me.

good luck.....shoot, I hope I didn't DIScourage you too much!

Im not discouraged by your advice at all. It comforts me to know that there are things that we can do to get our sleep. Whether its from a presciption med or not. Sleep is so important that I feel the benefits out weigh the risk. Plus our bodies are always changing esp. if your healing like I am. I have to remind myself that all the struggle is just a transient thing.

Thanks

[Nancym]

They're starting to use behavior therapy to good effect to counter sleeping problems. The first, obvious thing is, you have to realize that if you don't get 8 hours of sleep, you'll be fine the next day. From there, the anxiety diminishes. I think you actually feel WORSE the next if you worry about it. The thing to do is to get out of bed and don't go back until you're actually sleepy.

[Guest cassidy]

Could you try going to sleep before him? My situation is a bit different - my husband is a VERY lite sleeper. When I roll over in my sleep I wake him up and he says something like "Sweetie, are you ok?" I'm ok because I'm asleep - until he talks and wakes me up. Then I get freaked out about moving again and waking him up so then I can't go back to sleep.

We don't sleep in the same bed anymore because I was keeping him awake and then he was waking me up and neither one of us were sleeping. 25% of couples can't sleep in the same bed. I realize yours may be more of a psychological issue, but it isn't uncommon to have a hard time sleeping in the bed with someone else especially if you are used to sleeping alone.

When we travel I try to go to sleep first so that I don't freak myself out and worry about keeping him up.

What happens when he sleeps at your house?

[rutland]

Could you try going to sleep before him? My situation is a bit different - my husband is a VERY lite sleeper. When I roll over in my sleep I wake him up and he says something like "Sweetie, are you ok?" I'm ok because I'm asleep - until he talks and wakes me up. Then I get freaked out about moving again and waking him up so then I can't go back to sleep.

We don't sleep in the same bed anymore because I was keeping him awake and then he was waking me up and neither one of us were sleeping. 25% of couples can't sleep in the same bed. I realize yours may be more of a psychological issue, but it isn't uncommon to have a hard time sleeping in the bed with someone else especially if you are used to sleeping alone.

When we travel I try to go to sleep first so that I don't freak myself out and worry about keeping him up.

What happens when he sleeps at your house?

I think that its great that you and your hubby worked that out and now sleep separately. I worry that Ill hurt my Bfs feelings if I tell him that Id rather sleep alone. But I know that this is what I must do.

I can totally relate to what your saying about feeling inhibited to move around for fear youll wake up hubby. Ive been going through the same thing with my BF, I feel like Im not free to completely relax, toss around, let my mouth hang open etc.

If he sleeps at my house, it the same thing, I need to have my own sleep space. Im very particular about that. It feels like Im constantly aware of someone in the bed with me and I cant focus on anything else but that. I guess its a hang up of mine. I dont know.

I told him last night about all this and he seems to understand.

[TinkerbellSwt]

I also suffer from severe anxiety over sleeping. When I had to go off all my meds when I was pregnant, I was a raving lunatic. I was up all night. I paced the floors while having anxiety attacks! I then also was put on seroquel, a non narcotic sleep aid. It is also an anti psychotic when used in high doses. I now take 200mg. I recently found that I again couldnt calm down enough to fall asleep and let the seroquel work, my doc then prescribed me a small amount of valium, just to relax me.

I now fall asleep with no problems at all. I also have come to terms with this may be a forever thing. I am ok with that now. I wasnt always... but I had to learn that life isnt perfect and neither am I and needing and asking for help isnt a sign of weakness. I hope you find some help to fix this problem. I know its a tough one. Good luck and may you get some peaceful sleep.

[loraleena]

Oh my god, I do the same thing at my boyfriend's house too. It doesn't help that he has a much smaller bed than me. Melatonin helps, but not always. Have you tried Valarien for anxiety or 5-HTP?

[Guest Villanfam]

"Ive been struggling with this problem for a few months now and Im wondering if anyone else can relate. Whenever I sleep over my BFs house I cant seem to fall asleep. Im so used to being in my own bed alone and Im able to fall asleep fairly well when Im by myself, even when Im not feeling well. But when I sleep at my BFs I get so anxious at the thought of not getting to sleep that the thoughts start to snowball to the point where Im so wide awake and upset that I actually break down and cry. He falls asleep right away and then I start thinking "OMG hes asleep, I hope I can sleep, what if I dont sleep, how will I feel in the morning, AHHHHH!!

This happened again last night, so I took a tylenol pm for the first time. It actually made me more awake!

So far Ive tried everything natural. Herbal remedies, hot baths, relaxation cds, breathing, some of these things make me even more anxious. It doesnt help that Ive been experienceing chronic indigestion either, because Ive always found that can make it very hard to get a good nights sleep.

I do feel that my brain chemistry is off. It just feels like theres a lot of mental noise in my head and racing thoughts that I cant seem to control. I know I need professional help about this. I guess I just want to know if anyone can relate to this and what has worked for others.

Steph "

I haven't read all of the post yet ...and I don't want this to come off the wrong way. You said that you thought you needed to seek help for this...do you have any other idiosyncrasies? Maybe, OCD or something? The reason I ask is because my son has Aspergers Syndrome (one of the Autistic Spectrum Disorder) which is associated with celiac disease. I don't know you personally, but that behavior is very common for people with Aspergers. After my son was diagnosed I started reading as much as I could about it and then I found an article in the paper about a woman in her 40's from Huntington Beach, CA. I think it was in Sept. or Oct. last year (If you want to look it up) being just diagnosed with Aspergers. She complained about a very similar sit. as you are describing. She could never sleep over at her BF's house and there were other issues as well.

I may be completely off the mark here but I think it would def. be worth looking into, especially because we know that Autism and other Psychological issues are associated with celiac disease.

Courtney

[blueshift]

I had the problem of sleeping for almost all of my life and didn't know it was due to celiac disease. After being gluten-free the problem didn't go away right away but I have found that the more water I drink, the better I sleep. It may cause me to get up and urinate a few times but I fall right back to sleep right away and sleep deeper.

Now keep in mind that I get C and not D from celiac so I can take in over a gallon of water every day, about 30 ounces with meals. For those of you with D this might not be a good idea...

Anyway, that is my two cents..

My son can fall asleep at the drop of a hat whenever he likes. He can take 10 or 12 minute naps and is fast asleep in 15 seconds or less...I envy him. No wonder he has such a big smile on his face every day.

[evilette13]

I just recently discovered my celiac problem. In addition to the celiac test, I had a brain chemical test done. My doctor explained that because my body was in such a horrible state of stress for so long trying to fight of the gluten that it actually changed some of the chemicals in my brain. I explained that I did not want to take any more antidepressants or anxiety medication. The brain chemical testing company, Neuroscience, has amino acid based supplements to help level out the chemicals that are out of whack. I have to say, even though I still experience abdominal pain from time to time, I don't feel such impending doom with each episode. My anxiety levels are much more tolerable. I hope this bit of information can help you!!

---Monica