Family Making Fun Of Us !

[Mamato2boys]

I know a couple of you have mentioned before about family not being supportive in one way or another. I have two sisters in law, both in their twenties. They're both VERY aware of the GI issues our son Ryan has had for the majority of his three years on this earth. So when I finally sorted out (on my own, thanks to EnteroLab and no thanks to our GI) what was going on I was ecstatic. I thought our family would be too. We have another family member (related by marriage) who has celiac disease, so the concept isn't new. Anyway, my SIL's have called us "hippies", and yesterday one of them said "I think this no-gluten thing you guys are doing is weird."

Well who the hell asked you ?! Pardon my french, but that really irked me. I have to admit, too - it kind of hurt my feelings. I don't want to be perceived as weird. I know that ultimately it really doesn't matter what other people think, and that the fact that going gluten-free is working so well for ALL of us is all that matters. But it still kinda stings. Mostly it hurts me for Ryan. I feel pretty sure the daycare thinks I'm whacko and I dread him getting made fun of when he gets older. I've talked about this before (sorry). He's a sensitive kiddo and kids can be just so darn mean. Right now his classmates think his food looks better than theirs and try to swipe his (which is an issue in and of itself), but it probably won't be a whole lot longer before someone notices he's "different" and teases him.

Family is supposed to be your soft place to fall.

[Jestgar]

I'm so sorry that you, and especially your kids, have to put up with this. I don't really have any suggestions, since in-laws can be tricky, but maybe a letter/email to all of them explaining what you just explained in this post. You can emphasize the lack of choice and point out that you will not let them harm your child by not taking his food issues seriously (either by feeding or teasing, and they really should know better).

And don't feel whacko. If Ryan ate dairy at daycare, they would have a serious medical problem on their hands immediately. It's the same with gluten, only they can't see it.

Hang in there. You aren't a nut-job for loving your children.

[emcmaster]

Family is supposed to be your soft place to fall.

Yes, they are supposed to, but they often aren't.

I'm very sorry about your troubles. It's frustrating and as much as we sometimes want to beat them over the heads with a 2x4, we can't make people understand nor be sympathetic.

[CarlaB]

In my case, family has always made fun of me ... this has just given them more material!

[Michi8]

Yes, they are supposed to, but they often aren't.

I'm very sorry about your troubles. It's frustrating and as much as we sometimes want to beat them over the heads with a 2x4, we can't make people understand nor be sympathetic.

Ditto here. Family can sometimes be the most difficult to deal with! You can't choose your family, but you can choose to be amongst understanding and supportive friends.

Michelle

[Jestgar]

In my case, family has always made fun of me ... this has just given them more material!

I save mine the trouble and make fun of myself. This way, if I offend myself and stomp off I can always find myself and apologize.

[jerseyangel]

In my case, family has always made fun of me ... this has just given them more material!

Me too!

I understand how you feel. I was hurt by how certain family members acted the last time we went home to visit. Strangely, the ones that I though would have something to say didn't--but my sil, who I always thought I was close to acted strangely. I do think that some people have a hard time dealing with illness--and chronic illness, especially.

This is a tough one--lots of feelings at play, etc. I'm so sorry that they spoke to you that way

[CarlaB]

I save mine the trouble and make fun of myself. This way, if I offend myself and stomp off I can always find myself and apologize.

I do this, too. At least when I make fun of myself, I know my heart is in the right place!

[Jestgar]

I think, "mama", that a lot of us find that humor makes this easier. Even if it doesn't help you manage your in-laws, it might help Ryan if he can get in the habit of seeing the funny side of things.

[rez]

hopefully they'll come around, good luck!

[Mamato2boys]

I save mine the trouble and make fun of myself. This way, if I offend myself and stomp off I can always find myself and apologize.

LOL !!!

[gdobson]

My family thinks I am being over-reactive about food. They try to sneak my son things he can't have - as if to prove me wrong. Luckily, my son turns the offers down. He knows what it's like to be sick. And he wants no part of it. I don't make fun of myself or my son, because I don't want to open the door for them to do. I approach it as serious and I am steadfast. No I can't use your microwave. No thank you, I can't eat that...and so on. I don't pretend or joke about it. It just is.

I worry about my son being teased, too. I have offered to bring treats to school for everybody and talk to his class if it is necessary. But so far it has not been. My son (who is now 9) approaches it seriously also. Sure he would like to go to Pizza Hut. But he just says that my pizza is great and it doesn't give him a stomachache.

So far. So good.

[mommida]

I thought this would be the perfect oppurtunity to tell all of you - with the Celiac gene, it has been renamed as "my" gene. (According to my mother-in-law) It is not the "Celiac gene" it is Laura's side of the family gene.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest!

Family can be the best or worst part of Celiac.

L.

[Mamato2boys]

I thought this would be the perfect oppurtunity to tell all of you - with the Celiac gene, it has been renamed as "my" gene. (According to my mother-in-law) It is not the "Celiac gene" it is Laura's side of the family gene.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest!

Family can be the best or worst part of Celiac.

L.

Well, THAT'S friendly !

So, are we all to blame you for our troubles, then ??

[Guest AutumnE]

In my case, family has always made fun of me ... this has just given them more material!

Me too, Our family always shunned us. They were really wild, us not so much and for some reason that offended them even though we never said a word about it. I was the first one with asthma in the extended family and because they couldnt smoke in my mom and dad's house they stopped coming to mine and my sister's birthday party. It made me feel horrible as a kid but as I grew up I realized I wasnt missing anything

Im sorry your going through it, I know how it feels.

[Mamato2boys]

Me too, Our family always shunned us. They were really wild, us not so much and for some reason that offended them even though we never said a word about it. I was the first one with asthma in the extended family and because they couldnt smoke in my mom and dad's house they stopped coming to mine and my sister's birthday party. It made me feel horrible as a kid but as I grew up I realized I wasnt missing anything

Im sorry your going through it, I know how it feels.

See, I just don't get that kind of attitude. I would think that people would be more like "hey - if you feel better, then more power to ya !" Maybe it's fear ? Maybe people are afraid of being "converted" - we're a bunch of brainwashers, ya know.

Any suggestions on a response to the "hippie" or "weird" comments ? I like being sarcastic and want to get the point across without being a b*tch about it.

[weathertopmama]

Oh, mamato2boys, that is just awful.

My family seems a little skeptical (they have always thought I was strange and somewhat hypochondriac...typical for a celiac who goes for 15 years without a prior diagnosis!) I was always trying this or that 'health' diet to feel better.

And now all 4 of my children have a disease requiring a special diet? I think they find it hard to believe.

Tell you what, though...the minute somebody disrespected my health or my child's health, that would be the end. I would politely excuse ourselves and have a good long cooling off period. These children need to know and believe that this diet is part of their life for their entire life. Undermining and doubting from relatives may make them more likely to neglect their health down the road. IMO

But it sounds like others have had success with just blowing them off and trying to laugh about it! Probably the best way to go about it (((hugs)))

[CarlaB]

Any suggestions on a response to the "hippie" or "weird" comments ? I like being sarcastic and want to get the point across without being a b*tch about it.

Dress like a hippie next time you see them!

Tell you what, though...the minute somebody disrespected my health or my child's health, that would be the end. I would politely excuse ourselves and have a good long cooling off period. These children need to know and believe that this diet is part of their life for their entire life. Undermining and doubting from relatives may make them more likely to neglect their health down the road. IMO

But it sounds like others have had success with just blowing them off and trying to laugh about it! Probably the best way to go about it (((hugs)))

No, laughing about it hasn't worked. As I mentioned, there was already an incredible amount of disrespect to me years before this ... I eventually had to have an extended, possibly permanent "cooling off period". I just don't think it's good for the kids to witness the ridicule .... the last thing I want my daughters to do is stay in an abusive, insulting relationship out of some sense of obligation. Okay, my situation was extreme ... I'll spare you the details.

[Mamato2boys]

Dress like a hippie next time you see them!

LOL

Probably too subtle for them. I'm breastfeeding, attachment parenting, babywearing....so they'd probably think it's just par for the course !

Dress like a hippie next time you see them!

No, laughing about it hasn't worked. As I mentioned, there was already an incredible amount of disrespect to me years before this ... I eventually had to have an extended, possibly permanent "cooling off period". I just don't think it's good for the kids to witness the ridicule

Yeesh. That's awful.

My SILs think they're being funny and I really don't get the sense that they're TRYING to be hurtful, but they are. My husband thought I was being extreme too - until he tried the diet and almost IMMEDIATELY saw a huge difference in how he felt. Now he's on the bandwagon right with me.

[CarlaB]

LOL

Probably too subtle for them. I'm breastfeeding, attachment parenting, babywearing....so they'd probably think it's just par for the course !

On top of that, I home schooled, too!!! Until I didn't have the energy for it anymore.

If you didn't bathe for a week, the hippie thing might not be too subtle.

[Guest AutumnE]

LOL

Probably too subtle for them. I'm breastfeeding, attachment parenting, babywearing....so they'd probably think it's just par for the course !

I relate to this sooo much. Im a attachment parenting, babywearing, cosleeping mama, who doesnt wear makeup and rarely wears hairspray. Im the oddball in the family for sure

For some reason it bothers them and cant wrap their minds around us making different choices. Since we have had to mostly shop organic it sent it over the edge with them, We rarely get invited to my inlaws house anymore since I bring mine and my daughter's food and it bothers them for us not to eat their food

ETA- We plan on homeschooling too!

[Mamato2boys]

On top of that, I home schooled, too!!! Until I didn't have the energy for it anymore.

If you didn't bathe for a week, the hippie thing might not be too subtle.

That's wonderful about the homeschooling. I don't think I have the patience for that one - I definitely admire people that do, though.

LOL ewwwww !!! I think my coworkers would probably protest to that one.

[shayesmom]

Any suggestions on a response to the "hippie" or "weird" comments ? I like being sarcastic and want to get the point across without being a b*tch about it.

"Well....we can't ALL be twinkie-eating lemmings!"

"Don't worry, when you're older and incapacitated from eating junk, I'll pick you out a good nursing home and visit at least one a decade!"

Or how about the obvious...."I didn't realize that you had recently graduated from medical school and had any grasp of gluten sensitivity and intolerance?"

"Were you blind and deaf for the past 3 years and are trying to make up for it by proving you're not dumb as well? Cuz...it's not working. And I know my kid, my husband and myself well enough to KNOW when we are feeling and doing better. We are definitely doing better on the diet"

Heather, I just don't know what to tell you. And sarcasm only gets you so far. You can think all of the things above, but saying them won't necessarily gain you acceptance or even tolerance. And being nice about it gets you some temporary cooperation and then some backstabbing when you aren't looking. Family should be your soft spot to fall. And usually they are. But people get really defensive when it comes to food. Call it a survival instinct, call it fear. It will eventually get better....just not anytime soon.

In the meantime, you do have every right to protect your son and keep family from labeling him. Every person has their own set of limitations. For Ryan, it's food. For another child, it could be school or sports or something similar. You may need to gently remind the relatives that with each negative comment, they are taking away a piece of Ryan's health (emotional) and happiness. Adults should be able to control themselves and not be hurtful through the guise of social ineptitude. They need to understand that they DON'T understand. Their opinions don't count. Ryan's response to the diet does. End of story.

I hope that you find a way to balance this soon. Try not to let it get you down. They will eventually come around. It just sucks going through all of this in the meantime! You KNOW that I feel for you on this. I go through it regularly too. But it has been getting better....except for that one crazy aunt who just CANNOT stop talking!

[Michi8]

LOL

Probably too subtle for them. I'm breastfeeding, attachment parenting, babywearing....so they'd probably think it's just par for the course !

Yeesh. That's awful.

I got the granola label for all of those things (breastfeeding, attachment parenting, babywearing) plus sleeping with my baby...and when I had a home waterbirth, it was just over the top. Everyone talked about me and my "dangerous" choices behind my back, including my mother. I've also got the hypocondriac label, not to mention being the only one in the family willing to discuss anything of any substance.

Michelle

[Mamato2boys]

"Well....we can't ALL be twinkie-eating lemmings!"

"Don't worry, when you're older and incapacitated from eating junk, I'll pick you out a good nursing home and visit at least one a decade!"

I like both of those. I know that you of all people know exactly what I'm talking about. The funny thing is, the one that told us yesterday that we were weird, fessed up in the next breath to "trying" the diet and said she "didn't feel any different" so she figures she isn't "allergic" to glutens.