Needing To Rant....very Frustrated! Family Sucks Sometimes!

[Sweetfudge]

Okay, so I've been keeping this inside and I'm about to explode. Very frustrated with my family.

*Brief history*

I grew up in a normal, upper class family in Portland, OR. Mostly good childhood/adolescence. Moved to Utah to go to school. Met future husband, dated, then got married (against family wishes). Right before wedding, my mom "snapped"...had a mental breakdown. Dad had her put in a mental hospital. She decided to get a divorce.

Fast forward a year and half....divorce is FINALLY settled. Mom gets a boyfriend, Dad gets remarried (2 month courtship). Drags her and her kids to Portland. Tells my mom she should move out of the community so he can have a normal life.

15 y-o brother caught in the middle.

20 y-o sister takes my dad to court so he will pay for her school....even though she refers to him as "Mr. Cobbley" and will not visit.

*Present day*

Enter 23 y-o me...the "good" child growing up, now the black sheep of the family for getting married (STILL....3 1/2 years later). I asked my dad 6 months ago if he would help me with a semester or two of school (at community college...$3 grand or so). He gets back to me, says no. I can have a $500 "loan" for a year. He doesn't have the money to pay for it. How many trips did they do in 2006?

1 - Honeymoon in Hawaii (2 weeks)

2 - 10 day caribbean cruise w/ 3 kids

3 - 24 day trip to Greece

4 - 3 trips to Utah to visit family

AND

They remodeled the house last month. Recarpeted/repainted every room. Retiled bathrooms. Remodeled one bathroom completely. Bought all new furniture for family/living room, master bedroom, 2 kids rooms. Built new entertainment center. Bought a $5000 pool table for the two boys, 3 weeks BEFORE christmas.

AND

When I was asked what I wanted for christmas, I told them I needed a high speed mixer for my GLUTEN FREE baking (a kitchenaid). We even have relatives who work at williams-sonoma near me, so they wouldn't have to ship it out.

What I get? My dad's 8 y-o USED, definitely contaminated bosch mixer. Stained, scratched, and still had food in it. They priced it on e-bay...figured it was still worth $200 or so....Plus the new stepmom's mixer is newer, so they'll just use that.

It's what I wanted. It'll get the job done. But I can't help but feel hurt. Last year, I got a brand new Vitamix and an Ipod nano. Year before that, a good size TV.

I know the holidays are supposed to be about giving, not so much receiving. But that's not how it is w/ him. He has always been about spending money. And now I get the cheap ghetto present. I know I'm being selfish. But this is the lowest of the low, especially for my dad.

I was gonna make cookies today. Spent an HOUR cleaning the mixer. Now it's time to get dinner ready. No time for cookies....

I don't even know if it's SAFE to use this. Did I clean the gluten out, or is it still there?

Someone help me feel better about this. I want to scream, I want to cry. My husband wanted to drop the box out of the plane when we flew home....

Sorry, thanks for the rant. Just don't know how to get over this. I'm not a confrontational person. But I can't keep holding this in.

Hope y'all are having a better day than me

[i canary]

Someone help me feel better about this. I want to scream, I want to cry. My husband wanted to drop the box out of the plane when we flew home....

Sorry, thanks for the rant. Just don't know how to get over this. I'm not a confrontational person. But I can't keep holding this in.

Hope y'all are having a better day than me

I don't know how to even begin to make you feel better about your situation. I just didn't want to leave you waiting for an answer. I sorta like your husband's solution, only I think I would have been tempted to just leave the box at their house.

How about a hug {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Jestgar]

I sat here thinking of obnoxious things to say, but none of them really help. The best I have to offer is: You are not that type of person, the kind that would thoughtlessly hurt someone else. You have that gift to yourself.

[Adelle]

I just wanted to send you hugs.

I never knew my dad (he left my mom while she was preg. W me for her best friend) and chose never to really have contact with my sister or I. I know what it's like to have a jerk for a dad.

Hugs hugs hugs and all my sympathy!!

I would have left the mixer there and explained that I didn't want to GET ILL!! But thanks for the er.... Um.... Thought.

Hugs again.

[AndreaB]

I'm sorry for your dad being SO insensitive.

I have a bosch that I used before being gluten free but it was kept clean and is only about 4-5 years old. I still use it and haven't gotten sick but I'm not super sensitive. If it is scratched (how did it get that way) then it may be more of a problem. I've only used the bread hooks as they are for heavier mixes and my bowl is not scratched. You can order a new bowl I believe. I can give you the name of the person I buy my stuff through if you would like.

[codetalker]

...the black sheep of the family for....

I'm the black sheep of my family as well as my group at work. A long time ago in typical black sheep fashion, I looked at all the craziness around me and decided that, if being a black sheep meant I was not one of the crazies, then being a black sheep was something to be proud of.

Now, in response, to craziness, insensitivity, callousness, etc., I simply hold my head high and say,

BAAHHH!!! BAAHHH!!!

[SchnauzerMom]

I'm sorry your dad is so insensitive. Obviously the second family is more important than the first. You have your own family now, you and your husband. Concentrate on that.

[mainesgem]

I'm very sorry for your dad being a butthead!!! I can definitely relate! I was

the "black sheep" too. As codetalker said: BBBAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Now that

my parents have divorced after 30 years of marriage...they both now really try to

have a positive relationship with me. But, before, it was very difficult.

My other siblings could never do any wrong and I was always in the wrong. Now that

my other siblings are off in their own world's...guess who my parents now come to??? You got it-

the bbbbaaahhhh bbbaaaahhh black sheep.

One thing that I try to remember when my parents disappoint me (and it took me a LONG time

to learn and to accept) is that my parents are doing the best that they can, have done the

best that they can, and will do the best that they can. They are humans and can be total jerks.

I can NOT change them even though I often times wish for the Cosby Family or Leave it to Beaver

for a family. They are what they are. Although it hurts it deep and it hurts hard-I, myself have

to accept it-no matter how hard it hurts. Because when I do-I am able to let go of their short comings

and not let it hurt so much...

Anyway-that's my two cents for today. Hope it helps!

J.

[VegasCeliacBuckeye]

I can understand the education thing (I have over $100,000 in student loans).

However, the mixer is ridiculous, disgusting and in poor taste. However, the holidays are about giving, sooooooooooo, as much as it sucks, its always better to be the better person. If I were you, I would sell the mixer for the $200.

Wait until after Christmas and get a Kitchen Aid mixer at an "after Christmas sale" and be done with it.

I don't know what is worse, getting a used gift or getting a used gift with gluten all over it....

Reminds me of a former girlfriend I had. One year, for my birthday, she gave me the Star Wars Trilogy on Video Cassette (all three Star wars in a box set). I thought it was the coolest gift ever. After we broke up, I found out it belonged to her ex-boyfriend (before me). Not only did I get a used gift, I got one from a girlfriend who stole it from a previous boyfriend and passed it on as a gift she bought for me. LOL!

In the end, she ended up cheating on me. It hurt at the time, but looking back, it was the single greatest thing that happened to me (I was smitten at the time).

[blueeyedmanda]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry to hear about this. People can be very insensitive. Don't worry tomorrow will be a better day.

[Ursa Major]

I am very sorry about the whole awful family situation. I can totally relate to getting used, worn-out things for gifts. My parents-in-law hated me (well, my mil still does, my fil is dead), and gave us their 30-year-old double bed, with the old, falling-apart mattress, for our wedding present! And they were loaded. They decided to buy themselves new bedroom furniture, and it was their way of getting rid of the old. And to this day my husband (who is a jerk himself) maintains that it was a fine gift! It still hurts. She also gives me used things for Christmas presents and the odd birthday present. She likes redecorating her house, and I get her cast-offs for gifts.

I think the idea of selling the mixer on e-bay is a great idea, and buying yourself a new one with the money you get. Because first of all, I doubt that it is safe for you to use. And secondly, you will feel that sting of hurt every time you'll look at it.

I am glad you have a sensible husband. His idea of tossing the mixer out of the plane made me laugh.

[mainesgem]

Reminds me of a former girlfriend I had. One year, for my birthday, she gave me the Star Wars Trilogy on Video Cassette (all three Star wars in a box set). I thought it was the coolest gift ever. After we broke up, I found out it belonged to her ex-boyfriend (before me). Not only did I get a used gift, I got one from a girlfriend who stole it from a previous boyfriend and passed it on as a gift she bought for me. LOL!

...that's one of the worst things that I have heard of a boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife doing to the other!

That is bad and just plain funny! What a turd your EX must be!

Maybe I am odd-but I really gotta kick out of that.

J.

[Guest nini]

I would think no matter how much you clean it, it's still contaminated and not worth the risk... I'd sell it on E-bay then buy yourself the one you want after Christmas. I'm sorry that your family is being difficult, I can relate to being the black sheep of the family too, and honestly I like it BAHHHHHHHHHH BAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Don't let the turkeys get you down!

[jerseyangel]

Sweetfudge,

I'm so sorry about everything. Believe me, I understand--and it hurts so much worse when it's family that lets you down. Everyone above said it so well, I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and sending you a hug.

I like the idea of selling the mixer--that way, you can still have what you really want--and more importantly, you won't have that one in your home as a reminder of all this unpleasantness.

[Sweetfudge]

Thanks guys for all the support! I was able to laugh about all this. I did get to use the mixer last night, made some cheezy crackers, which turned out great. I'm not sick either, so I must have cleaned it well.

I might still sell it, but I already broke a piece! Lol! I dropped this little metal piece that attatches to the food processor into the bowl while I was mixing...bent one of the mixers

And yes, I did feel angry the whole time I was using it. But maybe I just need to suck it up and get over it! lol....I don't know. I was very happy w/ my crackers after all.

I am very sorry about the whole awful family situation. I can totally relate to getting used, worn-out things for gifts. My parents-in-law hated me (well, my mil still does, my fil is dead), and gave us their 30-year-old double bed, with the old, falling-apart mattress, for our wedding present! And they were loaded. They decided to buy themselves new bedroom furniture, and it was their way of getting rid of the old. And to this day my husband (who is a jerk himself) maintains that it was a fine gift! It still hurts. She also gives me used things for Christmas presents and the odd birthday present. She likes redecorating her house, and I get her cast-offs for gifts.

I think the idea of selling the mixer on e-bay is a great idea, and buying yourself a new one with the money you get. Because first of all, I doubt that it is safe for you to use. And secondly, you will feel that sting of hurt every time you'll look at it.

I am glad you have a sensible husband. His idea of tossing the mixer out of the plane made me laugh.

OMG! I would have cried! I told my husband when he brought into our marriage his parents old waterbed that I would not have any USED sheets!

My dad is loaded too! Which is the worst part of it, cuz I've never gotten a bad gift from him. For my b-day last month step-mom dragged him to Nordstroms, and they bought me a couple hundred dollars worth of clothes and jewelry (which were very nice, not necessarily my style, but I wear them anyway). He's just being a cheap jerk, and I will just ignore it.

((((HUGS)))))

to all of you for helping me feel better!!!

[eleep]

I am learning that people seem to go insane when marriages and long-term relationships split up. It's not pretty and very hard to stay above the fray when it happens. Vent away!

eleep