My Boyfriends Mom Glutened Me

[kml55]

Last Friday, I had dinner at my boyfriends house with his family. His mom was BBQing burger(which i checked out and they were fine- no gluten)

After the burgers where done cooking, she put they're s on buns (not gluten free of course) and then she put mine (bunless) on the same plate with the others!

i didn't say anything and maybe i should have, because i got glutened big time from the cross contamination.

within an hour i had a rumbly stomach and i got very tired and nauseated. the next morning and all throughout the day i believe i went to the bathroom 10 times. it was so exhausting and i am still feeling not too great. food, just looking at it makes me sick. i dont know what to say to his mom, if i should say anything at all. One of her other sons has a life threatening peanut allergy so you would think that she would be sensitive to cross contamination and things like that, but i guess she didnt even think about it.

luckly, my boyfriend is super sensitive to me and my dietary needs, i dont know what i would do without him and his support.

maybe i just needed to vent over this, maybe i wont say anything to her, i dont know, i just hate feeling like this, its been four days and just when i feel like i dont have anything left, i have to go to the bathroom again!!!!

[ArtGirl]

That's too bad about getting glutened. Probably your boyfriend's mother was doing what she thought was a safe for you. It appears that she just needs a bit more education about contamination that can happen when your food even touches bread. Most people don't really understand this. It took my husband several months of my talking about it and relaying others' experiences that I read about on this forum for him to become more aware of the sources of cross contamination.

Hope you get to feeling better soon.

[Lisa]

Last Friday, I had dinner at my boyfriends house with his family. His mom was BBQing burger(which i checked out and they were fine- no gluten)

After the burgers where done cooking, she put they're s on buns (not gluten free of course) and then she put mine (bunless) on the same plate with the others!

i didn't say anything and maybe i should have, because i got glutened big time from the cross contamination.

within an hour i had a rumbly stomach and i got very tired and nauseated. the next morning and all throughout the day i believe i went to the bathroom 10 times. it was so exhausting and i am still feeling not too great. food, just looking at it makes me sick. i dont know what to say to his mom, if i should say anything at all. One of her other sons has a life threatening peanut allergy so you would think that she would be sensitive to cross contamination and things like that, but i guess she didnt even think about it.

luckly, my boyfriend is super sensitive to me and my dietary needs, i dont know what i would do without him and his support.

maybe i just needed to vent over this, maybe i wont say anything to her, i dont know, i just hate feeling like this, its been four days and just when i feel like i dont have anything left, i have to go to the bathroom again!!!!

The most frustrating times for me is when I am eating at other peoples homes. It is very hard for most people to understand all the layers of Celiac. And no one want to single yourself out, or cause an inconvienence for your host.

You may have gotten gluten from the grill itself, or the CC with the buns or perhaps the hamburger itself.

Since your boyfriend is so supportive and understanding, he might be the better one to approach his mother. In a casual way, he could mention that you got really sick after eating at her home. And, he can express the importance of being very careful. And, you can stay out of it and next time you see her be friendly and don't mention anything unless she does, which will give you the opportunity to explain why it is so important not to get glutened.

Just my thoughts.

[blueeyedmanda]

I agree she probably doesn't understand that the smallest thing can get us very ill. How good is she about wanting to learn about celiac. If she is very open and welcoming try and explain it to her in some plain terms. I wouldn't put her on the spot in front of people, it might make her feel bad.

Hope you feel better.

[kml55]

The most frustrating times for me is when I am eating at other peoples homes. It is very hard for most people to understand all the layers of Celiac. And no one want to single yourself out, or cause an inconvienence for your host.

You may have gotten gluten from the grill itself, or the CC with the buns or perhaps the hamburger itself.

Since your boyfriend is so supportive and understanding, he might be the better one to approach his mother. In a casual way, he could mention that you got really sick after eating at her home. And, he can express the importance of being very careful. And, you can stay out of it and next time you see her be friendly and don't mention anything unless she does, which will give you the opportunity to explain why it is so important not to get glutened.

Just my thoughts.

thanks for the advice, i did tell scott (my boyfriend) to let his mom know. She is usually pretty good about reading labels and checking all ingredients with me, but this time it was probably the grill or the buns around my naked burger.

Its has really been hard with his family, especially when i go on vacation with them---like a few weeks ago, i went down to So.Cal with them for a family wedding, and basically i starved all weekend, my boyfriend took me to the gorcery store eventually, but it was just so hard, they eat so differently than my family, the eat KFC and tons of fast food--for dinner and im like what am i going to eat? i dont want to be an inconvenience, so i dont say anything and i just drink alot of coffee. its hard and that weekend was not fun for me at all, luckly scott is sensitive to me, so he took me out to eat somewhere i could eat just so we could get away from the stress of his family. i am seriously afraid to eat at his parents house again, i really dont want to, i hope feeling this way does not hurt scotts feelings.

[Eriella]

Its has really been hard with his family, especially when i go on vacation with them---like a few weeks ago, i went down to So.Cal with them for a family wedding, and basically i starved all weekend, my boyfriend took me to the gorcery store eventually, but it was just so hard, they eat so differently than my family, the eat KFC and tons of fast food--for dinner and im like what am i going to eat? i dont want to be an inconvenience, so i dont say anything and i just drink alot of coffee. its hard and that weekend was not fun for me at all, luckly scott is sensitive to me, so he took me out to eat somewhere i could eat just so we could get away from the stress of his family. i am seriously afraid to eat at his parents house again, i really dont want to, i hope feeling this way does not hurt scotts feelings.

I completely understand. I had some really rough patches when I first went gluten free with my bf's family, and now they get it and are wonderful (thank goodness). It was all my bf having a heart to heart.

My mom gave me 3 pieces of advice that were so simple and worked, "You are there for the company, not for the food", "You can choose your boyfriend, but you can't choose his family", and "Don't depend on others taking care of you". In practical sense, it means, learn to love your bf's family and their family flaws. You aren't going to change them and toleration is easier than being mad.

Then, always bring food. If they are eating something you can't eat, then eat what you prepared. Whether it is at their house or when you eat out, always have a stash of food to eat. That way you won't starve and they will get that it is not-negotiable. You can the socialization aspect and know that you will be able to feel okay in the morning.

Good Luck!

[kml55]

I completely understand. I had some really rough patches when I first went gluten free with my bf's family, and now they get it and are wonderful (thank goodness). It was all my bf having a heart to heart.

My mom gave me 3 pieces of advice that were so simple and worked, "You are there for the company, not for the food", "You can choose your boyfriend, but you can't choose his family", and "Don't depend on others taking care of you". In practical sense, it means, learn to love your bf's family and their family flaws. You aren't going to change them and toleration is easier than being mad.

Then, always bring food. If they are eating something you can't eat, then eat what you prepared. Whether it is at their house or when you eat out, always have a stash of food to eat. That way you won't starve and they will get that it is not-negotiable. You can the socialization aspect and know that you will be able to feel okay in the morning.

Good Luck!

thank you so much for the advice, it really means a lot and it made a lot of sense to me. the last thing i want is to be mad at them and resent my time with them. My boyfriend and i are planning on getting married when we both graduate college in 2 years, so the last thing i want to do i not want to spend time with them. I do love them, his siblings are amazing and his parents are so sweet, but i know now that i need to not rely on them to feed me or to have the right food for me to eat. Scott does take care of me though, so i know when we get married, it wont be a problem, he is ultra sensitive and wont even eat gluten around me. Next time i go on vacation with his family, i will pack all my own food, i don't know why i didn't do that in the first place.

thank you again for the advice, i do feel like i was kind of angry at them, but honestly now, i feel like i have let go of those hard feelings,( being angry only makes my stomach hurt more), i need to learn to love people the way that they are and not expect them to have no flaws and to understand completely what i go through.

thanks again

[happygirl]

kml:

Another thing to consider is that everyone has to learn. If she is willing to learn, then help her out by talking with her about the meal preparation beforehand.

Ask her what she wants to make, and then talk about brands that are safe, ingredients, etc.

Then talk about the preparation....clean utensils, clean pots/pans, no stirring "your" pasta with a utensil that stirred "their" pasta, make sure that you have separate plates and utensils for the burgers, they can touch the buns, then touch your food, etc.

I always try to remember that when I started off, I didn't know all these things....and until I learned what to do, I didn't know any better. The best way for her to know is for you to teach her. I have learned that if people are taking the time to make me something gluten free, they want to do everything right, and want to be told what is/isn't ok.

I finish everything with 1. if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. i'd rather they ask then mess up, and then me get sick (and, I'm sure his family doesn't want you to be sick!). and 2. tell them if they make a mistake, to let you know, because you have the right to not eat it

[kml55]

kml:

Another thing to consider is that everyone has to learn. If she is willing to learn, then help her out by talking with her about the meal preparation beforehand.

Ask her what she wants to make, and then talk about brands that are safe, ingredients, etc.

Then talk about the preparation....clean utensils, clean pots/pans, no stirring "your" pasta with a utensil that stirred "their" pasta, make sure that you have separate plates and utensils for the burgers, they can touch the buns, then touch your food, etc.

I always try to remember that when I started off, I didn't know all these things....and until I learned what to do, I didn't know any better. The best way for her to know is for you to teach her. I have learned that if people are taking the time to make me something gluten free, they want to do everything right, and want to be told what is/isn't ok.

I finish everything with 1. if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. i'd rather they ask then mess up, and then me get sick (and, I'm sure his family doesn't want you to be sick!). and 2. tell them if they make a mistake, to let you know, because you have the right to not eat it

Happygirl-

thanks for the advice, I know that his mom is willing to learn and willing to make the necessary changes so that i am able to eat with them. I do need to be more assertive and more willing to talk to her about how serious CC is and how sharing utensils is also a no no. she did put "their" burgers on "their" buns with the same spatual that she later picked "my" burger up with...that is another place i could have gotten glutened from...in all there was

1. the grill

2. the spatula

3. the plate that all the burgers ( including mine) shared before dinner

I know that his family does not want me to get sick, i know that she didnt mean for me to get sick this time, i am going to try and talk with her if it comes up, if not, i will try to be more involved in the preparation of food over at their house and also anywhere else i am eating that is not comfortable for me. I am so glad that i posted this, it has really opened my eyes and i really see that i need to be more involved when i am with people who dont understand completely yet. thank you for the advice!

[Jestgar]

i will try to be more involved in the preparation of food over at their house and also anywhere else i am eating that is not comfortable for me. I am so glad that i posted this, it has really opened my eyes and i really see that i need to be more involved when i am with people who dont understand completely yet. thank you for the advice!

I think this is a fabulous idea, not only to keep you from getting sick, but also as a way to get closer to his mom.

[Lisa]

I think this is a fabulous idea, not only to keep you from getting sick, but also as a way to get closer to his mom.

DITTO - great idea!

[Lisa]

o

[kml55]

o

i had one idea of how i can make it more doable while i am with his family-- i think i am going to offer to cook a meal for them with my boyfriend--a gluten free (also nut free for his brother) meal. It would definitely ease my mind and also show them what it is like to eat completely gluten free.

one of the biggest things i hate, is making food and eating my life. it is the last thing i want to worry about, because it is such a small aspect of my life. life to me is more than food but also in order to live a healthy life, food has to be important. i need to make sure i am eating right and getting nutrients and also not eating anything that will make me sick and make me worse...i guess it is a catch 22...food is not my life yet food is my life

it probably does not help that i am a nutrition major so i am already a health freak on top of having celiac