Tough Choice's Setting Kitchen Rules!

[larry mac]

My Celiac is under control and I'm doing fine. I do almost all the grocery shopping and cooking. Besides my wife, one of our grown daughters is living with us. I am fairly comfortable allowing bread, bagels, crackers, stuff like ice cream sandwiches, etc. in the house. They have their own toaster and always use a paper plate. I don't want to be unreasonable and so far, so good.

However, I feel strongly that I must draw the line at actual wheat flour baking.

Two incidents.

Recently my Mother-in-law visited and made chicken & dumplings. She got the Bisquick at the store as I don't keep any bags of wheat flour, or wheat flour baking mixes in the house. I came home to find globs of dumpling dough all over the sink and globs on utensils and dishes in the dishwasher. I'm not comforted by the assertion "the dishwasher will get rid of it". I don't even put unrinsed gluten-free stuff in there! So, as you can imagine, it wasn't a pretty scene.

This weekend my wife wanted to make some cookies and cupcakes for a work function, an auction or something. She asked me to get three packages of sugar cookie mix and two boxes of white cake mix. Plus cupcake holders and everything else needed. I complied. But the more I thought about it the more anxious I started feeling. As she started to get ready this morning, I told her this was the last time I wanted any loose wheat flour in the house. And furthermore, next time just say "my husband has Celiac disease, we don't use wheat flour in our house" or something to that effect. I basically accused her of being inconsiderate.

Well, she got angry, it turned ugly, and after some back & forth unpleasantness, she accused me of being one of those "wacko nuts" I've told her about. Needless to say, there's no baking going on. After a while, I offered to go to Central Market and procure some expensive gourmet items for her to take to work.

I just don't think there is any way non-celiacs can comprehend our feelings about this kind of stuff. We just have to insist that they make certain compromises, whether they understand or agree with our decisions or not. I feel this is the right time to just make it a house rule so there won't be any misunderstandings in the future. No loose wheat flour allowed. Ever. Period.

That's my story, best regards, lm

[Ursa Major]

Larry, you are right not to allow any loose gluten flour in your house, ever again. It is just not possible to stop some of it being in the air when baking, to be breathed in or to settle on things. And globs of gluten dough all over are not a good thing, either.

It is just asking for trouble for yourself if you allow baking with wheat flour to be done. You have compromised enough, way more than I would allow!

Most of my family think I am nuts and a total whacko to not allow anything containing gluten in the house! But I finally feel safe most of the time (unless my husband sneaks things in, or buys cookies for guests without my knowledge, and leaving me to clean up the crumbs).

I banned all wheat flour from this house within three months of figuring out I am severely gluten intolerant. I told my kids that if they wanted to bake with wheat flour, they have to go to somebody else's house to do it.

If somebody insists on a gluteny birthday cake to be eaten here, it will have to be bought. If they want to bake, or want me to bake it, it is gluten-free, end of story.

I made lunch for quite a few people today (two daughters, our son, his wife and one son-in-law, one grandchild (the other one is a one-month-old) and my husband and myself), and it was all gluten-free. We had corn tortillas with fillings, and a gluten-free Black Forest cake for dessert.

NOBODY missed having gluten, and the cake was just as good as one baked with gluten.

So, why does your wife not bake gluten-free cookies? They are just as good, and you can even eat them!

The reason you and your wife had this fight was simply, that you didn't put your foot down sooner about the wheat flour issue. Meaning, when you weren't already feeling anxious and upset would have been a better time to talk about it.

Anyway, it is out in the open now, and hopefully people will try to understand your stand on the issue. You are not being overcautious. In fact, you allow things others with celiac disease won't! But drawing the line at loose flour is extremely reasonable.

[itchygirl]

(being silly here, hope you understand ) Your wife better watch it, you're on this list with a whole bunch of celiac women who would love to be living with a man that shares their issues

and who does all the grocery shopping and cooking (swoon)

[Phyllis28]

Maybe I should count my blessings that neither my son nor my husband know how to use the oven or stove top.

[neesee]

Did you get sick? Or does it just make you uneasy?

I feel kind of sorry for your wife. She matters too you know. Hopefully you can find a kinder gentler way to work things out.

For the record, occasionally I will bake a batch of(gluten) cookies for the family. So far, I haven't had a problem. And yes, I am a major reactor.

Good luck,

neesee

[larry mac]

.....So, why does your wife not bake gluten-free cookies? They are just as good, and you can even eat them!.....

Because I do all of the baking. She hasn't baked since we've been together, 13 years. Not all her fault, I like to do it, am much better at it, and am somewhat territorial about the kitchen. The woman won't measure, and refuses to use a timer! Of course I can't allow that kind of behavior in my kitchen.

.....The reason you and your wife had this fight was simply, that you didn't put your foot down sooner about the wheat flour issue. Meaning, when you weren't already feeling anxious and upset would have been a better time to talk about it.....

Truer words were never spoken (OK typed).

best regards, lm

[larry mac]

Did you get sick? Or does it just make you uneasy?

Just uneasy. But I really don't know for sure, as there's been no gluten baking for over a year.

I feel kind of sorry for your wife. She matters too you know. Hopefully you can find a kinder gentler way to work things out.

Yes, I agree. I'm a real dick sometimes.

best regards, lm

[missy'smom]

OK, I WAS going to say that as a former baker I understand how your wife feels and that it would be a hard pill for me to swallow, giving up baking, a hobby that I loved and loved to share with others. But as someone with celiac disease I completely support your decision to ban all non-gluten-free baking. It is in my house. HOWEVER, (not to put her down but..)if she doesn't even measure or time things, then I retract the first statement. Second statement still stands.

[WW340]

Larry, I totally agree with you. We do not allow any flour or flour containing mixes in our house. My husband has his own crackers, bread, and cookies, but there is only gluten free cooking and baking allowed in the house.

He is very careful with the items he does have, and if he wasn't, that would not be here either. My 25 y/o is not careful when he brings things in, so he is not allowed to have them here.

My husband is just as adament about this as I am. He does not want me to get sick. We have friends that bring things here to cook and he always reminds them the items must be gluten free.

He even wants all family holiday dinners done here and gluten free from now on so I can be sure to have a safe holiday.

We feel that our home is the only safe haven I have and we diligently try to keep it that way. Everyone else has the option of eating whatever they want elsewhere.

I am sorry your wife is not on board with this. Flour floats in the air and settles on all the surfaces of the kitchen and possibly beyond. Also, you have the issue of contaminating bakeware too.

Cookies and such can be bought for special events, or made at someone else's house. I would be very upset if someone thought it was ok, or even their right to contaminate the one place in the world that I absolutely knew was safe for me to eat.

[jerseyangel]

Larry, I had to smile...your home sounds like mine. My husband and grown son live here and eat gluten foods like bagels, sandwiches, etc. They are very careful and things have worked out very well.

The one thing I do not keep in the house--ever--is wheat flour or baking mixes containing it. I do bake, but I do so gluten-free. If they want a gluten baked good, it is purchased--neither one of them cooks or bakes, so it's effectively my kitchen

This is just the way it is here--I pointed out when I first went gluten-free that flour would be a real problem with cross contamination since it gets into the air and lands on everything--it's never been an issue.

I don't blame you for being "uncomfortable" with wheat flour baking going on in the house

[Nancym]

To be frank, I'm guessing it was probably the way you went about it rather than the actual fact you did it that she was reacting too. Maybe a little more sensitive approach would keep her from getting defensive about it. It's like, when you apply strong motion in one direction, the other person naturally responds with strong motion in the opposite direction. If you approached it like, "Honey, I'm worried about all the gluten floating in the air and getting into things I eat. The more I read I feel like this is a risk to my health. Lets look into another alternative. I'll buy the cupcakes pre-made for you."

Like you said, you were accusing her of being inconsiderate. People respond to accusations with counter-accusations and so it goes.

[Wonka]

My Celiac is under control and I'm doing fine. I do almost all the grocery shopping and cooking. Besides my wife, one of our grown daughters is living with us. I am fairly comfortable allowing bread, bagels, crackers, stuff like ice cream sandwiches, etc. in the house. They have their own toaster and always use a paper plate. I don't want to be unreasonable and so far, so good.

However, I feel strongly that I must draw the line at actual wheat flour baking.

Two incidents.

Recently my Mother-in-law visited and made chicken & dumplings. She got the Bisquick at the store as I don't keep any bags of wheat flour, or wheat flour baking mixes in the house. I came home to find globs of dumpling dough all over the sink and globs on utensils and dishes in the dishwasher. I'm not comforted by the assertion "the dishwasher will get rid of it". I don't even put unrinsed gluten-free stuff in there! So, as you can imagine, it wasn't a pretty scene.

This weekend my wife wanted to make some cookies and cupcakes for a work function, an auction or something. She asked me to get three packages of sugar cookie mix and two boxes of white cake mix. Plus cupcake holders and everything else needed. I complied. But the more I thought about it the more anxious I started feeling. As she started to get ready this morning, I told her this was the last time I wanted any loose wheat flour in the house. And furthermore, next time just say "my husband has Celiac disease, we don't use wheat flour in our house" or something to that effect. I basically accused her of being inconsiderate.

Well, she got angry, it turned ugly, and after some back & forth unpleasantness, she accused me of being one of those "wacko nuts" I've told her about. Needless to say, there's no baking going on. After a while, I offered to go to Central Market and procure some expensive gourmet items for her to take to work.

I just don't think there is any way non-celiacs can comprehend our feelings about this kind of stuff. We just have to insist that they make certain compromises, whether they understand or agree with our decisions or not. I feel this is the right time to just make it a house rule so there won't be any misunderstandings in the future. No loose wheat flour allowed. Ever. Period.

That's my story, best regards, lm

I've had to make that rule in my house. I was cc'd one to many times.

[debmidge]

My husband has celiac..I gave up gluten baking in my kitchen 4 years ago. I do not have any flour in house. I miss baking terribly but it's not worth the risk of making my husband ill.

[bluejeangirl]

I understand your reaction, we all have them. About a week ago I had a meltdown over cashew butter. I have an intolerance to peanut butter (amoung other things) I miss it but found out I can tolerate cashew butter which is one of my favorite treats on nut thins or rice cakes. Its expensive but worth it and the good thing, I don't have to worry about gluten from three others in my family dipping their knives into it.

I eat it almost everyday so I'm aware how much is used so when I opened it up and found big scoops of it gone I ran under a bright light to see if their were crumbs in it. Then noticing how much was gone I was furious because it costs so much more then peanut butter and being aware of that I make it last as long as possible.

Hence my meltdown which looking back probably looked over the top. Oh yeah everyone is now afraid to eat mom's cashew butter. I'm sure we all of have stories. Don't beat yourself up, I think making certain bounderies is good and if they don't understand its because they don't suffer the consequences. Maybe they have to give something up but it's nothing like what you've had to give up.

They'll be fine.

Gail

[Glutenfreefamily]

Personally I think you were perfectly in the right for not wanting loose flour in the house. Your mil could have made the chicken and dumplings in her house or used a gluten-free flour blend and made them from scratch. I dont see why she would want to make food that not everyone could eat. I have nieces and nephews who are very restricted with intolerances and food allergies and I always try and make dishes to make sure everyone is able to eat them as I would feel bad if I excluded someone.

Im very lucky in the fact that I'm the only one who cooks and bakes and the last thing my husband wanted was to gluten me, he has seen for years of what it does to me. Our daughter having it too made it very easy to change it completely. I guess I dont understand why everything cant be made gluten free? There are basically alternatives for everything out there all you have to do is try recipes and find the ones you like and change the flour. If they want a specific kind of food, have it out of the house. To me all it boils down to is being considerate of others, why should they make a food and possibly make you sick. You wouldnt blow smoke into a lung cancer patients face so why should they try to possibly harm you? I think its very selfish to put someone's health at risk when its so easily changed. You are not being a dick, you are worried about your health and rightly so! I had to explain this to my mil and asked her directly would you let a toddler play with a sharp knife knowing it could seriously harm them even though it might not and its the same thing knowing this could seriously hurt me.

Out of the house he can eat whatever he wants, its his choice there because it doesnt affect me in that way.

[curlyfries]

Speaking of "wacko nuts", I was grocery shopping yesterday. I went down the baking aisle to buy sugar, when I remembered that I had heard about a cornbread mix that was gluten free. So I'm standing there looking when suddenly I get a sharp pain in my back and the lymph glands in my neck! I look down and see all the bags of flour and I can actually smell it. Am I crazy? After I got a couple of aisles down, it went away. Has anyone else had an experience like that? So my answer to you is .... No, I don't think your being unreasonable for not wanting flour in your house. [Just need to work on those people skills a little ] BTW, I've only been totally gluten free for a month or so and this was my first experience with any kind of reaction like that. Although I find I am getting more and more sensitive.

[tarnalberry]

hopefully it was just a dynamic that caused the fight, and you guys will work out that one. my husband practically volunteered to stop baking (and he doesn't like my muffins or cookies), because of the cleaning and flour in the air issue (I'm the celiac, he's the gluten-lover)...

[wowzer]

I don't blame you. Of course my husband complains that I don't bake for him. He doesn't get the flour flying in the air as a problem and isn't careful with his crumbs. He has tried a few of my baked goods and even asks me to bake the gluten free cheese biscuits now. Of course he has different likes than I do. I have made a pecan pie for him using a ready made crust, but how soon he forgets.

The never ending battles we fight. It just sometimes gets tiring. Is it such a problem to get others to see it our way?

[larry mac]

.....For the record, occasionally I will bake a batch of(gluten) cookies for the family. So far, I haven't had a problem. And yes, I am a major reactor.....

You bring up a good point. I have no doubt that I could bake gluten cookies and muffins safely (not that I want to or would). But one, my wife and mother-in-law completely dropped the ball on their one previous attempt. Two, the magnatude of the amount of gluten products she was going to bake. Three, the timing, not enough time, she would have been in a big rush and I had other priorities that day. And four, I have a hard enough time making the limited gluten-free items I need, I can't volunteer to make three huge batches of cookies and two huge batches of cupcakes for her work auction.

best regards, lm

[larry mac]

hopefully it was just a dynamic that caused the fight, and you guys will work out that one. my husband practically volunteered to stop baking (and he doesn't like my muffins or cookies), because of the cleaning and flour in the air issue (I'm the celiac, he's the gluten-lover)...

Tiffany,

Yes, we occasionally have a communications dynamic mishap. Hasn't kept her from enjoying my cooking the last two days.

best regards, lm

[CeliacMom2008]

Larry you make me laugh!! We have an almost gluten free home. (I'm still trying to use up gluten cereal that I bought pre-Celiac. Yes, I have learned I have a bluk cereal buying problem. We know have 20 million boxes of gluten free cereal too! But I digress). I know this is an older post, but I wanted to add that I share your anxiety - and I don't have Celiac. My son does. I think he should feel comfortable and relaxed in his own home and not have to worry about getting glutened. There is positively no wheat flour in our house. That cereal I spoke of...my hubby pours his bowls over the trash can. I pour mine while the bowl sits in the sink and then I rinse the sink really well. Cheerios are THE WORST! I can see little poison particles in the air when I pour it out!!!

I hope you and your wifey have made up! And I hope you won the battle once and for all!

[larry mac]

Larry you make me laugh!! .....

I hope you and your wifey have made up! And I hope you won the battle once and for all!

Thank you CM2008,

My first goal on this forum is to be witty and entertaining at all times. Unfortunately, I'm not near as witty and entertaining as I think I am. For that I sincerely apologize. However, I will keep trying.

Of course we made up. I forgave her, gave her another chance (basically, extended her probation, which has been ongoing now for 14 years), and vowed to try, try again! My Dad is a saint, I'm just a humble martyr.

best regards, lm